Chapter Twenty-one
Soft sunlight filters through the thin walls of the tent, warming the early morning air from the crisp of night's chilly embrace. Erin watches a large spider crawl across the outside of the mesh window as the heat from Rick's body warms the length of her back.
When the sun had barely kissed the horizon and only a handful of birds were singing its praises, she'd floated lightly to the surface and woken up in Rick's arms, feeling perfectly at peace and utterly sated. She'd stirred drowsily when his arm had tightened around her waist, and let him wake her slowly with soft strokes and intimate touches until she was fully alert and completely aroused. They'd taken each other to the stars and back once more by the time the birds were in full chorus, and then drowsed in a tangle of limbs until the sun sat valiantly above the Atlanta city skyline.
Now, with her rump nestled cozily against Rick's groin, she idly caresses the hand covering her breast as the birds continue to chatter from the treetops. Just above her ear, she listens to the sweet sound of his voice as her back tingles with the vibrations from his diaphragm as he tells her about the run-in at the school.
"He was just a kid. Couldn't have been more than nineteen or twenty."
The remorse thickening his tone as it weighs on his conscience breaks her heart.
"But it was him or you, right?" Erin asks, bringing his hand up to her mouth to press a soothing kiss to his palm.
"Yes," he answers her firmly, but sounds as if he is trying to convince himself.
"Then it had to be him." She tucks his hand beneath her cheek as he presses his thighs tighter into the backs of hers.
"I know. I just wish he hadn't been so young. It feels like such a waste, you know?"
"Yeah. People are a commodity now with so few of us left in the world. It sucks that self-preservation and misery in desperate times becomes a lousy cocktail that brings out the absolute worst in our human nature. Unfortunately, the walkers aren't the only threat out there now."
"The dead are a lot easier to kill than the living."
"Especially on your conscience, I'm sure."
"Definitely."
"But as a cop, hadn't you ever shot someone?" she asks, turning her head slightly toward his response.
"Once. It was a small town, not a lot of serious troublemakers," he replies, exhaling a deep breath before continuing. "I got him in the leg to bring him down after he stabbed a woman. I never killed anyone until yesterday."
She feels a shudder ripple through his body and rolls beneath his arm to face him.
Laying her hand on his cheek she gazes into his eyes, hating the rueful shadows in their depths. "If you were given the chance to go back to that school and do it differently, would you?"
"No," he replies without hesitation. Good.
"Then don't waste your time on guilt and regrets that don't deserve an ounce of your energy. They attacked you. Gave you no choice but to defend yourselves." She wraps her arm around his back and presses her body into his, feeling the beat of his heart pulsating strongly beneath her ear. "You're a good man, Rick. Don't ever doubt that."
"I worry about Carl growing up in this world. How can he not become cold and heartless like those guys?"
"Because he has you to show him honor and integrity. With a touch of humility," she adds with a smile as she glides her hand across the smooth plane of his back. Leaning back on the pillow to meet his gaze again, she grins brightly. "And he has Daryl to show him how to survive."
She sees the apprehension recede from his beautiful blue eyes as he grins back at her. "And you to show him laughter and love. He'll need that more than anything." He brushes her hair back with a gentle fingertip. "You would've been an amazing mom, Erin."
Her throat tightens and she swallows hard, thinking how much she would have loved to carry Rick's child. "I'm just glad he took it so well when you told him about us. I wasn't sure he would."
"If I was with anybody else, he might not have. But he loves you. Almost as much as I do." He leans forward and she meets his lips for a soft kiss full of tender emotion.
When the sound of Carl's excited voice carries across the camp as he tells Shane of his night in the 'awesome van', Erin giggles with a sigh against Rick's lips. "Speak of the little devil."
"I guess we should probably get up now," Rick says as he rests his forehead against hers, making no effort to rise.
"Yeah," she sighs, drawing out the word in a lazy breath. "As much as I would enjoy snuggling in your bed all day, we've got things to do… people to see… a boy to love." She sits up quickly before giving him a chance to change her mind. "Come on, sheriff. Let's go hear about his adventure in the awesome van."
Crossing the camp ten minutes later, freshly dressed and vastly rejuvenated, Erin feels like a bear coming out of his cave to step into the light after a long sleepy winter. After the most incredible night of her life, the air in her lungs feels crisper, the sun warming her face is the perfect temperature and her footsteps - though still faltering slightly as she favors her right leg - feel light and sure as they walk next to the man responsible for her current state of exhilaration. Walking hand in hand, the strength she gathers from him makes her believe she can take on the whole God-forsaken world. Or at the very least, make it to the breakfast table without getting bitten by a snake.
Approaching the table where most of the group is gathered, she catches Carl's eye as he looks up from his cereal bowl. She gives him a quick smile and watches him twist in his seat and break from the table, rushing over to meet them.
Erin lets go of Rick's hand just in time to catch the hug that Carl hurls against her, nearly knocking her off balance with her sore right leg. She grabs the boy's shoulders for leverage as a large hand presses firmly against her back.
"Easy there, son. She's not a hundred percent back yet."
"Oh, sorry, Erin."
"You're okay, chief." She squeezes him tightly when he starts to pull away at his father's words. "I'll never regret one of your hugs. Not ever." She kisses the top of Carl's head and then releases him to take a careful step backward, aware of Rick's warm hand still resting at the small of her back, protecting, comforting. "So how did you sleep up there last night?"
"It was awesome! Aunt Kelly let me sleep by the window looking out over the camp. I felt like I was on watch just like Dale and Glenn, keeping you guys safe."
Erin smiles at his exuberant pride. "That's great, honey. It's nice to know you were protecting me too."
Carl returns her smile with a serious expression. "It's my job," he states matter-of-factly. "I promised Dad I would protect you."
She grins at him, enjoying the glimpse of the honorable man that he will someday be. "Thank you for that. And you're really okay with me and your dad being together now?"
"Yeah, he needs you to take care of him. And I saw it happen."
With a quick glance at Rick, Erin sees the same shock on his ashen face that mirrors the mortified surprise that tightens her chest. "Uh, Carl…," she begins to explain but finds herself at a loss for words. Searching for a lifeline, she looks back to Rick and watches him put a nervous hand on the boy's thin shoulder.
"What exactly did you see, bud?" Rick asks tremulously.
Erin holds her breath, not sure if she wants to hear the answer.
"In my dream last night. We were at a big farm with a bunch of people and you got married in front of a huge tree with a funny heart in it. There was a windmill and some horses too. It was really cool."
Erin expels a grateful breath and smiles at Rick, who rolls his eyes with a relieved smirk.
"That sounds real nice, son."
"It was so pretty, Erin, you're gonna love it there," Carl tells her before looking at his father with eyes that glimmer with expectation. "When are we going, Dad?"
A shiver ripples up Erin's spine and she sees Rick shrug his shoulders and cock his neck as the sun gleams down from a clear blue sky. He'd felt it too!
"Well it was just a dream, Carl. I doubt we'll ever actually see it, so don't get your hopes up," he replies before glancing back at Erin.
She meets Rick's gaze and knows exactly what he is thinking, for she can practically see the thought circling in his mind the same way it is weaving through her own; Was it really just a dream?
Sitting on the ground with his back leaning against the car seat that his son is drowsing on, Rick inhales the flavor of smoke along with the remnants of fish and the berry aroma of Erin's shampoo when she shifts on the blanket in front of him, her hair caressing his cheek with the movement.
"Are you hurting again? Do you want to switch?" she asks, leaning forward after he rolls his shoulder with a soft groan that he thought he'd held in.
"No, come here." He tightens his arms around her shoulders and guides her back to rest against his chest again, encircling her within his arms and spread legs. "It's just sore after fishing with Carl today."
"You should have let me make you a sling."
"Nah, it's not that bad. I just aggravated it today. I'll rest it tomorrow and then it'll be as good as new."
He feels the brush of her lips against his forearm as he turns his focus back to the post-dinner conversation, which has moved from a discussion of the Seven Wonders of the World to local Georgia and their immediate vicinity. He bends his knee to put some distance between the fire and his very warm boot as Dale asks what other nearby places may possibly have fences to keep the walkers out.
"We could look at the other schools around. See if they are fenced in," Glenn replies from his seat across the low flames.
"All the schools will be within city limits or on the very edge of town – too close to the more populated areas to be walker-free," Shane voices from his tree stump on the other side of Carl and Kelly's car seat. "Even if they have fences, they won't stay up too long. Like I said before, we're safer right here, away from everything."
"For how long?" Andrea asks from her spot on Shane's left. "They're going to make their way up here eventually."
"And nylon tents won't protect us," T-Dog adds as he stokes the fire and sends a spray of sparks skyward.
"Then we run to the cars," Shane replies with an exasperated frown. "We all know the drill – as soon as Merle up there or whoever's on watch calls the alarm, we get in the cars and meet down the road."
"What if he doesn't see them in time?" Jim asks quietly from his seat next to Dale.
Rick looks to his right and narrows his eyes at Jim's somber expression. The blood in his veins floats on a chilly current as Jim fixes a dark gaze on Ed, sitting alone at his own fire across the camp.
"What if we can't get to the cars?" Jim continues in a soft monotone without taking his eyes off of Ed.
A quiet man, Rick has thought of Jim as a private person who doesn't waste his breath. He speaks with weighted words; every syllable carrying an oath, an accolade, a warning or a counsel. In the week that he has known him, Rick has come to listen to the man with his gut as much as his ears. Now, ignoring the dull ache in his shoulder as he leans forward slightly to peer around the curve of Erin's forehead, he watches the quiet man and follows the invisible line between Jim and Ed as a knot starts to curl in his gut.