Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals

by Great Pikmin Fan

Part of the "SBIG" series. It's a stupid, deliberatley badly written thing I made in a spinoff to another also deliberatley badly written fan fic I wrote before. Main plot's about the kids and trolls fighting the Felt, but the majority of the fan fic involves a bunch of sidequests with the citizens. Completed.

21. The Time Traveled

Housestuck Hurrcain Crconikals

Chapter 21: The Time Traveled

Beginning AN:

Well I'm very excited for this chapter! Even moreso than 20, the Hecksing crossover! Let's hope I'll use the gimmick of this more than I did the gimmick of the HUC crossover!

Disclaimer: The following fan fiction depicts stunts performed by several expert teenagers and one badass guy in a costume. Do not attempt any of these at home. Seriously, it could mess you up!

---

From inside, we saw a flash of everything outside of the submarine, but the shaking stopped and so did the coloring. The Crew was still screaming like a bunch of idiots. Then they stopped.

And then the sub thing hit the floor of the lake, crashing into it and sending everyone tumbling. Outside, it also flung off Jaws the Shark, who went up high into the air and flew up high out of the lake and through the city.

"Well." Sollux said, getting up and checking some things out. "The time bomb's busted from the electric shock. Whenever we are, if we even traveled, we cannot go back until its auto-repair system activates in a week. Until then, let's get out and explore this location."

"Don't you mean... WHENEVER we are- shit you said that." Roxy said.

Sollux's shades did that shine thing.

Anyway the Crew got out and swam their way out the lake. When they got out, things weren't that much different although John noticed somethings.

"WAIT!" He said, "The Felt Tower! Over there! It's still the Felt Apartment! And it's mostly black, but being painted green!"

"Hrm..." Rose put a finger on her chin. "Either we're in the past and the Felt Apartment is barely being established, or it's in the future and the Tower is disestablished and being painted black. There are currently not any construction workers so we can't tell what color they're using for the paint."

"Also," This is the second thing John noticed, "That building over there is under construction. I think it was fixed."

"Well. I guess that leaves a cliche question: Ask a random person what year this is. Fun fact: Even before time travel became that popular, the question gets rather calm answers if you ask strangers."

"Ok."

So they walked around, then John pointed at this teenager. "Her." He said. " The pretty girl with the overbite and the blue dress. Let's get the answer at the same time, follow me."

Then Dave sudden grabbed her shoulders and said "WHAT YEAR IS THIS?"

"Oh! It's 1993! By the looks of it, are you people time travelers?"

John sighed as Dave let go of her. "No biggie. We're only a decade and a half in the past. How does time travel work here again, if we do something weird like kill Doc Scratch early will we fade away?"

"No," Rose said, "The universe does not work that way. Otherwise taking the wrong breath will be paradox worthy. I will explain things in a suitable base. Obviously the treehouse isn't that established, or maybe still being used for its old purpose. And that sub will make for a terrible, cramped, humid location."

"Treehouse?" The girl John asked said, "Hey! I have a little team of eight that loves hanging out at that treehouse! Maybe we can team up there too, since we are sort of vigilanties! Well, you're not cops, are you?"

"Nope!" Vriska cried, "And I am borderline proud of it! Maybe..."

John, meanwhile, was staring with wide eyes.

"Wait a minute... what is your name?"

"Elizabeth Egbert! But please, call me Beth."

"HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!"

CHAPTER XXI

---

(Treehouse?)

So there were obviously also past versions of Pa, Mom, Bro, Pop, Ma, Sis, and Dad. Let's just call them Dean, Lily, Dale, Harl, Kate, Vlie, and Burt respectively. And of course Nan is Beth. Those seven were sitting in an incomplete circle, and obviously Beth would complete that.

"So these are my friends! And you uh... seem to be giving them odd looks. The humans, specifically."

Jean leaned into John's ear. "Should we say something?" She asked.

Dirk cleared his throat. "We are wondering if there is any chance you eight know about something called a Time Bomb."

"Dude." Said Burt, which made Dirk cringe a little. "We're kind of not wanting to time travel that much."

"Yeah, haven't you heard of the rumors?" Giggled Lily. "They say that some thing known as the Time Screwer lurks around whenever there's a paradox, like meeting your past self or something. I think that's just a dumb rumor, especially since the time traveling Spartan corps never officially talked about it, but like here around there's some talk going around about it."

"Preposterous, M-Lily." Said Rose. "And take this note, people who do not know about time travel. You see, while the timeline tends to gravitate towards stable loops as I said before, knowledge allows easier access for a paradox. Well, that, and making a decision based on quantum-randomly-decided things. Anyway, if you knowingly make a paradox, it simply makes a split timeline, where everything is intact. If you kill your own father - why is it always grandfather and never father anyway? - then you'll simply stay there, you're just technically a clone from a completely different timelin where said stable loop did not happen. So, regardless, there must be at least one timeline where the stable loop did go as succeeded, and here is where things can get complicated. For now, let's just call the timeline with the stable loop a loop timeline, and any without splits."

"Hey, nobody cares about that shit." Said Vriska. "In fact, I think this entire organization and these people right here all just want us to start kicking ass or looking at our romantic troubles, or anything other than your incredibly boring speech and stuff."

Rose shrugged. "Sure enough. Dirk, you are our leader, what is the plan?"

"I suggest listen to what they said. I thought that was already implied."

"Well," Said Lily, "Repairing that will take a time genius to fix it quicker than its own auto-repair, so either find a genius or get a new one."

Jake opened his mouth, but then Karkat shouted "ASKING THE FELT IS OUT OF THE QUESTION. MAYBE EVEN THE LEPRECHAUNS. I DON'T KNOW."

Harl yawned, went over to the TV (the same one that will later be replaced in chapter 5, yes the treehouse had a bit of things but it wasn't the multi-room fancy fortress it is after the Pikmin interns touched it up), and turned it on. "I'm just gonna watch Siendfeld. There's a new one coming on in two days. Called 'The Implant.'"

Jake snapped his fingers. "Say, we might know the ending of certain series that are still in production."

"if we don't give a shit about making a split timeline, we could make a split timeline with the future that some things that get canceled are still running!" Said Roxy. "...Well, it would be fun having new episodes of King of the Hill again, ever since it aired its last-produced episodes on [adult swim] less than a year before this whole Rainbow Crew business, and speaking of which where is Hank? I thought he came with us."

"Hm, no. It might be easier to doom an existing show here, and even then both of those are hard." Commented Vriska.

"By the way," Said Joan, "Since some of us utterly fail to just pay attention, Hank instantly floated away from us and went off to who the FUCK knows where."

"OOH!" Dave cried, "We could try summoning him with that ritual I saw Carl do!"

"Whose Carl?" Asked Beth. John tried to stop his laughter, but failed.

"You might see in the future." He said "You might see."

"Yeah," Added Lily, "If the Time Screwer doesn't devour us rawwwr!"

"The time screwer is such a retarded idea." Meenah said while putting her hands on her hips. "And Dave, no. That ritual technically may not be established yet or something. Hey, maybe he'll come seeking for us. After all, he owes us one for sticking us with these stupid counterparts."

"Hey!" Cried Mannah, "Also, the Counterparts were his way of 'balancing' that deal where he heals us and saves us from that trap Scratch had. Didn't you hear his conversations with Carl?"

"...I did but I kind of have a bad memory." Dave frowned.

"For now, though," Lily waved her hand. Beth looked like she wanted to say something else, but was cut off a little. "Let's just get to know eachother!"

---

(?)

Jaws was no longer flying through the city of course, but he did land sticking out from the wall of a building. This did not go unnoticed as others have seen him and were either snapping pictures (not with smartphones though with 90s phones to show that this is the past) or just pointing and going "Oh wow there's a shark sticking out from a building."

Put he plucked himself from the side of it and laughed, "I'll get my re'enge on 'em Rainbow Crews! Also holy fuck this is a tall sky scraper."

So then he began climbing his way down. Which took a while. Since this will take a while, it is appropriate to go back to the Rainbow Crew now.

---

(Rainbow Crew)

They left the treehouse.

"...And with a bit of Burt out, or at least all that he will tell about himself, that leaves only the history of this treehouse!" Beth said, "We uh... just built it. To fight crime and everything. That's all-"

"Hey what about this Alternia?" Vriska asked, "Do you by any chance know any troll friends? Like, becides us."

"Oh, no. I hope you don't think of me as racist against trolls, but I've never really had a troll that happened to... click with me in the same way these guys did."

"So we should probably kill time by banding up and taking out villains." Rose said, "Er, Crew, just not villains that we know are still out there, because if we split up the timeline things will probably just get messy and confusing. Well, moreso from an outsider's perspective. Also those Spartan guys hate split timelines."

"Don't forget the Time Screwer! Oooooh..." Said Lily. "Also, wow what are you wearing?"

"Oh, that's right, it isn't 2001 yet." Roxy laughed, "It isn't as much of a fashion to go out in the near-nude as it is then."

"Hey! 'Near?'" Nepeta said, "My counterpart and I still exist! We're totally naked unless you count the weapons we pack with us!"

"What's a counterpart?" Asked Harl.

Then Hank flew over there! "I believe I may be of an answer. And yes, this may be the appropriate time to reveal myself, after I have located the body of my past life."

"Homer Simpson?" Asked John.

"Yes, exactly. Since reincarnation doesn't work like 'you're reincarnated every time you die,' there really only is that for an answer. He is currently in his home state of New York." Then he shuddered. "Ugh! New York..."

"HEY!" Rose shouted, "My family came from New York!" Then clasped a hand over her mouth.

"Yeah! Mine too!" Said Lily.

"So Hank," Said Dave, "What brings you here after abandoning us and making us figure out our point in the past by ourselves?"

"Sorry. I just felt like I had to try to awaken the inner me that resides under that thick, terrible, golden exterior that is Homer Simpson. Did I also say disgusting and New York-ian? Because I did. Anyway, I was thinking about preforming similar acts of charity as I had to you back in the Felt Tower in your original time, only with a system of sorts... hrm, let's see, I already got an audition for this show that's supposed to be comin' in four years, maybe by then I will give a message on how to contact and summon me..."

"OOH!" Dave cried, "I ALREADY KNOW THIS! I saw from my point in time, that you from the future... past-ish, will-"

Hank stuck a palm out. "Silence, Dave. I would rather not be caught in the middle of a paradox of information: Where a point of information has no begin nor end. I would rather remain pure. None of that weird time crap." He shuddered again. "I hate weird things."

"Well I love them." Said Roxy. Vlie did not say anything in response, but she did look over in her direction and raised an eyebrow, which made Roxy gulp a little.

"Anyway, a counterpart is sorta like your 'inner self' maybe. It's like you, but a little more of the kind of person you really are that you reject. And no, them being the opposite sex by default has nothing to do with it. That was just a defect of the Ballad of Duality."

Then anyway they saw that familiar knight-looking guy from before. Er, the present. He was on a cell-phone talking with someone.

"Yes, the shipment of our guns will be around there soon... ha ha, yes, long live the Knights in Shining Armor! Brand new Hitler Revivla Group ready to kick some ass! There may only be two of us, but in the future I really see this growing to be one of the larger ones! Like the Koop Troop, maybe. They started back in the 80s and are STILL doing strong! There's even a successful series of propaganda games about a fictional plumber going after them! Oh wait... he is fictional... right? It's kinda hard to tell at this point."

Then he noticed the RC across the street, and also some tough guy's voice came from the phone. "WE'RE STILL MONITORING THE PHONE CALLS OF PEOPLE WE THINK ARE SUSPICIOUS!" He said, "THAT'LL KEEP GOING UNTIL 1994 AND ONLY THEN BECAUSE BUDGET CUTS!"

He grumbled, then tossed the phone on the ground and stomped on it before they could trace the call further. "And who are you, people in weird outfits? And eight humans in more normal-looking outfits?"

"We are the Rainbow Crew." Announced Dirk, "And I am their leader, Dirk Coolkid. And we don't take kindly to HRG members like you. Or, HRG members in general. The more we read about them, the more we find that those guys are evil."

"Unless they were, you know, in there involunterly." Damara said.

"Right." Said Dirk. "What she said."

Tavros, Kanaya, and Feferi then noticed something about him. "Hey... we saw this guy before." Said the former. "He looks just like when we unfroze him."

"I NEVER MET YOU BEFORE!" Knight-guy said.

Kanaya looked closer. "As the fashionista, I am one of the few who noticed by ocularization observation alone that he now has this tag, which he did not before."

Knight-guy still charged over to the RC, and then Kanaya plucked the tag off and gave it a "Hm..." look. While Feferi struck him in the neck. But it didn't work thanks to his armor.

"We must try another approach." Said Beth. "This armor doesn't seem to want to budge!"

"Makes sense thooooough!" Lily sang. "I know this kind of material. It's specialized and highly defensive. Of course, when exposed to cold tempeatures it weakens, and then stays weak for a good several minutes afterward."

Dale snapped his fingers. "HEY THERE'S A FREEZING ROOM IN THAT LITTLE BOMB SHELTER WE FOUND BY THE TREE THAT WOULD LATER HAVE A TREEHOUSE ADDED TO IT! LET'S TRY THAT OUT!"

So the whole Crew (this guy was heavy as hell, it's heavy armor, even the strong Equius couldn't do anything about it) all got together to push on him, and ended up pushing him down the stairs where he tumbled. Then he fell into that same familiar door, which slamed in on him due to the force, and then there was banging until we saw some of that frozen white visible-air stuff leak from the bottom of the door.

"Remind me," Said Vlie, "Not to forget that this guy is still here."

"Should we tell them?" Asked Tavros.

"I'd rather remainificate a secret about how we found this man later, so any deviation would cause a split timeline." Said Kanaya.

"AND ENCUR THE WRATH OF THE TIME SCREWER!" Said Lily.

Everyone just angirly glared at Lily. Except Karkta. She stayed pretty calm.

"We get it." Terezi added. But to stay true to her character, she threw in a laugh.

"That's not all: Just by being around in the past and stuff, nature'll send out her cops and police heh heh heh."

Terezi sighed, then pulled Dirk away for a secret conversation.

"Say Dirk, why do we have to hang out with your ancestors? Can't we go off finding our own?"

"Um..."

Then Terezi bolted off!

"HEY!" Dirk cried, "Where are you going?"

"TO ALTERNIA!"

Then Hank floated in front of her.

"You do realize that you don't have that fortune anymore. Nor the vehicles you bought from that fortune."

"Fortune?" Asked Burt. "Hm."

"Oh, right." Said Rose, "We made a lot of money from our time by selling a lot of merchendise and also used sex appeal with these revealing outfits you see."

"IT'S ACTUALLY JUST A LOT LIKE WE WERE STRIPPERS BACK WHEN WE UNVEILED THEM." Dave said with a smile, "THEY JUST KIND OF THREW MONEY AT US!"

"Oh yeah, I was going to ask you about those." Said Beth, "They look cute. In fact, for our next mission I think we should adopt that style."

"So does that mean you're the leader?" Asked John.

Beth giggled. "Good eye. I was given the impression that you lead your team. Is that true?"

"No. It was Rose, then recently Dirk became the leader."

Hank continued, "But, maybe I can start up a little system. You do two things for me: One mundane chore or somethin', and I'll give a little task for you that's the second thing. And then, after that, I'll give you what ya' need: A ride to this 'Alternia' place. But... maybe there can be a little break. And I'll esablish a little savings system for later. Hm, yes, I like that. And, by word of mouth alone (the proper way! Then again some jiblet head'll leak it to, ugh, the interet eventually) you'll spread about finding a way to contact me... and that should be, let's see... something that combines things I like... well, I like the fresh lawn and shaving it, I love propane already, and those Dallas Cowboys almost makes me wish I was born in Texas instead of my reincarnation birthplace of... this city-"

"HEY!" Shouted everyone, "WE'RE ALL IN CHICAGO!"

"And I was born here!" Added Nepeta, "And Netimp was too!"

Netimp shrugged. "Technically all counterparts were born here. But thinking of it that way might also mean that Hank fathered us with... let's not think about it that way. Just see us as long-lost siblings. For your own sake of mind. Because trying to think of it the other way might give you nightmares about Hank's narrow urethra-"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH HOW'D YA KNOW THAT?" Hank asked. "NO. Just... no. Anyway, yes, I can see it now-" He noticed Dave opening his mouth but said, "Once again, I'd like to limit the loops here. Though I suppose that leaking knowledge of my narrow, ahem, might be one of them, since it is giving me an idea for aformentioned show I got an audition for. Right, okay, this is how it works. Get out fresh lawn shavings. They have to be less than twenty-four hours old. Then put them on the floor in the rough shape of a propane tank. Then get on your knees and chant the beginning of the tune of the Dallas Cowboys while channeling some chakra into the shavings. And then I shall be summoned. Fairies have the ability to make little alterations towards the rules of reality - or, just magic - like this so that channelings like that can temporarly apply to li'l rituals if you put magic in them."

"WAIT!" Shouted Terezi, "What's the Dallas Cowboy's theme?"

Hank suddenly got a more annoyed look. "We're done here. You have to learn that yourself. No Hank Tokens for you."

Then he teleported away in a flash of white light.

"I'D STILL LIKE TO GO TO ALTERNIA EVEN IF ME RUNNING AWAY FROM YOU GUYS AND GETTING OVER THERE IS SIGNIFICANTLY HARDER THAN I THOUGHT." Terezi frowned.

"Why do you want to go over there?" Asked Dale, "Are you plotting the apocalypse so that your team can, in reality, reign over the world with an iron fist thanks to a headstart restart?"

"No, it's just... some people I'd like to see."

---

(Alternia)

Again, let's use their "original" or "first" names and not their "titles." Basically the names we saw them call eachother in chapter... was it 16 or 17? Aurink (Disciple) was sleeping on the floors of the slums of Alternia Island.

"Hey, er..." said Silini (fuck it check chapter 17 or 16 or 15 for names and whichever one just know that if you find one that you'll find them all because they were all revealed on the same chapter, ancestorwise), "I think there is a mission we need to do."

"Huh?" Asked Aurink.

"Yeah, there's this guy in a country called America. We could get a job and move there, maybe. I don't know."

"Hm... but I don't like leaving this country. It is where I lived for so long, and I just met you-"

"We can kind of leave together? Maybe even start up a pack or something?"

"..."

"Just start small. Take the audition and interview, and we'll only go there for... maybe a week or something."

"Okay. I forgot, can you afford a ticket out of here? I can barely afford my own. Not because of the hemospectrum, but that counts too, also the whole economy of this country is bad and even up to the seadwellers are poor and apartment dwelling."

"Oh, right, that name. Yeah, it's been a racial slur to call them 'Apartment Dwellers' since they had the priveldge of apartments. Which reminds me, do we even have houses here?"

"I have a house." Aurink shrugged.

"Yes, and I do not. Well, we should head out there."

"But... I heard it's still a little dangerous in the United States! I mean, moreso here, but I'm in a familiar place and I know everyone."

"Yes, I'm gonna try to get up a group of friends. In the meantime, you get the tickets and we'll meet by the boat."

"But what if your friends can't all afford tickets?"

"There's a lot of geniuses in here. Maybe someone I get will have a little motorboat and the others will ask?"

"Okay then! That sounds like fun!"

Silini walked away, and Aurink swooned. Remember they do not know they are brother and sister.

"Boy, I wish someday I would confess that I had a crush when we met not so long ago..."

---

(The Docks)

Aurink was already on board. Silini ran after her.

"Well?" Aurink asked.

"No luck getting friends. I'm sorry, it's just that... people never listen to me, no matter how much I build myself up."

"Oh well. How bad can the states be?"

Then the transport boat took off and they spent about the next few minutes staring off into the ocean silently.

THEN THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION! They looked off and saw a cannonball hitting the side of the ship and blowing up, and a pretty big pirate ship in the distance! A large plank was tossed down on the boat, and some jackass held a sword out.

"I am Luetis Silkre, Terrible Pirate Leader! If you want to continue to your destination, cross over calmly with your money in hand and hand it over! As I like to say, surrender your gold, or surrender your life!"

All of the passengers walked off the plank and, on their way from the now-sinking ship, gave everything up. Aurink looked at the captain with angry eyes.

"Hey! What happened to the captain going down with the ship?"

"Meh, either way I'm broke. So fuck it."

Aurink and Silini were the last two left.

"YOU THERE!" Cried Leutis, "State your names."

"Aurink Leijon and Silini Vantas." Aurink said, getting into a fighting stance. "And I'm not about to hand anything over!"

"She's loaded, by the way." Said Silini. "Well, by Alternian standards. So piss-poor by American standards."

Leutis laughed. "I think you'll change your minds when you see my slave army. SLAVES! AFTER THEM!"

Basically the slaves were the other twenty-one ancestors. "HAIL MINDFANG!" They all cried in unison. Instantly Aurink and Silini noticed something weird about them. Their eyes were glowing cerulean, they all had these weird headbands that were giving a similar glow, and they were dressed in dumb old-fashioned pirate clothes.

"Mind control!" Called Silini, "I will try to fight to prevent stuff like this from happening-"

And then Leutis swung at him, and knocked him apparantly off of the plank but he really kept a hold on to the board itself. He then saw Aurink giving a signal over to the mind-controlled characters and he nodded, then slowly made his way over to the band that was controlled.

Aurink ran over and did some swipes but Leutis dodged most of them and countered by swinging a sword close to her.

"Don't you get it? This is life! You either beat everyone down, or get beaten. What, do you think there is some mystic force like karma or some shit that will save you? HA! As if! In fact, to emphasize how screwed you are, look at your little boyfriend over there."

She pointed, and yep, the mind-controlled were getting a grip on Silini too. But he cried, "I'M NOT HER BOYFRIEND YET WE JUST MET!" With a blush, then said, "NO DON'T PUT ME IN A STUPID PIRATE OUTFIT TOO!" And finally, "Also don't brainwash me either."

"Listen, everyone else I gathered had some bullshit 'inner good' or something. Except Kemine, she just wanted to try to 'out evil' me but was really bad at it. Heh heh heh. Do you honestly think you'll be any different?"

"It's true. I don't have that much ability. I'm not super duper strong, and I'm kind of a loser who would listen to anyone. BUT-"

She grabbed the plank and flipped it, keeping herself gripped on while Leutis, after it was flipped, was holding on for mercy. And uh, she had a worse grip than Silini, so she couldn't edge her way to the pirate ship.

"Either disable or tell me how to disable the mind control or I will step on your fingers." Aurink flipped over right-side up.

"NO! Is there some third option?"

"Well, you can fall into the ocean. But I don't want to do that."

"Okay okay! Um... servants, unhand that guy. But uh, the device, I don't have it on me. Er, servants, lead Silini and Aurink to the control panel and let them know I'm a good person!"

"How do I know this isn't going to be a trick? I mean, I'm not saying that it is, but then we'll be surrounded by the mind controlled."

"Well... um... that's the best idea I have! Sorry, I- AAAAHHHH!"

She screamed because she let go and plunged into the sea. The mind-controlled people just started leading Silini out. Aurink frowned.

"Oh well. I should let the people know that scary pirate isn't here anymore. And then they could team up and look for a way to get rid of the mind control. Anyway,"

She went up to Silini and directed his head west.

"There's America. beautiful, isn't it?"

"It looks a little on the small side."

"That's because it's Hawaii. But, because America and not Alternia, there actually are planes there that can take us to Chicago! Where the job interview is!" I am incredibly sorry for getting everything about Hawaii wrong. Normally I'd say it's not so bad since that was back in chapter 3 and you've probably forgotten the first... maybe three seasons (I know I have, especially with the long waits) but I also made the mistake in chapter 18. Which is part of this season. Yeah, season 6 is still ongoing.

"Cool. But how will we afford it?"

"Hm... We'll have to think about that."

---

(Some Strange Ship)

So the transport ship sank. That was a given. What wasn't was how Leutis woke up on yet another ship, red and black and white and covered with swasticas and the initials "HRG."

It was Major and Doctor, and once again yes this is part of the Hecksing side-story stuff. Doctor had a baby with little cat ears wrapped up in a blanket and in his hands.

"We were watching you." Said Major, "And think you would make for a great new potential member of our Hitler Revival Group, the Millennium. Your great pirating skills, and we could use some mind-control in here. Despite having vampires, all of them so far suck at it. Seriously."

"Oh my god. As soon as I thought about actually helping out that stupid Aurink chick, I was picked up by a gay couple. Is this... a second chance? A miracle for me? Some test? If so, yes, maybe, then karma is real! And... oh my, I think I understand what a horrible position I've put everyone in! I am a bad guy, but I want to make that up! And I'll start by turning over a new leaf. Goodbye 'Mindfang' persona, hello KARMAGAL! And when I become ancestor-rank, that could even work as my title! It is eight letters, after all!"

"Oh, we're not a gay couple." Said Doctor. "In fact, this is just a little genetic experiment of a person with quantum powers."

"Okay. But you're evil, right?"

"Yes."

"This is a test then. As if karma is tempting me to join evil again and see that I am bad. BUT! I am better than this! I will instead fight off the villains, and ride as karma's soldier of justice! HI-YA!"

She kicked Doctor and Major in the nads and they both went "OHH!" and then ran into the control room (Leutis, not them. How could they run while in unbearable agony? It's possible but unlikely, especially since Doctor isn't much of an excersizor). While there she came across Captain, who was reclidning on a chair and eating a dougnut but then choked on it in shock at seeing the general turn of events. Doctor had to set the baby down to hold his nads, while Major turned over to Captain and cried, "CAPTAIN! IF DOCTOR FORGETS THIS FROM THE PAIN, AS DO I, I WANT YOU TO REMEMBER THIS: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GET ME A CUP FOR FUTURE ENCOUNTERS!"

Captain just stared in shock while Leutis grabbed the wheel and began charging after the pirate ship. Or, ex-pirate ship.

"Also, don't just stand there. Stop her!"

"OK RIGHT I WILL DO THAT AND SAVE THE DAY BECAUSE I AM THE CAPTAIN!"

So he turned into his wolf form and charged after Leutis, but Leutis just jumped on his back and they charged out of the window and she went "WOAAAH" while they flew out really quick. When passing the ex-pirate ship, she jumped off, then whipped out a bomb.

"To show that I am a changed woman..." She threw the bomb into Captain's mouth and it exploded and Captain puffed a little, then coughed smoke, turned back into his human look, and fell into the ocean. He peeked his head back out.

"I AM VERY HARD TO KILL BUT A TIP IS THAT I AM WEAK TO SILVER IF YOU WANT TO KILL ME THEN CALL ME AND I DON'T WANT TO DIE BUT I CAN SHOW YOU JUST HOW THE REQUIREMENTS FOR SOMETHING BEIGN SILVER IS."

The Naziship (that's what the Millennium's ship is called) pulled up and Captain got back on, but then it exploded because that werewolf recently tore through a critical part. The engine. Leutis watched on.

"Well. Okay," Then ripped off her pirate outfit and was naked. "Let me tell you that I am now a warrior of karma. In true karma tradition, I will let you punch me in the face. I will also attempt to return as much of the money I stole over my course as a pirate as possible."

---

(Chicago)

Major, Doctor, Captain, the baby, and also Card Guy, Jan, Zorin, and Luke were there (this was just before they invented that hologram stuff sso they all had to meet in person and Walter used a communicator to keep in touch with them) teleported on the streets of Chicaco.

"What just happened?" Asked the Major.

"Well," Said Doctor, "I knew this was gonna blow, so I showed the baby a picture of Chicago as a last-ditch effort to get his quantum powers to work. And they did. So I'm gonna name him... Schrodinger."

"Huh. I woulda named him Catboy. It's shorter and simpler."

"Okay, this place is called Mt. Fuji. Now, try to think about it- OH GOD!"

The shouting was because there was a huge big rig heading right to them all, but they teleported away again. After the truck passed, we saw the Rainbow Crew watching onwards. Except the guardians, who came down from the treehouse in... well, the outfits we saw them in back in the present.

"So," Said Lily, "Someone apparantly the Time Screwer was going on trashing up a place about three blocks over. Now, I know, everyone's tired of my talkin' about him, but this is a serious crime at this area and we have to be, you know, heroes and stop it. And I'm sorry but the Time Screwer really is the only description we got on him."

John shrugged. "Going there actually does sound less dumb than Terezi's plan to go to Alternia. I mean, I would rather have the people she wants to see come over to us."

"Unlikely!" Cried Terezi, "THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO SAVE UP AND DO IT OURSELVES!"

Everyone shook her head at her.

Anyway they quickly just... you know, walked to the area they needed to be, and SUDDENLY THERE WAS A THING SMASHING THINGS! Well, the smasher looked like some strange, large black humanoid figure with a strange gray futuresuit-like costume. But instead of a head, there was a large alarm-clock looking thing in the front. The Crew got its attention, and it looked over and it turns out there were glaring red eyes instead of a clock face.

"Hi! Are you by any chance related to Dark Ezekiel?" Asked Roxy.

The Timer Screwer? then shouted, "I AM THE TIME SCREWER. ALL SHALL BOW BEFORE ME. YOU ARE THE CONTINUMM BREAKERS, BY INTERACTING WITH THINE PAST SELVES, ARE THINE NOT?"

"Um, no, I'm pretty sure they're not us in the past." John said, trying to mask that they were the guardians in front of the guardians. "In fact, we're pretty... uh... much the same age around here. Yet still obviously look different."

The Time Screwer went on, "WELL. I GET THE FEELING THAT YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE PAST IN THIS PARTICULAR WAY. SOMETHING ABOUT IT IS OFF."

Rose sighed. "I seriously hope this is a hoax or something. This whole 'the universe is alive and then changes life around to get rid of paradoxes' cliche is really dumb. Split timelines, what I've researched and what the professional Spartans behind this, confirm that it will simply make a split timeline if you change the past, and there's no such thing as probability-alterers or some time police. What, let me guess, you're supposed to be here to kill off someone that was saved through time travel? Tough luck, most of us were saved anyway. But by completely different means that aren't related to time travel."

"I KILL THOSE WHO ABUSE THE TIME TRAVEL!"

"Then if you are who you say, where the fuck were you when we were dealing with the Felt?" Asked Netimp, "Most of them were held against their own will, but that whole group is almost completely made of time travelers! And they never fought against you!"

"I UH... HEY LOOK, I CAN RIP UP SPACE! YOUR TRAVELING HAS WEAKENED THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUMM ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO THE FINISHING BLOWS AND UNLEASH MORE OF THE KILLERS!"

The entire Rainbow Crew groaned. Except Jake, he actually found this shit interesting. Anyway, the Time Screwer then whipped out his hand, had a claw on it, and then drew it straight down! And it appeared that there was this rip right in front of them, and behind that was a haze of red. And these big robots came out of it!

Nepeta shrugged, "I always wondered what things like this looked from the other side, and now that they exist I can-"

She pushed the Time Screwer out of the way but only saw something odd. It looked like the same kind of papery-effect as the rip itself, then Nepeta looked at the bottom and saw some kind of very tiny jet. She sighed.

"It's a fake, guys. Just a batch of curved paper with a portal graphed on it, propelled in the air via jets. See, look." She grabbed it and twirled it around. "It's just like if Rose shot a portal on a stone face and did this with it. It's nothing special."

Aranea shrugged, "That would require the rip to stay in place along with Earth's gravity. Why would complete spacetime anomalies obey something as relatively mundane as gravity?"

Time Screwer growled. "Okay, so that rip may be fake, just to scare you. BUT MY HOME DIMENSION IS REAL! AND SO ARE THE DRONES THAT WILL SHOOT YOU DOWN! FORCES, AFTER THESE WALKING PARADOXES!"

They began firing missiles and bombs and the Crew dodged and tried counter-attacks with guns and stuff. Meanwhile, Aradia stuck her head into the "rip." "Hey, it's just a werehouse interior painted red with a huge smoke machine. The robots are all lined up there, but some are floated in ways to make themselves look like they are lined up. Also, according to the chips, it looks like they have something that flashes blue, they shrink, then it flashes again and they grow."

"Yeah." Nepeta stuck her head in too. "Size-alterationaers. It explains how they seem to be defying spatial size when they're really only shrinking really fast and growing again. This guy's probably just a fraud. But he's stilll a treat, girlfriend, so... let's go kick his ass."

So then the whole Crew lined up, staring down the flying copters and such, and the two teams glared at eachother. Then...

HOMER JUMPED BETWEEN BOTH PARTIES! And Hank floated behind them shortly after.

"WHAT'S UP?" He cried. Hank sighed.

"I tried to stop him... I really did, I'll tell you what. But he's just that much of a goddang pain in the ass."

The Time Screwer turned over at Homer, but his face still hasn't really moved so it's hard to tell if this was some way of giving a look. "WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING!"

"...I'd like to think otherwise, Nick Page!"

Then Homer put on the Power Glove (it's so bad) and flicked him! Then that clock-face thing... fell off like a costume and that was because it was a costume. Underneath was just some guy.

"Ha! A fake! I knew it!" Cronus cried.

"Most of us knew it," Said Rose, "Except Jake."

Jake and Cronus both blushed.

"Anyway," Said Homer, "Hank here told me about my- or rather, our little history."

He patted Hank on the shoulder with the hand that didn't have on the Power Glove (it's so bad). Lily gasped.

"Okay I know nothing about time travel. He technically touched himself from the past-"

"Eggs and Biscuits did and do that all the time." John said, "Both when they were forced into the Felt and after they weren't. Anyway, what Homer?"

"Well, I don't like the way you guys treated me. Er, treated him. And will treat me. So I thought, why not kick their asses in the future? After all, if you don't want a confusing mess of timelines, you'd keep me alive! Because I am going to live in the future until I die and my ghost is reincarnated, while you guys - this is as far as you've gotten from your perspective, isn't it?"

They nervously nodded, except the guardians, obviously. They just looked confused.

"Well then. Looks like we know who has the advantage here. Ha!"

Then he charged after them! But acting quickly, Latula said "We could kill you but bring you back to life via the Oil Rig thing or some other way!" then ripped off the Power Glove (it's so bad) and Homer's strength weakened, so she kicked him down and into the streets. Because the kick was in the head, he got amnesia of everything Hank said about who Homer would become.

"Ugh... uh... who the hell are you?" He asked. "I mean the entire group. But that floating old guy..."

"Hey! Old! Ugh, that's it. Between this and you forgetting that, and all your hidden evil, I'm not explainin' myself to you twice. Though when you die, your ghost will remember this." He looked at the Crew. "PS, most of you may already know this but this is why Homer is sa'mad" (that's how Hank says "so mad," or "so anything," he says the "so" fast and more like "sa'") "At you after his ghost appears."

"The fuck?" Asked Homer.

"Anyway, Latula, you had a good eye to take that off. That thing is the Power Glove. It's a super-powerer. Keep it somewhere safe. With great power comes great, responsibility." Then he teleported away in a flash of white light.

Time Screwer/Nick cleared his throat. "Yes, there is no such thing as the Time Screwer. I'm just an extremeist who doesn't like time travel abusing. Now let's continue fighting!"

---

(Hawaii)

"Okay, so we are mostly there." Said Aurink. "My job is located somewhere in Colorodo."

So they walked around a bit, and yes they did sort things out with Leutis but that happened offscreen because it was boring. Some points of interest were this guy building a doll that would, about seventeen years later, be possessed by Geno. I mean, the doll itself was Geno, then he got possessed by that Heart exclamationpoint half-note star guy. Or did I spell his name wrong?

Anyway, also among that was an airport. And there was this bored looking guy who was flipping around a coin. Well he might be bored. He was mostly covered by a huge coat. Okay completely covered by a huge coat.

"Hey! You wanna make money and get from Point A to Point B?"

"Sorry, I'm too holy to do drugs." Said Silini as he turned away. He also put his hands together to emphasize, and also whipped out a framed picture of Jesus to further the emphasis, but it was less emphasized as he was turned away from him.

"Well, I'm a bit of a prophet. I can give a rough estimate of the future and everything, even if some of it may be innaccurate. I prophetize that in about maybe eighteen or so years, the descendants of about half of you will arrive to this place and seek out a major threat. But since timelines aren't really set in stone all the tme, this may not be a fact. Anyway, what I want to do is get the hell out of here and set up a house somewhere else as soon as possible to avoid getting caught up by the enemy and avoid your decendants because my predictions also paint them as nutjobs. What do you say? Is there any location you need to get to?"

"Colorodo. Somewhere around there." Said Aurink. The other ancestors aside from Silini shrugged.

"Yeah, I don't think any of us have any other goal. And Alternia sucks anyway." Commented Evinte.

"So, what is your name and how will we get there?"

He took off his mysterious cloak and revealed to be a young Waterwraith! "Oh, just call me the Waterwraith. And call my mode of transportation my friends, the Onions."

So they got on the Onions and flew off.

---

(Chicago)

Nick's soldier bots still kept coming out of the portal and was actually starting to overwhelm the Rainbow Crew. One in particular blasted down a trail of bullets, and forced them all to jump and dodge one after another, ending up on their stomachs and dodging everything.

"Jesus!" Cried Dave, "Guys this guy is still pretty unbeatable, even if he's just a fraud."

Another one fired bombs, which knocked them all over. Latula grumbled.

"DAMMIT! I know Hank said great responsibility, but I might have to use the Power Glove!"

"LATULA DON'T!" Cried Aranea, "You might... well, actually, I don't know. Meenah, remember when you hijacked a lot of Vitamin Scratch for your dungeon? What ever happened to that?"

Meenah sighed. "I forgot it. Left it at the dungeon. Didn't Stickdawg eat some of that shit or somethin'? Right... I think he did... some might be left, some might not, I dunno."

"Perhaps we can leave here, go to the Grand Canyon- oh. Right. It's the past. I'm usually good with details, how did I forget that? Especially since it's why this guy is fighting us."

"Plus, we need the money for it."

"Hey, if we turn this guy in- wow. A really weird and slightly complicated cycle. We need money from beating this guy to get supplies to help beat this guy."

So then they were once again bom-barded. This was a pretty tough challenge, but overall the Crew found some way to prevail. Er, let's just say that Latula threw the Power Glove (it's so bad) at him, and Rufioh followed it up with a counter-spin attack while dizzy. Yeah. Then Meulin grabbed the controls and turned the robots on Nick, causing him to run off while they were blasting in his direction. Sadly they couldn't keep the robots around like with Karkat's hemoshield or Rose's Portal Gun, as Nick had this remote control button that made it explode. He was still chased by the robots however.

"Shoot." Meulin frowned. "I thought I could keep that. Like the hemoshield and portal gun."

Every second-gen of the Rainbow Crew froze.

"WAIT! SHIT!" Cried Karkat, "NOBODY THOUGHT ABOUT JUST SHOOTING PORTALS TOWARDS ALTERNIA? OR, EVEN BETTER, GETTING LIME POWER EITHER FROM ME, OR KARKTA, OR KIRIKI, TO JUST TELEPORT OVER THERE?"

"Hey, like you did yourself." Snarked Rose.

Meulin shrugged. "I just thought there was some kind of hero-y reason why we aren't teleporting. Seriously, Hank did a number with you. Now you and Kankri have the best counterparts!"

"S-sort of in regards to the reason." Jane said, "Beating this so-called 'Time Screwer' and everything. But yes, we should teleport over there!"

"But we still might need money to buy some materials, just a note for the future." Said Rose. "And no, stealing things is out of the question. Good people do not do those things."

"Batman?" Asked Dave. The guardians looked around in confusion.

"That doesn't exist yet!" Cried Jade, "You know that, do you?"

Beth shrugged. "Possibly, but I'm not the kind to focus on non-explicit media. I mean... well, you're from the future and thus look more of the free-love variety, sorry for assuming-"

Damara smirked at her and gave a wave. "Nah, we're fine."

There was an explosion, and Nick was thrown over to where the Crew was at.

"Welp," Said Jake, "We should turn this bad boy in, shall we?"

Porrim was more than happy to grab his wrists, saying "You're under arrest!"

"Oh, bite me!" Said Nick. "But let this be a lesson about time travel... somehow!"

So they turned him in and got the money and I'm going through this quickly because this season is fucking long enough as-is and I want to get to the damn ancestors to complete this little group. Anyway, they all looked over at the two limeblood counterparts after getting the dough. Karkta blushed.

"Sorry, hee hee! I'm a little new with this... I don't really know how to get a good grip on warping to Alternia, especially since I haven't been there in this time period! And my teleportation skills are a little rusty after my fight with the Troll Empress."

"Allow me then." Said Kiriki.

"No no no! I got this one! I swear! You won't be dissappointed! Um..."

Then she just warped everyone out into the ocean.

"Shoot! And that's a Hawaiin beach, not the island of Alternia, at that! Lemme try again..."

Then they were inside a volcano! And falling down the tunnel thing into the lava pit!

"Okay, okay! This is an Alternian volcano! I remember because unlike the Hawaii one, there's no bridge. I know the past in all, but was that really made in just about seventeen years? Let me try again..."

Then they were in the air, and crashed into the same Onions the ancestors were on, sending them falling down and the whole gang into Washington! (The Onions had packed a bunch of parachutes for this). The Crew and the guardians and the ancestors landed into some forest, with an open clearing, but the Waterwraith tumbled far into some bushes.

"Gr... I hate those guys. They crashed my ride. I want to do whatever it takes to get my revenge on them... maybe later, though. It'll take, maybe, a few years to hatch a scheme. After all, as told by the phrase 'hatch,' schemes are like eggs."

"So... uh..." Terezi said, everyone was in a daze. "Karkta, I know you warped us far again and above the states, BUT THIS WAS BRILLIANT! I ALREADY MET THE GROUP OF PEOPLE I WANTED TO SEE! THANKS!"

"Ugh..." She (Karkta not Terezi) was currently hanging on a tree branch. "You're... you're welcome. And sorry for not doing that sooner.

"Actually wait, I have to apologize again! Since I only did that by accident, after all! Boy, I need to step up my game."

"YOU NEED TO STEP UP YOUR-!" KARKAT BEGAN.

"KARKAT WAIT!" Terezi said. Then laughed, "OR SHOULD I SAY KARKLES BECAUSE THAT PISSES EVERYONE OFF? ANYWAY, KARKAT OR KARKLES, WE'VE FOUND THE PEOPLE I'VE BEEN CURIOUS ABOUT SEEING, WELL MAYBE I SHOULDN'T ASSUME IT MAKES AN ASS OUT OF YOU- OKAY JUST ME AND ME. HEY, YOU THERE, THAT ONE TEALBLOOD. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?"

"Magkon. Magkon Pyrope."

"YES! ALRIGHT, LET'S JUST SAY I KNOW YOU FROM THE FUTURE AND LEAVE IT AT THAT."

"You're time travelers?" Asked Silini, "Oh boy..."

"Hey, wait a minute Silini," Said Magkon, "I know we just met not too long ago, but don't you think it would fit your 'holy' theme if we... sort of listened to them and everything? Maybe they have some kind of goal."

The second-gen Rainbow Crew all put their hands to their chins and went "Hm..."

"I got nothing!" Jean shrugged.

"Well, getting home is a good idea." John said, annoyed to his counterpart. Still. "Hey, counterparts, that reminds me: Where is Hank? We should try summoning him again."

"AND DOING A WEIRD-ASS TEST? FORGET IT!" Karkat cried.

"Hey! This is Carl's mentality!" John cried.

"Hey!" Cried Beth now. "Are you insulting one of my friends, or did I mishear and you just said a similar-sounding name."

"Uh... the latter. Look, you will see me in the future. You will see all of us, unless the timeline splits or something. And when you do, don't worry about what I think about this Carl guy. I know you can... uh, handle him."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it! I'm not good at giving future messages with subtlety!"

"Anyway John makes a point." Commanded Dirk, "And I think that the best course of getting home is to split up."

Roxy stretched out. "Splitting up, eh? Haven't done that in a while."

"Let's just say go with the person you'd be the most familiar with in the future, Rainbow Crew members from the future." Said Dirk. "And uh, this is assuming everyone else wants to be part of the Crew-"

"Teleporting!" Karkta cried.

"You're too rusty and might place us somewhere else. And Kiriki might be too."

"WHAT ABOUT MY SPECREASHIELD?" Asked Karkat. "Or hemoshield I actually can't make up my mind on that."

"Er, I'm pretty sure we gave that away to someone else." Yeah um Fuchsian has that now 'officially,' I forgot to mention that as of chapter 19 she's the main user and Karkat just borrowed it all those other times. And that means it's 'still' only in 2011.

Rose raised a hand, that hand containing the Portal Rock. "I could just use this." She said. "I set one up back by the treehouse while these others were getting changed into their revealing outfits."

"OH!" Shoted Magkon as she instantly undressed, "That reminds me, uh... why are you dressed like that anyway?"

Netimp face-palmed.

"It's a Crew thing that we got from some other people we knew from the present..." Said Nepeta, looking like she was about to put a hand over her counterpart's mouth. "If you want, you can try it out yourself!"

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Said Netimp. "There. I finally said this. I originally had hope in you seeing that you're, you know, I'm familiar with you thanks to the counterpart idea, but now it's obvious. You're too soft. You don't have what it takes to be along my ranks."

Nepeta first seethed, then took a breath in, while Rose shot the blue portal at the ground. Um, a solid-enough rock.

"Guys. There's a problem. We either haveto risk teleportation errors or get there on foot."

They looked at the portal. It only showed blue static.

"Something is interfering with this." Rose rubbed her chin. "And considering that dome the Troll Empress put us under-"

"She did what?" Asked Kemine. "Jeez, I already kind of hated her, but this is... bad."

"In the future and try not to worry about it." Rose continued, "Anyway, continuing, considering the dome the Troll Empress put us under there is some serious power since the dome failed to disconnect the portals but this did."

Behind a tree, Waterwraith rubbed his hands evilly. Like he was applying lotion of death. Not masterbation lotion that's not the kind of badguy he is.

"What happens if we touch the static?" Asked John, putting his hand in.

AND THEN HE GLITCHED OUT!

Nah, I'm just kidding, that would be a stupid development. Instead, he just got electrocuted badly and sent back. "Note to self," He said, "Do not stick your hand in random shit that looks ominous."

"It looks like the portals do connect," Rose said, "In a way, but there is an intollerable amount of electricity being discharged by each portal. Between little cracks in the blue static I can see yellow static, and between them both I think that's Chicago. Maybe we just need to find a suitable location to fire this away from any possible interferor, so that will be my job. Once I do, I will alter you to the location. Until then, we should continue making it back to Chicago-"

"Or just Colorodo!" Cried Aurink.

"...Using the more 'mundane' methods like hitchhiking."

"Yes." Said Dirk, "And again, we split up."

Yeah, as that implied, all the gen 2s and their counterparts (though they are technically gen2s. Unless you consider them gen3s? But that would be like saying Hank Hill fathered them all, I think I went over this before) tripled up with their respective guardian or ancestor, and they began walking out.

On the way, a watery blur flew by, stole Rose's Portal Rock, and replaced it with a note saying "Get back to Chicago to get it back. All of you. I want to meet you there." Instead of smirking or smiling like she usually does, Rose sighed.

---

(Normally, I'd do the Egberts First, but it's getting old relying on that same damn order. Uh... Drunkies?)

Roxy said absolutely nothing during the walk down with Vlie. Thankfully, that's what Rory was there for.

"HEY, uh... I kinda know you from the future, you gonna already psycho analyze us?" He asked.

Roxy sighed as Vlie held up a glass of fine wine. Then tossed it and broke it.

"Hm, no. And by the way, I broke that because unlike you, I would rather not drink."

"So is that an analysis?" Asked Rory, taking another sip from her beer.

"No, not really. While you are correct in asserting that I do prefer evaluatng other people's psyche, you are wrong in that this is something I want to do now, or do often. In fact, I have a bit of a headache. This John person, his actions with getting himself electrocuted by the portal... pretty stupid and low-intellegent, if you ask me."

"Yeah, to be honest John was never my type." Roxy herself finally spoke up. "I mean, we do have a tiny fling going on, but looking at it more... the guy's kind of a dick."

Their little 'trail' led to a little bus stop. Also, Dirk called them via phone-transmitter (remember back in chapter 16 with the phone that could contact multiple members of the Crew at once? They took those with them while in the submarine, and went with them to the past) and said, "You know, with the Portal Rock being deactivated, our little 'race' is a bad idea now. We could just group up together and make it back."

Rory leaned in and said back, "Um, no. I like it this way. Here, we can talk alone with these past versions of the others we know and stuff! Are you just saying that because you don't like Burt? Heh heh."

Roxy gave him an angry look. "Dude!" She cried, "You're also kind of a dick. Like John!"

---

(Coolkids)

Dirk cringed at Roxy's comment, and went backwards a little.

"Something wrong, original?" Asked Dian. Burt just stayed there silently and stared at the scene.

"Um... nothing at all! Dammit. Nothing at all."

So they all continued walking, and Burt eventually cleared his throat which made Dirk jump back a little.

"What?" Dirk asked.

"Irony." Was all Burt replied. Oh wait no, he then said, "Irony, son."

Dirk looked like he was about to take off running.

---

(Harleys)

"And here we see the butterfly-" Jade began.

"Nice!" Said Dean.

"Jake would love to hunt and shoot those things. And Nepeta... well, just kill them in general." She laughed, but then kind of stopped. "It's actually kind of gross, the things Nepeta does. She's like a wild animal sometimes. She even goes around naked, as you can see. Weird. Well, I'm dressed as a near-naked military personel and you're dressed as just a belt with a lot of guns barely blocking the view, so what can we say about fashion?"

Dean laughed. "You're a pretty nice girl! And you say I'll know you?"

"Um... pretty soon from here, I think! Maybe after we leave and go back to the present. But either way, I'll be a loooooot different when you see me in your time! I mean, chronologically."

"Hm. Yes. I would be older, and you would be younger. Can you tell me any meeting locations?"

"The hostpital?" Jude squeaked out, "I mean, I'm just guessing, I don't keep track of where I meet people- or, we, since we're both Jade and..."

Jude started sobbing again.

"I'm just so sorry about this..." He added.

"Oh! Well, you don't have to be! I don't see what you've done wrong here!"

"Yeah, listen to him!" Jade added, "And try not to overreact so much!"

---

(Crockers)

Jane pulled Harl away from the bear they found on their trail. Again. And sighed.

"Really Harl, you have to stay out of trouble like this!" She cried. Joan, on the other hand, just groaned.

"AND HOW OFTEN DO YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM THIS? REMEMBER, IN THE REAL PRESENT, HE'S STILL LIKE THIS!"

"...I am?" Asked Harl.

Jane laughed, before giving a sterner look to Joan. "You do not have to spoil the inner details of our time-traveling escapades!"

"THESE ARE OUR TIME-TRAVELING ESCAPADES!" he banged his hands on some random tree. "DON'T YOU GET IT? WHAT YOU ARE BEING SO GODDAMN SECRETIVE ABOUT IS WHERE WE ARE FROM."

"Okay... okay... you have to calm down, either way! I am sick of dealing with this shit right now! Especially being so far away with my boyfriend... and you know about him and Beth, do you?"

Harl laughed, can this even be really called eavesdropping? "Yes, the ol' Beth Egbert sure can be easy, can't she?"

---

(Egberts are Inevidable you know, just that I'm still mixing things up since they're not first or last)

Jean was happily skipping her way through the trail, which was a little more watery I guess than the usual forest (even if they had some other distinctions like one having more flowers- I don't know, this isn't a visual story yet so I don't have to worry about that shit. It's not my job or anything to paint you a pretty picture) and had rivers and the like in it.

"So I heard that over the lines the other human-groups in the Rainbow Crew are complaining about their teams? I feel fine. This is a pretty easy mission for us. If a long one."

John nodded. "This is the first time I agreed with anything you said, is it?"

"Well... no. Back in the dome, we both shared some thoughts about Carl-"

"That doesn't count."

"...Also in the dome... we both kind of like the same movies?"

"Hm. Well, if I keep saying that this doesn't count, then soon I will run out of things that do count. Yeah, you're not that bad of a counterpart Jean."

"What about me?" asked Beth. "I mean, yes, I do not have a counterpart of my own and I'm obviously not your counterpart- I'm not, right?"

John and Jean both shook their heads, but Jean was smiling a lot more while John looked more like "Meh, of course not."

"But I still want to know what you think about me! Especially since you seem so aquainted with my future self. What is she like? Please don't tell me I lose my perversions in the near-future! I just can't imagine myself without them!"

"Uh, I think you get worse." John said. "But there might be room to get better!"

Beth looked at the ground.

"I-I-I-Hm." Said John. "I never had anybody to try to emotionally calm down. You know, like moiralligence-"

"You told me that your organization had a huge debate over how that quadrant worked. And that simply calming down a distressed friend is among the list of how it doesn't."

"You could stretch the definition-"

"I do like stetching things, but definitions aren't one of them!"

John shrugged.

Then a bear came! In fact, the same bear Harl tried to contact, but this time it was pissed! It lept after Beth, and sniffed at her for a bit (because of the whippped cream see you can't criticise the fanservice now because it's important to the plot AND without it a stable time loop wouldn't be fulfilled)! John gasped, then jumped between them and started shooting his multitude of guns and that scared the bear off!

"Thank you for trying to save me, I guess, but I could easily save myself." She said.

John laughed a little and akwardly scratched the back of his neck, "Well, I want the time-stream to be continuous, and I was not sure if you in the past is as good of a fighter as you in the future. Do you have any movies, we could watch something I like while waiting for... whatever Rose's plan is to work."

"I could look... though you can tell by the state of my dress that all will only lie in my purse."

Yes, she carried a purse around, but no-one else did. Hell, not even Beth in the present. I mean Nan in that case. It's confusing. The naming though everything else is simple.

---

(Striders and I Promise No Angst Since They Don't Do That Like They Do In the Fan Fics I See Others Complaining About)

"So this is pretty cool..." Said Dave.

"Yep." Replied Dale.

"Yep, cool."

And Dove nodded in agreement.

Then, once the shadows of the last few trolls vanished, suddenly Dave turned and faced Dale directly. Dove instantly face-palmed because she knew what was coming next. "Okay, conspiracies." Dave said, "I know you must have a few about me, but first I have a few on you!"

Dale nodded. "I understand that it is part of your mission to not reveal any important time-travel details to me, and yet you are free to ask me of any questions. Just note: I may lie. Or I may tell the truth. That's the brilliant part, if there are some truths thrown in there, then you won't just know I'm automatically telling a lie and believe in the exact opposite of what I say!"

"What about denial of information?"

"I know this guy named Scratch or something... that said that he lies by omission maybe? Well, I don't want to do that shit. Instead of omitting truths, I'll give all the- not truths, just statements! I'll blab, but you can't tell the fact from fiction! In fact, unlike the CIA or the FBI or the CDi (you don't know about it but that game system is a whole conspiracy on its own) and their usual errands, instead of getting me to talk, the hard part is getting me to shut up!"

Dove was impatiently pointing further down the path. "This way." she said.

---

(Lalondes)

"So to summarize, you did, like, kind of lose all the power in this Crew, did you or something?" Asked Lily.

Rose sighed. "Not really. During a time of war, I simply finally remembered and kept in mind what my friends have told me. Well... thinking about it, are we even really friends? Anyway, I thought about their words and Dirk, the original leader, is clearly better at this than me. So I resigned, and my counterpart did as well to spite me, as soon as I used the emergency flare we always stock with us."

"You have an emergency flare?" Asked Lily. "Oh wow, cool! Why don't we try it and see if we can get back home?"

"Because the Pikmin interns we have do that rescuing, and this is before we have them. Or the fancy vehicles we bought for them to get here. Or the money used to buy them, since we didn't bring it with us in the past. So now we're relyant on trying out a Portal Rock in different spots until it works or risking it with a pair of idiots."

It was silent for twenty more seconds and then Ross said,

"Hey. Lily. Why don't you ask her why she's still such a huge jerk?" He nudged her shoulder. Rose sighed.

"Oh yeah you are a little mean to them and I thought you developed out of this?" Lily asked.

Suddenly, Terezi, Tezlom, and Magkon zoomed past them.

"YO!" Shouted Tezlom, "TEREZI AND I ARE MAKING THINGS MORE INTERESTING! WE POOLED TOGETHER WHAT LITTLE MONEY WE HAD AND BOUGHT A MOROTCYCLE AND DECIDED THAT OUR LITTLE TEAMS OF THREE SHOULD RACE TO SEE WHO GETS TO CHICAGO FIRST! BECIDES WE CAN PROBABLY GET ENOUGH MONEY ANYWAY WITH THE SAME SEX SELLS GIMMICK, JUST NOT ATTATCHING THE RAINBOW CREW NAME TO IT SINCE OTHERWISE THAT NAME WOULD HAVE BEEN ESTABLISHED IN THE PRESENT AND IT WOULD MAKE PEOPLE CURIOUS AS TO IF WE WERE STEALING THE NAME AND US LOOKING INTO HOW THE NAME CAME INTO PLAY WOULD GIVE AWAY THE SECRET THAT THESE GUY'S FUTURE SELVES HAVE THAT WE MET THEIR PAST SELVES, WHICH I FIGURED OUT!"

"Go fuck yourself." Said Rose.

"Too bad!" Terezi said, though she shot a little look at her counterpart for almost giving away that the past-guardians and ancestors were related to them, "Most of the Crew already agrees! This is gonna be FUUUUUN!"

Then they zoomed out.

Meanwhile, behind the trees, the Waterwraith rubbed his hands together.

"Okay, okay, so... Pikmin interns... that's it! Maybe I can find some way to corrupt those interns..."

Then he went over to the nearest store (which was far away since the Lalondes were fast walkers and, obviously, the Pyropes had a motorcycle), and bought two things: A whistle, and a George Washington mask.

"Now I will start planing my plan right now!"

Then he dropped the whistle, in a little street gutter because someone was washing her car a few places above the block, and the whistle floated into the storm drain.

"I am pretty much liquid-ish colloid, I would get that myself but ew sewer. I should wait until some poor, puppet of a sap gets this from me, and maybe locate its ultimate location if some collector gets it, because I predict that the Pikmin-takeover slavery will be illegal soon, and my whistle was only made back then as part of it to help brainwash the Pikmin. Anyway, once that happens, the mask will come up again and I will have my revenge!

"...But before that I shouldn't worry about it so much."

---

(Race Montage!)

Let's just cut over to the Crew in brief here. First the Amporas came out with huge, rocking, flaming motorcycles that also had flame patterns painted on them.

They drove off with a lot of flashing away and showing off, but then the Aporias came in little corvettes (I think that's a type of car and not food), and Cronus was driving smoothly with Cromie and Potale in the back seats. Nobody was in the passenger seats.

"How did you afford that shit?" Asked Eridan.

"Oh, I'm a bit of a mechanic!" Said Potale, "Someone gave us cash to take away their shitty jalopy, and I just fixed it up a little bit! Now it's amazing!"

"I tossed on the paint! And helped drive it, since that's part of me improving myself!" Cronus said, "Um, sorry Eridan since we are otherwise on good terms, but what have you done?"

Cromie leaned over and gave a wave. "Hey, don't take anything the other me says too literally or seriously or anything like that. I know that my original can be a little heavy-tempered-"

"don't tell me how to feel!" Cried Erdini. "Eridan! Let's beat these punks and leave them in the road!"

"Got it." Said Eridan, "Ruscet, hang on tight."

"But... I..." Said Ruscet.

"You don't want your motorcycle to fall behind, do you?"

"Jeez! You're kind of a jerk."

"Hmph." He slowed down, as did Ruscet. Erdini meanwhile sped past both of them. "You know, you might have a point. This is just sort of a little team excercise, but it's not like this is something big or there's anything at stake. I supposed I could slow down a little for you."

"No you can't!" Cried Erdini, "I'm winning, and I need the WHOLE TEAM for it to count! Maybe, Dirk wasn't clear on the rules. Or Tezlom or whoever, I don't even know and I don't fucking care."

Eridan sighed. "Hop on my ride and grab on the back. I'll try to catch up to her and talk to her passively."

Nepeta, Netimp, and Aurink all flown past on little carts of theirs made out of stone.

"YEAH! WE KITTIES GROW OUR OWN FOOD AND MAKE OUR OWN RIDES!" Nepeta cheered, "SEE YOU AT CHICAGO, YOU OVERRELIANT CONSUMER CAPITALISM WOW THIS WAS A BAD CHOICE OF WORDS BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I'M SAYING!"

And then Aradia was riding down on one of those tricicle things. Get it I think it's a reference to the Shiting. She was so slow that Maiden and Adrion followed behind her.

"Blessit Aradia," Adrion said, "But for what this minimalist speed is at is no benefit to our ultimate and untimely goal!"

"I just want to get working, actually." Shrugged Maiden. "If we make money, then it's easier to buy stuff instead of using what we had with us or our own skills. In fact, we can upgrade things."

Aradia stopped. As did the other characters in the scene. "Ohhh..." She said, "And yeah, I can stop by at a hotel for a little bit! Let's find one close by a farm since that's the job you apparantly like so much!"

Somehow this eventually got to the rest of the Crew, and they spent the rest of the day for now staying at a hotel.

The sun was setting at this point and now they were all settled in hotels. But to keep in spirit with the competition element, they were DIFFERENT hotels from eachother. For now, let's focus on... um... the Vantases! Yeah, let's get them out of the way.

"THIS ROOM HAS NO FUCKING TOWELS!" Cried Karkat.

"But, you go around in boxer shorts anyway." Said Silini, "If nothing else, since this is a race, just use the bed sheets to dry off."

Karkat stared for a while before nodding. "Ok, that makes sense."

"I can't really complain about the hotel, but I can't really complain about you either..." Karkta said, "I'm sorry."

"Can you just shut up in general? Period? As a whole?"

"Ok... I won't speak from now on."

"Wait, no, I didn't mean that, I meant- GAH! YOU CAN STILL TALK!"

"Okay."

"UGH!"

Okay that's it. Can we get a line break in here and focus on someone else now? I still think Karkat's overused in this story even though he's one of the underused characters in this story.

---

(Makaras, but also the others since that's what this is doing)

Gamsis was taking a shower. And um, washing her hair while her boobs bounced around and - you know, I now get why the girls keep making Gamzee the sexy one because thinking about his female self makes me feel like taking a shower. I was gonna do a psycho parody where Gamzee came in but let's just say that Gamzee turned to his female appearance since I forgot that power and then he joined her.

"Hey hey hey motherfucker," Said Gamzee, "It's fat Albert."

Okay now this isn't sexy.

So then I feel a lot more comfortable having the Moth Reaper make a re-appearance and try to stab both of them.

"Oh no this was so peaceful too :o(." Gamsis frowned. "Gamzee we should probably get out of here."

Itsdra ran in and the Moth Reaper turned over to him (remember the ancestors do not have the changing ability since they don't have the Ballad of Duality, so he has to stay a dude for now, and PS if I didn't mention it before yes the ancestors have on their spanking brand new outfits back when they discussed it around the time one of them... Aurink or Evinte I think it was one of the Leos was getting undressed and she went into the new revealing one) and looked confused as Itsdra took out a certain jar.

"I stole this from Roxy during our huge freeway battle! If there's anything I know about time travel from the movies, it's that if you touch yourself, you explode!"

Then his phone rang. He reached his hand behind his balloon and took it out, and Lily's voice was on the other line.

"Naw sweetie, that describes people in general and not time travel." She giggled, "This won't do anything but maybe he'll be dumb and eat himself."

"I don't see the problem in that."

"Well, the Moth Reaper absorbs like vampires."

"So?"

"Rose is telling me, Have you ever thought about what would happen if a vampire went back in time and got familiarized by his past self? I'm sorry, I don't want to talk about this, Rose'll take over. And BTW the reason why I know what you're doing is because Roxy sent a spy drone after you out of spite and she and Rose formed a truce so that we both get the footage. Gotta say Roxy's reaaaaly enjoyin' the shower your friends are having."

There was some shuffling around, a "Let me have it!" in Ross's voice, and then finally Rose got it.

"Yeah there's no problem." Said Itsdra. The Moth Reaper Still looked at him, confused.

"Well, think. Assuming that this vampire- or in this case Moth... Grim Reaper... entity keeps the familiar of himself, by the time he makes it to the point where he'll go back and be eaten by himself, there would have already been a variant of him that ate himself that did it! Or, see it from the past, where he met himself that would already eat himself."

"So?"

"The self that he is about to eat would have had eaten a self, and so on, and so forth. That is a true time paradox, and by definition a vampire or Moth Reaper eating himself might call for a split timeline."

"And we hate those right?"

"Yes. Because I found out that there's these time-traveling Spartan guys, they like to keep things simple. And so do I. The less split timelines, the better. Since this Moth Reaper did not eat himself, otherwise he'd have infinite lives since when a Moth Reaper eats something it gains an extra life, then he's from a loop timeline."

"So then why would it be bad to let the Moth Reaper eat himself?"

"Because then he'd just go to the future and disappear and- basically that would be him wiping himself from existance or something and that's too confusing time travel stuff for us to deal with right now. If you want to talk time-travel, talk to Jake or Aradia or maybe even Roxy."

The Moth Reaper heard all of this since the phone was on speaker. He looked back at Gamzee and his counterpart and said "Stop wasting water" and turned the shower off. Then he shrugged again, looked at the jar again, and just left.

Then Rose said, "Hang on another call." And it was Aranea!

"You're not the only one who toys around with spy drones!"

Going over to the other line where Rose was at, and then at that other line to the Silkres, Aranea snickered as she hung up and then prepared a few things.

"Alright! Listen up! I am getting a little sick of Rose and stuff out-doing me. I just want to send her a present or two... nothing lethal, of course, or even destructive, but-"

"Wait." Said Bezedu. "In my newfound life in the way of the karma suggests that playing along with revenge only begets more revenge. You should instead reveange the bad things, or wait for karma to strike down on others."

Aramin shrugged. "Also, keeping the eviler jerk stuff more of a secret."

Aranea stopped looking through the telescope and plotting to call a guy on the phone to send a flaming bag of dog shit over to Rose's apartment, which might not slow down the race but it would be annoying to her. "Ok."

---

(Misyams)

On the other hand there was no conflict with Porrim, Porsiv, and Peyhid. Porrim and Peyhid were just lying on the bed with borderline stoner talk. I mean, Porsiv was stoning but Peyhid demanded a ventalation system to be on extreme (extreme like Johnny Test) so her or Porrim were not stoning.

"Okay, so this seems to be how it goes on TV, especially back in this time." Said Porrim. "From most OK to least, it's guy's chests, guy's butts, girl's butts, then there's a huge gap between public TV and pay-per-view, girl's chests, girl's privates, and guy's privates."

"Yo man." Said Porsiv. "Ya' gotta consider the back sides of the chests if you're going by the backsides of the doodles too." But yeah, like, we should all just totally just go free man."

"It's still not that fair that there's such huge gaps in the first place! A girl's naked butt should be played for laughs and shown as much as a guy's naked butt. I mean, Rip's big Jake-illusion thing mentioned it and while it was trippy that part made scense!"

"Wait, by girl you don't mean little girl, do you? Anyway that reminds me: Kids. What about age? How about how it's more ok for an underdeveloped girl to have her boobs shown. I mean, drawings of course. But also babies? At what point does there be enough fat that becomes taboo? And so, does society just subconsiously hate stuff with more muscle or fat in it and deem it sexual? Wait I mean the other way around. They sexualize the fat."

Porrim put a hand to her chin. "Maybe... and yeah, would it be more worse of a woman's ass, or a little girl's? Like, on cartoons, Blossom or Ms. Bellum?" Shit this is the first ever time HHC or HUC or HTD talked about Powerpuff Girls was it? Or an old Cartoon Network show that wasn't EENE? "I mean, on one hand, child pornography accusation. On the other hand, there's a lot more sexual to the adult..."

"Like think about it. What's the difference between a guy's bum and a girl's? Mostly the levels of fat and the roundness. It's a conspiracy, man, that they're after the fat."

"Yeah, I can... I can see that making sense. Another thing is the cartoon animals. Why is Bugs Bunny naked but Lola Bunny isn't?"

"But we hate Lola Bunny."

"Yeah, I do and you shared that counterparty-opinion. Anyway, let's try to get Peyhid's opinion on this, since she went into college at an early age already and majoring in medical studies. PEYHID!"

"Huh?" Peyhid asked.

"What do you think would happen if Bugs Bunny and Lola Bunny were drawn with realistic asses, and what would the reaction on each say about society?" Asked Porrim.

"Well, medically... I would probably need more... what does this have to do with my carreer?"

Porsiv coughed a little. "Uh, I think you asked her the wrong question. Or at least used the wrong words. Even I could tell that sounded bad."

"Honestly, I would rather dissect the two of your heads and get a neutral scan. The stuff you can come up with is... odd, to say the least."

Outside the window, Vriska was watching with binoculars!

"Wow." Said Vriska, "I think I picked the most boring group to spy on."

But the ladder was falling backwards! Like in those commercialsor TV shows. Vriska still held on even when crashing, landing in the bushes where Virkso was standing there.

"Hey," he said, "You should be careful. I was listening to my MP3 again and didn't hear the TIIIIIMBBBBEEEEEER!"

"That's for a tree, dumbass."

"Well I think you're kind of like a tree."

Vriska sighed. "Bezedu, any comments?"

"...I'm just happy I'm not captured by Leutis anymore. That's all. And when this is over, we'll go back to having mostly seperate lives I think? But that Aurink and Silini sure might stay together."

---

(The Next Day, making this Day 2)

Seeing as I still want to try to cover everyone, let's get a group I haven't out of the way. Ah, the Hazzaks, perfect.

"You see," Said Haerus, "This is where speed is valued over strength."

Horuss, since he had dropped his 'mask' thing like way back in season two I think, was naturally still rather too honest. (Too much like Netimp yes, but shut up.) "I'll bulldoze down these obstacles we come across! Yes!"

They were exiting the hotel they stayed at right now, and by this point most of the Crew was still in Washington. Ferrum was tagging along silently.

"I could build a robot that flings us there quickly." He said.

Both of the second-generation Hazzaks shrugged, and then both said "Okay" at the same time.

So he was building a giant catapult sorta, and then across the street were Mituna and Mitchl. Oh, and Kutrii, him too.

"We can just keep flying ourselves." Said Mitchl, while still sitrring up a fancy little drink that she bought last night at the hotel.

"Great idea! But I am TOTALLY taking that with me!" Addedin Mituna.

Kutrii scanned the machine from afar for a few minutes. "Um, you probably shouldn't. That thing is busted. In fact, I should tell those people that unless they're gonna finish up the spring, it won't work."

"BUT THE RACE-" Cried Mituna.

"we're all a team." Was all Kutrii replied with.

As they began to walk over, and start talking with them, SUDDENLY THE WATERWRAITH AND THE MOTH REAPER DROPPED DOWN!

"Hey, I think those clown guys forgot about me." Said the Moth Reaper, "Well I still exist. Um, the past version of me based on that phone call? Before I just kinda felt like rethinking about you having my future self or something?"

The Waterwraith added, "I WILL NOW GET MY REVENGE FOR RUINING MY TRAVELING!"

And then they both made hand-signs together, and then a series of large wall-block things that resembled the Great Wall of China!

"Speaking of China," Said Moth Reaper, "I'd like to get heading there. I have, like, a vow of silence that's supposed to last five years."

"HEY! THE WALL ISN'T COMPLETE THOUGH! IT'S SUPPOSED TO DIVERT THESE ASSHOLES TO DEEP MEXICO, WHERE THEY WILL GET KILLED IN GANG VIOLENCE!"

"YOU KILLED A LOT OF PEOPLE!" Horuss cried in a fury.

"Actually, no, I specifically scanned the DNA of all the no-good-doers and made them unnable to pass unless you're somehow able to remove that bit of your DNA." Said Waterwraith.

"Don't give it away," Said Moth Reaper as he began to take off flying. "But in the event that you do, put this on those phones of your's that contact the entire organization. Because it is important that you can go east starting from around Texas, and also in a few years these things will clear up."

"Huh." Said Mituna. "WOW this is huge. You'd think that we'd know about giant barriers to keep us out in the present, huh?"

Kutrii shivered a little but didn't say anything.

---

(Some Other Group; Not Listing Names Because there's a lot)

Feferi was spannking Tavass.

OH SHIT I didn't realize I had the HHC file opened when I typed that, so as a little challenge instead of deleting that I'm gonna try to work it into this significantly more worksafe story.

Alright, so Kemine said, "Um... Feferi, you don't have to do this. You've proven your point and won the match. We're the ones that'll take that combined hot air balloon."

Feferi laughed, "Yeah, that was a pretty cool idea. Just making a little 'truce' to build a hot air balloon with a 'fight' that has the promise that the winner takes the balloon. And we picked these guys! Cool, huh?"

Kemine slinked back a little. "Kay, you're being a little too extreme I think..."

Fefian looked over at Tavros and Pavlig taking a step back.

"G-G-G-GO AHEAD!" Cried Tavros, "YOU DID... WIN FARE AND SQUARE..."

Tavass finally got herself free and said, "JEEZ YOU JERKS! YEAH, IT WAS BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU SPANKED THOSE TWO, BUT ME... UGH!"

"That was the contest." Fefian finally spoke up. "An ass-tagout." Am I doing a good job at not just making this a fanservice for me and into the storyline? "Don't blame me or be scared of me. It's Feferi that took it this far with the overkill."

Since I mentioned there were others, John was among the watchers and he just got the message from the Castors, as did everyone else in the scene obviously. "Wait shit does this mean WE HAVE TO CROSS THROUGH THE GRAND CANYON?"

Jean and Beth both looked at eachother. "Um, that would be cool for us!" Jean said.

"And it sounds like the most efficient idea! Yeah, according to the map the Moth Reaper tweeted us, the guarding walls don't go near it!"

Since this was a race Roxy made her appearance by jumping down dramatically, and she held out the jar! "Fuck, I stole this back again. And I'm unleashing the Moth Reaper to get his assistance! Watch as he flies our team over there!"

And then, when she opened it, the Moth Reaper re-formed, and then laughed.

"Now it's time for me to finished what I started back at China and the swamp. And yes, I heard about the time-travellin' buiz AND still remembered it since that was me from the past, but this is the current me! I'm not so bound by the timey-wimey rules!"

"...Well, shit." Said Pavlig. "I could try to see if any of my more agricultural skills will get me there-"

"Agriculture?" Asked Maiden, "Hey, I kind of like that hobby too. Should we... talk?"

As they both began walking off with blushes, John made sure that his text wouldn't go to the whole Crew (since the past-gen1s are also now added to the phone temporarly) and then texted Rose (who was part of this little group, don't worry I'll go over whose in them eventually) "Uh are we gonna tell them about the INCEST they'll know their relationship is in the future?"

"Says the man who blatantly has his present then past mother crushing on him and doesn't seem to be warding her off."

"What?"

"Don't deny it. But watch how obvious it becomes. But yeah, hypocritical."

Then they both hung up.

Anyway, the rest of them there were... well, aside from the humans, let's have them be other families that I haven't focused on yet. Captors, Maryams, and Pyliops. Let's start with the Captors.

"See ya' guys, I'm flying off." Said Sollux as he shot he way all the way over to the Grand Canyon.

Sliiou shrugged. "I guess that makes me following." And flew off herself. Meanwhile, Kumush stared at them.

"Man, I wish I could get that good at my powers." He said.

Then both Sollux and Sliiou beamed back down to him at the same time.

"Wait, seriously?" Asked Sollux.

"Yeah." Shrugged Kumush. "I'm more of an... idea guy I guess?"

They sighed, and both of them took a hand on Kumush's leg and carried him off. This was a call back to canon where the ghosts of Nepeta and Feferi took away Sollux and I think that was a reference to Scrooge and one was the ghost of past and the other the future.

"We too should be leaving," Said Phixtn, "After all, I have been seperated from that Rusket guy I have been getting pretty fond of."

Kanaya sighed, "Yes, I know from the future. Let's just say that I knowledgificate you from there. Anyway, I have an idea that we should move out in a classy way to get attention and the like."

"Oh, so would ass-kissing random citizens eventually get us enough money to buy something valuable, especially given our costumes?"

"I guess so." Shrugged Kanaya. "Come on, let's communicate with whoever lies around."

Oh yeah, and the Peixezes have taken off in an airballoon. Which actually got Phixtn's attention.

"I firmly believe in talking to them and see if they will invite us." She said.

"UH... MIGHT BE A BAD IDEA," Commented Tavass, "AFTER ALL... YOU DID SEE WHAT THEY DID TO MY RUMP, RIGHT...?"

But Latula took off on a skateboard and grabbed on dearly to the bottom of the HAB (hot air balloon).

"Come on Tavbro - wait there's been two Tavs for over a week I can't use that anymore - Tavass, where's your competition spirit?"

Aptrin adjusted her shades. And yeah, she has shades too. "As someone who is training for sports, I have to agree on that. We'll need to race over there and maximize our skills as ourselves."

She also got on a skateboard, only this time she launched up a lot faster than Latula and clung on to the base. Latlin looked up and sighed.

"I don't think I'll ever be that good... talk about Latula actually becoming her mask. And now with her ans- uh... that role model of sorts..."

But Latlin couldn't resist at least trying out the board in some way, for the others were all piling on eachother akwardly.

"So..." Said John as he was clinging onto Latula's suit, "What state is this again?"

"Now? Near the bottom of Oregon." Rose grunted, as she in turn was trying to cling to John's swimsuit. Which was obviously a lot harder.

---

Alright alright, I had a list of the families I had not focused on yet. They were the Medigos, Martins, Lagoins, Zahhaks, Makbros, and Peixezes I think. Also during the race itself, Nepeta was the only Leijon to get lines, though I know the other two did it's just not the race thing (or the part just before the race with the split-up groups and stuff) and that bugs me. So it's those seven families gathered there. Anyway, that place was:

(The Grand Canyon)

"Wow. Is the sun settin' already?" Asked Damara, looking over into the sunset. Then she sighed. "John used to talk about this place all the time. Well, he still does, but I mean when we were still dating."

"Bitch, fuck him, you're over." Said Domoni. "And by fuck him I don't mean-"

"You dated that human guy?" Asked Limort. "And which one was John?"

"The one in the swimsuit. I mean, just the swimsuit. The really plain costume." Said Damara.

"I thought that was a girl not in a swimsuit by the name of Roxy?"

"It is..." She sighed, "I don't want to pull this, but the blue guy."

"Oh..."

"And I hope he didn't hear me say that, because that is an akward way of telling to somebody." PS did I explain that the humans are colored by their text color? Well, now I just did. And if I didn't, that was a(nother) reminder. You're welcome. "But I mean that when we dated, he told that to me specifically. And I kind of miss that. I think I might miss him."

Domoni sighed. "I can see this isn't going anywhere and you're not gonna be done with him no matter what. You know, you realize you're the one who broke up with him yet you're acting like it's the other way around."

"Trust me, John is not the kind of person who goes running back into arms after they've broken up. Let me try this."

She dialed the phone. "Hello John?" She asked.

"Hi! We're going to the damn Grand Canyon again." He said. "And a lot of other groups are following me around with their own weird airplanes and skateboards and fireworks."

Damara sighed. "Well... I was thinking... maybe we can try something again... and this time, I won't try to pressure you into sex. That was kind of an asshole thing of me."

"Ok! ...But can we talk about it in person when we get to Chicago?"

"We're at the Grand Canyon, so maybe there. But why when we get back?"

"I don't like to talk about sex when my hands are both up in the air to grab to a hot-air balloon and I'm staring at a girl who is in a very tight suit that clearly doesn't have underwear under it."

"HEY!" Latula's voice was heard on the other line, "Let's see you try to dress as ZSS! I'm not some commando nut like Nepeta, but when it comes to this suit I can't- wait why am I just letting you cling on to this?"

Damara nodded. "Fair enough." Then hung up and grinned at Limort.

"Well, it wasn't a no! There might still be a chance!" She cheered.

Nepeta sighed. "I was trying to keep a track of the way the pairings worked, but around the time we all got together by the jury duty part I kind of gave up?"

Netimp sighed even harder. "You shouldn't have even bothered. We're all pretty hormonal bastards and bitches."

"I could keep track of them when I grow up!" commented Aurink. "I mean, maybe I'll find and locate you guys. You said you were called the Rainbow Crew, right?"

"I STILL KEPT TRACK OF ALL THE PAIRINGS AND POLYGAMY!" Meulin cried enthusiastically.

"I lost track," Said Yeulin,"But I can tell who is dating who and who used to be dating who."

"Damn..." Was all Evinte said, "You're... well, you two are good at this stuff. I can't imagine myself as an emotional expert. I'm more of a physical person. Well, that sounds stupid, of course we're all physical, but- you get the idea."

Kurloz and Kursis both got into medatative positions. Kursis's eyes opened first, and were glowing that purple color of theirs.

"Estimated time of arrival for the near-unity of the Rainbow Crew: Three minutes." Said Kursis.

"I should check my watch, sister. Watch set. Fine church bros." Said Kurloz in reply.

"Yeah, you guys are a pair of weirdos. I don't really like racing with you. How exactly am I associated with you again?" Asked Kuddle.

"We are holding that information." Kurloz said, putting his hand out. And uh, yeah, the writing thing. I'm kind of done with that. It was a dumb gimmick. Let's just say it stemmed from some shyness BS and Kurloz quickly got over that working with the Rainbow Crew because... friendship? And like in Sonic Heroes, THE SUPER AWESOME POWER OF TEAMWORK!

Meenah got out some binoculars. "Okay everyone, I see 'em comming. On hot air balloons, on hang-gliders, on just about everyfin that's nautical (not) expensive. Lotsa custom-made stuff."

Adenya tried to look through them. "Here's hoping that they are okay! After all, I'd like to solve some legal issues. Hopefully, we won't have to sue the canyon."

"Are ya' crazy?" Asked Meenah, "Seriously? I'd thought we should be happy to sue them. Ya' know, to get rich."

"As much as I like money," Mannah cut in, "Perhaps there is a better way we can make it. Like, applying for a quick job. I believe there's a Hooters nearby for the three of us - me when I morph into a woman - and on the other side is a Cocks, when you and I but not Adenya morph into women. I mean, I have the tots best bod, this'll be a HUGE paying HIT for me!"

"Oh, right. Ever since some idiot tried to get a job there expecting to be rejected so he can sue for sex discrimination, they decided to split up like this. I think in my time they tried merging them back together... or something like that. I have no fucking clue, I don't know about that restaurant."

"You're lying you pervert." Said Mannah.

"Shit, I guess I am."

And um, almost done here. Let me think of something for the Martins to say.

"So, since we're waiting for everyone to get together, may I recommend some games to wait?" Asked Minour. "It's a new thing I've been trying to get into..."

"Yeah, sure, cool." Said Rufioh. Everyone that was there turned over to him and his group in surprise. Oh yeah, and Minour got a similar reaction.

"Wait shit, we didn't notice you." Said Damara. "Neat. Waiting the last few minutes got a lot better."

Rufiye nodded. "We're here... well, I kind of kept myself hidden on purpose-"

"INCOMMING!" Cried Kursis, pointing into the sky.

At this point everyone was fighting over the hot air balloon, and then one of Dean's gun things shot and popped it. The whole thing fell down and was falling down, and everyone jumped out and ended in a pile. Equius, Equisa, and Glavzi all jumped out of the way.

"Ugh," Said Rufiye, "Man, this sucks... I hate being piled on like this. It's not that good for my overly-huge tits."

"Your pile-up looks very lewed." Said Equius. "You should probably towel up."

"I have a bathrobe on, and so does Aramin, does that count?" Asked Aranea.

Aramin said nothing and was just kind of panicing, as everyone got up. Mostly with Equius offering assistance.

"Hey man, why are you so subservent? True loyalty is kind of based on winning in a way?" Asked Glavzi.

"...We just like it." Giggled Equisa. "Anyway Equius, come on, let's go FAST."

"...That was supposed to be a secret." Equius stoicly looked over in Equisa's direction.

"Anyway, are we all here?" Asked Dave.

Kursis went back into medatative position. "Kankri. Kiriki. Bokeah."

Gamzee whipped out the phone and put it on speaker. Kiriki answered.

"Hi!" She said, "I greet you a good farewell!"

"Where are you?" He asked.

"We're at Chicago!"

"How did you get there?"

"What do you expect from limebloods? I teleported my group there, of course! See, I told you I could be proficcient at my warping capabilities and no longer be so oppressed or whatevers. It only took teleporting to New York City, Mexico City, Arlen Texas, an orgy in Virginia (ironic state name for what we saw there huh?), but we got there! And even spent the night in the treehouse, because we honestly couldn't find another place. Well, I have perfected my teleportation."

Dirk went up to the phone. "Reconsideration. I am calling off the race. Not just because you won, but because we should work things more as a team. Especially with this Waterwraith threat."

"Waterwraith?" Asked John. "Didn't you get that guy beaten and we killed his Plasm Wraith form and- ohhhh... the past. Is that the same Waterwraith?"

"There is a high chance of that."

There was a sigh on the other line, and the three Viitases were all warped there. And didn't, like, warp over the air or anything dumb like that to fall over, no they warped so that they were standing on the ground. Well, Kiriki was the only actual warper, the others were teleported with her.

Bokeah whipped out a megaphone and then pointed himself off the edge of the canyon so that he wouldn't deafen anyone. "I GOT THIS AT THE STORE IN CHICAGO." He cried. "WHAT DO YOU THINK?"

But it echoed and that pushed everyone back. Peyhid groaned.

"I'll have to account for any possible hearing damage. Come with me, I'll fix you up for the night. All of you. Even myself, I am a bit of a badass in that way."

Kankri put a hand on Kiriki's shoulder. "Dearest counterpart," he said, "I have a few words for you."

"If it is more mutant talk, that falls on deaf ears. Oh, speaking of which, I feel fine Peyhid. There's no reason for you to do the medics on me."

"Sorry, but I feel like this may be essential. Here, I packed a megatent with me, it was one of the supplies I had before Bezedu brainwashed me." Peyhid said.

Bezedu scratched the back of her neck. "Yeahh... about that, are you sure I still don't have anything to make up to you?"

"No- well... now that you mention it, I would like for you to become my assistant of sorts in my little crime-fighting medical vigilanteness!"

"...You're gonna be a superhero and a doctor?"

"Well, Batman is a detective and a superhero!" Said Jake.

Again, they were confused.

"If I may continue," said Kankri, "Kiriki, your caste is currently not being oppressed anymore, and it is not back in the future of 2011. In fact, since Owen's laws before you were split, there is little to no reason to go around crusading in the fashion we do now. We need to look for something else. Especially after the deceasement of the Troll Empress."

Kiriki nodded.

"Now, is everybody in an optimal condition? I do care about the well-beings of others now." PS this was still Kankri not Peyhid.

"GODDAMMIT GRAND CANYON!"

"Well, at least we know John is."

---

(The Next Morning, Day 3)

Last night Peyhid did all sorts of hearing tests and amplifiers and they could all actually hear much better than ever. When Dave walked out of the "megatent" (it worked like those tents in Futurama where just add water) he was actually frowning.

"The ringing in my left ear is gone. I've had that for three years. Everything suddenly feels way too fucking quiet. I don't like it."

"That should be gone." Said Peyhid. "It is the sign of a bad infection. Especially if it's in only one ear."

Also I should mention that they got the jobs at the Hooters and the male version Cocks while last night as well. In fact, Peyhid was giving them the tests while they were doing the applications and it looked akward. Either way they were in their unifroms and Netimp was scratching his butt.

"Urgh! I can't believe they require you to wear underwear under these! I hate it! Nepeta already told most of you why we go commando in the war, but... care to explain to the past people? Anyone?"

They were right now on the sidewalk between the two restaurants. And everyone was in their original sex, in the counterpart's case the flipped selves from the originals. ...Holy shit, this is the first time that that power is actually important to the plot and not just an excuse to have as much boobs on the team as possible, is it?

Okay so after getting in the workplace there was a lot of complaining, but by this one table Jean was going and telling Beth about their adventures (and previously stated she did in fact explain why the Nepetas preferred the commando option) and she seemed a bit impessed.

"Wow! So I already heard something about a war, but you also stopped the future version of that water ghost from castrating Jake?"

Jean nodded.

"That sounds... bold!"

Anyway, for that day the workplace was not anything special. Aside from the times that Nepeta and/or Netimp bent over and their shorts and underpants ripped, which required immediate replacement. But thankfully nobody got offended at that. Yet...

---

(The Next Day, Day 4)

Thankfully they got paid here, and with the combined efforts even though it wasn't much since they joined near the end of the week, a Thursday, they still had enough to get one car and share it. Especially since, again, the gen2s were flipping their sexes to work in both restaurants. But they were finishing up the shift when suddenly...

HOMER SIMPSNON BROKE THROUGH THE WINDOW!

"DID SOMEBODY SAY CHILD PORNOGRAPHY?" He asked with a large grin on his face.

Porrim and Porsiv were both in their male forms, so doing work at Cocks and giving eachother looks.

"Um... I think I did a few nights ago at my hotel."

"So I followed it all the way over there, because I have this little radar thing that-"

Nepeta, as the male-like body, grabbed the radar and smashed it for being overpowered.

And then another window broke! It was Jaws!

"'Nd I followed 'im! As I kn'w you Rainbow Crew had some connectioon with this fucker!"

"We have to run!" Porrim cried, and quickly contacted the rest of the Crew in either restaurant to say this. "Because if we fight here, Jaws will kill all the others!"

So then they rushed outside! But the boss cried, "WAIT! IF YOU GO TOO FAR FROM EITHER PROPERTY-"

And they continued running to avoid Jaw's shot, even Homer Simpson, but once they went by past a few other buildings suddenly their clothing (underwear included) ripped off of them and started walking back to the respective establishment (yes, the clothes walked back and not the people, that's not a spelling error trust me I have Wordpad Spellcheck and so far I had zero red underlines), leaving them all naked.

"-WELL, TO AVOID EMPLOYEE THEFT WE HAVE OUR OUTFITS GO BACK. I KNOW IT'S AN EMERGENCY, BUT STILL."

John sighed. "So we have to fight naked again. What's new?"

An old lady across the street first looked horrified, then disgusted. "EXCUSE ME! I'm Candy Flowers, and as a proud grandmother I do not approve of your nudity! It could damage a child's life!"

"Deal with it." Said Dave. He would put on his shades but those aren't apparantly allowed in the uniform, and also even if he had them he wouldn't like the way Jaws was staring all of them down. Homer was also giving them weird looks.

"Well I will! By doing what should be more acceptable in media than nudity is!" Candy then whipped out a pair of guns. "VIOLENCE!"

"Shit." Said Kanaya, "I occuredinated that we do not have weaponizers with us. As that violates Hooters and Cocks policty."

"Yeah we're kind of screwed." Roxy added. "We have to run from her and Jaws."

"Hey, and me!" Shouted Homer, looking annoyed. "You guys promised me CP! For the love of fuck, I'm not gonna sit around while you betray me like this! I want my revenge! By beating the shit out of you guys!"

"We need a car." Said Cronus.

So they ran while being chased by Jaws, the old lady, and Homer Simpson into a car lot, and the guy said "WOAH YOU'RE ALL NAKED," then Rose said:

"Actually, I heard that the best cars are in the store two blocks east. We should go there first."

In case it wasn't obvious, they are not at the Grand Canyon itself. But a city close by it. So they were running when,

"Somebody summon Hank Hill!" Karkat cried. "Dammit, I would do it myself to be doing something around here, BUT- I forgot the jingle."

Dave, in a panic, cried "LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR, STATEFARM IS THERE!"

But he had Geico insurance because he liked the gecko. Also this was in the past before he got the insurance and indeed before he was even born, so there's that.

Anyway, Karkat cried "NO IT WASN'T THAT!" And then decided to buy a lawnmower (they still probably have enough for a car). And then asked if her could mow a lawn of this guy for free and that guy said "Ok," and then since they were being chased all he did was mow a little streak and took the shavings. The guy said "HEY!" and Karkat replied "I DID IT FOR FREE. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT?"

Then Feferi got bold, came to a stop, and made a propane symbol in the shavings and got on her knees. She cried, "DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN, STAMPEDE!"

"GO YOU DALLAS COWBOYS, GO!" The entire Crew added on.

Jaws, Homer, and Candy all came to a confused stop as it glew white and began floating into the air.

"...I knew that new system of summoning would work. Anyway, do you have any Hank Tokens?"

"Admitedly, no." Said Rose, "We're a little pressed for time. Can you just save us like you did back at the Felt Tower?"

"Sorry, I only aid those who have proved their aiding worth."

"But- all the things we did-"

"That was only to save your own hides. The jury duty mission, the Waterwraith battle... you just want yourselves to be saved, I'll tell 'ya that is so selfish. You only do tasks when absolutely needed to."

The entire Crew looked around at eachother.

"Okay, moral critique coming from someone who hates Chicagans." Said Karkat. "I do NOT have to listen to you."

"Well, I might have a point. All of you are either from Chicago or will settle there in the future, right? And was what I said true?"

Ross leaned into Rose's ear. "We have to prove him wrong." He said.

Rose only smirked in response. "Just like how I have to prove you wrong, and most of the Crew once had to prove me wrong. Oh, what a delicious cycle. And now that you are among the ones in the recieving end, I feel less bad for still being on it."

Hank sighed. "You know though, since you were the reason for my existance- technically... I suppose I could follow you fellas around a little bit until you do decide to earn a Hank Token."

"HEY!" Shouted Homer, "Why even wait for them to get the Hank Token, when we could still chase them down and kick their asses?"

Then the rollers dropped from the sky, and the Waterwraith dropped from them!

"Don't forget about me!" He cried. "Also, the magic of the state-barriers is gone. You can go wherever now."

So they (the Rainbow Crew) were chased until they found a car store, but instead of buying a car they saved their money and found someone driving. A convertable. No roof.

"CAN YOU PLEASE HELP US WE NEED TO BORROW YOUR CAR AND EVERYTHING AND PILE ON IT MIGHT BE AN UNCOMFORTABLE BIG PILE SINCE WE'LL ALL BE ON TOP OF EACHOTHER BUT... IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" Cried Jade.

The guy driving the car grinned. "Okay, get on."

So then they got on and drove all the way to the Arizona portion. Hank floated after them with his arms crossed. Meanwhile, the four chasers all looked at eachother.

"We need some real wheels to get there, man." Said Homer.

"No problem for me!" Cried Waterwraith. Jaws looked at him.

"Say, I've teamed up with one darkness being before named Dark Ezekiel... I wonder if I can team up with you."

"Um, go fuck yourself."

Jaws frowned. "Fine. I'll just comit GRAND THEFT AUTO!"

"I must do so to!" Cried Candy, "It's for the children and protecting their innocent spirits!"

So a car drove up, and immediately the old lady ran to it and put her hands on the hood (that's the front right? Not the gangster that drives it? Because this isn't driven by a gangster, I want to give a good image for kids. Uh, teenagers at this point)

"I NEED THIS FOR OUR FUTURE!" She cried.

"But-"

"You're an idiot." She reached into the window and took out the guy and threw him on the street. Who cried "Oh, my leg!"

So then she drove off, and Homer was left as Jaws tagged along the same car. "Hm... what kind of ride can I have...?" He put his hand on his chin. "Oh! I know, unlike those Rainbow Crew guys, I can do this! Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there!"

And then the agent!

"Help! I need your help to steal a car."

The agent put handcuffs on Homer's hands!

"You're undre arest." She said.

"Oh no! Wait a minute... I can just steal a cop car!"

"I heard that."

---

(Oklahoma, to save on time we're skipping New Mexico completely. Sorry but that's what that state gets for having an uncreative name)

"Ugh. Do we have to go through Oklahoma? You couldn't have just, like, grazed past an ouce of glorious Texas?" Hank asked.

"I'd rather piss you off at this rate." Rose answered.

The entire rest of the Crew nodded. Except Karkta, who said "No! Don't be mean to him!"

And Karkat reacted with that by shaking his head.

John sighed, "Say, how do you de-summon Hank?"

"I think I know!" Dave cried and then rapped: "Yo yo yo charcoal and tennis and Canada!"

Hank sighed and teleported away.

"HOLY SHIT!" Dave shouted, "THAT REALLY WORKED!"

"I think we should check to see the threat behind us," Jake said, "And then focus on the closest one first."

Since the Waterwraith had the rollers right now and was the closest, that was the best bet.

"Alright. What do we know about the Waterwraith?" Asked Kanaya.

"Oh." Damara gave the answer, "Well since the Onions have the physical ability to slap them, that might be a sollution. Otherwise, we'll just need to perform some kind of dumb ritual thing."

"Did somebody say dumb ritual thing?" Asked Aradia.

"Yes." Dave answered. "Damara did!"

"Well, I might be the expert on this. Wraiths can be entrapped in something called a summoning circle. Anyway, who is next in line"

"I have a plan." Said Vriska, "Why don't we bake a giant donut to lure Homer, write on that summoning circle thing (though that's a dumb name it sounds more like calling another Wraith), put little spikes on it that will rip off Homer's pants and get the lady to target him, and then just shoot Jaws in the head while hiding out before he regenerates so he can't see us."

"And I can't aim a light arrow now." Equius said, ashamed.

The whole Rainbow Crew was quiet.

"Holy crap." Said Karkat, "A good idea from Vriska of all people. IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?"

"I don't see anybody else coming up with good ideas." Vriska replied offended. "Obviously not my counterpart, whose inactivity drove me to doing this. And Nepeta, you're usually out-smartassing me. What the hell are you doing right now? Are you reading a book?"

They looked over. Nepeta did, in fact, have a strange old-looking book thing with a leo sign on the cover. She peeked her eyes over it.

"Um, yes. I have this little journal to cataloge the supernatural and everything. I'm looking up other wraith weaknesses. Because how are we gonna make a giant donut?"

"A giant-" John began.

"NO. DON'T EVEN. FUCK OFF WITH THAT GAG, IT'S OLD." Karkat bitched in reply. "IF SOMEONE SAYS, 'A GIANT BACKERY,' I WILL SLAP THEM." He slapped himself to prove his point. "ALSO THE BOOK, WHAT IS THAT?"

"Just stuff I copied off of Wikipedia! Honest!" Nepeta cried, holding to book to her face. John leaned over and looked at her two things. Then looked at the book.

"'rip van winkle: :33 an asshole'" He read, "And there's a drawing of her and the rest of the page and its neighbor are blank. Yeah, she was an asshole. You don't need to consult a book to remember that. Say, if you're naked, I have a question. Okay, two, the other one is that how does that Ichigo Sword stick to you when the rest of them have sword straps and everything. The first is, where did you get that book from?"

"I balance the sword up with my butt, okay? I can do that. And the book was kept..."

John yanked it and flipped through the pages. "A-HA!" He cried, "The first page! 'pcoket dimensions: great for holding this journal!' You know how to make a pocket dimension, don't you?"

"That explains it!"

"Then why didn't you tell any of us this? I could have been useful for... sneaking a bazooka to Meenah's base, or to get something past Cartman."

"I didn't think about it at the time! Plus, it says right there that this is only for the most limited varieties! ...Sort of, you can hide a lot more but it's complicated. And before you asked, the opening to it can travel with me, which is how this went back in time. Becides, Aradia and Gamzee and Kurloz are way more interested in spooky magic stuff than me, bother them instead!"

Dave stared at the journal. "I have no idea why, but I find something suspicious about it."

John laughed on the other hand. "Okay if my thoughts about this journal can be compared to Dave then I can tell I am reading too much into it. You are just another member of the Rainbow Crew."

Nepeta closed the journal. "Okay! Let's talk about something that actually matters! Did anybody notice that Homer is driving a police car? He must have stolen that."

"Or got another job." Meenah said, "If there's one thing I know from his short time as my assistant, thanks to his never-ending talking, it's that he had a shitload of jobs."

Aradia then used her telekinesis on a giant donut model thing, said "Nobody's coming up with any better ideas," and Rose nodded in agreement and tossed a bunch of needles sticking out of it. Kurloz and Kursis were both more than happy to scribble down all sorts of incantations, then they threw it at the brigade.

"A MERE ADVERTIZING TOY CANNOT STOP THE WATERWRAITH!" Cried the Waterwraith as he charged foreward, doing an ollie into the donut circle - and getting stuck.

"Mmmm... donuts..." Said Homer, who then jumped off and got onto it, but the needles ripped off his pants and underpants.

"NUDITY!" Cried Candy, who chased after them as Damara telekinetically sent the donut rolling, then chased after them instead. "THE OLDER THE PERSON, THE MORE THEY SHOULD KNOW HOW WRONG IT IS! I MEAN, LOOK AT ME! I WILL CHASE AFTER HIM FOR NOW INSTEAD!"

And then Kate shot Jaws. In the face.

Vriska looked shocked. "Wow. My plan worked."

"So... we rest now?" Dian asked. "I think we should rest."

"Roger." Said Dirk.

Then the Crew looked at eachother.

"I thought Dirk usually talked first?" John asked.

"He does, but there's times when the answer is obvious. Let's stay out." Said Dian.

"Oh, speaking of you..." Said Kate, "Why are you staring at me? You've never seen a woman with large, woman bits?"

"Well if you're talking about your boobs, yes, but your pubis also looks a little larger than normal. And I think I know normal. And sorry Nepeta, Netimp, and Aurink, you didn't make the cut." Dirk cleared out his throat, then looked over at Jake. Who simply sulked a little.

---

(Fancy Hotel)

They pretty much blew the rest of their loads (as in money) on a cool hotel. And stayed there. John in particular lied down on his bed and sighed.

"This was a terrible week." He said.

"And the week we spent trapped under a dome was better?" Asked Rose, "And the one before that, with all the starting shit?"

"On that week, we met a lot of new people. Then after that, we got to see my mom kicking the shit out of that Carl guy."

"Oh!" Said Beth, "You never told me about any of your relatives! Just that you might be an only child! What was your mom like?"

"Uh, I don't want to... um, cause a time paradox! Yeah, you'll know my mother when you see her."

Jean gave him a mean look.

"Well that's not a lie!"

"Okay..." Jean said regrettingly.

Anyway they went to sleep.

---

(The Next Day, Day 5)

Terezi woke up first but wasn't the one to wake up first actually, because she saw Dave above her.

"We need to leave INSTANTLY!" He cried.

"WHY?" Terezi asked.

"I was reviewing the imprisonment spell on Nepeta's book, and it turns out that it really only works for 18 hours, not 24. And it's been 18 hours! I think I saw the Waterwraith looking around and sniffing for us, and Jaws was following! And so were that old lady and Homer!"

They both ran up to the window and saw the Waterwraith enter the hotel.

"SHIT." Shouted Terezi. Oh yes, most of the others were waking up. Nepeta was the first to speak.

"Did somebody say they were reading my journal?"

"You said it was mostly just copy-pasted from Wikipedia."

Then the door busted open, and it was Waterwraith! Oh yes, and they were still naked since they had to pay for the hotel uniforms and still lacked the proper cash due to getting the room.

"Hey I just want to let you know that I'm surprisingly good at climging stairs."

The whole Crew snuck out by his side, and then ran into another door. Waterwraith chased after them, but ended up in the wrong door. And thus the Scooby Doo began:

Next was Jaws, laughing as usual. "I'm so glad I could follow that guy! Just like Homer to here!"

And right behind him was the lady and Homer. "Man, that was one hell of a beating I got. Why didn't you kill me back then though?" He asked.

"Because I don't want to waste ANY of my killing weapons not on my original targets!" She answered.

Inside that door they all entered:

"Shit!" Cried Homer, "Okay, temporary truce. Did anybody see what direction they went in?"

"I was too busy lookin' at your fight." Said Jaws.

"Me too." Said Waterwraith.

Behind the wall, they heard some talking:

"Okay, we should leave then, while they still think we're hiding out in this room!" It was Dave's voice!

"Let's leave then!" Said Candy.

"Wait a minute. Has anybody ever heard of, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush? Why focus on killing them when we could be killing eachother?" Homer said.

"GOT IT!" Candy shouted, "YOU'RE GOING DOWN!"

Homer screamed. "But! I know how to take down the Waterwraith!"

"And I can kill the old lady!" Waterwraith shouted.

Jaws sat down. "Okay, there's a clear rock-paper-scissors. Why don't you each hide out in a random door, shuffle around a little, then go out looking for the other person? That should be fun to look at."

So then they all walked out, and so did Jaws, who sat back at the end of the hall and lit a cigarette. And yes, this was a no-smoking hotel, and that added to his villainy because he broke rules.

"Fuckin' morons." He said as they all hid.

"Okay," Dave's voice was heard, "I heard another door close. Several of them. Let's see if they're checking another room and the coast is clear." And they walked out and saw some shadows down the stairs!

"Sh! It's Jaws!" Said Aradia, "But he's only lighting a cigarette! I heard that sharks have bad hearing, so if we sneak to another door-"

But the shadows were actually Alucard, and Walter, and Kamina! Hecksing of the past! For more information on their adventures, plase read Hecksing: The Dawn. It's got action, adventure, and even a little comedy! And yes there's like other characters by this point but to keep things simple(r) and to not give anything about HTD away, let's just keep it at these three. In fact mentioning Kamina already kind of gives this away.

Shameless advertizing aside (blame the economy), Alucard first went into a room and said, "Hey Mr. Cooper, I heard you complaining about a haunting and we're here to investigate. We're led to believe it might tie in with this HRG target..."

But Sheldon Cooper (in the past of course) ran out! But into Homer's room! And then... well, use your imagination, they all (later Jaws finally got sick of waiting around) went around and swapped rooms and stuff, and like I said Scooby Doo.

So in the end they all flooded out eventually and were back down the road, going north-east from Oklahoma. Oh yeah, and Hank was involved with the chase scene too, that might be important, he came back again.

So the car guy from before obviously wasn't there. BUT! They were close by a junk yard, and there there was a jalopy!

"We can repair that!" Shouted Peyhid. "With the super awesome power of teamwork!"

Everyone else was fighting eachother, and Alucard, Kamina, Walter, and Hank were also keeping Candy, Waterwraith, Jaws, and Homer respectively (doing them with a certain character is called character development partnering). Because of this they quickly and completely fixed it up and Cronus drived off, once again with them piled up.

So then they were into Kansas. And if you were expecting a Wizard reference, fuck off. That's overused. Instead, we might be covering the new series by Great Pikmin Fan, 360 Degree Duck. (Yes this is another ad but and like in Youtube you can skip it.)

So anyway they passed Starpoke appartments, and since 360DD was in 2014 while this is in 1993 right now and 2011 in the present, there aren't demons there. Actually scratch that, the demons have completely different roles as you've seen in Jake's hallucination brought on by Rip. So uh... just a little cameo from Duck, then?

Okay, Duck appeared out of the appartment and his old (or I guess current) roommate Tyler was there, and for those that don't know he's from the upcoming THE BEST FAMILY but made a quick cameo here like Pixar does except originally TBF was to come out before 360DD but it didn't.

"Who are you and hw are you exactly defiling the great rule of the law?" Asked Duck.

"Uh, you might want to just ignore them..." Tyler commented. "And please," then his whispered, "Try not to drag me into this."

"I have it under good authority to report some oddities like this and track you down myself! But first, let me try to call the cops..."

So he did and then got on Mechbike. PS the Crew had long-since left and were now at Missouri. And since that's just one state away, I guess they rested for the night since the car was so good that once again they temporarly lost everyone. The car was also so good that it doubled as a nice little waiting-hotel room on its own, but since it wasn't large and didn't have some kind of expandinator they had to akwardly pile on together. Thankfully, it was still winter, so instead of burning to death their naked bodyheat actually just kept them warm. Well, the people on the inside, anyway.

---

(Day 6)

"Well I'm glad that we're still safe from the badguys!" Dave cheered as he stretched and got up. And yes, this was a lovely day, as the radars of the car and stuff still showed no sign of any of the villains, and they were out in a pleasant wood-side area without any sort of bugging prudes about their nudity.

Wait a minute. Alone in the woods. And allies Alucard, Walter (well hm hm hmmm), Kamina, Hank, and Duck weren't around... ruh roh.

They heard a growl and saw a pair of large, red eyes appearing at them from the forest.

"OH SHIT IT'S THE FLATWOODS MONSTER!" Dave cried.

"Wrong state." Said Jake.

"Migration."

It turns out that was just an illusion from the Waterwraith, who pointed out, "Hey, just reminding you, you are being chased, you know that? I mean it seems like if you did you would pick a better hiding spot than- well actually, when it comes to hiding this is pretty good. But wolves and everything might kill you-"

Cronus drove off again.

"Shit. I just had to open my mouth after doing a good job at getting myself and the others under the radar." Then he turned his head and called out, "HEY GUYS! I FOUND THEM1 Well... sort of." He sighed. "Okay, if they make it back to Chicago, I'll just find a place to hide out and plot my revenge. And that place should be... that nice-looking, grandly-large canyon. What's it called?"

"The Grand Canyon?" Asked Homer.

"Yeah, that."

And then there was a sound of John going "Ugh, I can't stand hearing about that place now." from the distance, and that allerted everyone.

"Let's follow that sound!" Waterwraith cried, "In fact, before he finds out, maybe if we just keep talking about the Grand Canyon it will alert us of his presense!"

But he didn't say anything after.

---

There was thankfully an interstate highway that leads from Missouri to not just Illinois, but it drops off directly at Chicago.

"WE'RE ALMOST THERE!" Cried Roxy.

But then, Candy appeared, dive-boming down the street! Her dress blew up (not like explosion but wind) and she didn't have anything underneath. Ew because she's, like, 70.

"Gross! Some people should always be dressed."Said Jake.

"HEY! I didn't think you of all people would be so judgemental!" Nepeta argued, "A person shouldn't go naked only if you think they're hot! That's a little shallow!"

"Quite so." Said Equius. "As one who has also gotten fond with this recent inner animal of mine, this is too prude of you."

"HEY! WHICH DRIVER IN THIS EXPOSED ME?" Shouted Candy. "I'LL SHOW THEM! YOU HEARTLESS PERVERT-"

"Believe me!" Said a driver in the highway, "I would not do something like that on purpose! Especially to an old person such as yourself!"

"Well, I'm clean so it's obviously not my fault that my privates ended up exposed! I WILL PUNISH YOU BY RIPPING OUT YOUR THORAX AND STUFFING IT IN YOUR ABDOMENT, NO WAIT A MINUTE THAT'S FOR BUGS!"

And she tried to drive around, but stuff like the wind kept flipping up her dress, and she kept blaming random people for exposing her nudity to the kids. And kept threatening them.

"Where's the state lines?" Asked Porrim. "I know the old me would prefer sight-seeing, but I just want to make it to Chicago where the bomb is. After all, there should only be a day before we make it there."

"I need to get to Colorodo." Said Aurink. "It was nice talking to all of you though."

"We should still band together until we reach Chicago." Said Silini, "Also just because we entered the state doesn't mean entering the city will be easy. There might be lava lakes, lightning storms, sharks - oh wait there already is a shark. Um... shoot, darn tootin'!"

Getting tired of all the distractions, Candy eventually did a donut in the road and that caused a huge pileup of traffic cars to start getting flipped up and around and pile on top of eachother. It was like Blues Brothers 2000. Except the Rainbow Crew was not on a mission from God, they were on a mission from Dirk and that's even questionable since they would probably try to get to Chicago anyway. Without teleportation by the way since um... the Waterwraith fucked them up. Yeah, that's it.

Some guy on the freeway meanwhile got on a celphone. "Hey wife, I just want to say that I will be stuck here for some time. Why? Well, a traffic jam. I'm not completely sure, but I think it's caused by a ton of naked people bunched into a car, this water-ghost thing, a vampire that looks like Carmen Sandiego male, some cartoon guy, a more masculine version of the Auroku guy from Kill La Kill, a walking shark that can breathe air and has a gun, some oldish dude with strings, and an old lady."

Anyway the Crew themselves were obviously ahead since their car was amazing. Homer rage-quitted since his stolen police car was pretty bad and just decided to go to New York, where he'll move and this is also how he'll meet Marge.

"Say." Said Kamina. "What happened to that ghost thing we were looking for?"

"Oh." Alucard tapped some monitor. "Yarr, according to this, that was actually a false alarm. It was just a little busted and it turns out there wasn't even a ghost, or anything haunting the place for that matter." He then waved at everyone. "Sorry for the false alarm. Walter, Kamina, you can go back. I want to talk to the naked people since they seem like they're in distress, so I will use me advanced vampire powers that I have to fly over to them." Damn, Alucard just can't stay dead in this, can he? Well technically this is the past but still I keep temporarly (or should I say temporaly as in pun) keep bringing him back.

"GODDAMN IT HOMER I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING RESEMBLING A TEAM! YOU'RE WORSE THAN THE BEEF THEY SERVE AT RESTAURANTS! It poisons children you know, hu-RMPH!"

Candy was flying around on a jet pack she stole from among the pileup and Alucard was flying over and then they both went to the Crew at the same time.

"Guys and girls," Alucard said, "I- oh wait, I have to fight this person off she looks like a threat."

Then cops drove up behind Candy and started hand-cuffing her!

"Halt!" One of them cried, "You are under arrest for causing major and possibly fatal traffic disturbance, attempted murder of over ninety teens, and defaming beef!"

"NO! I AM NOT THE ENEMY HERE! IT IS THEM! RUINING THE PRECIOUS CHILDREN WITH THEIR HORRENDUS, GENDER-CONFUSED NUDITY! I JUST WANTED TO TURN THEM ALL INSIDE-OUT!" She cried.

Dave got on his knees and looked over at Roxy. "PLEASE tell me we're in a state with the death penalty."

"We are." Said Aranea, "But it only works when they've killed someone."

She stabbed a random cop.

"Well, rest assured!" Aranea cheered, "This psychopath will be dead by the time we return to our former time glory!"

"And get to see these other people as-" Aramin began before Aranea shot him a glare.

"We're keeping that a secret. And by the way, Candy, we are not gender confused. We just like toying around with our newfound shape-shifting powers. There's a bit of a difference."

"Fucking liberals." Said Candy, "AND YOU BETTER BLEEP THAT SHIT OUT OR ELSE THE CHILDREN WILL SHIT THEMSELVES!"

Then she was stuffed into the car and the stabbed cop sadly died. Actually, no. Peyhid just patched him up.

"Wow, that was bad." Alucard said.

"Alucard..." Said Kanaya, "...I just wanted to messagifate you this... well, what I'll do later on, I just want to say that, I hope you don't take it too hard. I mean, you do already-"

"Woah." Said Kamina, "That's a little too much crossing into trying to split the timeline territory. and no, I didn't telelport away while Walter used one of my Spartan drives to get back to Hecksing Manor."

Alucard narrowed his eyes. "I have some suspicion about this group. Are you evil?"

But he was distracted when he was suddenly struck by the past version of the Troll Empress! Which, due to the whole 300 years thing, was actually just looked identical to her present self. Maybe with a tiny bit less hair? Then again I'm not completely sure what her hair should look like.

"You there! One of my two little husbandies! Along with that gold guy that just drove off! I want you to join me in my little party! And hmmmm... who are all of those naked people? I think my computer started picking up information about... wait, two-thirds of them?"

Alucard shook his head. "I don't think so. Now, I think this group might be a little shady, so if I end up dissappointing one of them I wouldn't feel too bad because one of them implied that might do something terrible to me in the future. I could die from one of their inventions or something. I want to take them in for questioning..."

Then someone else stopped him! It was Rose Quartz!

"You will not harm Gaia's creatures like that." She said, then turned to the Troll Empress, "And neither will you. As a defender of this planet, I would like to prevent terrible actions done on the human race. And troll race, and other races. You know, living beings. I'm not racist against any particular alien. In fact, I am an alien myself."

"Aliens can be racist against other aliens, young grasshopper." Said Alucard, "Trust me. I know this Saturnian who hates all Neptunians."

Anyway they went into that three-way fight. Mostly involved a lot of teleporting, but this is long as-is so use your imagination for all the cool fight scenes. Or not since Adenya said it was overrated. They just kinda slapped eachother in the air and stayed that way. Beth looked on in confusion, as with the rest of the first generation.

"Um... what is this?" She asked.

"THERE IS NO TIME WATERWRAITH AND JAWS MIGHT CATCH UP GO GO GO!" John cried, quickly kicking Cronus to the side and driving off. Cronus was flopping along the piles of other people and eventually fell off, and then John akwardly backed up so that he could get back on.

Over the pile-up, the Waterwraith lept over the cars with Jaws on his back (Waterwraiths can solidify themselves in certain parts like that, they are in fact willingly making themselves intangable most of the time) since they've gotten over that "Go fuck yourself" thing, then they both saw a sign that said "Now entering Illinois" and Waterwraith said "Woah I think it's time to quit, see ya!" And turned around and Jaws shouted in protest because he was still on his back, then jumped off. "But first... eh, I'd rather not toy around with the time stream too much and have two of these for so many years. I'll use its teleporting thingy to send this to Chicago and just hope they find it in secret. Either way, it's not my responsibility." Then he shot a portal on the floor, one far out to Chicago, held his hand through the one on the floor, then went all "One, two, three" and disabled the portals as he let go, causing his hand to go out intact while the rock itself was still transported. Jaws looked at where the ground portal was and looked annoyed. "Sorry! It's my call, and not your's!"

"Hm..." Said Jaws, "Looks like it's just me by myself eh... well, lemme find me a good car to use... what to chose from...?"

He saw a fancy motorcycle that was unharmed in the pileup because it was't someone involved with the crash, instead a person who checked it out, so he pushed the person off and took her motorcycle and coincidentally fitting Jaws it was black and had flame patterns on it.

"HA HA HA!" Cried Jaws, "YOU'RE NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET, RAINBOW CREW! OR TECHNICALLY YOU ARE SINCE YOU STARTED THE DAY LEAVING THE WOODS, BUT NOT OUT OF THE METAPHORICAL WOODS WHILE YOU WERE OUT OF THE LITERAL WOODS UNLESS THERE'S ANOTHER WOODS YOU COME ACROSS!"

---

(Illinois Freeway)

They saw a sign that said "Chicago: One hour. That is, if you are going at the speed we think you are going at. AND YOU SHOULD BE BECAUSE THAT'S THE LEGAL SPEED! AND STOP READING THIS, EYES ON THE ROAD EYES ON THE ROAD!"

"So." Said Dirk, "Team, Jaws is the only major threat that is left. Everybody else is left behind. Let's do this!"

"I can just fire a light arrow- shoot..." Said Equius, "I lack the current supplies."

"Jaws isn't even in our sights." Said Jane, "I do believe we lost him again. This calls for some rejoicing."

"Okay. We'll spend the rest of our trip playing road games. I spy with my little eye..."

---

(Chicago)

The Crew looked at their treehouse and sighed in relief, having everything now almost back the way it was.

"We can help you out," Nepeta said to the ancestors, "Before you move to Colorodo or... whatever your plans were. For now, we'll just have you get settled in close by our future meeting location."

And they all got in and relaxed and stuff (and yes they finally got dressed). Most of the second generation actually slept by the treehouse, but they weren't expecting it to be so broken down compared to what the Pikmin interns have done. Or, will done, because time travel. There was only one exception to this: John.

He sighed as he went towards Beth's house and knocked a little.

"I can't sleep because... a lot of reasons. Can I stay over with you? The time bomb should be repaired by the next morning, so you can even... kick me out when that happens."

"Okay. I was just getting ready for bed. Let me just change to my pajamas."

She licked the whipped cream off herself (very flexible) and then put on a very innocent looking pajama shirt that was her semi-matching light blue color with adorable bunnies on it... and no pajama bottoms.

"Come on, I can show you around!"

"Um... I think I was in the future version of this house..."

"Alright then! Do you want a party or do you just want to sleep? Because I kind of like you."

"JUST sleep." He said quickly and nervously.

So then he sighed as he lied down, feeling a little better about the entire time travel thing. He was about to sleep when he heard Beth giggling.

"Did you say something?"

"I gave a few thoughts about our trip around the country. The way you paniced and kind of derped out over everything... we do have quite a bit in common."

"Okay good night."

"We're not related related, as we look so similar, are we?"

"No!"

"Okay. ...To be honest, it's funny finally having someone in my bed. When I'm still a virgin."

"Oh god... wait a minute, okay." He rolled over and faced her.

"What are you suggesting, hmmm?" She winked at him.

"Oh, I thought you were my mom from the future. But she said she lost her virginity sometime before this point in her life. So you're not my mother!"

Beth laughed. "You don't have to keep that a secret! Well want to do it?"

"Okay."

---

(Morning, Day 7)

"BOW CHICHA WOW WOW!" Oh no that was the Moth Reaper's voice!

John and Beth were woken up and naked under the covers, and the Moth Reaper was staring him down.

"As someone from the future, lemme tell ya'll that this was your son."

"WHAT?" John asked, "But... my mom... I overheard her say that she lost her virginity at 13!"

"Oh, that." Beth said, "I think I was talking about this time- you know the other meaning of the term? Yes, well, I was riding my bike like a good proper lady when this speed bump-"

"AND I CAN INSTA-BLOOD TEST!" Moth Reaper continued crying. "YOU TWO ARE RELATED!"

John shrugged. "I'm happy you didn't break down the house wall."

Then suddenly, the wall was broken when the entire rest of the Rainbow Crew broke it down. Especially Damara, who looked shocked.

"So every single one of you neglected to mention that you are our descendants?" Asked Vlie. "Interesting. Deceptive."

"Hey Rose good to see you too, you see I found your portal rock again..." Jake said. "I guess Waterwraith was all talk with the whole 'come to Chicago' or whatever."

"Hm... well then..." Aradia said, trying not to comment on-

"HELLO SISTER!" Cried Ardion.

"I was close. I thought they were our parents." Said Dale, "I know Beth doesn't know anything about her's, and Vlie and I are so distant from our's..."

"As someone who likes a good incest, I-" The Moth Reaper began but then Beth shot him, and that was his final life so he's dead for good now.

"HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME? YOU EVEN FLAT-OUT LIED TO ME BEFORE YOU EVEN TOLD ME YOU SUSPECTED A LITTLE AND- ARGH! AND THE DANGER THAT MY FUTURE SON GETS INVOLVED WITH? WOW, IF I WASN'T TOLD OF IT BY SOME LYING ASSHOLES LIKE YOU, HEARING IT FROM ANYONE ELSE, WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME A HEART ATTACK! OUT OF FEAR! BUT NOW MY HEART ATTACK, IS BECAUSE I AM FUCKING PISSED OFF AT YOU!"

"I told you about the hunch! Troll, you should be on my side since you believe in incest- wait. The lying. Yeah..."

"BUT... BUT... Okay, we both made some miscalculations and ignored common sense, but-"

"I need to update my shipping walls!" Said Nepeta.

"I smell fan fic!" Cried Meulin.

"I need to update my Freudian Research." Said Rose. Vlie gave her a curious look.

"Ugh, I don't know what's worse..." Beth shook her head, "The fact that you enjoyed it John, or the fact that I enjoyed it! Hell, because of the Ballad of Duality Powers it didn't even feel like my son so much as I was seperately doing quadruplets!"

"Uh, quadruplets?" Asked Terezi, "John, is there something you know about the shape-shifting and sex-bending that I don't?"

"This isn't the time for that!" John cried. Then Beth got out of her bed and pointed towards the door.

"Everybody. OUT! All of you! Even my own friends, but ESPECIALLY you fuckers from the future! Out! O.U.T!"

Then she pointed at the hole in the wall, and in a more calm manner said, "Or you should take the hole you broke. It's a lot faster that way."

So they did, and the second generation quickly got back to the sub and then grabbed the time bomb. It was close to re-activating.

"We need a place with a large, open space." Said Rose. "Actually, dust. This is powered by anything in general so it can run on carbage like those flying cars in Back to the Future, but dust really works for some reason. So what about this old creepy warehouse?"

John sighed, "Jane, are we still together?"

"I don't really judge a lot. I mean, you know the freaky shit Jake is into? A little consensual incest doesn't bother my bosom too much. Joan?"

Joan surprisingly just shrugged. "i think this is funny as hell." Oh and meanwhile Jake blushed because of what Jane said about him.

"I'm sorry," Said John, "It's just that... she was bottomless! I'm always a boob guy, but for some reason bottomless people just... okay, that was a bad excuse. But I do like bottomlessness."

"Noted." Said Jade.

So in the warehouse they turned it on, and most of the first generation aside from Beth went over there to wave good-bye...

WHEN SUDDENLY JAWS BROKE IN! "Oy blokes! Ya' have any fu'in idea how long of a walk that was? You thought your drive was bad? Ho boy..."

"Actually the drive went by quickly." Said Dave, "That was a really good car we built. Hm... I wonder if we can take it to the present with us."

Aranea, being the exposition person, announced, "Time Bomb repaired. Portal about to activate and send us exactly seventeen years into the present."

Jaws got her attention by firing, and then the bullet zig-zagged around.

"NOW that I have your ATTENTION!" Jaws continued, "I'd like to get this on the road! You're all hostages! If any of you move, I'll direct this bullet to dive back down on ya'!"

"Why didn't you do that before?" Asked Dave, "Also, John fuhucked his mother."

"HANDS UP!" Jaws cried, "I want NO surprise weapons! I'm finishing Aradia and her lil' friend group later!"

But then he was slammed by a mallet! And flew right into the portal (which was all pink and stuff, I guess, that's how I was picturing it when visualizing the end to this chapter), and disappeared kind of like in Jak and Daxter's portals! It was obviously Beth, and I'm not saying that with an exclamation point since that's too obvious.

"Hello. I'm not going to keep an angry grudge against you forever." She said, "I still do not like that... oh, screw it. I guess the lesson here is..."

"Always have one member storm off so that when everybody else is held hostage, that held member can rush back in at convenient timing?" Rose asked.

"Yes, that. Well, goodbye."

So then the first generation held-hands and they were about to step through, but Terezi cried out, "WAIT!"

"What?" John asked.

"Regarding the split timelines, I think we should at least have a definitive split timeline to play around with this entire 'meeting the past versions of our ancestors' gimmick."

"What will work?"

She held up a coin, both sides heads but one of them was scratched. "This isn't a normal coin. Normal coins will almost always land on one side in a given timeline, as mostly the decisions are the only things that can actually make a timeline split, like if you knowingly disobey what you know about the pesent. But this is a special Quantum Coin. When flipped, there is a high change that it will make an alternate timeline in of itself where it lands on the other side. Now, heads, we leave, scratch, we stay."

It was heads.

"Okay bye then."

---

(The Present)

The second generation got out and was greeted with "WELCOME BACK!" By the leprechauns, who treated them to a big party. John stayed out of it, stayed in the warehouse a little longer, then Nan jumped out from behind out of nowhere.

"Hello."

"So you were keeping secret that you saw ourselves from the future?"

"Yes. BUT! You were keeping secret that you were from the future, so we are even!"

"I deserve that. So am I my own father?"

"No, that's impossible even with the time traveling. I had a DNA test for that a long time ago when you were born, back when I thought it was still possible. Your real father was this Napoleon Dynamite looking guy. I think his name was Harold?"

He laughed a little. "You're kidding, right?"

"...I wish this was a prank, but it isn't."

"Oh."

THEN SUDDENLY THE TIME SCREWED JUMPED OUT!

"OOGA BOOGA BOOGA!" He cried. "I'M THE REAL TIME SCREWER, AND BY SCREWING YOUR MOM I HAVE COME TO KILL YOU BECAUSE THAT DEFIES THE UNIVERSE SOMEHOW!"

John took off the mask.

"Roxy!" He and Nan both cried, since it was just Roxy wearing the costume.

"Scooby Dooby Doo!" Roxy shouted.

---

Closing AN:

Well I hope that's the longest chapter this fan fic has to offer, partly bloated due to the "race" scene where I wanted to give all members of the Crew lines (well, all the "players" and their alternate selves) and partly because of trying to get it to span seven days for... some reason I can't even really remember right now. Basically, the reasons why chapters 18 and 20 respectively were long, but put together. I don't want to try to "fit" another chapter into weeks anymore, and the only following instance I want to give everyone lines is the finale, chapter 26.

One thing I generally liked about this was all the chaos. The Crew having all those villains chasing after them at once... I kinda wish I cared more to flesh out things like the Scooby Doo chase, Alucard-Rose-Troll Empress fight, or the past selves of non-Crew characters in general... I don't know. And when doing the re-looking and editing before this chapter is considered "finished," it kind of occurred to me that this might be a bit more suited for the season finale than its actual finale. But meh, my planned order for this season is my planned order for this season. After all, I already tumbled around chapter plans when it came to this arc (actually now that I think about it, the last three seasons in general have had some shifts as to what happens in each chapter in general... and the first four were set in stone up to when I published the first chapter... but these weren't).

PS: Remember that part about the timeline splitting and the coin. Remember it...

HANDLES:

GCAT People (Originals): GG is Jade, GC is Terezi, GA is Kanaya, GT is John. CG is Karkat, CC is Feferi, CA is Eridan, CT is Equius. AG is Vriska, AC is Nepeta, AA is Aradia, AT is Tavros. TG is Dave, TC is Gamzee, TA is Sollux, and TT is Rose. So, the usual.

EDIB People (Act 6-Newcomers): EE is Jake, ED is Latula, EI is Porrim, EB is Jane. DE is Kankri, DD is Meenah, DI is Cronus, DB is Horuss. IE is Aranea, ID is Meulin, II is Damara, IB is Rufioh. BE is Dirk, BD is Kurloz, BI is Mituna, and BB is Roxy.