21. Stress

I was drowning for half a second, then I landed on the front porch of the big white house. I wrenched the door open and slammed it behind me, shaking my head the whole time. Everybody in the living room – Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Japer, Edward and Bella – all looked at me worriedly. I flicked my hand at them, signalling for them to leave me alone.

I charged up three flights of stairs and pushed the door to my room out of my way. I slammed that behind me and pulled the lock. I went to the Window Wall and snapped the silver cover over the windows. I took down the gold fabric around the walls and stared at the newly silver walls for a while. My gaze moved down to the gold carpet, around the room, and rested on my shelves. I silently walked over and tossed one of the sheets over my music shelf, covering everything.

When I had simmered, I fell onto the couch. I ran my fingers over the small cut on the right arm from when the broken Abbey Road slipped across it. The black leather had split, and there was a little white tuft sticking out. I carefully pushed it back in and smoothed over the hole.

"Knock, knock," someone said from the other side of the door.

"Not interested," I muttered, but I got up and released the bolt, opening the door a crack. "What do you want?"

Edward nudged me aside and examined the room. "I just wanted to make sure you didn't destroy anything. Why'd you put the sheet over the shelf –?"

I shut the door in his face.

He knocked again, and I made a point of pulling the lock again.

__________

I had tried to sleep off my stress. I knew it was a waste of time to isolate myself so much over someone's death – even if they were the biggest someone I'd ever known of. Now I sat on the floor in the middle of my room, staring at the draped-off shelf of all my music.

Stage one of stress: denial. That went through my head too fast to notice.

Stage two of stress: panic. That had lasted more than thirty-six hours, from the time I saw the news until a second ago.

Stage three of stress: acceptance. Paul McCartney was dead, and I just had to deal with it. It happened all the time. This time it just happened to the main person I looked up to my entire life –

Stop, I ordered myself. I sighed, deciding what was best for me. Silently, I walked to the shelf and pulled the sheet down with a flourish. I hung up the sheets across the other walls and lifted the curtain from the window. The sun was just rising, and I decided to escape my room. I unbolted the door and stepped outside. I walked halfway to the stairs before I felt a wave of calm rush past me. I rolled my eyes and turned around.

"Really?" I said sarcastically. "Do I honestly need a security guard? Do I have a problem or something? For crap."

Jasper was leaning against the wall on the other side of my door with his arms crossed, looking at the floor. He stood straight and walked to me, ruffling my hair as he passed me. I slapped him in the back of the head, and he chuckled. Unable to be annoyed for long, I followed him downstairs.

I stopped on the bottom step, looking over to the piano. Edward was flipping through a brand-new black book I had never seen before. I assumed it was full of piano music, because he set it on the little ledge and started playing. I stepped down and walked to him, humming the song.

"I found this one time when we went to Seattle," he told me, nodding to the book. "You weren't here yet. Bella, Renesmee and I were at a bookstore, just looking around. A human would see Renesmee as ten years old – she was actually three." Edward stopped playing and handed me the book.

"The Beatles Songbook," I murmured.

"Complete piano and guitar sheet for every known Beatles song," Edward continued, pointing to the caption on the first page. "In order of release year. That's what those little holes are for – so you can get to where you want to go."

I saw the little indents at different heights on the book. "This is pretty big for a songbook," I said. "A Day in the Life... includes 53 seconds of E major that was played by three pianos? Fail."

"What?" he took the book and looked at the last note on the page. "Wow. I don't think I can do that."

"No crap." I sat down on the stool beside him. He moved over so I was centered with the piano. "You know the first song I learned for piano?"

Edward shrugged. "No. Should I?"

I nodded, placing my fingers on the keys. They seemed to fit there – almost like I should've done this a long time ago. "Nobody knew I was musically inclined. They thought the only thing I could do was know the songs. My favourite things to do were copy and create the music."

Edward nodded, and I started Mary Had a Little Lamb. He laughed, and I turned to stare at him. Not looking at the piano, I started heavily playing Money. He looked a little bit surprised, and I grinned. I paused at the right time and yelled, "The best things in life are free!" and started laughing.

Renesmee walked in the open front door, looking expectant. The rest of the Cullen family followed, plus Seth and Jacob. They didn't say much – they just sat around the room being entertained.

"Feeling better?" Carlisle asked me, and I nodded.

"Beatles jam sessions always help," I said. "Thanks for asking."

Esme smiled beside him. "What's family for?" she said. "Other than cleaning up after each other." She nodded towards Emmett, thinking of the time he had used a meat grinder as a fly-swatter.

Edward laughed and started playing Esme's favourite.

This is what family's for, I thought. There could be no other word for this.