Rodney walked back to his quarters, and put the medication on the table as he entered. He had to have a think about how to manage swallowing them all before passing out… perhaps crushing them all into a powder? He lay on the couch. There was no rush. He hadn't said his goodbyes to anyone yet, so as long as he took it before tomorrow (well, before Carson finished his shift tonight), everything would be fine.
He pulled out a couple of bottles of wine, seeing no sense in saving them anymore. He drank from the bottle while he stared out over the city. It really was a beautiful place.
"I am content." he spoke softly to himself.
Before long, one bottle of wine was downed. He just left it laying on the ground - well, he'd tried to put in with the others for recycling, but had instead knocked over the container and released two other bottles to roll about. He was feeling a little tipsy, but since it had taken him two hours to drink the (not very strong) bottle, he was still perfectly lucid.
"It's time."
Radek hadn't heard any sounds coming from Rodney's workstation in a while. He'd seen him go in there, but hadn't seen him leave. While he told himself that Rodney was probably in his quarters, he was still concerned that the scientist had escaped to his lab to cut.
"Rodney? Are you here?" Radek asked as he entered, but saw no one. He nodded contently to himself, but noticed Rodney's computer still up and running. It was strange, since Rodney was usually very protective of his computers, usually in fear of others finding 'secret' research on it to claim as their own. As Radek approached, he noticed that everything was still up and running.
"That's odd." Radek said to himself.
He knew that the scientist was a little under the weather at the moment, but the behaviour had been so engrained into Rodney that failure to do it could mean something was up. So Radek sat down and perused through the open programs and files - just to try get an idea of what was going on, not to steal any ideas. He knew he shouldn't, but there was just this nagging feeling he couldn't shake that something was wrong, and this might give some clues.
Rodney decided that he could grind up the pills into a powder, and then take it all at once - could even just put it in some water and drink it. He looked over to the small kitchen, and couldn't see anything really resembling a mortar and pestle. He decided to just use a knife to squash them, and put it in a glass to drink. He pulled out a large knife from the kitchen, and then went back to sitting at the desk. He emptied out the box of pill strips, and then started popping out all the pills onto the desk in a pile. He wasn't sure how many there were, but it didn't matter. Just that there was a pile, and a pile seemed enough to do the trick. He put the packaging into the bin, and opened the second bottle of wine.
Radek noticed that Rodney's computer still had "encryption complete" displaying, which made even less sense. Why would he be encrypting information, only to leave the computer on?
"This is in our database, he shouldn't encrypt the information." Radek said to himself, and flicked through the other programs running. It seemed like the information had been lodged to recipients, to be released tomorrow. Thinking he'd better call Rodney before investigating further, he radioed him.
Rodney found that it was rather hard work to squish pills into powder. He left little chunks, deciding it would dissolve quick enough into the water. He did realise that he probably could have just emptied all the pills into the water to dissolve, but he had already gotten half way and felt he should finish. He'd drunk half the bottle of wine, and decided it was enough. He put it on the floor so that he had more room to work on the pills. He had taken off his headset, so hadn't noticed the call on his radio from Zelenka.
"Rodney, please respond." Radek said, panic starting to rise in his gut. Too many things were 'off' for his liking. And he knew that if he was wrong, he could apologise for it later. But if he was right… well. He then went in and opened the program used for the delayed sending to recipients, and noticed he was one of them. He tried to open the file, but the encryption wouldn't allow him. But, being a genius, it didn't take him long.
Rodney finished crushing the pills, used the knife to scoop the powder into the glass, and took both the glass and knife to the kitchen. He put the knife in the sink, and filled the glass with water. He then walked back over to the table to sit down.
"Rodney! Rodney, I'm worried. Answer." Radek tried again, but gave up. He'd managed to decode the message by this stage, and saw it was a video. He pressed open, and it played. It was Rodney, and the first few words were like ice water had washed over him.
"Carson!" Radek shouted into the radio, panicking.
"Radek? what's happened?" Carson responded immediately.
"Carson, go find Rodney. Now. I'm serious."
Dread filled Carson as he heard those words. He dropped what he was doing, and ran out the door.
"Radek, talk to me. What's going on?" Carson asked while he ran.
"I found a video on his computer to be sent to me, maybe more for others, I don't know. But it's a goodbye message."
Carson's adrenalin surged through his body, blocking out the aching of his muscles as he ran through the corridor to Rodney's quarters.
Rodney downed the glass of water, finding it rather difficult to swallow. Not because of the rather bad taste, but because his subconscious must have been trying to stop him doing what he was trying to do. He felt a bit anxious while he sat there for those moments, waiting to feel an effect like last time. He then realised that it would be rather ungracious to be found in a heap at the table, and so decided neatly laying on the bed would be better.
Carson, panting, arrived at the door and immediately opened it with a medical override.
"Rodney?!" Carson shouted as he stood there in the doorway, panting from running but also from the panic attack, watching Rodney sit at the table.
"Carson?" Rodney said, unable to comprehend why he was there. What did he do wrong? He had been so careful to make sure no one would know, so no one would try stop him. He didn't want to have to fight for what he needed.
"Rodney, please… don't." Carson pleaded, still not sure what was happening, but he knew this was a very dangerous situation and he had to be careful. One wrong word and Rodney could shoot himself, or … he didn't want to think about the rest. He wanted to slowly move in to hold him, stop him from doing anything to himself, but he dare not move for fear of making Rodney do anything hasty. He just stood there, seconds passing like hours, with his breath hitched in his throat and his heart pounding enough to hear the blood thud audibly in his ears.
Rodney looked sullen, and exhaled.
"You weren't supposed to see this…I didn't… didn't want to… make you watch."
"Watch what, Rodney?" Carson asked, focusing hard on keeping his voice calm.
There was a pause, where Rodney looked at him and swayed gently, like he was losing the ability to sit upright. Rodney tried hard to stay still, but the medication was overwhelming his ability to control his body. He could feel his limbs go heavy, his breathing slow, and his eyes droop. He knew he had to get to the bed now, or he'll not have a chance.
"I er… left you… a note." Rodney spoke, and he could see Carson's eyes grow wide and fill with tears. He didn't want to see this.
"Rodney, please… let's talk, I can help." Carson pleaded, but Rodney was confused… if Carson knew what was happening, why would he be just standing there and asking to talk? He mustn't know it all.
"No, it's alright. Everything's alright now." Rodney tried to assure, but even as he said it he knew Carson wasn't going to just change his mind and leave. So Rodney tried to just tell him to leave… it was for his benefit, after all.
"Carson… I don't want you to… to see. Please go."
"Well that's not bloody happening!" Carson snapped, and Rodney could hear panic in his voice. He sighed, but Carson continued.
"I'm not leaving you Rodney. Just relax and let me come in. We'll talk this through… just don't do anything rash…"
Rodney decided that the doctor really didn't understand what was going on. But he couldn't talk anymore… he had to get to the bed, and it was even seeming like that might not happen. He couldn't move much anymore, and the urge to just relax all his muscles was overwhelming.
"Do?" Rodney said, as he tried to get up. He steadied himself on the table, but he could tell he wasn't going to make it.
"There's nothing to do… it's already done." Rodney said. He was going to try make it to the bed anyway, but knew he only had a little bit of consciousness left. He wanted Carson to be that little bit.
"Goodbye, Carson."
Rodney's muscles let go completely, and he felt his entire body fall down… but he fell into blackness before he could feel himself hit the ground.
Carson dove forward, the tears falling down his cheeks, and called for his medical team to meet him there. Rodney still had a pulse, despite being rather slow. He couldn't tell what it was that Rodney had taken, or how much. He was guessing some kind of sedative, but he couldn't treat it without knowing what it was! All he could do was demand the team bring activated charcoal with them. He rolled Rodney into the recovery position, and monitored his (worryingly little) breathing.
The team arrived, and they quickly got him onto the stretcher and hooked up with some oxygen through the mask.
"Find out what he took!" Carson barked at one of the nurses. He wasn't sure how exactly she was going to do that, but she could look about the place at least.
Carson ran with the team back to the infirmary, but just before entering Rodney stopped breathing.
"Ah crap!" Carson uttered, and pulled out the ambu bag from the kit.
"We'll intubate when we're there, let's just move." Carson said in a professional manner to the inquisitive looks, unable to let his emotions in or he'd break down.
Radek was in the infirmary by the time the team made it there, and saw them pull Rodney in and try resuscitate him.
"Oh God." He said, pale and sweaty.
"Radek, get out of the way!" Carson shouted, a little too forcefully, but Radek just did as he was told silently. He went out to the waiting area, and called the other senior staff to inform them.
They shifted Rodney onto one of the beds, and Carson intubated while the other doctor connected up the oxygen to the ventilator.
"We're gonna have to get the toxins out of him. I don't know when it was taken, but I'm assuming recently." Carson spoke, his team understanding what he meant.
"Dr Beckett? It was benzodiazepines. A whole box it seems."
"Thank you." Carson responded, and felt a bit better knowing what he was up against.
"Ok get a nasogastric tube, and prepare the charcoal." Carson spoke, ready to suck out what he could before pumping the charcoal back in. In no time at all, he had worked the tube into Rodney's stomach, and they started sucking out the contents. It haunted Carson to look at the lunch they'd eaten together coming back out through the tube, feeling like it was his fault Rodney got the medications while he was out getting the lunch.
Carson shook his head. No, no thoughts like that now. Save Rodney first, then emotions.
"Alright, feed in the charcoal, I think that's all we'll be getting." Carson spoke to the other doctor, and they did as they were told without question. The nurses had hooked Rodney up to the monitor, and Carson just observed the vitals while the dark liquid was pumped into Rodney's stomach. He still wasn't breathing for himself - but hopefully that would pass once the sedatives got out of his system. The alcohol he saw lying about the living area worried him - it can be deadly, regardless of the medical care available - when combined with alcohol. And the antidote isn't very effective - which was why they didn't bring any. He didn't think he'd have a need, to be honest.
"Come on Rodney." Carson uttered as he shook beside the bed. He hated that there was very little he could do now to improve Rodney's chances of survival. He had to just wait, and hope, that the charcoal absorbed enough of the benzo's.