Chapter 21: Labor
I was somewhere calm, tranquil, serene. I wasn't exactly sure where, but I could hear a waterfall in the background. It was so soothing, and I was the most relaxed I'd ever felt in my life. Or, maybe the waterfall was actually just the tank filter. And maybe I was actually in a brightly lit hospital room, in the starchiest gown on the planet, with the world's most annoying IV jammed in my hand. And maybe, just maybe, I was actually riding out the millionth contraction I'd had in the past hour, assumedly only halfway through a very, very painful labor. Yep, it was the latter.
"I'm still here! It didn't work…" I growled, slamming my head against the pillow.
"Damn. And those guides on visualization techniques came so highly recommended." Cora sighed.
"Anything else?! Please, anything?!" I said, nearing points of desperation.
"Well, gee, we've tried breathing, we've tried visualization, you won't let us touch you, so a massage is out of the question. How about some freaking drugs, already?!" Cora snapped.
I took pleasure in taking a moment to flip her the bird, and in response she lunged out of her chair, fully intending to strangle me. Marc leaped up to hold her back, to which I added a pain-laced smirk.
"Hey, chill! Both of you! If Dan doesn't want drugs, it's his decision. I know we're all a little tense because we're at the hospital at 3AM having a baby instead of being at home…in bed…asleep." Marc cut-in, a slight amount of sadness creeping into his voice that he really wasn't in bed.
"You don't know the MEANING of the word tense!" I said, a little louder than I'd meant to, the contraction deciding to peak at that very moment.
"I was just trying to help." Marc sighed, rubbing his eyes, completely exhausted.
"I know…I know. I'm sorry, I'm just…sorry." I sighed, grinding the heel of my fist into my forehead. My body finally relaxed once more, and I let out a sigh of relief, melting into my pillow.
"Let's try something else." Cora suggested, calming a bit.
"What haven't we tried?" I mumbled, closing my eyes. I pinched the bridge of my nose in irritation.
"Hey! How about a focal point?" Marc said.
"A what?" I asked.
"Something, like an object or totem, you can concentrate on when you're in pain. Makes you feel more in control." Marc said.
"So, it has to be something relaxing…" Cora said.
"Something small…" Marc said.
"And something that stands out, so I can find it easily." I said.
"Hmm…wait! I've got something!" Cora cried, snapping her fin.
She dug around in her purse for a moment or two, then yanked out something tiny and held it aloft victoriously. To her, it was the Holy Grail of focal points. To me, it was just a toy gnome.
"Well, it stands out." Marc said.
"Right?" Cora grinned. She was clearly punchy from sleep-deprivation.
"You want a pink-haired gnome to be my focal point?" I asked, confused.
"Dan, it's clearly a troll!" Cora said, sounding offended.
"You're kidding, right? This is ridiculous! It's just a stupid trinket out of a vending machine!" I said.
"Just try the Coddamn troll, Daniel." Marc said, also reaching the end of his, presumably, endless patience. I scowled at him.
"Fine. I have to wait for a flipping contraction first." I said, closing my eyes again.
"They're still five minutes apart, right?" Marc asked.
"Approximately…" I muttered.
"Well, I'm going to get some coffee. Or an energy drink. Anything to keep me on my fins." Cora sighed.
"Coffee does sound good. Want anything, Dan?" Marc said.
"No thanks." I sighed.
"You'll be alright for a few minutes?"
I waved them off, and heard the door close. I sighed, relieved to have a bit of time alone. I sat the bed up slightly, finding sitting up slightly less taxing on my back. I idly massaged the top of my stomach, trying not to anticipate the next contraction, or worse, fear it. My fingers kept brushing against the mysterious fissure Marc and my doctor had deemed the opening of my brood pouch. I hadn't had the courage to even look at it since being at Marc's apartment, but curiosity was quickly overtaking my initial disgust. With quivering fingers, I slowly opened the top of my hospital gown. I bit my tongue, suppressing a gasp of fright upon seeing it again. It had gotten wider in the past hour, but not by much, and it almost seemed to pulsate. I hurriedly closed my gown again, trying to repress mental images of what was soon to emerge from said hole.
And, seemingly out of nowhere, I was suddenly on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
'There's no way I can do this! Who was I trying to fool?! I was never meant to have kids! There must be some way to back out of this Codforsaken mess I've gotten myself into! There's always a way out!'
I opened my eyes. Despite the chaos going on in my head, the room was quiet, with the one exception being the sound of my hyperventilation. Realizing I was close to spiraling, I gripped the bedrail and took a few deep breaths.
"Calm down…just calm down, Dan…" I whispered to myself, which was surprisingly helpful.
The baby, almost in response, shifted upwards. She'd been quiet for quite a bit, assumedly having run out of room, but now she decided to remind me of her presence. Fantastic timing, that kid.
"I know you want out. I'm doing my best." I sighed, leaning into the pillow again.
I eyed my duffle bag sitting on the bedside table, looking for an easy distraction.
'Dare I check my phone?' I wondered.
After a moment of hesitation, I gave in. Fumbling around in the outside pocket, I withdrew my silver flip-phone and opened it. I sighed in disappointment, reading the screen. No calls, no voicemails, no texts. I threw the phone back into my bag, not wanting to keep returning to it expectantly. I dug around in the main part of the bag for a moment before finding something I really wanted.
"I almost forgot I packed this." I smiled, pulling out my headphones and Walkman.
"Crystal Bowl" was the cassette inside, and a bit of Fish-Styx sounded pretty relaxing. I put on the headset and pressed play.
i Well tell me, tell me where I'm goin', I don't know where I've been,
Tell me, tell me, won't you tell me, and then tell me again,
My heart is breaking, my body's aching, and I don't know where to go,
So tell me, tell me, won't you tell me, I've just gotta' know. /i
And without warning, my five minute break was up. That familiar tightening swept across my entire body, causing me to gasp in surprise. I balled the bedsheets in my fists, squeezed my eyes shut, and desperately tried to concentrate on the song lyrics. I did not want to have to resort to using the stupid troll. I let out hissing, rhythmic breaths between clenched teeth. The music would distract me for a moment, only for my pain dial to be turned up a little bit further. I was on the brink of an outburst, when my body finally relaxed.
I stretched my cramping hands and reopened my eyes, only to be given a heart attack when I realize the chair next to my bed was occupied.
"Hi." Marlene mouthed, but I couldn't hear her over the music. I turned off the Walkman and removed my headphones.
"How…how long have you been there?" I asked, my heart still racing.
"Just a minute or so." She shrugged.
"Wait, did you see me when I was just…?"
"I wanted to help, but I didn't want to scare you. You didn't hear me come in." She said.
"Well, you scared me anyway." I chuckled half-heartedly.
"Yeah, sorry about that."
"Hang on, how did you find me?"
"Followed the screams of agony." Marlene smirked.
"I wasn't…at least, I don't think-"
"Kidding. I asked the receptionist."
"Oh. Right. You were joking. Of course."
"I see we both came in our robes. Sounds like a theme party. Except I don't get a lovely complementary gown."
"You don't want one. Trust me." I said, adjusting the gown's tight neckline.
I glanced at Marlene, seeing that even in the middle of the night she somehow looked amazing. Her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, and there were small frizzy strands sticking out all over the place. A long, yellow, button-up sweater, not exactly a robe, was draped over her green shoulders, partially concealing a white tank-top.
"Why are you here?" I asked, prying my eyes off her.
"You asked me to be." She said plainly.
"I know, but you were so hesitant initially."
"Well, I thought it over, and you were kinda' right. Even if I'm not going to be in her life, I suppose it'd be nice to at least see her once. Hold her, maybe. At least so you can tell her I was actually here." Marlene said.
"I guess that makes sense."
I spaced out for a moment, looking down at my stomach, idly feeling the monitor that was belted across my midriff. I'd almost forgotten it was there.
"Dan? You OK?" Marlene asked, bringing me back to the present.
"Fine. A bit tired, though." I smiled wanly.
"Wait, you aren't alone here," she asked, "are you?"
"Mm, no. My friends, Marc and Cora, just went to get…what's it called, uh, coffee. They may really wale into you when they get back." My lack of sleep was messing with my head.
"I'm pretty sure I can hold my own if needed. I'm a tough girl. Whoa, wait, they left you alone?" She arched an eyebrow.
"Much to my relief. It was nice having a few minutes of quiet. They keep nagging me, or at least Cora does."
"About what, pray tell?" She smirked again.
"Getting some pain relief. Drugs, or what have you."
"You're going natural? I must say, Baldwin, I didn't think you the type."
"Not my choice, I promise you. Thing is, I'm allergic to at least half of the ingredients in the drug used during an epidural. All of my other choices, given by IV or by inhalation, would make me…foggy, you know, woozy. I didn't want that effect. I want to be alert when she-"
My sentence was cut off by the onset of yet another contraction. It was like some sadistic timer going off in my body that would reset after my 60 seconds of torture were up. I instinctively grabbed Marlene's open palm, and clamped down a bit harder than I'd meant to.
"Uh, OK, OK. Just...just breathe. You're doing great." Marlene scrambled to say, going for a "by-the-book" coaching method. Using her spare hand, she gently rubbed the small of my back.
I suddenly remembered my focal point, and I forced myself to stare at the stupid troll. I went through a bout of rhythmic breathing, my eyes boring holes into that freaking little mutant. But it was useless, and I eventually gave in to some deep moaning to replace the breathing..
'Why in hells bells didn't I practice this crap? Why didn't I just assume that, just my luck, I'd be allergic to the Coddamn epidural?!' I cursed myself.
"What in Cod's name are you staring at so intently?"
"Stupid gnome! Flipping focal point!" Was all I could get out between the groaning.
"Oh. Well, whatever works." Marlene said, pressing a bit firmer into my spine. It felt spectacular.
"Marley…do you…smell coffee?" I breathed, coming down from the pain.
We both craned our heads to peer at the entrance to the room. Sure enough, Marc and Cora were awkwardly squeezed into the entryway, Marc holding a tray of paper coffee cups.
"We come bearing gifts of sweet, sweet java." Cora said, settling herself on the couch at the other side of the room.
"None for me, thank you." I mumbled tiredly.
"Well, duh, we wouldn't give you any coffee. Talk about poor timing." Cora said.
"Good thing I bought more than two. M'lady?" Marc said, offering Marlene a cup.
"Thank you." She said, sounding a bit surprised at the generosity. Even I was a bit shocked at how unfazed they were to see her.
"So, did your water break?" Cora asked, nonchalantly sipping her drink.
"Sadly, no. I did, however, have 3 different contractions while you two went on your adventure." I frowned.
"Nurse do a dilation check again?" Marc asked.
"Uh'uh," I shook my head. "I eyeballed it myself, it seems a bit wider, but not all that different. I don't know; I really hate looking at it."
"So, what's the plan, Dan?" Cora asked.
"Mm…wait, I suppose." I muttered, completely exhausted.
Marc shrugged, and proceeded to relax on the sofa next to Cora.
"I guess wait is all you really can do, Baldy." Marlene said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
I gave her a small smile, dismayed at how painfully true that statement was.