Chapter 21: I could hold you for a million years.
New chapter finally and… surprise surprise, I will probably update again next Monday!
I love all your reviews soo, don't hesitate to speak your mind about the story
Title from Make you feel my love by Adele.
-It's unfair! You are a pro warrior and I'm a simple beginner... You didn't even give me some advantage...
-Nobody is going to give you advantages in real life Clarke.
I answered her from the top of the rock we were both standing a moment ago. Clarke was now in the lake beneath, after she lost a little fight.
-You used a new movement! How am I supposed to counter that?
She looked so angry, I just got more amused.
-With imagination Clarke, you are an artist, you should have a lot of it.
She tried to hit me with the water but the distance was enough to keep me dry.
-Now that I remember, you owe me a drawing, don't you?
-Yes... But since you are being so rude with me, I may change it.
I looked puzzled at her.
-Change it? How?
-You know... I may start a new one where I punish you, since I can't beat you.
-You are going to punish me with a painting.
I was completely lost.
-Yes, maybe tie you to a bed, so you would be totally helpless, just so you know the feel.
She explained, her voice lower that I remembered it could be.
-It would be so nice to do whatever I want to you, since you have been doing that to me all the day.
Images invaded my head and I forgot where I was. My mouth went dry and I knew my breath was raged but I couldn't help it.
Cold water brought me back to reality when I felt I couldn't breathe. Emerged and I opened my eyes, finding Clarke with a victorious glare in her blue eyes.
-Yes! Sheidgeda nice work!
I looked up and saw Sheidgeda walking excitedly from one side of the rock to the other, growling joyfully at Clarke.
-Revenge is mine!
-And I am the one who is unfair...
I whispered hoping she couldn't hear me, but of course, she did hear me.
-Me, unfair? You dig your own grave.
-You just have to put those images in my head, I lost all concentration in my surroundings.
In the blink of an eye, Clarke pushed me to the cold rock wall, her pupils blown wide.
-We don't have to wait till we get to a bed, I could tie you up right now, to a tree.
She was trying to dull my mind again with more suggesting images, but this time I was more prepare to answer her.
-My my, you are insatiable, had I known you only wanted me for sex, I would have thought more carefully about being with you.
Clarke laughed and kissed me softly, we were both lost in the kiss until we heard a loud splash in the water.
-What the what was that!?
Clarke said, alarmed. I just smiled at her and waited until a huge black form showed up behind Clarke and dropped a dead fish on her shoulder but it slipped and fell into the water.
Clarke caught it to see what it was. The face she put when she discovered she had just caught a dead fish was a face I would never forget. It was really funny to watch her
frozen until she threw the fish at my face and started swimming to the shore.
-Clarke you are going to regret this, and you don't even know how much you will regret this affront.
-Sure angry raccoon, come and get me then!
-Sheidgeda, hunt her.
As Clarke heard my words she panicked and tried to reach the shore quicker while Sheidgeda started to growl and follow her.
Just when she reached the shore, Sheidgeda trapped her, her paws at her sides while she licked her. I pinned her to the nearest tree, one of my hands grabbing her neck.
-You won't throw anything dead at me, never again.
-You are scaring me...
Clarke choked.
All my rage was replaced by guilty, apparently something that only Clarke could make me feel.
I let her go and I started to walk back guard.
-I didn't mean to hurt you or scare you... I'm sorry... I don't know what happened I wasn't acting rationally... I, I
-Lexa, stop walking away and explain me what just happened.
Clarke tried to reach for me but I walked further away.
-Lexa, please, let me help you.
I didn't understand this woman, I just had attacked her and instead of running for help, she wanted to stay with me. I dropped to my knees, defeated. I wasn't used to feel, all
the traumas I had experienced had been trapped in the depths of my mind, but with Clarke near me, I had started to remember everything, all the pain.
Clarke was by my side in less than a second.
-It is related with your past?
She said softly, while she tried to comfort me resting her hands over my shoulders and giving me a small smile.
-Feelings are a burden.
-No Lexa, feelings are a part of your life and you need to express them, to get along with them, not hide from them.
-When I was three... I used to look for the boys in the village, most of the girls just play with her dolls and I enjoyed more their company. Costia also went with them and some
other girls. One day, Nialm decided to make fun of me so he started to shout to the others to throw me slugs while we were playing near the river. I tried to run but I tripped and
fell to the ground, giving them the perfect target. After what felt like hours, Costia and some of the boys defended me and pushed Nialm and the ones who followed his
commands aside. When I stood up, all my body shaking, I started to hit Nialm until Costia managed to stop me.
I had to tell my parents about what happened. My parents were looking for the perfect excuse to leave the village and they found it with the incident. I spent the next three nights
crying because I didn't want to leave Costia, blaming myself for getting scared by the slugs. My mother was the one who asked Costia to come with us, my father never liked my
relationship with her... Costia lived with her grandmother so when my parents offered her to come to Polis with me, she allowed Costia to go. It's a stupid memory which
shouldn't have affected me so much but I don't like wet dead things near me.
-It's a hard experience you lived and it's not stupid. You probably get over it, maybe if I put sticky things over you once or twice a week.
-That's the worst idea I have ever heard about how to outcome my trauma, but thanks Clarke.
We both smiled but the silence between us started to grew more and more uncomfortable.
I sensed she wanted to ask about my father but she understood this wasn't the right moment to have that conversation.
-You don't fish then?
I chuckled.
-Of course I fish, it triggers when someone throw things at me, not if I catch them.
-Oh okay, then-she said resting her right hand on her chest-I make an oath, right here and right now, to never ever again, throw sticky things to my beloved Commander under death penalty.
-You are so full of jokes.
-You are the boring one in this relationship, I need to light things up.
-I see, you must improve, Clarke.
-Blah blah blah.
Sheidgeda moved her ears at the mocking sound and began to push Clarke slightly.
-Your panther is hyperactive.
-She is just a cub, when she grows up, she will be all boring like me.
-Wait, she will be bigger!?
-Of course, the average height of black panthers is like the horse's back height. Do you remember the wolves?
Clarke nodded, still shocked.
-She will be taller and stockier, but you can get an idea.
Clarke then hugged Sheidgeda with all her forces.
-Don't you ever dare to grow up!
She said, faking a whimper and a melancholic tone.
Sheidgeda pushed Clarke to the ground and hugged her with her paws, nuzzling her nose in her hair and licking her.
-What is she doing...? I'm scared.
-She thought you were suffering and sad so she is trying to comfort you.
-Well, she does it better than you.
She said sticking out her tongue. I huffed.
-But she is a wild animal, what if she decides you are no longer her friend...
Clarke asked between Sheidgeda's paws.
-I simply don't think about that, I can't. If the moment comes, I will worried. In the meantime, I will enjoy her company.
-Well she will probably stay being her present self.
Clarke reassured me.
Sheidgeda moved away and lay down on the grass. I approached her and lay down too, my head resting over Sheidgeda's body. Clarke soon joined us and we just relaxed for a
bit, with the sounds of birds and water embracing us before I remembered Anya.
-I should go to see Anya.
-Whaaaaat? No cabin and chill?
She said pouting.
-Later, Clarke. You could go to finish your painting while I check on Anya.
-Fine...
We shared a kiss before we took different paths.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Sheidgeda came with me, when we entered the room, we saw Anya walking slowly with Abby while they talk.
-How are you doing?
-My back hurts a little but not too much.
-If you are like your Commander, you are surely in more pain, but you surely are as stubborn as her so we'll walk a little more, but then you go back to your bed.
-You can say Heda is like me, I raised her after all.
Abby laughed briefly and they continued walking. Sheidgeda pushed her head on my hand and I petted her.
-I know, I'm also happy to see she is alive and recovering.
Just then, Abby and Anya noticed our presence.
-Oh Lexa, we didn't see you.
-Don't worry, I was enjoying watching you.
Anya and Abby got closer and, after a hesitant moment, Anya se pulled away and hugged me.
-Who is the softie?
Anya laughed briefly, she never was an extroverted person, she was very reserved, she almost never let any emotion to show.
-Don't expect more hugs from me, I'm just relieved that you have managed everything while I was out.
-About managing things... I would like to explain you all the events. If you are available.
-Since she needs to rest and I was about to lie her on the bed, so if you want to, I can leave and leave you two along to speak.
-I think that's a good plan, thank you.
-No problem, if anything happens, I will be in room 3, so call me.
-Right.
Some minutes later, Anya was now in bed while I was sat on a chair, next to her and Sheidgeda stood at the foot of the bed.
I told her everything while she interrupted me at some points when she thought it was necessary.
-She killed her partner?
-He wasn't exactly her partner, but yes, he was going to die by our traditions and she ended his life before.
-And you didn't punish her, didn't break the alliance.
-They were potential allies, the killer was dead. I don't want to be a brainless Commander, I want to change things.
-I know I know, continue.
I carried on with telling her what happened, the kiss scene totally omitted, until I spoke about the treachery and Clarke's intent of murder.
-She shot you.
-Anya she was blinded by rage, by guilty... By hate.
-And? I'm supposed to forget the fact that she tried to kill you, I'm supposed not to think that this whole relationship is not some kind of plan of her to hurt you.
-Clarke would never-
-You don't know Clarke well enough.
Anya cut me.
-You saw her when I was asleep, you told her she really cared about me, would you change that statement now that you know what happened?
Anya stayed speechless for a moment, probably because she didn't know I heard everything she said to Clarke.
-No, I would not.
-Then? I betrayed them, but you act like Indra, you think I didn't.
-They weren't part of us.
-Of course they were! Of course they are!
I raised my voice as I got exasperated. Was it so difficult to understand?
-It can be easy for you to see them forming part of our clans, but not all people are as open minded as you, understand that Heda.
I closed my eyes and rubbed my temple.
-I know, but it's so tiring, I'm really trying to make my people understand that change is not always bad.
-You always have been a stubborn girl so, I know you will achieve it.
I continued with my story
-If the Ice Queen knows about you and Clarke... This could get very dangerous. She probably has spies in your ranks, she knows about everything, even about the TonDC missile and she can use that against you...
-My word speaks louder than hers, I'm not worried about that. I'm more worried about Clarke...
-Ugh you are so disgusting, stop speaking about her.
-Someone is jealous.
I said amused at Anya.
-Me? Why exactly?
-Well, you took care of me and the affection grew to something else…
-Oh please, everybody knew you were so in love with me.
-I'm still, I fell so hard for you.
-Please stop, this conversation is so disturbing.
-Yes, it is.
We burst out laughing and when we finally stopped, Anya yawned and spoke.
-Go and enjoy your little blonde, she is surely missing you right now, we can speak about politics when I come back to Polis.
-I will come back later, to see how are you doing, okay?
-Yes, yes, go Heda.
We smiled at each other.
-See you later Anya.
Sheidgeda moved to the bed and gently put her head on Anya's bed.
-I guess she wants to stay with me.
-Yes, she has missed you too.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
-Hey there.
I said entering Clarke's room.
Clarke jumped from the couch and threw a small book at me, failing.
-You scared me!
-You are just too easy to scare.
I said, grinning at her. She stood up and
-Why aren't you ticklish?
Clarke asked, disappointed.
-I don't have tickles, don't you remember when you tried the first time? You were the one who ended up laughing uncontrollably. The second time you tickled me, I was more sensitive guess, but I'm not usually ticklish.
-That's a shame…
Clarke said sighing before hugging me.
I inspected her bedroom, finding a strange covered form in the middle of it.
-What's that?
Clarke broke the embrace, and followed my eyes.
-Oh, that's the painting! Wanna see it?
-Of course.
-Ok, get ready.
Clarke reached for the object and pulled the blanket, revealing her work as the blanket fell to the ground.
Hope you'll have a nice weekend.