A/N: This is a long chapter, yay! Do we know the names of Rachel's two dads, or should I just make something up?
Kurt POV
I supposed it was a good thing that there was less then 48 hours to plan my date with Finn, because if it had been any longer, I might have exploded. As it was, my closet had already done so, and all of my clothing was scattered around the room. How was it that I had spent all day at the mall yesterday, getting the perfect outfit for Finn, and didn't have anything that was perfect for myself. Completely frustrated, I kicked at my desk chair, a rather unattractive habit I had picked up from Finn.
Calm yourself down; you're getting as bad as Rachael before a performance. Sit down on that bed, if you can find somewhere that isn't covered in last season's designs, and think for a minute.
The comparison to Rachael Berry stung a little more then I would have liked, so I listened to Galinda and sat.
Good boy. Now, think about this calmly and rationally. Finn likes red, he's told you that more then once. Now put the other colors away, and let's look at what we have left. Where are we going on this date?
Mini-golfing, or maybe bowling. The only good movies playing were rated R, and while Sean and maybe Finn might be able to pass as older, I looked about 12 and was never going to be able to sneak in. Plus, though no one had come out and said it, I was pretty sure that Sean was a little uncomfortable going to the movies with his disability.
Fine, somewhere active. You aren't going mini-golfing, because it's going to be 35 degrees once the sun goes down, and hypothermia isn't a good look on anyone. Nope, it's bowling for you. Get an embellished shirt and some dark pants. Hopefully that will draw the eye away from those hideous shoes they're going to make you wear.
As crazy as she drove me sometimes, I had to admit that I would be utterly lost without Galinda to keep me on track. I hung most of the clothing back up, and took stock of what I had left. The red items had been slowly taking over my closet (not solely because Finn liked it, but I would be lying if I said I hadn't taken that into consideration), and there was still plenty to choose from. I held up one shirt after another, trying to see what would look best. No, not that one, not that one either. Dear God, what had I been thinking when I bought that revolting thing?
Finally I was able to find a shirt that passed muster. Marginally. I put it on, along with a pair of black pants, and examined myself critically. Not one of my better outfits, but I guessed it would be alright in a casual setting. Now that that was taken care of, I needed a quick shower before I went over to fix up Mercedes.
I made sure to use my new shower gel, just so Finn could smell it later and know that I had been thinking about him. Then I hurriedly fixed my hair, leaving it just a little bit messy, and put on my previously chosen outfit. I looked good. No, I looked better then good, I looked fantastic. I was ready for my first date ever.
Try to say that in a way that's a little less preteen girl, even in your head. You all but squealed.
"Stick it, you Wicked Bitch of the North." I was too excited to care that I was talking to myself
I think it might be you who's the Wicked Bitch of the North, sweetheart. Isn't that what Rachael said about you? Just think though, it won't be too long before you can be super bitchy and tell Rachael that it's you who has Finn instead of her.
Ah, the thought gave me more pleasure then getting the newest issue of Vogue. I raced up the stairs and through the living room, only to be stopped by my father. "Whoa, Kurt." He pointed at the couch. "Sit down so we can have a quick talk."
Uh-oh. Here it comes, Kurt, the most awkward talk in the entire world!
I sat down and crossed my legs, forcing my back straight. "Yes?"
He tugged on his baseball cap, squirming a little. "Kurt, you are almost an adult and you have a very good head on your shoulders. But I do remember what it's like to be 16 and be with someone you want to be with very badly. I think its way too early for you to be considering sex, but I know that things are different now then when I was your age. But Kurt, if he's worth keeping, he'll understand if you say no. Now have fun, and make sure you call me when you get back."
This was actually less embarrassing then I thought it would be. "Ok, Dad, thanks." Now if I could just get out of here without it all blowing up….
Naturally this was when I just had to open my big mouth and bring something he had said back to the table. "Wait, you aren't going to be here when I get home?"
"I may or may not be. I have a date tonight too, remember?" Now he was the one who was embarrassed.
Ug, why had I even asked that? Now I would have the horrendous image of my father and Carol Hudson to kill my libido. "I think I need to leave now."
He nodded. "Have fun, and remember: I have a lot of shotguns and we have a big backyard."
I might seldom say it out loud, but I do appreciate it when he takes up for me like this. "Thanks, Dad. I'll call."
Despite there still being almost 20 minutes before I was due to be at Mercedes' house, I had five missed calls from her. Each message was more frantic then the last, though the gist of all of them was that I was never going to get there and thus she would have to choose things for herself and Sean would hate them and break up with her, and then she would end up dying a lonely old woman who would then be eaten by her 97 cats. Was my drama this exhausting?
I'm sorry, who spent four hours in a mall yesterday, and finally resorted to bribing Finn with the promise of sex, just to get him a halfway decent outfit? I think he might agree that your drama is completely exhausting.
Maybe I had been a little hard on him. After all, shopping was just like any other endurance sport in that it took a lot of practice to work up to full speed. Poor Finn had just been thrown into the thick of it.
Honey, you haven't been hard on him for the past few days. Maybe he would appreciate a little, you know, action. It would probably do wonders for your stress levels as well.
Almost as if my thoughts had reached across town, my phone buzzed across the dash. I expertly picked it up one handed, smoothly turning onto Mercedes' street at the same time. "Hello Finn Hudson!" I sounded so eager that it was downright pathetic.
"Hey." He sounded a little sleepy, like he had either taken a nap or zoned out in front of the television for a few hours. "Uh, I kind of forget which jeans I'm supposed to put on with this shirt, and I didn't want to pick wrong so I thought I would call."
He was lying. Not only was Finn terrible at it, but I had anticipated this and deliberately put the shirt on top of the correct pair of pants, as well as socks. "Wear the pair I put out with the shirt, on top of your dresser." It might be my ego talking, but I couldn't help but think that he might just want to hear my voice.
"Oh, yeah. I see them now." The was a rustling on the other end of the line, probably him getting his outfit together. "What time are you coming again?"
He must want to hear my voice, because he was starting to fish for ways to keep me on the phone. "5:30. I'll see what I can do about your hair, and then we'll meet up with Sean and Mercedes at the school at 6."
It would have made more sense for me to take Mercedes over to Finn's with me, then the three of us meet Sean, but she had put her foot down and refused. Something about having the total first date experience, and that included having Sean pick her up at home and having her parents fuss over them both. I didn't quite get it; after all, my father hadn't offered to fuss over Finn and I.
Oh for God's sake, you're a boy, despite way too many people thinking otherwise. The girl gets fussed over for her date; the guy stands there and looks uncomfortable. It's basic tradition. Anyway, the fussing is more of a Mom thing then a Dad thing.
That hurt. Would my own mother have fussed over me? Would she have sat down and given me a gentle lecture about respecting Finn and his feelings, as well as being careful of my own? I thought she would have. Dad always said I got my gentle creative side from her. She would have known exactly what to say to make my first date seem totally special.
I pushed those thoughts down as I pulled in to Mercedes' driveway. Mom was gone; she had been gone for a long time. Tonight I was going on a date with Finn Hudson, and it was going to be perfect. I wouldn't let things go any other way.
"There you are! Kurt, you're late!" Mercedes was standing on her front porch, hands on her hips. "I need help because I don't have anything to wear, and my hair is a mess and my make-up makes me look like a hooker! You need to fix me!"
I didn't think it was as bad as she was making it out to be, but, like I've said before, makeovers are like absolute crack to me. Besides, I had a clear memory of myself not two hours ago tearing all of the clothes out of my closet because I didn't think I had anything to wear either. "Ok, let's start with an outfit."
I opened her closet door, and chose a few pieces at random. "Pants or skirt? I don't think you'll want to go with a dress, unless you have a cardigan to put over it. That might work if you want to go for the innocent schoolgirl look, but I don't think so. I think you need something more in line with your sassy personality."
My reminding her that she was a diva after my own heart seemed to calm her down. "Pants. You don't bowl in a skirt."
She said it like I could be expected to know that. Still, I filed it away to know for the future and started unfolding pairs of pants. "What color top do you want?"
"Whatever you think is the best. I don't have a long list of men waiting for me if this doesn't work out, so I have to make a big impression on him." Her eyes narrowed at me. "Do not make a fat chick joke."
I might be gay, but I wasn't stupid. "Mercedes, how many times have I told you that you are beautiful exactly like you are? Plus, you have the advantage of being able wear all the wonderful bright colors that completely wash me out." I pulled out a turquoise top that would emphasize her chest without making her look trashy. "Try this."
She put it on without hesitation. "Won't a halter top make me look like a ho?"
"Of course not. A halter top won't look make you look like a ho as long as you pair it with a nice pair of flared jeans that aren't too tight. If one piece of the ensemble is a little risqué, you downplay the rest by not showing too much skin. Also, nice sandals instead of sneakers."
Once we had her outfit chosen, I sat down with her in the bathroom and started working on her make-up. "You have the most gorgeous brown eyes, with lashes that I would stomp on puppies for, and we need to play that up." I thickened them with mascara and lined the lids perfectly. A dark plum lipstick made her lips stand out a little bit, and just a hint or blush made her cheeks perfect. "You look great."
And she did. Her dark eyes were sparkling with excitement and she couldn't stop smiling. This Sean better appreciate what a treasure he was getting, or he would be getting kicked by my $300 boots or, better yet, by Finn.
Mercedes sat down on the bed. "But listen to me blabbing on and on about my first date, it's yours too. Are you nervous?"
"Of course." Actually, I was far more nervous then I had any right to be. I knew Finn already, in both the literal and Biblical senses. I knew a lot of his likes and dislikes, and what he would want for dinner, and exactly how he would squirm when I kissed right below his ear. But this was different; this was more then hanging out after school or even what we did in the basement. This was public, and it would be the true test of how comfortable Finn was with the two of us. "I'm really, really, nervous."
"Me, too. I guess you would be more nervous, though. I mean, if Sean turns out to be an asshole, there are plenty of beautiful black men in the sea. If Finn does, you might be in trouble. The gay fish sea is more of a pond, not too many fish"
More like a bathtub with one creepy old carp paddling around in it. "Not helping with the nerves, Mercedes." I clasped my hands together to keep them from shaking.
She gave me a tight hug. "Oh, it'll be fine. Finn is crazy about you and you know it. He might be a little stupid sometimes, but I've noticed that you can be a little stupid when it comes to Finn Hudson as well. We both need to relax."
Easier said then done. I hugged her back, though, as tightly as I could. "We can do this. People go on first dates all the time, and no one dies of nerves beforehand."
You would probably be the first.
Sometimes I think Galinda gets off on bothering me. I was not going to die. Whether or not I passed out before we got through dinner was a matter that was still up for debate. Mercedes' phone rang, and she squealed before shooing me out of the room. "It's Sean! Go get the Frankenteen and I'll see you at 6."
Watching her rush for the phone, it occurred to me how quickly things were changing. Before it had been Mercedes and Kurt, the two of us against the world. Now it wasn't just the two of us any more. I had Finn, and she had Sean, and even when it really was just us, our other relationships would always be there in the background.
It happened to everyone, I guessed, and usually much sooner then it had to us. There was a point where friendship wasn't enough anymore, and you needed someone to love sexually as well. Still, it hurt a little bit.
Finn was sitting on the couch when I got to his place, blissfully watching a rerun of some crime show. I hugged him as tightly as I could, longing for some reassurance that he still wanted me. He hugged me back. "Hey, you're early."
"Well, you need a lot of help." I was really hoping that he could use that magic power of his to know that I was really saying that I wanted to be close to him because I loved him and needed his presence.
"So help me, Spider Monkey." He stood up and laid a hand on my back, rubbing gently. He had understood, thank God.
Carol came down the stairs, holding out two pairs of earrings. "Finn, which ones do you like? Oh, Kurt, hello darling. You look wonderful, as always."
That was one of the things I really liked about Carol. Unlike a few of my fathers past girlfriends, she didn't treat me like I was some strange creature just because I liked fashion and dressing up. She just accepted that this was how I was, period. "Put in the blue pair. They look really nice with that dress and blue is my father's favorite color." Just like my mother's eyes, and my own.
"Great." She grabbed her purse from the kitchen table (it was the wrong color and style to go along with that dress, but she had only asked about the earrings so I kept my mouth shut.) and grabbed Finn for a quick kiss. "Bye sweetheart. You have fun, and remember to be safe tonight."
Both Finn and I flushed, picking up on the double meaning behind her words. Before we could say anything, though, she was off on another tangent, reminding Finn that he had promised to help her clean the basement tomorrow, so not to stay out too late. Then she grabbed me for a quick kiss that smeared lipstick on my cheek and she was out the door.
I froze, just like I always did when Carol kissed me or showed any affection at all. I wanted to do something, anything, back, but by the time I was able to move, she was already gone. I wondered if it upset her, or if she had her son's ability to understand my intentions rather then my actions.
Finn came over and rubbed my cheek with his thumb, getting the red color off. "She likes you. That's really good, because she didn't like Quinn that much."
It was especially good, considering that if things worked out Carol might be my stepmother some day, as well as my mother in law. God it sounded trashy when I said it like that. Like we could be the next family on the Jerry Springer show. "I'm delighted to know that I pass the maternal muster."
He was getting ready to say something else, I could tell, but I had just noticed that it was quarter to six. I was out of time to do his hair, something that probably would please Finn to no end. Instead I pulled him closer to me and fixed his shirt, straightening the collar and tucking it in a little more neatly. "You look great." He did, too, and he was all mine.
"I would say that you do too, but you always look really great. Different, but in a kinda cool way, like someone in a magazine." He ducked his head and smiled. "I'm going to shut up now before I get bitched out."
Finn might expect to get yelled at, but I found his awkward attempts at a compliment endearing. "Thank you, Finn." I kissed his cheek, liking the way he smiled faintly when I did so. "You are incredibly sweet."
"And sexy?" The smile grew larger.
"And sexy. Come on now, before we're late." His hand came to rest on my back, staying there for the entire walk out to the car.
I cranked the radio for the ride, putting on my happy playlist. The butterflies in my stomach had all but disappeared as soon as Finn had put his arms around me. This was right, I just knew it. Even though he was acting like an idiot and head banging along with the currently playing song.
Mercedes and Sean were already there, still inside his beat up Toyota. The overhead light was on and I could see them moving about, both of their eyes cast downwards.
"They're probably writing stuff out. It's a little weird at first, but you get used to it pretty fast." Finn rolled his shoulders. "Do we take your car or his?"
It would make more sense to take Sean's car, considering that he knew the area, but I hated being a passenger. Mercedes says it's because I'm a control freak, which I'm willing to admit might be true. But part of the total first date experience was probably going in his car, and I was willing to bite down on my nerves to make her happy. "His."
"Alright, you ready?" Finn slid an arm around my shoulders and squeezed.
"Yeah, I'm ready." The butterflies came back, but only momentarily. This was Finn; he wouldn't do anything to hurt me.
Neither Sean nor Mercedes looked up until I tapped the doorframe. He disengaged the locks, allowing Finn and I to crawl into the backseat. Finn leaned up between the two seats to give him a fist bump, which was apparently the all purpose male greeting. "Where are we going?"
"Bowling." The pair of them spoke together, which surprised me. Sean must have read my look, because he smiled. "I read lips."
"Oh." I remembered to nod my head for Sean's benefit. Finn's arm was still resting around my shoulders and I leaned back against him, winding his other hand with my own. He grinned. "Dinner first, though, right?"
Normally I would have rolled my eyes at Finn's amazing ability to think with his stomach, but I had been way too nervous to eat earlier and I was getting hungry myself. Mercedes nodded. "He knows an Italian place, if that's alright."
"Sure." Pasta was completely fattening, but I was sure that bowling burned calories. It had to, right?
You know what else burns calories? Sex . Come on, Kurt, I'm dying here. It's been three days since you got naked with the boy. Use it or lose it.
I was used to Galinda being a pervert, but it didn't help when Finn leaned over and laid his cheek against the top of my head. "You smell really good."
"Thanks." I didn't really want to think too much about smells; because I was suddenly remembering the other reason I hated being a passenger: I always got carsick when I rode in the backseat. Nausea rolled through my stomach and I forced myself to take a deep breath.
"You ok?" Finn's voice wasn't much more then a whisper. "Your hands feel kind of cold all of the sudden. Want my jacket?"
Not as badly as I wanted a Dramamine. I closed my eyes and nodded, regretting the movement even as I made it. "Just a little bit carsick."
"You want me to have Sean pull over?" His hand came up to rest on my forehead.
"No, I'll be fine." I was not going to throw up in this outfit. It was expensive and designer I would sooner die then soil it.
"Alright, just…I don't know, just close your eyes, I guess." He didn't sound very confident that he was suggesting the right thing, but I did like it when he gently guided my head down to his chest, rubbing my stomach at the same time. "That's what Mom does for a stomachache."
Whether it was what he was doing or just having my eyes closed, my stomach did settle a bit. In fact, I was nearly dozing when the car came to a stop. Finn shook me gently. "We're here. Do you want to walk a little bit before we go inside and you have to smell food?"
"Probably a good idea." I raised my voice. "Mercedes, Finn and I are going to walk a bit, then come in, can you order me a sprite?"
She gave me a worried look, but I jerked my head towards the front door of the restaurant. I was no longer her top priority, Sean was. I was, however, Finn's top priority, which was pretty damn cool. He kept his body close to mine as we trolled the edge of the parking lot, his heat seeping into mine against the chill. "I think I'm ok now."
"Cool." His arm drop from my shoulders so he could open the front door of the restaurant and let us in. I held my breath, but he didn't put it back where it had been. Actually, he wasn't touching me at all.
Uh-oh, Finn's crawling back into the closet. You need to do something right now, and make him acknowledge you.
I was pretty sure that a foot stomping temper tantrum wasn't what she meant, so I slipped my hand into his. He took it, and didn't pull away, but his smile was tense and went nowhere near his eyes. "There they are." There was something funny in his voice, something I couldn't quite put my finger on. He was uncomfortable, though, that much was obvious.
Mercedes raised an eyebrow as we sat down, but I shook my head at her. I needed to suss Finn out on my own, without anyone running interference. I touched his knee under the table, then slipped my hand into his. It was his bad hand, but I felt his fingers curl around mine as best they could. "We just got seated, so you'll have to order your own drink."
Gentle now, baby steps. Don't let him pull away from you, but don't force him either. You do want your first date to end without bloodshed, right?
Yes. So I did nothing but hold Finn's hand, grateful that he didn't try and free himself. The waitress came to get our orders, her face lighting up when she saw Sean. Their hands flew back and forth as they talked, no doubt about his new date. Then she looked curiously at Finn and I. Before either one of us could respond, Sean was signing again. She smiled. "A double first date then? That's wonderful. Now what can I get you two boys to drink?"
Her easy acceptance surprised me, and from the look on his face, Finn was surprised, too. He seemed to relax, though, and eased his hand free to rub my knee. Maybe it was less that he was embarrassed to be seen with a guy, and more that he just didn't want our night ruined by someone screaming homophobic slurs. "A coke and a sprite."
Finn could be very observant when you least expected it. It seemed like everything I said, no matter how insignificant was filed away, so that he could remember it later. I'm willing to bet that he has no idea how to solve for 'x', but he had no trouble remembering that I had asked for a sprite 20 minutes ago. I didn't think he would completely spaz out, I would have kissed him right there.
Communicating through notes and gestures took a little effort, but Finn was right, you got used to it. Sean was mostly caught up in Mercedes anyway, so Finn and I were kind of left out. The food came, and I was left with the enduring mystery of how Finn could possibly fit so much inside of him so very quickly. His appetite was contagious, and I found myself eating much more of my pasta then I had intended to. Finn leaned over to check out my plate, no doubt hoping for leftovers. I lightly slapped his hand. "No dice, Finnegan. I ate everything, which means I'll gain 15 pounds instantly and be so fat that you won't want me anymore."
"Date calories don't count." He had the soft smile of someone who has had this conversation at least a dozen times before. "Besides, more cushion for the pushin!"
Told you so.
Yes, Galinda was right. Galinda was always right. "You are absolutely disgusting."
"I know." He squeezed my shoulder. "You like me this way."
Damn, he knew me too well. "No comment."
Another squeeze. "So, ready to go bowling?"
Considering I had porked down my entire meal, in addition to more then my fair share of the bread basket, I was ready for anything that might burn even a tiny amount of calories. Not that I'd ever bowled before, but how hard could it be?
As it turned out, bowling is rather hard. Not only are the balls heavy (and probably teeming with a million diseases), but there's a trick to not launching your ball straight into the gutter, and I had no idea what it was. For once, Finn was the total best at something, and I had to tamp down on my jealous and overcompetative instincts. So what if he could launch a ball down a huge lane and knock over all 10 (or was it 11?) pins. I could put together an outfit that looked designer from the meager offerings of Lima, Ohio, and that was an accomplishment in itself.
After a few frames of nothing but gutter balls, he finally took pity on me. He picked up my ball, which was swirly and red and hefted it experimentally. "Well, first off, this ball is too heavy."
"It's the same size as all of the other ones." Except for the little kids balls, and I would die before I used one of those.
"Same size, but not the same weight." He pointed at a number on the side of the ball. "This is a 16 pound one, and it's too heavy for you. That's why you're throwing it into the gutter."
He pulled up a green ball with a 12 on it. "Try this one. Also, quit swinging your shoulders to the side."
The ball he had just given me was easier for me to hold, but I had no idea what he meant about my shoulders. "Huh?"
"Watch Sean." I did so, noting that Sean had a lot of muscles and was looking pretty good in the shirt he was wearing. "Did you see the way he swung the ball?"
Not really. "No." It came out sounding a little petulant.
"Ok, I'll show you. You're up." To my surprise, he walked up to the lane with me, studying the pins. He stood behind my and used his larger body to surround mine, my back to his chest. His arm was along mine as he gently guided my movements. "See, keep your shoulders steady and stop twisting."
"Got it." I said it because he was looking like he expected me to say something, but I was so caught up in his body against mine that I hadn't really heard a word he said. He backed up and nodded. "Ok, show me what you got."
I stood there for a minute, trying to remember what he could have possibly suggested. Something about my shoulders? Was I supposed to not move them, or move them more? I decided to just go for it and threw the ball as hard as I could. The lighter ball moved much faster then the heavier one, and even though it veered towards the gutter, I actually managed to clip the furthest pin. I gave Finn my most dazzling grin.
He grinned back. "Good job! But were you listening to me about your shoulders?"
"No, I was looking at your ass." The words were out before I could stop myself. My face turned bright red and Galinda cheered. I must have been standing at the perfect angle for my mouth to be seen, because both Mercedes and Sean doubled over in hysterical laughter. Finn blanched for a brief second, then started laughing himself. "My ass, huh? I guess it is pretty nice."
"Oh, shut up." Even as I tried to be harsh, I could feel my lips trying to smile. "And, yes, it's very nice."
He chuckled again and put an arm around me. "Yours is pretty great, too. Now get your ball. Shoulders steady."
I really wanted him to come over and help me again, but that would probably just lead to me jumping on top of him and doing something to him that would shock the hell out of all the parents that were here with their children. I picked up the ball again and forced my back straight. This time, the ball hit a little closer to center, taking down an additional 7 pins. Ok, so 8 pins still wasn't great, but it was the most I had knocked down all night. There was something simple and satisfying about it, and I could see why Finn liked the game so much. I flopped down in Finn's lap and grinned at him, and he smiled and gave me a quick kiss back. It was just a tiny gesture, but he was slowly becoming more comfortable.
See what I mean? Take it slow and easy with Finn, because if you push him, you're a dead man.
We played four games, all of which Finn won easily. He was such a good sport about it though, that none of us could be upset with him. We probably would have played a fifth, but everyone else was gone and we were starting to get the evil eye from the employees.
It was nearly 11, and there weren't many places left open, especially not the type that catered to 16 year olds. Now that it was dark, communication was becoming an issue, and we finally just decided to call it a night. It was disappointing, because things were going so well for all four of us, but I guessed my father would panic if I ended up staying out all night. Plus, Finn was starting to nod a little, his head drooping down onto my shoulder. Belatedly, I remembered that his mother had gotten him up early to help her clean the house, so it was a late night for him. "Yeah, I guess we can go home."
By 15 minutes into the 45 minute drive, Finn was passed out and muttering to himself, the way he always did when he fell asleep. I listened, partially because it was kind of cute, and partially because I was coming to realize that it wasn't entirely nonsense. Granted, it was some strange code that I could only decipher about a third of the time, but when I got it, it could be quite telling about his mental state. Today was a mixed day, with the lyrics for 'Good Vibrations', which was a good thing, interspaced with a lot of mumbling about pie and Dalmatians, which may or may not have been a good thing, it was hard to tell with Finn.
He did revive somewhat when we made it back to the school parking lot, which was a good thing, since none of us could carry him dead weight. He was still groggy, but he was walking under his own power, and even managed to mumble a slurred 'good night' to Sean and Mercedes. I mouthed 'call me' at her, and she gave me a thumbs up.
Finn had curled up in the passenger seat, his eyes closed, and I assumed that he was asleep again. I was driving in silence, and nearly jumped out of my skin when he spoke. "So, was your first date good?"
"It was perfect." I smiled at him, but his eyes never opened.
"That's good. Cause, I really wanted it to be perfect, because you're pretty prefect and I wanted you to know that."
"Even though I get all upset with you for no reason and I suck at bowling?" I was fishing for compliments and I knew it, but I just wanted to hear him say it one more time.
"Sure. After all, I get all upset about stuff too and I suck at just about everything but bowling, so I figure we're all good." He yawned a little and snuggled down even deeper into the seat.
I didn't think he sucked at most things, his ability to put together an outfit notwithstanding. Finn just had to learn things his own way, in his own time. Once he learned them, though, they were in his brain forever. "Well, I think you're great."
"That's what matters, right? You're what counts right now." His eyes were kind of half-open when he said that, like he wanted to judge my reaction, but was afraid of what it might be.
There were no lights on this road and I was afraid to stop. Otherwise I would have grabbed him and kissed the hell out of him. As it was, I just rubbed his knee. "Thank you, Finn."
Tell the boy you love him! Hello, perfect moment? Right now? Kurt! Kurt, are you even listening to me!
If by 'listening' she meant 'pointedly ignoring everything she was saying' then, yes, I was. I did love Finn, had for a long time, but I couldn't force myself to tell him that. A few weeks ago, it would have been a snap. After all, I didn't have him then, and when you have nothing, there's nothing to lose. But now he could stop this at any moment, and I just couldn't stick my neck out like that. Soon, though, hopefully pretty soon.
Before I knew it, we were at Finn's house and I had to tell him goodnight. "Are you going to make it in ok?" He was such a klutz at the best of times, and he was still half asleep from earlier.
"Yeah, I'm alright. Plus, Mom's home, so no fun tonight." He gave me a sleepy, sloppy kiss, then headed inside, dragging his feet just a little. I watched him, just to make sure that he made it inside and didn't decided that he would rather just curl up on the porch swing and end up freezing to death tonight.
Finn turned and waved slightly when he hit the doorway, pausing to yawn as he did so. I had no idea why, but I froze, staring at him like this was the last time I would ever see him. I wanted to jump out of the car and throw myself into his arms, never letting him go, but I did nothing but wave back and put the car in reverse. Why was I getting all stupidly needy? Finn would be there tomorrow, and he would be there Monday when I picked him up for school. If I got desperate, I could even call him on the phone, no questions asked. Still, I felt a vague sense of unease.
Dad was still up when I got home, but I was too sleepy to do much more then acknowledge that I was still alive and mumble something about wanting to sleep in in the morning. He told me goodnight, and I drug myself downstairs, barely remembering to wash my face before I put on Finn's old sweatshirt and curled up in bed.
I crashed until nearly noon, then woke up cranky and almost hung over because I had slept too long. It was dreary and grey out, threatening snow, which did absolutely nothing to improve my mood. I wanted to see Finn, and possibly have him take the edge off of my frustrations, but I remembered his mother had him cleaning the basement today, which just irritated me more. It seemed that nothing was going to go right today.
I threw myself down on the couch and put in a movie, but not even the sight of Johnny Depp in tight pirate gear was enough to make me happy. Even after Orlando Bloom put on eyeliner and officially became the hottest thing on the planet, I was still grumpy and out of sorts.
When I checked my phone, I saw that Mercedes had called, but, for once, I didn't feel like calling her back. I knew that she would want to tell me how great everything had been, and while I thought it had been perfect myself; my nasty mood meant that I just didn't want to hear it. I just wanted to skulk around the basement like some nasty troll (which I undoubtedly looked like also, considering that I had skipped moisturizing both last night and this morning) and pity myself. The worst part was, I had no idea what was wrong with me.
Lack of sex. Why don't you go over to that ball breaking prison his mother has him trapped in and give the poor boy a conjugal visit?
As crazy as Galinda drove me sometimes, I had to admit that this sounded like a pretty good idea. It had been three days since I had touched him, and I had been too tired last night to even jerk off, which might be part of my foul mood. But I wasn't going anywhere without a shower and at least an hours worth of work on myself first. After all, I liked making a good impression, and I was pretty sure that I didn't look like much right now.
It was close to 4 by the time I was putting the finishing touches on my outfit, but I know Finn and I'm sure he would appreciate sex at 4 just as much as he would appreciate it at any other time. My bad mood had lifted, and I was actually humming to myself as started looking for my car keys.
"Kurt? Kurt are you down here?" My father sounded….was that afraid?
"Yes." That twisting feeling in my gut was back, and I nervously picked at my sleeve. "What's wrong?"
He came halfway down the stairs and looked at me hard. "Do you have Finn Hudson with you?"
"No." So that was it. He thought his slutty gay son was using his basement bedroom as his private sex party. "How big of a whore do you think I am?"
He ignored my tone. "Do you know where he is? Don't lie to me Kurt Anthony." His eyes were hard and fear quickly replaced my indignation.
"He's at his place with his mother. Why? Dad, what's wrong?" I rose and all but ran up the stairs. "What happened?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. All I know is Carol just called me in tears. She and Finn had some sort of huge fight and he bolted on her and now she has no idea where he is. She's looked all over for him and been calling all of his friends, but it's just like he vanished."
The words rushed over me without making much sense. Finn adored Carol, and while he had a temper on him, I couldn't imagine him doing something that would hurt her quite so badly. Then the more important part of what she had just said hit home. It was freezing outside, almost snowy, and Finn was lost somewhere. Not only was he upset and hurting, but he was going to be in actual danger if we didn't find him before the sun went down.
Take charge, baby boy. You know Finn, and you know who he hangs out with. Who would he go to if he needed help? Think, Kurt.
I squared my shoulders and looked my father in the eye. "I'll try calling around, too."
"Alright. I'm going to help her drive around, so call me if you find him. And Kurt? Stay here, son. I can't stand the thought of you being out there alone, too."
I nodded, but I already had the phone out, looking for the numbers of the rest of the Glee club. I called everyone, one by one, and none of them had seen or heard from Finn. In desperation, I even tried Mr. Shue. The phone rang for so long that I almost gave up, then his tired sounding voice came on the line. "Hello?"
"Mr. Shue, its Kurt. Do you have Finn with you? We seem to have, uh, misplaced him." In my heart, I knew he didn't, but I couldn't help but hang onto the hope that he would say yes.
"Kurt, I'm not at home right now, but I can call Terri and ask. What do you mean, you misplaced him?" He sounded so broken that I almost asked him what was wrong. Then I remembered that Finn was my top priority and took a deep breath.
My voice cracked. "I don't know! He got into a fight with his Mom, and he ran and now no one can find him and it's too cold for him to be outside like this!" It wasn't like Finn to run, and definitely wasn't like him to try and hide from the people he loved. Whatever had happened between him and Carol, it was bad, and I wasn't sure what condition Finn would be in, even if I did manage to find him.
Worry about that later. First order of business: find Finn and make sure he's safe physically. Then you can worry about his emotional state. Hard to worry about his feelings if he's dead.
"Alright, Kurt, alright. I'm going back to my place right now, and I'll call you if I see him. Maybe the bitch has gone to her sisters." The last part was muttered and probably not for my ears. It seemed that everyone's lives were falling apart tonight.
Finally, in utter desperation, I called one final person, the last person that I thought Finn would ever go to. Puck. He answered immediately, his voice worried. "Do you have him? Is he alright?"
Belatedly, it occurred to me that Carol would have already called him. "No." It came out a soft little whimper.
"Alright lady boy, don't start your bawling. I know a few places to look that his mother doesn't. If I find him, I'm bringing him to you, got it? So be ready, because the Puckasaurus never fails."
Puck might be many things, very few of them flattering, but he could also be shockingly observant. Just how much he knew about Finn and I was unclear, but he obviously knew that something had changed. "Ok." Then I decided, as long as Finn was in trouble, I wasn't above begging. "Please find him."
"Of course." He hung up without saying goodbye, in typical Puck fashion. Still, he was my best hope for finding Finn, and all I had to hang on to.
Moving like a sleepwalker, I went back downstairs and undressed, putting Finn's hoodie back on in a desperate attempt to be close to him. It was starting to get dark outside, and I knew that once that happened, the chances of spotting him were all but zero. We would either find him soon or have to start praying that he had found a place to spend the night.
I kept the phone in one hand, willing it to ring. Dad, Carol, Puck, Mr. Shue, I didn't care who was calling; I just cared that they would be able to tell me that Finn was alright. But the phone sat there in my hand, stubbornly mute. I stared at it through a haze of tears, silently begging a deity I didn't believe in to bring Finn back.
Where was Finn?