Can't Give Up Just Yet

"I don't know what to do, Mom," I cover my face with my hands as I sit on the floor in front of the chair Toriel's sitting in, in the house she moved into in the Ruins. I look up at her as tears fall down my face, "Tell me what to do. I can't let things stay the way they are. You and Dad won't speak, you won't even leave the Ruins, and Asriel.."

I grip my hair, "God, Asriel.. Mom, he's killing people and it's all my fault. He's not even Asriel anymore and I'm so scared. I'm so sorry, I'm so very sorry.. This is all my fault. If I had never eaten those stupid flowers.. I'm sorry.."

I look up at her and she's just sitting there, reading a book. She sighs, closing the book. She gets up and I follow her out into the hallway. She puts the book back in the bookshelf by the basement stairs and then she goes into the next hallway. She goes into her room and sits on her bed, taking a framed picture off her nightstand. I lean in beside her to see the picture she's looking at. It's the same one Asgore had when he tried to clean out Asriel and I's room, except Asgore's been torn out of this picture. I frown lightly, looking at her, "Why would you do that..?"

She just stares at the picture with a sad smile on her face. I can see the tears in her eyes, they quickly soak into her fur as she runs her hand over the picture gently. She sniffles, "I miss you.."

"I miss you, too," I wipe my eyes, "I'm sure Asriel would, too.. If he was himself.."

I know I'm right in front of her, and missing her shouldn't make sense, but it does. I'm here, but she'll never get to know that. I miss her in so many ways, and there's nothing I can do about it. I keep fighting myself on if I should just put myself to sleep for the rest of eternity, there's nothing I can do for them, so maybe I should just stop torturing myself and just sleep. Maybe I should just sleep. At the very least I should isolate myself.

I look at her again, "I wish I could tell you how truly sorry I am. For everything. Goodbye, Mom."

I turn and leave. I walk through the Ruins, watching the various Monsters that roam about as I head to my destination. I finally make it to where I'm buried, to where I fell. I sit beside the flowers that mark my grave and I pick at the flowers that I can't actually touch. My body is down there, in the dirt. It's probably a skeleton by now, since I've been dead for thousands of years. I sigh and look up at the sky, watching the clouds move in the brilliance of daylight. My real parents, they're dead. Everyone I ever knew on the Surface is gone. The only people I still know are here in the Underground, and I can't even interact with them. I sigh and look back at the flowers as I pull my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around my knees.

...

I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here, just staring at the flowers. Snow starts to rain down from the hole in the top of the mountain, but the flowers don't seem to mind. Some kind of magic must be protecting them, because they're still beautifully in bloom. I smile at the flowers, I never get sick of staring at them. I look up at the sky above and watch as the snow falls down the hole I once did. I have no sense of time anymore, especially since I've been sitting here by myself. It could have been a few minutes, or many years and I can't tell the difference. I could just get up and look in on the lives the Monsters are living, but I don't really want to anymore.

Sure, I care about them and how they have been doing, but it just ends up depressing me. Besides, I don't think I can watch As- The flower kill any more of them. I don't want to care anymore, but it's all I can think about, when I decide to think. I want to know how they're doing, I want to see if they're still happy or sad. I want to see if Toriel and Asgore can get over what's happened. It's been thousands of years and they hadn't so far. I don't know if they ever will, and that hurts the most. I can apologize forever and they'd never know. They won't ever know. I can't actually interact with them, and I don't want to put myself to sleep for who knows how long just to force an interaction. No matter how bad I want them to know I'm still here.

I sigh and close my eyes, "I've been dead for so long, is it really that bad to want to disappear for the rest of eternity? Is it worse that I can't decide if that's what I want?"

I laugh, but I want to cry. I'm pathetic. Is it my "human nature" that's forcing me to stay here, to stay awake? Maybe. Whatever it is, I hate it. I hate myself, I hate the need to continue my own self destruction. I should just give up on everything and just put myself to sleep forever. A scream breaks me from my thoughts and I open my eyes. I gasp, eyes widening as I see a human boy wearing a brown puffy jacket, dark pants, black rain boots, brown gloves and an orange bandanna tied to his forehead falling down here. His scream is cut short as he lands on the bed of golden flowers. He groans, his dark eyes flutter shut as he passes out. I just stare at him, he can't be more than nine-years-old. He's the third human to fall down here, and the second is nothing but a soul in a jar in the castle. This little boy is going to end up just the same, isn't he? I don't know how I feel about that.