DISCLAIMER: ALL THINGS TWILIGHT BELONG TO STEPHENIE MEYER.

A/N:Thank you to my fabulous beta and friend, Justine none of this would be possible with out you! Love you wifey! Thanks to Justine and Echo for talking me off the ledge with this chapter, you girls are awesome! Special thanks to my tweethearts over on twitter and everyone on the Twilighted forums for keeping up the #FF's and conversations despite my MIA status - you all ROCK! Thank you all for your amazing reviews, I read and love them all! I wish I had the time to answer everyone, but with limited time I don't have time to write and answer reviews and I assume you all would rather have chapters! LOL! :) Oh...you may want a tissue!

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Esme POV

"Here's one more box. Are you sure you really want all these, hon?"

Edward nods. He's been so quiet lately, not that he's ever really been noisy, but he's been communicating so well - it feels off to have him go back to nonverbal communication. Ever since his episode, which Eleazar classified as a psychotic break, he has been virtually silent.

The words psychotic break sent me into a near panic state until I looked up its actual meaning. Apparently, it's merely a generic psychiatric term for any loss of contact with reality. I would say that is a more than fair assessment of what happened to Edward.

Today he's been a little more talkative; he asked me early this morning if I had any of his father's stuff he can look through. I was a bit surprised, but maybe it's part of the process he needs to go through.

"Well, that's the last of it. Not sure what all is in them. I know there are some letters, newspaper clippings, possibly some music."

Again not a word. It's odd, but I don't get the feeling he isn't talking due to a set back. I get the feeling he's trying to figure things out. He seems deep in thought. I just hope his dad's old things can help him, give him whatever it is he's looking for, and not be another painful reminder of what he doesn't have.

Edward POV

Mom looks worried when I ask about Dad's stuff. I think me remembering scared her a lot. It scared me, too. I can't get it out of my mind. I keep seeing it.

Everyone is watching me a lot. I don't like it. It feels like they are waiting for me to...to...freak out. Eleazar told me all about what happened, but I don't really remember very well.

I have been seeing Eleazar more. I like talking with him. He is calm.

He told me not to feel bad about not talking a lot, and just talk whenever I'm ready.

After Mom finally gets Dad's boxes of things from the top of her closet, I go into my room to look at them alone.

Today is the perfect day to look through this stuff, since Bella is with Charlie. I know if she was here she would want to look with me and I wouldn't be able to tell her no. I could never tell her no.

Bella hasn't been different; she has been quiet, too. When we are alone, I get the feeling she wants to say something. She'll open her mouth, then turn pink and look away.

The box has lots of papers. I pull out a stack with a rubber band around it. It kind of looks like a bunch of letters. Carmen has just started working on my reading. The more we work on it, the more I remember. But, there are big words on these papers - bigger than I can handle. I set the letters aside and reach for the next thing in the box. It's a paper in a frame. I try and sound out the words on the paper, but it's hard. They aren't making sense. Maybe doing this alone was a bad idea.

I wonder what Jasper is doing today. He has been here to visit several times since moving. Sometimes he brings Alice and sometimes he just comes alone.

Maybe I can get him to come today and help me with these letters and papers. Jasper gave me his phone number and said I can call him anytime.

I make my call to Jasper quick; he says he can be up in a couple hours. Until then I go back to my room and look through the boxes.

There are some CDs - s...saw...songs of the one-nine-eight-zeroes. I'm not sure what that means, these must be songs my dad liked. There is plastic on the case. He never opened it. I rip the plastic and open the case. It's hard to get the disc out. I've never used one of these. Bella always puts on any music we listen to. I do exactly what I've seen Bella do many times - and it works, the stereo starts making sound. The music is loud and fast. Too loud. I turn it down. Now I can hear the words better.

Whooah, we're halfway there, livin' on a prayer. Take my hand, we'll make it - I swear, livin' on a prayer.

I go back to looking through the box while the music plays in the background.

I find several pictures tucked in one corner. They are faded and some of the corners are ripped. Familiar faces look back at me—my dad is in the picture in a green gown with a funny looking hat, and my grandparents. I remember them. Papa and Nana...I remember. Papa liked model airplanes and Nana liked to knit...I remember. Papa died when I was seven and Nana...Nana is in a nursing home with Al...Alzheimer's...I remember.

The song changes while I think of Papa and Nana, remember their house...their laughs.

Pour some sugar on me. Ooh, in the name of love. Pour some sugar on me. C'mon, fire me up. Pour your sugar on me. Oh, I can't get enough.

This song makes no sense, why would anyone want sugar on them? I push the button to make the next song come on. I like the sound of this one, makes me want to move...to dance.

Billie Jean is not my lover - she's just a girl who claims that I am the one, but the kid is not my son. She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son.

I find another picture of my dad. This one is him standing in front of a car with a big smile. I don't know anything about cars, but it's pretty with the black paint and a gold bird on it.

The next picture is my dad as a little boy sitting on red bike; it makes me smile. I find another picture; this one makes my throat feel tight and my eyes sting. It's my dad and mom together, they are wearing fancy clothes...his are black, hers white. It's their faces that make me feel choked up. They look so happy and…hopeful.

I spread the pictures across the floor in front of me, looking at each one. Closing my eyes, I let the memories fill my mind.

~xx~

"You've gone old school on us, Edward."

Jasper's voice startles me, and I think maybe I fell asleep.

He's standing in the door, a grin on his face.

"Good choice of tunes, man."

Welcome to the jungle. We've got fun and games - we got everything you want honey, we know the names. We are the people that can find whatever you may need - If you got the money honey we got your disease.

I jump up and turn the music off.

Jasper picks up the pile of letters from my bed. "This what you need help with?"

I nod and pick up the pictures off the floor.

"I'll see if Esme needs any help and leave you boys to it."

I didn't notice Alice was here until just now.

Jasper turns to watch her go. He has a smile on his face...a certain smile, I've seen it before. I remember Dad looking at Mom like that, and Emmett looks at Rosalie like that. I wonder if they feel the same thing I do when I look at Bella, aching chest and wiggly stomach.

"You want me to just start with the first one?"

I nod again and take a seat on the floor. Jasper sits down on my bed and starts to read.

Hon, I'm so sorry that I'm missing our first anniversary. Spending the night up to my eyeballs in spread sheets is not how I envisioned this night. Promise I will make it up to you. Love you so much! Your Ezzy

Love you so much. Mom has said that to me - I know it's something good, but I'm not exactly sure what it means.

"Want me to keep going?"

"Yes...please," I tell him.

Jasper unfolds the next letter and begins reading.

Ed, Thank you so much for the pictures of little Edward, he is such a dear. He looks so much like you, your hair used to stick up the exact same way. Tell Esme good luck with that. I'm proud of you son; you've grown up to be a fine young man, and I know your mother feels the same. Looking forward to meeting that fellow of yours. Love ya, boy. Pop

That was about me. My grandfather wrote that to my dad about me.

"Keep...keep reading. Please."

Jasper laughs and keeps reading. He reads letter after letter. Lots are from Mom. There is even one from me. Jasper hands it to me. I can read this one myself.

Daddy, I love you. From Edward

Jasper opens the last letter. He looks at it and hands it to me.

"This one is to you."

Me?

I look at the paper Jasper hands me. It has curly writing on it. I can only read straight writing.

"I can't read curly letters," I tell him and hand him back the paper.

He clears his throat and begins reading.

Dear Edward, Today is Father's Day - my first as a dad. I'm writing you this letter today in hopes that you will read it someday and know what I was feeling today. You are an amazing little man, even at only a week old. I feel I can't watch you enough or hold you enough. I'm so excited to get to know you, to see how your personality will turn out, and honored that I will have a part in shaping it. I can't promise I will always be the best father in the world, but I can promise you I will try the hardest. I can't wait to teach you things, like how to throw a ball and how to ride a bike. I hope someday you will be privileged enough to be a father. I love you, my son.

My throat feels like it has a rock in it and my eyes burn. Jasper is wiping at his eyes and looking away from me.

I move from the floor and go look out my window.

"It's okay to be sad, Edward." Jasper's voice is quiet, he sounds sad.

I don't feel sad. I feel...mad. Really mad.

"Why?" I yell, turning from the window.

Jasper looks surprised and confused.

"I'm not sure wh..."

I don't let him finish.

"Why did she do it? I'm angry with her!" I yell loud, it hurts my voice.

"It's okay, man. You should be angry. It's a horrible thing she did to your family."

I can't talk anymore. My whole body is shaking. I look away from Jasper and stare back out the window.

I feel...feel...cheated. I think that's the right word. I never got to know my dad or my mom. I didn't make friends or learn to drive. She took all that. She stole it.

My fingers hurt from squeezing my hands shut.

"Would you like me to stay or do you want to be alone?"

"Alone."

Jasper understands. I like that.

"I'm going to find Alice. Holler if you need anything," Jasper whispers before stepping out the door. Max runs in past Jasper and paws at my legs.

I sit down on the floor and let Max climb in my lap. It feels good to hug Max tight and feel his warm kisses. I feel less mad. It's still there...the anger, but not as strong. I feel like I can think now.

Max stops wiggling and lies across my legs and goes to sleep, but only for a few minutes. Max wakes up and runs from the room barking. He isn't mad, it's his happy bark. I look out the window to see Bella pulling in front of the house. Max jumps around the car till Bella gets outs and picks him up. She hugs him tight, pushing her face into his fur.

I am ready for her to be back. I missed her.

BPOV

This day sucked. Definitely up there in one of my worst days ever.

"Hey, buddy." I couldn't think of a better welcome home from my shitty day than energetic puppy love...well expect for Edward. I can really use an Edward hug right now. I scoop up Max eagerly and bury my face in his soft, warm fur. Puppies have magical qualities, I'm sure of it. They have a way of making you smile no matter what.

"You're back early. Esme said you would be gone till after dinner." Alice's cheerful voice greets me from the porch.

With reluctance I set Max down and watch him run across the yard after a squirrel.

Grabbing my purse and slamming the car door, I make my way to Alice.

"Wow, that's quite the long face. Bad day?"

Alice knows me well, and I'm sure the strain of the day is clear on my face.

"You have no idea."

Alice wraps her arms around my shoulders and I allow myself to sink into her offered comfort, even allowing a few tears to fall.

"Let me run in and tell Jasper what's up. He can keep Edward occupied and we'll take a walk, and you can tell me what happened."

Alice is only gone a few minutes before returning with a bottle of water and a box of Kleenex.

We're a short way from the house before Alice inquires about my day.

"It was awful. Charlie has completely stepped over the line and possibly lost his damn mind. I thought it was just going to be the two of us today, but no. He had friends there. Young, single, male friends."

Alice stops us both in our tracks, looking at me with a stunned expression.

"You are joking? He didn't really try and set you up, did he?"

"Believe me, I wish I was joking. It was a nightmare."

I tell Alice the details of the day, how I've been avoiding Charlie ever since Edward's breakdown, but finally gave in and agreed to a quiet dinner at his house so we could talk.

I tell her how surprised I was when I arrived to find him in a chipper and talkative mood. That alone should have tipped me off to the fact that he had something up his sleeve.

As soon as I walked in the kitchen and saw the table set for four I should have run out the door.

Sam Uley and Jacob Black pulled up in front of Charlie's house a minute apart.

"Wait, who?" Alice interrupts and I quickly fill her in on how I am already acquainted with these guys.

To his credit, Sam seemed genuinely surprised to see me here. Jacob on the other hand came strutting up to the house with a cocky grin.

"Why didn't you just leave right then?" Alice asks.

"I don't know...I should have. I guess I wanted to give Charlie the benefit of a doubt that this wasn't what it looked like."

We wonder over by the stone cottage and take a seat on the steps.

"Dinner was the most uncomfortable thing ever."

I tell Alice how Charlie kept making little remarks about me - how good of a cook I am, how easygoing, how smart...like I wasn't even there. I felt like a cow at a livestock auction, and despite me repeatedly kicking him under the table and whispering "Dad" in mortification, he seemed oblivious to my humiliation.

It wasn't until dessert when the shit really hit the fan. Jacob asked about Edward, or as he put it, "that guy." And before I could answer, my dad piped in with, "She's just his caregiver."

That was it for me. I informed Jacob and Sam it was time for them to leave. Sam was very gracious, looking almost as mortified as I felt. He apologized several times and told me to give Edward his best. Jacob didn't take the hint as easily, asking me several times if I would like to meet him for coffee later. I tried being polite, but he is either stupid as hell or just a super cocky son-of-a-bitch...maybe both. I finally just told him Edward and I are dating. He seemed to take the hint, at least I hope so. Either way, he left.

"Did you confront Charlie?" Alice asks.

"Oh yeah, you can say that."

I laid into Charlie the minute Jacob's car was out of sight. "What the hell were you thinking, Dad?"

His eyes went wide at the sound of my voice. "I...I...just wanted to help," he stammered.

"And you thought this was the best way to do that?" I was screaming by this point.

"You're floundering, Bells. I think you need to do something real with your life."

Charlie might as well have slapped me in the face, the hurt was about the same. Judging from Alice's gasp she is thinking the same.

"You know swearing usually isn't my style, but this was one time to make an exception 'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?' I asked him."

"You actually swore at your dad?" Alice seems a bit impressed.

"Yeah, though I regret that. It just pissed him off. 'Don't you talk to me like that, young lady. You may be an adult, but I am still your father.' Charlie's eyes were serious. I had never seen him this mad, not at me anyway. And he went on, 'I think you need to see what else is out there, Bella. You don't go to school, you don't have a job and I don't know what's up with you and Edward, but it doesn't seem like its going anywhere.'" When I finish speaking, I'm breathing quickly, my irritation showing through once more.

Alice, like the true friend she is, is absolutely furious - she calls Charlie every name in the book and a couple others I'm sure she made up.

"That's not all," I tell her. "I gave it right back to him. I said, 'Thanks for the vote of confidence, Dad. Esme pays me, you know, so I do in fact have a job. I'm going to go back to school; it's only been a semester! I fumed at him. What is the deal with Edward all of sudden? I thought you liked him.'"

Alice interrupts me in the form of a raised eyebrow. Apparently she had the same idea.

"Just wait," I tell her. "He said, 'Bells, I do like Edward. I'm still concerned you are investing too much in this boy. I've been watching him the last couple times I've seen him and he just isn't like other guys. I just want what's best for you.' I rolled my eyes at him and called his bluff. 'You tried to set me up with two different guys today. That's not concerned, that's crazy.' Charlie at least had the decency to look ashamed." I shrug and tell Alice I told him that even though he doesn't agree with all of my decisions, he doesn't have to. If I make a mistake, it's mine to make. I also tell her exactly what I said to Charlie, "It doesn't matter to me that Edward isn't like everyone else. It's one of the best things about him. I can't define what he is to me, but he is important."

She nods in understanding, laying a hand on my shoulder.

"I also said that if he has anymore concerns about my personal life to talk to me and not make an attempt to set me up."

Alice quietly pipes in, "Please tell me he apologized."

"Oh yeah, but he kind of spoiled it by trying to justify his actions again. I just left at that point. He wasn't happy about it, but if he's still making excuses, then he doesn't really get it."

Alice leans in and pulls me into a hug. "He'll come around."

"I hope you're right. I don't want this to cause a rift between us."

"You need some cheering up," Alice informs me. "What do you say to a movie night?"

I nod my head, feeling my heart lighten as I watch Alice bounce to her feet.

Edward POV

"Oh, Alice, not this one, it makes me bawl."

Bawl? What is that?

"Come on, Bella. This is my favorite. Please, please, please!"

Bella falls next to me on the couch and waves her hand at Alice.

"Fine, put it in. But I'm holding you responsible for my blubbering."

Bella is using a lot of words I don't know.

Bella curls up next to me and I am happy. I don't care what movie we watch, I would rather watch Bella.

She sees me watching and points to the TV. "The movie is starting."

I guess I can watch her later.

Words come on, and I try to figure them out. "A Walk to Re... Remem...Remember."

"Good job," Bella whispers, taking my hand.

I feel warm inside, but make myself watch the people on the TV. There is a girl and a boy - they don't seem to like each other. I don't think the boy is nice.

Mom, Alice, Jasper, and Bella seem to like the movie. Bella has laughed a few times, but she is sniffling now.

I squeeze her hand and whisper, "Are you okay?"

Bella wipes her nose and looks at me. Her eyes are red. "Yeah, just being sappy."

Sappy? I don't like not knowing what people are talking about, especially Bella.

The girl and boy look like they are friends now. I don't understand.

"You have to promise you won't fall in love with me," a girl on the movie says.

"What does that mean? Fall in love?" I ask Bella.

She makes a little squeak and gets up and leaves the room. Alice follows quickly after her.

I get up to follow her, but Jasper catches my arm. "Let Alice get this one, man, trust me."

I turn to look at Mom, her eyes are concerned. I feel like I'm missing something.

I'm frustrated. If Bella is upset I want to help her.

Bella left when I asked about falling in love, did my question upset her?

"What does 'in love' mean?" I ask Mom.

"That's a complicated question. 'In love' is different things to different people, but it's basically a tender, passionate affection for another person."

"Does everybody fall in love?"

"If they're lucky," Mom says.

"Are you in love?" I ask, looking at Mom and Jasper.

Mom turns bright pink and looks away. Jasper has a big smile. "You bet I am. Alice is my whole world."

"What does it feel like?"

"Well, you're really happy. All you can think about is that person," Jasper says.

"You might feel tingles when you think about them or see them," Mom adds. "You might also daydream about them." Mom's voice is very quiet and her face is more pink, almost red.

"You would do anything to protect that person or make them happy."

I listen to Jasper. I feel all these things for Bella.

"What about an ache in your chest? Does that happen when you are in love?"

"Definitely," Jasper tells me.

My chest feels like it will explode. I have a name for all my feelings for Bella.

Love.

I love her.

I feel the smile on my face.

Jasper laughs out loud and slaps me on the shoulder. "Go ahead and tell her, I can see you are dying to. I guarantee that will erase those tears."

I leave as fast as I can. Mom and Jasper are both laughing. I don't know what's funny. I don't want to know, I just want to find Bella.

I hear sobs and Alice's voice when I get close to our bedroom.

"Shh, shh. You should just tell him," I hear Alice say.

Bella sniffles and hiccups. "You heard him, Alice, he doesn't know what it means."

"You are such a pessimist. Teach him what it means."

"That seems so wrong. I have an ulterior motive for wanting him to know what love is."

"You are making this more complicated then it needs to be. He loves you, Bella. Just because he doesn't know the words doesn't make it less true," Alice says.

She doesn't know I love her.

Eleazar said words are important, that it's important to tell people how I feel.

I didn't have a word for how I feel for Bella until now.

Alice is hugging Bella when I walk in the room.

"Bella." They both look up at me. "I love you."

Alice gives Bella a quick hug and leaves.

"Wh...what?"

I sit down where Alice was sitting.

"I love you."

"But...but you said..."

She stops talking when I kiss her.

"Jasper and Mom told me. I...I had all this inside me and I didn't know what it was. I love y-"

Bella kisses me hard on the mouth.

"I love you." She kisses my cheek and eyes. Each kiss she says, "I love you."

She sits on my legs, her knees next to my hips, and she kisses me again and again.

Her hands hold my face and I hold her waist, pulling her tight to me. She feels good against me. I want to hold her forever and never let go.

I fall backward onto the pillows. Bella slides off me and lies beside me.

"You are happy now?" I ask Bella.

"Happier than I've ever been." I look down at her and she is smiling, her tears are gone.

I will tell her I love her everyday, just to see her smile like that - it's her best smile.

"I love you, Bella."

Bella pushes up on her elbow, kissing me again. "And I love you, Edward...so very much."

~XXXX~

A/N: Thank you all so much! Your love for this story delights me daily!