If You Only Knew.
Chapter 21 – Diggin' Up Bones.
Later That Night;
Drea's POV;
It had been a long day – but at least it had managed to keep my mind off Jeff. For the past month – he had been trying to buy me over. I didn't want him to buy me over; I didn't need material things from him. What I needed from him was his love and his support; just like it had been in the past. Since Phoebe had been in his life – he had forgotten who I was. I had never wanted his money, I had never asked him for anything other than his friendship; I just couldn't understand why he thought that it was different now.
I had seen how it had been with Phoebe; she wanted to go to nice places, she had wanted nice cloths and fancy jewellery and it bothered me at Jeff's presumption that I was in some way the same way.
I was angry at him – I had been angry with him since before he had split up with Phoebe. The way he had all but dumped me because he could get a little pussy. We had never been that way – I hadn't dumped him when I met Daniel. I made sure that I spent equal time with both but Jeff hadn't even managed that; whenever we hung out, she had to be there. Now I was dealing with the fact that he seemed to think that somehow he had to buy his way back in to my good graces when it wasn't even close to being about buying me things.
Lying on my bed, I was staring at the photo of Daniel and me taken the day that we had gotten married and my eyes moved to my wedding ring that I still wore on my finger. I never wanted to forget my husband – he would never have treated me the way that Jeff was treating me now and it was in this moment that I figured maybe things with Jeff and I had gone way beyond repair.
Britt and Claire had called by to see if I wanted to go for a drink with them but I wasn't in the mood to be social and thankfully they had understood and left me alone without badgering me to just go with them.
Somewhere in the house I could hear the strings of the Legend's guitar beginning to play my favourite song and I slowly got to my feet and cracked the door open ever so slightly to be able to hear better. In my opinion Gil sang the song much better than the original artist; Randy Travis. That soft dulcet husky tone filtered through the house and I moved back to the bed where I felt completely safe and at home; just like I had from the moment that I had moved in to this house more than 15 years ago.
'Last night I dug your picture out from our old dresser drawer, I set it on the table and I talked to it 'til four, I read some old love letters right up 'til the break of dawn, Yeah I've been sittin' alone diggin' up bones, Then I went through the jewelry and I found our wedding rings, I put mine on my finger and I gave yours a fling, across this lonely bedroom of our recent broken home, Yeah tonight I'm sittin' alone diggin' up bones,'
Just the sound of Gil singing in the house made everything seem to be better – I felt at home, which I hadn't ever truly felt anywhere else. Not in my Parent's home, not in the house that Daniel and I had shared and most definitely not in Jeff's house when Phoebe had been there.
Gil – as far as I was concerned – was the Father that I had never had. Not only that but he had provided me with the kind of home that I never felt left out even though I wasn't one of his biological children. It took an extremely special man to open his home to his son's best friend but to have included me in the Family; that was something much more than special.
'I'm diggin' up bones, I'm diggin' up bones, Exhuming things that's better left alone, I'm resurrecting memories of a love that's dead and gone, Yeah tonight i'm sittin' alone diggin' up bones,'
I had never felt like an outsider when I was here and I had never had to deal with what my Parent's had done because Gil had talked to me and made me realize that sometimes people just couldn't stand to see their children growing up and becoming their own people; although I had never been able to see it like that, I appreciated him for trying to make them sound like anything other than what they were. Cold, heartless, emotionless and completely out of control.
In the end they had wanted to control everything that I did – they didn't want me hanging out with the guys, they didn't want me wrestling, they didn't want me listening to the music that I did and they didn't want me dressing the way that I was. By that time it was too late – I was old enough to know that I had the right to express myself any way that I chose too.
'And I went through the closet and I found some things in there, Like that pretty negligee that I bought you to wear, And I recall how good you looked each time you had it on, Yeah tonight I'm sittin' alone diggin' up bones, I'm resurrecting memories of love that's dead and gone, Yeah tonight I'm sittin' alone diggin' up bones,'
The sound of the guitar fading off and then starting again indicated that it was going to be a night of my surrogate Father's singing and playing. Nothing could have made me happier – I loved the sound of him singing, I loved the smells inside this house and I loved the seclusion. I felt like I was a million miles away from anyone or anything and right now I needed that more than anything else.
Jeff never came by at night – usually he came first thing in the morning when he should know that I am not at my best anyway. But no he came when I really wasn't going to be very welcoming. It was just another thing that had me questioning just how much my best friend really knew me. I mean out of all the gifts that he had tried to give me – a weekend at a spa? That would be like me giving him tickets to go and watch Wimbledon. He would hate it and he should know that I would hate being stuck in some well to do spa.
Staring at my photo of me and my husband – my fingers ran down the outline to his handsome face and I could feel the tears stinging at my eyes; threatening to trickle down my face like a dam busting open. I hated being vulnerable and I hated crying – especially when there was the chance that I could end up being interrupted. It had been a while since I had thought completely about my husband – it had been well over a year now since he had been gone and I really hated it when people said that time would make it better because it really was the biggest pile of bullshit that I had ever heard in my life. Time just seemed to make it worse.
I could still remember our mornings as clear as day – me lying in bed watching him getting ready, him rushing around as if he was a chicken without a head convinced that he had forgotten something. It didn't matter how late he was running he had always taken the time to make me coffee to drink in bed – then he would kiss me goodbye and tell me that he loved me.
Night times when he finished work were just as memorable – it wasn't the same thing every night but he would come home, we'd eat, sometimes we'd go for a run or sometimes a walk, or sometimes we just stayed inside curled up in front of the TV watching one of the various shows that we had loved as a couple. We'd make love and fall asleep tangled in one another – and now I didn't have any of that. I was all alone and I didn't have him by my side to talk too. I really did miss him much more than I had ever thought that it would be possible to miss someone.
I guess that old saying – 'you don't know what you've got until it's gone' was true. Because here I was getting ready to burst in to tears at any moment and there was no one there by my side to tell me that it would be ok and that I'd get through it.
For as angry as I was at Jeff right now – I still missed him so much more than I wanted too. I wanted to be completely mad at him; I didn't want to want him the minute that things felt like they were getting tough for me. I couldn't even begin to explain just how betrayed I felt by him and as I stared at my husband, I wished that somehow he could be here – by my side. Offering support and comfort like he always had.
Jeff and I had never had a falling out like this in all the time that we had known one another – hell we hadn't had a falling out ever. This was a first and I was at a complete loss on how to handle it.
I wanted to call him.
I wanted to talk to him.
I wanted him by my side again.
But if I did that – what did it say about me?
That he could treat me in anyway he saw fit and I would just lye back and take it. No I didn't want to be that person, I wanted him to respect me for whom I was and I wanted him to remember that we were friends first and foremost. I wasn't a toy that could be picked up and discarded when he felt like it. I had feelings and obviously he had forgotten that lately.
Why couldn't Daniel still be here?
At least I could talk to my husband – at least he had known the way things stood and he never once got mad about it, he never once asked me to chose which one I wanted to spend my time with – he had respected me and valued me enough to know that I wasn't the type of person who dumped my friends just because I had a new love interest in my life.
"Why did you have to leave me?" I asked out loud to the photo wishing that there was someway that he could reply to me. "You know I'm so mad at you for leaving – why couldn't you have fought harder? Why couldn't you have loved me enough to stay strong?"
I knew that I was being unfair – the accident hadn't been his fault and from all accounts; he had died on impact. There really had been no fighting, there had been no pain, which was a blessing in someway I guess. I just didn't want to do this alone anymore. I was 30 years old and already a widow.
Maybe I should just give up on the prospect of romance.
The minute that thought entered my head, it was like a light bulb going off – getting up I moved to the dresser and pulled out the little note of paper with Randy Orton's number on it.
"Daniel? Do you want me to call Randy?" I questioned out loud and finding that I was somehow completely ok with talking to myself and that scared me for a moment until there was like a warm, gentle wave that seemed to sweep through my body almost as if Daniel were there next to me; holding me and supporting me.
Relishing the feeling of warmth that had been absent for so long, I decided to move back to the bed and just lie down for a while. I wanted to remain this close to whatever it was that was affecting me right now. With Randy's number lying on the pillow next to my head, I slipped off in to a deep slumber.
Jeff's POV;
'Another night slowly closes in, and I feel so lonely. Touching heat freezing on my skin, I pretend you still hold me. I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep. I'm in too far; I'm in way too deep over you. I can't believe you're gone. You were the first, you'll be the last. Wherever you go, I'll be with you. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon. Remember: after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame. I will be the flame.'
Ever since I had watched those home movies with Matt and Brittany – Drea had been on my mind. I couldn't stop thinking about the things that she had said to me whenever I tried to drop off all those gifts to her. She was right; I hadn't been thinking. For Drea it had never been about the money, she could quite happily live without material possessions if it meant that her friends were by her side.
The only thing that Drea had ever truly wanted was enough money to buy her own salon; she had been saving but then Daniel had died and all of her savings had to go on that and then she lost the baby and the last drop she had left had to pay for the medical bills.
'Watching shadows move across the wall, I feel so frightened. I wanna run to you, I wanna call, but I've been hit by lightening. Just can't stand up for fallin apart. Can't see through this veil across my heart, over you. You'll always be the one. You were the first, you'll be the last. Wherever you go, I'll be with you. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon. Remember: after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame. I will be the flame.'
When Drea had left she had left behind some of her things; I had boxed them all up for her but hadn't had the nerve to drop them off at my Dad's place yet – I think that I was still holding out hope that she would come home. I don't know why because she seemed perfectly intent on making me suffer. My best friend really could hold a grudge like no ones business.
When I came home from my brother and his girl's place, I had started going through the box until I found a CD with old power ballads; it had always surprised me when Drea was such a tom boy; she could still be very feminine if she so chose to be.
'I'm going crazy, I'm losing sleep. I'm in too far; I'm in way too deep over you. You'll always be the one. You were the first, you'll be the last. Wherever you go, I'll be with you. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. Whenever you need someone to lay your heart and head upon. Remember: after the fire, after all the rain, I will be the flame. I will be the flame. Whatever you want, I'll give it to you. Wherever you go, I'll be with you. And whatever you want, I'll give it to you.'
The faint scent of her spicy perfume was fading and somehow that made my stomach lurch in a dramatic way. I had to think seriously about this because if I didn't do something right soon, she would just give up on me. Normally she was the easiest person to go to if you wanted advice but there was no way that I could actually ask her advice on how to win her back. That would just defeat the purpose.
Closing my eyes while another ballad began to fill the room – I couldn't make out the lyrics or the song because I was running through things in my mind. I knew that I had been a complete idiot when it had come to Phoebe.
That was another thing that bothered me – Phoebe hadn't been seen or heard of since I dumped her. I wasn't foolish enough to believe that it was over; there was no way that she would just lay down after being that obsessed with Drea.
What a fucking moron I was!
I had put my best friend in danger. I had began dating someone that I didn't even know and now looking back on it; if I hadn't been so desperate to push my feelings for Drea aside – I would have noticed that something wasn't right with my best friend. Whenever she was around my girlfriend; she had been tense and almost unsure of how to act. Matt had said that she looked uneasy but it had been way more than that. I couldn't place the emotion but it had definitely been there.
Getting up from the sofa where I had sunk in defeat and self pity – I moved into the kitchen to grab myself a beer. Staring at the photos on the fridge door of Drea and me over the years – every single one of them, we were smiling and laughing. Things had been so simple back then; we didn't have to worry about adult feelings or arguments because there just wasn't anything that we had argued about. I missed that, I missed her and her presence around the place. I had gotten so used to being with her that it never occurred to me to learn how to deal without her.
Popping the lid from my beer, I moved back in to the front room and began shifting through the mail that I had thrown on to the coffee table. Bills, bills and more bills. It seemed to be never ending sometime – I remembered when we were younger; me and Drea had always said that we were going to live together, and we'd both be famous so that we wouldn't have to worry about the bills that my Dad had worried about.
Where had those days gone?
It didn't matter that those dreams seemed stupid and a whole life time ago; all that mattered was that she wasn't here like we had planned.
Tearing the envelope on a letter that didn't appear to be a bill, I read the contents over a couple of times as an idea started to form in my head. It was perfect – that could be exactly what would get me back in to my best friend's life. It definitely made sense and it sure wasn't one of those dumb things that she could throw back in my face.
Pulling out the details and drawings that I had gotten on the initial viewing, I set to work on drawing out a rough sketch to show her what I thought would be perfect for her.
3 hours later and I was finished – looking at the mantel to the clock to see that it was almost 2 in the morning but I couldn't rest, I had to go and show her now. Otherwise I would be a nervous wreck come morning. Quickly grabbing up the set of keys that I had to my Dad's place, I let myself out of the house and locked up behind me. The night was darker than most and the only thing to guide me was the full moon that was perched high in the sky and the glittering of the thousands of stars.
That was one thing that I loved about living here – you could see the stars so clearly where in bigger city's you were lucky to be able to spot one over the smog and the bright lights of the buildings and such. Luckily I knew the woods like the back of my hand and I would have been able to find my way in total darkness; I began to short walk to my Father's property. All the while my thoughts on my best friend.
I just had to hope that she would give me the time of day to explain this to her when usually she just slammed the door in my face.
Thinking on it; I really couldn't blame her for acting the way she was; I had acted like a complete asshole. All that had mattered to me at the time was making a show of how I was getting over her.
Phoebe had been there and she had been willing to be with me – or at least that had been what I had thought. After finding those photos in her apartment – I would definitely say that she had been using me to get closer to the real object of her obsession. And I didn't know what was scarier – her being in to my best friend or the fact that she had used me to get to her.
The silence that coated me as I walked would have scared most people but I loved the isolation, I loved to be alone and somewhere that no one would be able to find me because most people would get lost in these woods and not even 10 minutes later, I was clearing the wood and looking at the entrance to my Dad's property. The lights were out and clearly the house had wound down for the day, which was unusual for my Dad; he was as much of a night owl as my brother and I were.
Moving up to the front porch, I unlocked the door and let myself inside; ensuring that I locked everything back up behind me. It really wasn't safe to leave things lying open when we had no idea of where Phoebe was. I blindly made my way to the bedroom that had always been Drea's when she had lived here. Pushing the door open; my eyes drank in the way she was laying on her side; a framed photo of Daniel clutched in to her side and a peaceful look on her beautiful features.
It had been a long time since I had seen her look so calm and at peace. Ever since she had lost Daniel; it was almost like she had been barely hanging on and once again I was being stabbed with guilt – I had seen her drowning, I had seen that she wasn't coping and what had I done? I had abandoned her because I had gotten myself a new girlfriend.
She had every right to be treating me the way that she was!
Slipping my shoes off, I padded silently to the empty side of her bed and crawled on next to her; however, the minute the bed dipped with my weight, she rolled round on to her other side so she was facing me and her arm wrapped tightly around me.
"Daniel!" She muttered as she snuggled closer.
For a few short moments, I didn't know what to do. I could waken her and risk her losing her cool with me in the middle of the night and potentially waking up the rest of the house, or I could wrap her up and keep her close in the hope that I would finally get the much needed sleep that I hadn't had since she had left.
"Shhhh princess – just sleep!" I whispered kissing the top of her head as my arms tightened around her and closed my eyes.
Before I even knew it, I had drifted in to a deep slumber unaware of the fact that there was a face one the other side of the glass window.
R/N - I can just imagine you all saying - ABOUT TIME! lol. it's getting closer I promise, more on Friday if you want anymore that is???!!!!!! so what do you say? Want more?
Also look out for a new fic coming calling Crazy In Love; a new Jeff fic :) I'm so grateful to you all and all the support that you have shown me; it means more than I could ever say - I love you all to bits. See you back here on Friday if you want more :)
Love
Harley
xoxox