The first thing Dean noticed when he woke up was the pounding in his head. His head felt like someone made it their job to crawl up inside his brain and try to drill a hole through the brain-y mush. Head aches like that could have meant only one thing. Hangover. With a capital H. Hangover meant that his plan to get beaten up didn't work. Bummer. It wasn't his best plan but it would get him on somewhat equal footing with Cas, he could at least think about forgiving himself for all that he put Cas through all these years. Well, he'd just have to try again that night.
The next thing he noticed was that his body felt stiff as heck and he smelt something strange around him. Something that pinched his nose when he inhaled. Dean tried to open his eyes but they felt too heavy and his arms seemed to be made of lead. Great. He couldn't even pass out somewhere decent. It is only when he tried again to open his eyes, that he heard it. The steady beeping and murmuring of people. Hospital? Did that mean he did it? He didn't know how he felt about getting beaten up. On the one hand he did want exactly this, but on the other hand, what would everyone else say? Sammy and Jess? Charlie or even Cas. Dammit he should have thought this through.
By the time his doctor had checked up on him and left, Dean began to feel horribly annoyed with all the questions about him and his memory and his mental well being. He just drank a bit and passed out after a fight for the love of God. No need for them to be so over caring. He was ranting to himself when the door flew open to reveal a exhausted looking Cas. Shit, there was no way he could look at him in the eye just then.
Cas walked over to him slowly and rose his hand to Dean's cheeks, touching him as if he would shatter any moment. Cas visibly flinched when he snapped at him about not being made of glass or something like that. He still was a bit disoriented from his hangover and didn't know exactly what he was saying.
Just like that, Cas started to cry. Not the where-were-you-all-night-I-was-so-worried cry, but something more on the lines of Oh-thank-fucking-God-you're-awake-I-almost-lost-you-last-night. No way he could be that bad right? It was just a bar fight after all. As he racked his brain trying to remember what happened last night, it hit him like a ton of bricks.
Dean had been drinking most of the night, drowning shot after shot as he tried to get drunk enough on the liquid courage that he could finally get into a fight on purpose. Ellen was looking at him with a glare that could kill, but at the moment, he couldn't bring himself to care much for it. He needed to get beaten up and he needed to make things right with Cas. There was no way he was going home without making amends with Cas. There was no way he was losing him again.
By the time it was 2, the bar was closing down and any fights Dean might have tried to start were quickly resolved by Ellen or Jo alike. Why couldn't they just let him fight?
He decided that there was no way he would able to get in a fight when Ellen and Jo were nearby. Well, if he couldn't fight here, he would take the fight somewhere else. With that in mind, Dean left The Roadhouse walking blindly until his feet took him to a dark alley. He had no idea how long he had been walking in his drunken haze. It could have been an hour or it could have been a minute. Either way, he was in a dark alley when someone jumped him.
Dean turned in his captor's grip, trying to see who had him when he heard someone speak up right in his ear.
"Well well, look who we have here boys. It's Dean I-am-not-gay-but-have-a-crush-on-my-guy-best-friend Winchester. Good to see you after so long Deanie"
That was one voice he never thought he'd hear again.
"Az." Dean spat out. "I thought you were caught after beating Marv to death?"
"Hmmm... Well, Dean, you see, I'm still here, so apparently not. But I did rather enjoy beating him up. He wasn't quite a true friend after all, he told you about the time we were going to beat the gay out of your beloved Castiel." He said the name Castiel like it was poison, and that made Dean angrier. Marv might have been a bad guy but he had a conscience unlike Az and when Az decided to beat the gay out of Cas, not caring if he died, Marv told Dean. "Do whatever you want with the information" he had said. So Dean made sure to keep Cas out of trouble and when Az found out what Marv had done, he beat him up for betraying his trust. It hadn't been easy but after that, Dean had made sure to keep Cas safe even if they weren't talking to each other any more. He wouldn't let Az harm him any more.
"Yeah? He got beaten for being a nice human, unlike you. Why am I getting beaten up?"
"You see, our dear Castiel has been talking to you again, making you gay too. And I can't let that happen. Not to you. So I decided that I will beat the gay out of you before you turn gay. Of course, I told Castiel that I am going to beat you up but I can't promise if you'll live through it or not. I don't particularly care about it either. This-" he waved his arms around, gesturing to the whole scene "- is just to scare Castiel away from you."
Dean knew he was beat before he could reply, when a trio of guys came up in front of him.
Before he knew what was happening, the guys were on him, kicking, punching and knocking the lights out of him while Az held him up.
They continued to beat him up for a long while before he passed out. When he came to, a red haired girl who looked eerily familiar was talking to him, he couldn't do much to response and he was pretty out of it but he thought he heard Cas call his name before he passed out again. The next time he woke up was in the hospital just now.
Now, he could finally begin to forgive himself for all that he and Az and Marv did to him.
Cas was feeling overwhelmed by all the emotions that passed over him. He was relived that Dean was awake and seemed to be fine, if a bit annoyed at the doctors. He felt scared about what Dean went through, but mostly, he felt angry at himself for letting this happen to Dean and at Dean for doing this to himself, when they could have just talked, if Dean would have listened.
But Dean was awake and that's what mattered. Before Cas could say anything, Dean spoke up.
"Az."
Az? what about Az? Cas felt confused and his confusion must have shown on his face because Dean continued, "Az beat me up. He- He said he told you that he beat me up to scare you away from me and keep the gay from getting me-" The notes! It all made sense. Az was sending the notes and Az trashed his house and Az beat Dean up! Cas might have let the first two pass, but laying so much as a finger on Dean? That's what made his blood boil with anger. "- he- he wanted to scare you away from me." Dean told him between wheezes and coughs.
"I'll be right back." He managed to say before he ran out of Dean's room looking for Sam. He told him what Dean had told him and how Az had been the one trashing his house and beat Dean up.
"Shit. I knew I didn't like the guy but this is taking it to a whole new level. Okay you know what? I'm going to the police. We need to get this guy off the streets before he harms anyone else. You stay here with Dean while I talk to Jess and Charlie about what we have to do."
Since the others had already been to see Dean when the doctor was visiting while Cas slept, they decided to take the matter to the police themselves while Dean and Cas talked out their issues.
Cas went back to Dean's room and sat down besides his bed, taking one of Dean's hands in his own.
"You know, I was so scared. We thought we lost you and the doctors didn't know if you'd wake. Az beat you up really bad you know? Broken nose and whatnot. The past few days-" Dean looked shocked as if he didn't know he had been in the hospital for days "- you were here for 10 days by the way. The past few days were Hell for all of us. Not knowing if you'll be fine. I realized something in those days though. I realized that no matter what I went through because of Az and Marv, no matter how many times they put me in the hospital, it was all worth it in the end because I would have you, but I couldn't lose you. I forgave you a long time back Dean Winchester, but now, I forgive them too. Because no matter what they did, it's not worth holding a grudge over as long as I have you. I just want you to know, I love you and no matter what, I'll always forgive you. But please, Dean, don't be too hard on yourself, it's not your fault. Please forgive yourself too."
Dean had tears in his eyes by this point but when he spoke his voice was firm and confident. "Cas, I love you too and I'm sorry that I put you through all that, then as well as now. It will take me some time before I can truly forgive myself. I don't know how you did it so easily but I promise you that I will never let you go through that ever again. I'm sorry I ended up in the hospital for 10 days - Hey! No wonder I'm starving! - but I would do that again as long as it means I get to be with you."
With that Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas full on the lips, committing to memory how Cas felt and tasted against him, never wanting to be away from the guy ever again.