Amber Memories, Forgotten
-In Between Your Arms-
I have never understood what it is called losing someone.
We all know where exactly our loved ones went to but are too afraid to admit it
And necessarily want them to be there.
Do you know how it feels to be torn between the beauty of our memories and the pain of remembering it, Aki?
"Stop right there, Lady Kaeda Amber," yelled the young man that she so detested upon. Her brain told her not to stop but to move on so as to stop this nonsense once and for all, yet her heart could only tremble when she heard the tone in his voice. There was something in it that made her want to stay. Yet how was she supposed to stop for the person she was destined to kill?
Her memories soon wandered away with her back facing the Noah, ignoring the danger it posed, her heart thumping with frustration as she recalled the earlier incident that happened in the morning before she decided to take a walk and ended up subconsciously here.
"Come in," answered the voice held behind the door when Kaeda Amber knocked against the hard timber surface. She had on a blank expression as she stepped into the room, taking in the stuffy wood smell that always lingered in this room and its occupant. "Sit down, Kaeda."
The young lady heed the voice as she sat down on a nearby chair, crossing her legs politely as she cast her eyes down in anticipation of what would happen next. The sound of a cigarette lighter clicked from a distance away, and soon she could smell tobacco smoke as it drifted towards her. The two remained silent for that moment, until the lady grew impatient and decided to speak first.
"What did you call me up here for, Father," asked Kaeda as she allowed her eyes to wander towards the old man before fleeting away.
Inhaling his tobacco, the old man then sighed out the smoke, taking his time with his younger daughter. Such impatience like her mother, he thought though it hurt him deeply to do so. He tapped at the falling ashes of his fat brown stick, casting his eyes towards a nearby photo of his family.
"I've decided to speak to you about your marriage," he replied, attempting to sound a little more warming though he knew that his daughter would most probably find it fake.
Kaeda looked up in surprise at her father, stunned by his tone, before diverting her gaze outside towards the bright sky that she so yearned to be in. "We've already settled it, didn't we?"
"Yes," admitted Earl Amber, his eyes still transfixed on the monochrome photo on his table. With his finger, he caressed the smooth surface of the glass, feeling its cold texture as they came into contact. "Indeed we have and I would say that Lord Tyki Mikk is a very suitable man for you, Kaeda."
The young lady shuddered at the sound of her own name in the same sentence as the Noah but said nothing in reply. He was going to go on and on about how Lord Mikk would benefit their family and vice versa. Preparing to excuse herself out of the room, she was surprise though when she saw that her father, the exact same image from her childhood, had the soft and vulnerable look he used to have when he was deep in thoughts.
"However, I want you to be happy in this marriage, my daughter," continued the man. "I have not done my part well as a father; have not done well taking care of you and your sister since your mother's death. I should not have shifted my responsibilities and act as if it was your entire fault. It wasn't. I should have known it better and taken better care of you."
Kaeda glanced up at the old man, her eyes stunned on the old man shaking with emotions. Her chest felt tight and her throat dry. The vivid image of blood and gore that night still scarred her deeply- she was still unable to forgive this man for being so foolish as to believe what most humans would choose to too.
Do you believe in a second life? I can bring both of them back for you.
Earl Amber cleared his throat momentarily, his eyes misted. "That is why I hope that your husband, Lord Tyki Mikk, would be the one who can take good care of you, even though you will always be welcomed home. But for this to happen," the old man paused for awhile before rising his gaze to meet his daughter's black ones- those pair that so resembled her mother, "You must love the man for who he is and not what he is."
"Father," stuttered Kaeda as she trembled under the cool blue eyes of the latter. She struggled to regain composure.
"You must be happy in this marriage for it to work," said the old man worriedly.
"Did you love Mom for who she is?"
The old man stunned, stared at his daughter's cold words, before sighing deeply. "Indeed, I married her initially out of namesake, but…"
"Then that solves it," interrupted Kaeda, her eyes struggling to remain calm.
"But I grew to love your mother, Kaeda."
"And perhaps I will too, Father," muttered the young lady before standing up to curtsied to the old man and making her way out. The door closed with a thud behind her when she made her way back into the room, her body shaking with convulsion. I would have too, if I had not fallen for another man.
Kaeda Amber snapped out of her memory. Pushing her horse away, she turned around to face the man who had been waiting for her all along and inhaled deeply. Lord Tyki Mikk was standing there motionless, as if speculating her next move. He was the one who wanted her to stop, so what did he want now? She could see, despite the distance that he was fuming with anger, his mood as gray as the dark clouds that had already began to hover above them. Soon, it would rain and the brown leaves would battle against the shower before falling down onto the wet soil defeated.
"What do you want now, Lord Mikk," asked Kaeda flatly. Her words tangled in midair as the latter began to cross the distance towards her. His lips were in a straight line, pursed in anger; as if that was all he could do to prevent an outburst.
"You know what I want, Lady Amber," answered the man, his golden eyes boring into hers.
"I have already given you my hand, Lord Mikk. Wasn't that what it was supposed to be?"
Tyki glared in annoyance at the lady, his jaws clenched. "You know jolly well that that was not what I mean."
"Then please do explain," taunted Kaeda.
Tyki curled his hands into a fist by his side, knowing well that the young lady was playing along with him, testing and teasing his boundary. As he spoke, acid lingered on every word of his, as if to make the lady pay back for what she had done to him. "What do I have to do to make you accept me?"
"I already have," insisted Kaeda, her eyes burning back. Tyki took in the look of her eyes. The thing about flame was that it was insidious- it sneaked, it licked, and it looked over its shoulder and laughed. And fuck, it could be so beautiful; like a sunrise burning everything in its path.
"You know that jolly well, my lady."
He was still walking towards her now, and as Kaeda embraced herself for any attack by the man, she waited in silence and closed her eyes.
"When I asked for you, I wanted the whole of it, Lady Amber."
Disgusted, Kaeda's eyes fleeted opened and she glared at the man in horror. In his eyes, she could see no teasing or sadistic humor the man normally held. "Is that a threat?"
"Maybe," stated Tyki harshly, his feet stopping just a few steps ahead of her. "Or is this a game of possession?"
"Maybe," copied Kaeda, a smile spreading across her lips that were so thin now. It was slicing her, but it no longer mattered. "Well Lord Mikk, let's be honest to each other then. Our marriage is obviously not out of love, something which you and I both know, but we should not let this hinder the plan. After all, it was to benefit both our families' interest, wasn't it?"
Alarmed by such a reply, Tyki could feel the anger in him boiling up right to her head, the surging emotions threatening to break over like a tsunami. Little droplets of raindrops was already falling upon their head, and he could still remember the chill as she stood facing him just like how it was now, freezing in the shower. Then he recalled. He recalled how it was to be.
"There's another man out there, ain't it?" hovered Tyki as he took a step closer to the young lady. His hand slid into one of his chest pocket and remained there, anticipating.
Kaeda broke their gaze, shocked. She had not expected him to counter just with such a question. "What are you talking about?" she stuttered, shaking to remain her posture.
"An aloof miner with nowhere to call home, wandering with his mud of friends-" carried on Tyki as he savored the pain that darted around in the lady's eyes.
"I don't know what you are talking about," Kaeda lied as she struggled to remain their eye contact to avoid any possible detection of fear.
A hoarse laugh that emitted sarcasm filled the space around them as the debonair Tyki broke in hysterics. Kaeda stared in horror as she witnessed the man indulging in his own madness, noting how monstrous this Noah could be. Yet she was no better.
"Don't know? You don't know what I'm talking about?" repeated Tyki as he tried to contain his strange sense of amusement. He nodded his head and laughed once again to himself, before sliding his hand into his chest pocket once again. "Then what's this, my dear?"
Kaeda's eyes widened slowly with horror as stared upon the object she had so hoped to abandon, her composure trembling as the rain soon start to accumulate to form a heavy shower. The object stained with raindrops grew into a darker color, just like the horror experienced if a peace-bringing dove was to shed its white feathers to reveal a black raven that symbolized death.
"Where- where did you get that?" asked Kaeda, her voice poisoned with fear and dread.
Once again, Tyki laughed as he cocked his eyebrows, mocking even though it hurt him so. "What do you think? It was given by him, wasn't it?"
The rain was falling hard by now, misting her vision, clouding her thoughts. "What did you do to him? How… what did you do to them?" Kaeda yelled, yet she could no longer hear her own voice as she raced back to her horse, climbed over it, tugged at the reins to run.
The rain continued to spear them brutally, hurting the two of them as much as it would have hurt those leaves defeated in the battle of nature. Tyki stared after the young lady as she sped off, walking out of him again. Slowly but steady he followed her. He had already promised never to leave her alone.
He never would.