Don't hate me...
The insemination went smoothly, apart from all of Jane's less-than-appropriate jokes when Maura had to sit on the examination table with her legs in the air for thirty minutes.
Jane wrapped an arm around her waist and put her hand on her elbow as they walked to the car. "Jane, I'm not going to break." Maura comments at Jane ginger touches.
"Oh...yea I know. Just being careful." Her grip on Maura's waist slacked but she didn't let go. The whole ride home Maura had one hand on her stomach and the other in Jane's, and for the life of her she couldn't stop smiling. Jane noticed this too, and her heart swelled at the sight.
"It's really good to see you this happy again Maur," she whispers, her eyes still on the road. Maura lifts the hand that is interlocked with Jane's and kisses a crescent-moon shaped scar.
"And I have no one to thank but you for that, darling."
Maura had never been more painfully aware of her condition in her life. Every step she took, she thought about for at least a second, if her actions were safe for the potential child she was carrying.
She had been equally careful during her first pregnancy, but this time it was different.
This was Jane's baby, not Ian's. She was going to raise this baby with Jane, instead of alone.
She counted down the day almost to the minute. Two and a half weeks had passed and she had marked it on all her calenders.
This was the day she took the pregnancy test.
She told Jane to pick them up dinner before going home. Maura wanted to get there first so she could take the test.
She had it all planed out. She would take the test, have dinner with Jane, and for desert...she would tell her. She would tell her that they were going to have a baby.
She rushed through the front door, dropping her purse and keys on the floor as she did, but clutching tightly to the paper bag in her hand. She ran to the bathroom as fast as her stilettos would allow, and slammed the door closed.
Half an hour later, over her tears, she could hear the front door open slowly and then close again.
"Maura?" Jane shouted through the house, "I got you that weird cranberry walnut salad thing-"
She froze.
Maura was sitting cross-legged on the couch, a box of tissues in her lap and one under her eyes, wiping away tears as she choked back a sob.
She dropped the food and landed on her knees in front of her girlfriend. "Sweetie what happened!? Are you okay? Is it- is the baby..."
Maura shook her head, dabbing at the fresh tears that were developing.
"Well then what is it? Honey, please talk to me. You're scaring me." Jane pleaded.
Maura pulled two little white sticks out from in between the couch cushions and placed them in Jane's outstretched hand.
She glanced down at them, and her heart broke. "Oh...Maur." She cooed.
Maura dropped her head into her hands and cried harder.
Jane threw the negative tests on the coffee table and gathered the smaller woman in her arms. Maura put her head against Jane's shoulder, her tears soaking through her work blazer.
"I-I'm so s-sorry Jane." She hiccuped.
"Babe there's nothing to be sorry for. We tried, and we can try again. They still have some of the fertilized eggs, remember? It'll be okay...we'll try again."
Maura's crying began to lessen and she picked up her head to look at Jane.
"It'll be okay," Jane repeated, brushing blond hair out of her face.
There was a swift knock on the side door before it opened. "Hey! Look what I finished!" Angela bellows, holding a pair of freshly knitted yellow baby booties up in the air.
The women on the couch turned their gazes towards her, and at the sight of the little shoes, Maura sobbing returned. She dropped her forehead back onto Jane's shoulder and covered her face with her hands.
Jane wrapped her arms around her and shot a disgruntled look at her mother.
Angela's face was scrunched up in confusion, "What'd I say?"
"You really gotta work on your timing, Ma." Jane whispers as she rubs Maura's back.
"What-what if I can n-never get pregnant again? Oh god, Jane," Maura looks up at Jane, the pain in her eyes was almost unbearable. "What if th-that was my only chance to h-have a b-baby and lost it?!" She cried.
"Oh no, it wasn't Maur. We'll have a baby, okay?" She cups Maura's face in her hands and looks at her, the confidence in her gaze unwavering. "Maura, I promise you, one way or another, we will be parents, alright? We will have a baby."
Maura gives her the best smile she can, and leans up to place a soft kiss on her jaw.
"I love you," Jane whispers against her cheek.
"As I love you." Maura whispers back.
"Oh my god, I am so sorry Maura." Angela says quietly from the kitchen. She hadn't moved, not wanting to further disrupt the sensitive moment.
Maura gathers her self, shaking her head lightly. "It's okay Angela, but maybe just hang on to those for a while?" She nods in the direction of the booties now sitting on the counter.
"Oh of course, of course." Angela swipes them off the counter an shoves them into her pocket.
"Yea, and next time when you knock, wait for an answer!" Jane snorts. "Actually, I have a better idea." She gets up and walks over to the little table by the front door. She picks up a set of keys and slides them across the counter to her mother. "Go home, you can have my apartment."
Angela's mouth falls open, "But...where will you... Ohhhh." Realization strikes her halfway through her sentence.
Jane just smiles and turns back to her girlfriend. "So, how about we order Chinese or something? Since dinner is kind of ruined..." They both turn to the pile of overturned food scattered across the floor of the foyer.
Maura gives a light chuckle, "sounds good, but clean that up first." She jabs a thumb at the mess.
Jane groans, but drags herself off the couch and goes to find the broom.
That night, Jane and Maura went to bed early. Maura cuddled up against Jane's side and rested her head on her chest, relaxing at the sound of Jane's steady breathing and soft heartbeat.
Jane wrapped her arms around the blond and let her chin sit on top of Maura's head, idly playing with her hair. She could tell Maura's mind was wandering back to her infertility.
"Charlie" Jane says.
Maura's eyebrows curve inward, "what?"
"Charlie, I like the name Charlie for a boy."
Maura sighs, "Jane..."
"And for a girl, I kind of like Delilah, we could call her lily."
"Jane, please." She begs. Maura's tone makes Jane stop, pulling back slightly to look at her. "Let's not talk about names, not until we're sure-"
"I told you Maura, I promised you. Have I ever gone back on a promise?"
Maura snuggles back in to Jane's chest, "no."
"Exactly. So, Charlie and Delilah are my favorites. What are yours?"
Maura pauses for a long time before responding quietly, "Amelia."
"Amelia?"
"Amelia."
"Okay, how about for a boy?"
"Matteo."
"Seriously? Matteo?"
"Well we could shorten it to Matt."
Jane smiles and kisses Maura's temple. "Yea we could. Hey I have an idea, hold on." Jane slides her arm out from under Maura and walks over to the door.
Missing the warmth of the embrace instantly, Maura frowns a little and sits up. "Jane, where are you going?"
"Be right back! two seconds!" Jane calls over her shoulder.
Maura huffs and leans back, crossing her arms over her chest in a pout. Half a minute later, Jane strolls back into the bedroom with a pad of blue post-its and a two pens in her hand.
"What-" Maura starts, but is cut off by Jane's fingers to her mouth. When Jane removes them, she laughs at Maura's unbelievably adorable pouting face and can't resist kissing it.
"Mmm. Jane...honey...as much as I like where this is going..."
Jane finally pulls away and plops down right in front of Maura, her legs curled to the side. "Okay, so we have..." She uncaps one of the pens and scribbles onto the first post-it. When she's done she lifts it up to show Maura and reads aloud, "Amelia." Then she pulls it off of the rest of the pad and sticks it firmly to the head board of the bed.
Maura smiles, understanding where Jane is going. She's full of good ideas today. She takes the pad out of Jane's hand and pulls it apart so there are now two smaller stacks. She hands one back to Jane, who hands her a pen. When she reaches for it, their fingers touch and Jane softly rubs the back of Maura's hand with her thumb, flashing a reassuring smile.
"What did I do to deserve you?" Maura wonders out loud.
Jane gives her a wink, knowing full-well it gives Maura butterflies, and answers, "I told you, you loved me back."
Maura shift her position so that she is sitting right next to Jane, their hips touching, facing the head board. She leans her head down and rests it on Jane's shoulder. Jane lifts Maura's hand and drops a gentle kiss on it before giving it back and returning her attention to the post-it's.
"Matteo." Jane writes in her thin, slanted handwriting.
"And Delilah," Maura jots down in her own swirly, cursive hand.
"Charlie."
"Natalie."
"Abigail."
"Jude."
"For a boy or a girl?" Jane inquires.
"Either one I suppose."
Jane laughs, "Okay, how about...James?"
"Not bad, strong name. Clementine?"
"NO! That isn't funny Maura. You don't see me throwing Dorthea into the mix."
Maura giggles, "I don't mind my middle name, but you're right, I wouldn't name our daughter that."
"Jackson."
"June?"
"Hm...I kind of like that actually."
Maura smiles, "me too."
"Addison."
"Beatrice."
"Adelaide."
"Darius."
"Fillipo."
"Bianca."
"Melanie."
Before they know it, fatigue has washed over them both, and they don't even bother getting back under the covers. They fall back onto the plush comforter, cradled in each others arms. A sticky note stuck on Jane's cheek, and a pen still in Maura's hand.
The headboard is completely covered with blue post-its.
Ok can I just say, in last nights episode (3x12) that young girl? The one who was shadowing Jane? Is like LITERALLY a Rizzles child. Like, she looks just like Jane, with the curly brown hair and sarcastic attitude, but her face is round, and her skin is pale like Maura's. And she's smart as **** too! Seriously if they don't get married on the damn show already I'm gonna lose it.
Also, I just realized I tend to channel my inner "Grey's Anatomy" without realizing it. I wan reviewing this chapter when I put the pieces together. The blue post-its, the promise that they will be parents. I don't know if I have any greys fans out there, but if I do...have any of you noticed this? Or is it just me?
And like I said before, don't hate me. I PROMISE you all a happy ending...eventually.