Author's Forward: Somehow, this fic was never reported or taken down despite it going against 's policies. But I suppose if you look in the right place you can still find good lemons around, so who knows why this thing survived? Nothing really insightful to say here, just a lot of jokes, ranging from painful to passable with some 'script format' sprinkled in just for added cringe.
You've played Kingdom hearts, you know the story. This is what you didn't see.
Destiny Island
Sora and Rikku are fighting each other:
Sora swung his wooden sword at Rikku who made a spectacular leap that easily cleared the treetops and landed behind Sora.
"How can you jump that high?"
Rikku pulls out a pair of sunglasses and puts them on, "I've been trained in the Matrix."
Traverse Town
"I'm Yuffie, the greatest Ninja in the world."
"And modest too," Leon mumbled under his breath.
Yuffie twitched, "Oh yeah? Well at least I didn't get beaten by a key wielding punk!"
"I can take you on any day you little thief!"
"Why you…"
Sora stares blankly as Yuffie and Leon start fighting eachother, "Um… guys?"
Atlantica: Under the Sea
In the Gummi Ship:
"Don't worry!" quacked Donald, "My magic will protect us."
The party is transferred down into the sea where they assume the likeness of sea creatures. However Sora notices something big and yellow.
"Donald? What's that?"
"Oh, that's your shoes. They were too big to fit into subspace."
Hollow Bastion
Sora backed off as the dragon Maleficent swung her tail around in an attempt to hit him. Then she swung her tail around again, and again, and again, and again, and…
Sora: 'Huh? What the?'
Maleficent: "Catch the tail, catch the tail, catch the tail!"
Olympus Coliseum
Sora looks at the big form of the rock Titan.
"I have to beat him?"
"Don't worry Sora! The power of our hearts will help us win!"
"Donald, we've been through this. HEARTS…PUMP…BLOOD!"
Hollow Bastion
"I don't need the keyblade. I have the best weapon of all."
"What?" asks Rikku, "Your heart? That puny little thing?"
"No…THIS!"
Sora runs up to Rikku and kicks him in the groin. Then punches him in the face. Finally he elbow drops him on the head knocking him out. He then casually picks up the keyblade.
Olympus Coliseum: Platinum Match
Sora watches as the one winged angel descends from the air, unfurl his wing and unsheathe his 7 foot sword.
Sora looks down at his little keyblade and back at the black clothed man's sword. He takes another look at his keyblade and says one thing.
"Oh Hell no."
Olympus Coliseum: Lobby
Phil is speaking to Sora.
"Okay, since Hades is back in hell I have devised a new cup called "THE MASTERS CUP! There's only 10 matches this time."
Sora smirked, "Well that doesn't sound too hard."
Phil unrolls a scroll and begins reading.
"Match 1 is Tarzan, Peter Pan, Yuffie, and Capt. Hook at the same time. Match 2 is against the Ice Titan, the Rock Titan and Hades…
1 hour later…
"And finally you have to fight against Sephiroth, Cloud, Leon, and Hercules at the same time. Got that kid? Oh and this is solo, so you cant have your friends with you."
Sora had been standing there for the past half hour with his mouth open.
"Um, Sora?"
"Gwarsh, I think he fainted."
Hollow Bastion
Rikku: "Lead me into everlasting Darkness! Let your heart be consumed by DARKNESS!"
Sora: "Hey Rikku? What's so great about the darkness anyway?"
Rikku: …
Sora: Well?
Rikku: "Shut up and fight."
Deep Jungle
Tarzan glided smoothly over the trees as he had so many times in his youth. Looking behind him he saw Sora tripping and stumbling his way down the trees, being hit by every branch along the way.
Noticing Tarzan staring Sora shouted at him.
"What the heck do you expect? The only thing these shoes are good for is a frikin flotation device!"
Wonderland
"Okay, so we drink this to make ourselves able to fit through that door."
Sora and company take a drink of the formula just after a bunch of heartless appear. From his tiny prospective he sees the enormous heartless about to step on him.
'Something tells me this wasn't a very good idea…'
Hollow Bastion
Rikku: The princess' heart is inside you. Its calling out to her. Cant you feel it?
Sora: I have two hearts? No wonder I never had to sleep.
Agrabah Desert: Kurt Zisa Battle
Kurt Zisa bursts from the sand and roars. Sora doesn't even flinch.
Kurt looks confused, "Hey! Why didn't I surprise you?"
Sora shrugs, "The action music came on."
Olympus Coliseum: Platinum Match
After much dipping, dodging, and ducking, Sora finally manages to land a hit on Sephiroth. Looking at him with the scan ability he sees that his life bar hasn't dropped.
"Hey! What the heck? I just hit you, why didn't your life bar drop?"
Sephiroth shrugged, "They ran out of colors to overlap my bar."
A/N: And now you know the truth .
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ClanCrusher