CHAPTER 21: Cold Hands, Warm Heart

SPENCER'S POV:

I ran out of Emily's house. I didn't know where I was going, but it wasn't towards home. I couldn't bear to face my family, who had most likely been contacted.

I eventually made my way up to the sign overlooking Rosewood. It was a beautiful sight, but my head was so full of anger and regrets that I couldn't enjoy it. I had said some horrible things to Emily, but she had done the same to me. I was shocked by her reaction, and it hurt me.

She's never going to love you now…

I cursed myself softly for thinking that. She'll still love me, she's my friend and I'm hers.

What about what happened to Tessa…

I groaned. Tessa was right, my friends didn't understand anything. Would this situation really be the same as hers? Would my friends ever want to hang out with me again? Or would I be like Tessa, and have to start all over with a new group of people?

I screamed into the silence and fell to the ground. My knees burnt from the sudden contact with the cold ground, but I ignored it. Instead, I buried my head into my arms and sobbed. My friends were probably so mad at me, I had lied to them and broken their trust. Would they ever love me again?

Grief once more surged through my chest, and I gasped for air. The pain was unbearable, but I couldn't do anything. I curled up into the dead leaves that floated around, and wept.

EMILY'S POV:

I sobbed, realizing what I had done. I didn't mean to speak my opinion so harshly, but my emotions had gotten the better of me.

"Emily…shhh…" Aria soothed. Hanna had left to look for Spencer, and I was thankful my mom was at work. I didn't want her to have to deal with this.

"I…I was so mean Aria…" I gasped, as I embraced her hug.

"It's okay. You made a mistake, not unlike the one I made when I first found out." She reassured me. "Spencer will be fine, you'll see. She'll forgive you."

"I don't think so Aria." I choked. "I saw the look in her eyes when she told me to fuck off. It…it was haunting." I broke into a fresh round of tears.

"Emily, Spencer is your best friend, and may be more one day. You have got to have faith in her, she will get through this, and she will forgive you."

I nodded. "I hope so Aria, because I don't know if I can live without her." I admitted. Aria chuckled.

"I know. She needs you just as much as you do. That's why she'll forgive you, and that's why you're so perfect for each other." She smiled. I sighed. Aria always knew what to say to make me feel better.

"Thanks Aria." I muttered.

"Don't worry about it Emily, I'm just glad you realized your mistake, and that it can be fixed." Aria grinned.

Suddenly Hanna burst through the door.

"Guys, Spencer's gone. I don't know where she went, I've driven all over town." Hanna remarked breathless.

I immediately jumped to my feet, followed by Aria.

"What about her house?" I asked.

"Checked there. Melissa hadn't seen her."

"Did you let Melissa know to contact us if she found her?" Aria asked.

"No, I didn't say anything except that I had something to give Spencer, but she said I had to try another time. I didn't want to worry her." Hanna explained.

I sighed nervously. "Where could she be?"

"Would she go to Toby's?" Aria asked.

"Are you kidding?" Hanna's eyes went wide.

"Yeah, Hanna's right. Spencer wouldn't have gone near Toby." I turned to Aria.

"That's true, but even so, he might know where she is. If she has a special spot, he'd be the one to know where that is." Aria assumed.

"That's true. Let's go over there and talk to him." I agreed.

"Really? But, he's on the A-Team…" Hanna shivered.

"It doesn't matter, what matters now is that we find Spencer before something bad happens, and if that means approaching the enemy then that's what we must do." I demanded. Hanna sighed, and grabbed her keys out of her pocket.

"Fine, let's go."

Aria got into Hanna's car with her, and I followed in my own. In case we had to split up, I wanted to be prepared.

I drove with tight hands around the steering wheel. Nervous energy surged through my body, and I could barely focus. I didn't want anything bad to happen to Spencer. I didn't want her to do anything bad to herself either.

When we got to Cavanaugh's house, we all approached it together. I was the one that got up the nerve to knock however.

"Yes?" Toby answered the door, and his face fell when he saw us. He was clearly still upset about what he had done, and I felt a little bit bad for him. Only a little.

"Toby we need to ask you something." Aria spoke up.

Toby sighed. "If you're going to ask me about what I did, then don't bother. Just ask Spencer." He started to close the door but Hanna shoved her foot in the way.

"No that's not it. We already know about that. We need to know if Spencer has any spots around Rosewood she likes to hang out at."

Toby scrunched his eyes together.

"Why would you ask me? I thought you guys knew, you're her friends." He pointed out.

"We know, but we think she has somewhere that we don't know about, somewhere that she might be at now." I explained.

Toby's eyes widened. "She's out alone in the cold right now?" He questioned.

"Yes, and we need to find her, but we can't do that without your help." Hanna insisted.

"Okay, I get it. I'll go grab my-"

"No." I stopped him. "I get that you want to help find her, but you're the last person she wants to see right now. She's already in a bad place, I don't want you to tip her over the edge. I don't mean anything against you, but can you please just tell us the places and let us find her?" I assured him.

Toby sighed and nodded. "That's a good point. Look, I don't know everything about her, but I do know that she likes hanging out by the Rosewood sign, and in the woods behind the park. She says they're two places where she can escape to and feel free." He explained.

"Thank you." I smiled briefly before running back to my car. "I'll drive up to the sign, you drive to the park. We'll keep in contact." I commanded. Aria and Hanna didn't disagree, and hopped into Hanna's car.

"Good luck!" Toby called from his door, and I smiled. He was a good kid, but had made a terrible mistake. I just hope someday he would get over the grief he must feel.

I drove toward the Rosewood sign as fast as I could, but was stopped by most of the lights.

What luck… I thought. As I waited at yet another stop light, I hoped that we'd make it on time.

SPENCER'S POV:

I couldn't feel the tips of my fingers. My whole body was racked with the cold air, and the numbness consuming my body. I desperately wanted to feel something, but had nothing on me to assist myself. I knew my friends were probably out looking for me, but I really hoped they wouldn't find me. I deserved to be out here, lying in the cold. I had lied to the people I loved the most.

And Emily, oh how I loved her. Yet I had said such horrible things, I didn't know if I would ever forgive myself, much less if she would forgive me.

I coughed lightly, pulling myself to my feet. I made it a few steps before my body failed on me, and I fell again. There, I lay in the cold, uncaring.

I might die here… I figured. I'll die of cold, and of a broken heart.

My body shook like waves from the chilly air. I didn't grab my coat on the way out, so all I had was my pajamas and they were anything but warm.

I should die…I don't deserve to live after what I did to my friends. I hurt them so much.

My eyes grew blurry from the cold. I was slipping into the dark, and I knew it. Yet, I didn't do anything about it.

Is death really so bad? There's no A…no hidden feelings…no more pain.

I shuddered, and closed my eyes, trying to stay conscious.

Do I really want to die?

Do I really want to die?

Do I really want to die?

My mind repeated the sentence over and over again, waiting for me to finally give an answer. I sighed, my body becoming stiff with weariness and cold.

Yes.

My mind went blank, and I saw the world turn dark. I drifted off into unconsciousness, at ease with myself, and finally feeling peaceful.

EMILY'S POV:

I drove up the hill to the sign as fast as my car would allow me. I think I killed two rabbits on the way, but they were the least of my worries. Finally, I stopped the car at the top, and ran. I ran up the trail leading to the sign, ignoring my cold hands, and the achiness of my body.

Eventually I reached the top, and had to take a deep breath. However, that breath caught in my throat when I saw her. Spencer was lying on the ground, pale, and unconscious.

"SPENCER!" I shrieked, and ran over there as fast as I could. "Spencer Spencer Spencer…" I muttered as I knelt down next to her. Her eyes were closed, and her skin was cold to the touch.

"Spencer please, don't leave me I need you. Spencer I love you please..." I sobbed, tears falling freely from my arms. I raised Spencer's chest to my head, where I placed an ear over it. I sat still, waiting, hoping that my friend, and the one I loved was still alive.

"Spencer please don't do this, Spencer, you can't…" I cried. I waited a few seconds more, but the wind was too strong for me to hear anything. I got up and carried Spencer with me. She may have been tall, but was very light.

I cried the whole way down, but finally made it to my car. Luckily I had stupidly left it on, so it was still warm.

I folded the back seats over so that there was a large flat area of trunk to lay her down. There, I placed my ear to her chest once more.

The gentle thud of her heart sent me into a fit of tears, she was still alive, and still with me. I set my head on her chest, and wrapped her in my arms, crying.

After a few minutes, when I was certain that her body was already heating up, I carefully set her in the passenger seat.

I slid into the driver's seat, and started driving back towards Rosewood. I called Aria and Hanna first, insisting that we meet up at Spencer's house. She needed to be in her own bed by now.

Melissa let us in with no questions, and let me carry Spencer on my back to her bed. I pulled up a chair and sat by her, waiting for her to wake up. Melissa came back up with a cup of warm water, and coffee.

"Are you okay? Is she okay? What happened?" She questioned.

I explained the whole situation to her. She sat at the foot of Spencer's bed, listening the whole time. A few times she cried, but she mostly just sat and listened. Afterwards, she came over and hugged me. Tears were in her eyes.

"Thank you, thank you so much for helping her. I…I love her so much. It kills me to see her suffering, but I'm glad she has friends like you. Words cannot express how thankful I am." She cried.

"I get it. I love her too." I smiled softly. I was still in shock from seeing my friend almost dead.

"I know. It's too bad she doesn't know it." Melissa sighed. I felt my face heat up.

"I meant I love her as a friend." I lied.

"No, I've seen the way you look at her. You love her, and she loves you. She just doesn't know it." Melissa grinned.

I sighed. "How does everyone see it but her?" It was decently frustrating.

"I'm not sure, I guess that's just how love works. Also, she's had a hard time lately as you know, so she may have not been paying enough attention to the signals you gave her." Melissa explained.

"I guess so." I yawned, today's excitement had drained me of the little energy I had.

"Why don't you get some rest? I don't think Spencer will be getting up anytime soon." She looked sadly at her younger sister before turning back to me. "If anything changes, will you call me? If something's wrong, and I have to take her to the hospital, I'd rather do it sooner than later."

"Oh of course! I'll let you know right away." I assured the worried women.

"If you need anything I'll be downstairs. Do you want me to let Hanna and Aria in when they get here?"

I nodded. "That would be wonderful, thanks Melissa." I smiled. She left, and I couldn't help but grow amazed at how much she cared for Spencer. I remember back when her and Spencer couldn't go a day without arguing, and I was awestruck by their improvement.

I leaned back on the chair I was sitting in and closed my eyes, thankful that Spencer was okay, and hopeful she would forgive me when she woke up.