I was a heavy heart to carry
My beloved was weighed down.
My arms around his neck
My fingers laced to crown.
I was a heavy heart to carry
But he never let me down.
When he had me in his arms
My feet never touched the ground.
Heavy in Your Arms, Florence + the Machine 2009
Disclaimer: You guessed it – I don't own Twilight. If I did, you would have seen far more smut and far less sparkly baby birthing. *shudders at the spawn*
DeJean Smith, Swimom7, Shasta53, and SparklyBabs – these women keep me in line. It's harder than you'd think. ;)
Bella had taken to Maggie faster than Edward would have expected. Once Bella had become comfortable in the castle again and gotten a good meal, the two had torn through the documents in the library, piecing together a timeline based on Bella's dating techniques and Maggie's expertise. Within minutes of getting to work, Bella was laughing at Maggie's dry humor and vice versa.
It should have put Edward's mind at ease. Instead, it made him pace. Quickly.
To make matters even worse for him, the minute they were finished with their research, sometime after midnight, Bella disappeared saying she needed a shower. Edward was certain she was angry with him. He watched her as she disappeared up the steps.
"Is he always this aff in his heid?" Maggie asked Alice.
"About Bella? This is mild."
"She's angry," he said sharply. "I can tell."
"No, ye can't," Maggie argued. "Yer projecting. Ye'd be mad in her shoes an' ye think it's right fer her ta be mad. Don't make it so, though."
"She's right. I don't see you two having a fight." Alice paused, looking blankly for a moment before smirking widely. "Unless that's how you two . . . fight?"
"Och, gross," Maggie said, guessing at Alice's meaning. "I'll be leavin' fer th' night. Alice?"
"Right behind you, Maggie, my dear."
The two vampires flew out the door in a flurry of giggles and silent teasing at Edward's expense. Even their taunts and Alice's assurance didn't ease his worry. Bella wasn't fickle like many women he'd met. She was constant and rational. But this was different. He'd had a relationship with Maggie, however brief and casual it might have been. Edward might have wondered until dawn what Bella's reaction would be had she not appeared at the top of the steps dressed only in a rose-colored towel.
"Are they gone yet?" she whispered.
"Would you be down here dressed like that if they weren't?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.
She shrugged, the towel moving suggestively with her. "I figured Alice would have seen this decision, and they'd be gone by now, but I'm not the mind-reader, you know."
Edward stood at the bottom of the stairs, his hands in his pockets as he stared up at her. The candlelight from the hall sconce turned the tips of her hair to coppery red fire. He forgot to breathe, but he didn't care.
"Are you going to stand there wanting me, or are you going to come get me?"
Bella turned in an almost vampire-like movement, dropping her towel to the ground and prancing lightly up the stairs. Desire rumbled in Edward's chest as he drew in a deep breath full of Bella's scent, ripe and full of want.
"As if you could outrun me," he murmured, taking off up the stairs after her.
Her tinkling giggle echoed down the corridor as Edward paced himself. He didn't particularly want to catch her immediately; he wanted her to lead him. He could hear Bella's soft, padded footsteps moving quickly. He listened carefully; though he could see perfectly in the dim light, Bella wouldn't be able to. Should she fall unexpectedly, he was close enough to her that he could catch her.
"You're kind of slow for a vampire," she called over her shoulder. "You aren't going to let me win, are you?"
"Never," Edward hissed, reaching out a finger in the darkness to caress her back.
He saw the gooseflesh erupt up her spine as she shivered and paused for a half-second. Edward froze as well, his hand moving just above her skin. Bella drew a shuddering breath before taking off again down the hallway, and finally, darting into a rarely used room at the end of the passageway.
She'd been busy while he had been talking with Alice and Maggie. The small room was lit with two or three dozen tiny candles. Bella stood next to a claw-footed copper tub, tinged green at the edges from centuries of use. He leaned against the doorway, allowing himself the pleasure of another surprise. He took a moment to hope that Bella would always be able to surprise him in this way.
"How did you find this room?" Edward smiled faintly as he tucked his hands in his pockets again. The urge to stalk into the chamber after her was great, but he sensed she wanted to go slowly despite her nakedness.
Bella shrugged. "I was exploring the castle last week while you were hunting. I knew what I wanted when I saw the tub, so I took every chance I could to set up the candles, bring in the towels . . . get everything just so."
"And what, pray tell, do you want?" His voice was a gentle purr.
Her eyes dilated slightly, and she clasped her elbow with her hand in apparent discomfort. She looked down momentarily, and Edward flashed to her side, tipping her chin up.
"You mustn't be embarrassed. If I could, I'd pick the thought out of your mind. Since I can't, you'll have to tell me. And I assure you, I'll enjoy hearing it from your mouth even more than I would hearing it in your mind."
"I thought we could – wash each other's hair?" She bit her lip and smiled as the blush crept up her neck to her face. "I know how it makes you feel when I play with your hair . . . well, it feels just as good when you touch mine, so I thought . . ."
Bella angled her face, looking up at Edward tentatively. He framed her cheeks in his hands and brought his lips to hers. She moaned quietly as his tongue grazed her upper lip, and she wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Why would you be embarrassed by that?" His mouth moved against hers, the heat of her breath puffing against his lips.
"Not embarrassed, per se," Bella murmured. "I don't know. There's something very . . . unnerving about expressing a fantasy for the first time."
"I find it sexy as hell. Shall I disrobe while you start the bath?"
Edward waggled his eyebrows at her, making her laugh. It erased the last of the embarrassment from her face, and she turned her attention to the facet. She didn't speak again until her back was turned and the water was running into the tub.
"So . . . how long since you and Maggie were an item?" Bella's voice was light, but Edward saw the stiff arch of her back.
He threw the last of his clothes to the ground and ran to her side, stopping just short of pulling her into his arms.
"I – I should have told you sooner."
"It's a simple question, Edward. How long? A few months? A couple years?"
"Over ten years," he replied. "And 'item' is a strong word. How did you – did she tell you?"
"No, of course not. That's not the way women work, Edward. You should know that, having access to so many of our brains. I just knew."
Her back was still turned away from him, denying him even the ability to look into her eyes. At least when he could see her eyes, he had some clue what she was thinking or feeling. Without those clues, he felt lost. Though her voice remained calm and soft, her back seemed too straight—her posture too rigid. He floundered for something to say, some words that would explain away what had happened between he and Maggie.
"Did you think I would be angry? Is that why you didn't come to me as soon as they left?"
Bella turned then, perching on the edge of the tub and looking up at him. For the first time in her presence, he felt his nakedness and wanted to cover himself, but he refrained from crossing his arms in front of his body.
"You have every right to be angry, I guess. If I'd known she would be here, I could have told you in advance about our . . . history. Instead, it looks like I hid it."
"But you didn't hide it; you just didn't have a chance to tell me. And we got along fine. Why would you assume I'd be angry? You'd told me that there'd been others, and they were all immortal. It only figured that I'd eventually run into one or all of them."
"This wasn't how I imagined it," Edward burst out, throwing his hands up in the air. "I expected if we were going to see . . . one of them, I'd have time to tell you and explain. This – it was far too rushed for my liking."
"Explain what? You slept with her, right?" Bella smirked as his eyes widened. "I get the picture, Edward; I don't need it drawn out in living color. You both seem more like old friends than former lovers. When did it happen?"
"The first time was just after my family was taken. She – Maggie – came because she saw them on one of her visits to Volterra. It was . . . spur of the moment. I needed comfort, and she was there."
"Don't ever describe it to her like that," Bella said, shuddering. "It makes you sound like a complete ass, though I assume you're trying to save my feelings."
"I don't understand, Bella. You're not . . . jealous?"
"Wildly. I wish I could have been the one to comfort you, but twenty years ago, I was about nine – I don't think I would have been as skilled as I am today."
Despite his confusion, his member twitched at the veiled tease in her words. Skilled didn't even begin to cover what Bella was for him.
"I just – you need to know that she and I – I didn't love her. Ever."
"You already told me that you've never loved anyone before me." Bella lifted her eyes to his and reached out for his hand. She pulled on it until his palm covered her chest, just above her heart. "Edward, I believe you. Jealous? Yeah, a little bit. But I understand. And I will never doubt you. Not when you look at me like this."
He closed his eyes as she caressed his cheek with her hand, gently following the line of his jaw down his neck until her hand rested over his heart. They stood in silence, drinking in the closeness of each other.
"Would you have been angry with me if the roles had been reversed?"
"Not with you," he hedged, "but I think I'd want to rip the throat out of any man who touched you, past or present."
"Not an idle threat coming from you." Bella smirked as she trailed her fingers up toward his neck. "Are you disappointed that I'm not angry enough to do Maggie harm?"
Edward bit the inside of his cheeks, stifling the chuckle that rose in his throat. However, the sound died as he thought about Bella fighting for him. For the first time, he focused on the thought of her as a predator, stalking toward a woman she perceived as a threat, and pouncing on her. He didn't think about the potential damage she might suffer because the Bella he pictured had skin like granite and razor sharp teeth. The Bella he pictured was immortal.
"No," he whispered, his voice hoarse. "I'm not disappointed."
It was all the words he could manage as pictures of Bella with marble skin and fiery red eyes danced through his mind. Edward moved around the real Bella, turning off the faucet with one hand and capturing Bella's hair with the other. He tugged, angling her chin upward. Greedily, his eyes traveled over the sharp lines of her bone structure. It added to his imaginings.
She seemed confused at first, unsure what to make of his whispering voice and dark eyes, but her body responded to his commanding touch. Her skin pebbled and her nipples peaked as his eyes moved lower over her skin. Edward let his fingers move gently through her hair and down the curve of her back. He encircled her waist and lifted her gently, placing her into the large tub. The water surrounded her and made her breasts buoyant .
"Lean back," he said softly, though his voice had a commanding tone. "All the way."
Bella leaned against his hand, allowing him to guide her all the way into the water. Her face blurred as she went under, but her eyes remained open, never leaving his. The strands of her hair floated out and darkened, and she looked to Edward like a water nymph. Bella pulled herself up and took a deep breath, a smile crossing her lips.
"You looked other-worldly from under water, backlit by the candles," she said.
"I am other-worldly," he replied with a smile.
"True enough." Bella sighed as he applied the shampoo to her hair. "You looked more other-worldly, then."
"You did, too." Her heavy, wet hair felt different to his fingers, sliding through slickly with the help of the soap. Soapy water ran in rivulets over her skin, between her breasts and into the water, creating a film on top that hid the lower part of her body from him. "Move up."
Edward lowered himself into the tub so that she was between his legs and continued to massage the soap into her hair. She leaned back and sighed when their bodies were flush. Bella's skin was hot and pliant from soaking in the warm water; he worried that his cool skin would be shocking against hers.
"Mmm," she murmured moving against him. "I think I'll miss that a bit."
"What's that?"
"The temperature difference. It's become a real turn on for me."
"Really?" He paused in his scalp massage as she leaned her head against his shoulder to look up at him. "I worried that it would be uncomfortable."
"Not at all," Bella said immediately. "It's just you, and—you know—you are inherently a turn on to me."
She winked up at him and then turned around, shaking her head slightly to indicate she was ready for him to continue. Edward chuckled before placing his hands back in her hair. He loved the way she relaxed into him, almost purring in her contentment as he ran his fingers through her hair.
He cupped his hands in the water and began washing the soap out of her locks. The dark curtain of her hair fanned out in the water as he washed it. He couldn't resist pulling gently and tipping her head back so he could kiss her thoroughly. He wrapped his hand around her neck and kissed her until her fingers were clawing at his chest and her breathing was ragged. He pulled away with a smile.
Bella knelt up, facing Edward. The water trailed down her skin, making a tantalizing path to her thighs. Edward licked his lips involuntarily. He'd all but forgotten Bella's promise to return the favor of shampooing his hair; the temptation to bury his face between her thighs was far too great.
"Your turn?" she asked, raising her eyebrows.
"I think not," Edward whispered.
He moved quickly, standing and lifting Bella in one movement. He snatched a towel from the rack and wrapped her in it, growling lowly at the loss of contact with her skin. Being close to her for so long in the water, skin against skin, had left Edward hungry for her. He ran with her down the hallway toward his own room instead of the room they had been sharing since Bella arrived at the castle.
"This is different," Bella murmured as he set her down.
"It's yours as much as it is mine." Edward caressed the curve of her shoulder as she stepped close to her. "Alice insisted you have a room of your own, to make you feel more in control, but it was always my intention to share this with you as well."
"It always surprised me that you had a bed," Bella said with a smirk as she turned around.
"We keep up appearances."
"For whom? You said yourself no one visits, and you like it that way."
"True, but it's easier to have the furnishings than to explain their absence should we have a visitor."
Bella seemed to consider the explanation for a few moments before turning fully around and dropping the towel. She stepped over it and ran her fingers lightly over his chest. His marble skin ignited with the feather-soft graze of her touch. "Was there something you wanted, Edward?"
He took a step bringing his body flush with hers, and ran his finger down her body following the same path he'd watched the droplets of water make minutes earlier. Her thighs trembled as his middle finger drew nearer to her opening. Edward wrapped his hand around her waist, steadying her, and then slipped one long finger inside.
Bella's body became limp as she leaned against him for support, parting her legs slightly to allow him to move within her. Her breath came in ragged gasps against his chest as her fingernails dug for purchase against his skin. Edward moved his hand, cupping her so that the heel of his hand moved against her sensitive bundle of nerves while his finger continued to move within her.
Her legs shook, and he felt her raise up on her toes, thrusting her hips with the motion of his fingers. Torn between wanting to feel her lose control that very moment and needing to be inside her, he pulled away from her, lifting her up and carrying her to the bed. He set her down roughly, eager to press himself against her. She bounced lightly on the bed in front of him. Bella bit her lips and lay back, looking up at him expectantly.
Edward's restraint, practiced and so vital to Bella's safety, grew thinner and harder to manage with every encounter they shared. When she submitted to him like this, allowing him to be rougher, more animalistic, it made the need to let loose his primal instincts even harder to resist. Bella fisted her hair in one hand while running her other hand over her chest and down toward her stomach.
"Mine," Edward growled lowly, causing Bella's eyes to dilate further.
Edward ran his nose from her knee down her thigh until he brushed against her warm center. Her hips bucked, pressing her wetness against his face as he darted his tongue out. She moaned, circling her hips as he played softly with her folds, teasing her with only the gentlest touch of his tongue. When she was chanting more in rhythm with her circling hips, he plunged his tongue and fingers into her suddenly.
She stiffened as he sucked, moving his mouth back and forth over where she liked it most until she was crying out his name. Instead of letting her ride out the waves of pleasure, he pulled away and knelt over her, watching. Bella's eyes flew open at the loss of his touch, surprised that he stopped so suddenly. The muscles in her stomach clenched as the climax moved through her, but he could see the frustration on her face. Edward smiled and crooked his finger at her.
He expected her to get up weakly, overcome with the recent orgasm. Instead, she scrambled to kneeling in front of him and wrapped her arms around his neck. She covered his mouth with her, sucking at his lips greedily and pressing her body against his.
"I want more. Now." Bella's voice was hoarse from moaning.
"Then take what you want," Edward replied, turning them around and sitting up against the head board.
Bella straddled his hips and lowered herself onto him. He hissed as the warmth surrounded him. She didn't wait for them to become accustomed to each other; as soon as he was fully inside of her, she lifted her body quickly, drawing herself off of his shaft. Edward grabbed at her hips, but she shook her head and grunted a small warning. She would be setting the pace that evening and her plans seemed to include hard and fast.
Bella's eyes were closed in concentration as she moved over him, twisting her hips as they rose and fell. Edward held onto her sides, caught up in the beauty of her focus. The muscles in her thighs worked hard as she moved, pushing both herself and Edward closer to the edge. She was primal, and completely in control of him. His head fell back, and he closed his eyes, envisioning her again as the icy, pale immortal Bella.
As she approached her climax, her breath came in small grunts of exertion. Sweat stood out on her rosy skin and her nails gripped his shoulders fiercely. Bella's upper lip was curled in a nearly feral smile of satisfaction as she whipped her head back and cried out. Her walls squeezed around him, her body moving around him and willing him to fall with her.
While she was lost in her own release, Edward held her tightly and flipped her over on the bed. He moved over top of her and never lost the rhythm she had set. Bella's eyes flew open as his hand guided her ass, adding to the force of his thrust.
"Yes," she hissed as he moved roughly within her. "Make me y. . ."
"What's that, love?" he murmured, his lips ghosting over her neck as he spoke. "Make you what?"
"Yours. Make me yours."
His breath heaved as the tension coiled within him. Visions from throughout the day filled his head as he neared his climax: Bella as a jealous, immortal fighting for him; as a flawless water nymph floating in the water; as a primal lover taking and giving in equal parts. The vision that stood out the clearest was that of Bella with cold, hard, unbreakable skin. He thought of marking her, truly making her his, and the thought spurred him forward. With his teeth inches from her pounding jugular, Edward fell over the edge and roared out his orgasm. His mouth closed over her neck and his teeth sliced easily through the delicate flesh covering her veins.
The instant the hot, lilac flavored blood coursed over his tongue, he drew away in horror at what he had done. Bella's eyes were wide in shock, her lips rounded in an O of surprise. Edward looked frantically between her shocked face and the bite mark. Her face was becoming pale as the blood began to seep freely from the wound on her neck.
"Oh, God. Bella?"
Her lips closed and opened twice before her back arched, and she screamed. The venom had mixed into her blood stream. Possibilities flew through Edward's mind. He knew he'd barely bitten her. There was precious little venom in her system and that meant that the transformation would be torturously long and unnecessarily painful. He had a choice: he could let her go or he could bite her more, pushing more of his venom into her system and possibly saving her from some of the burning. Edward had only seconds to decide.
"I'm so sorry," he whispered, turning her head and exposing the other side of her neck.
In contradiction to the gentle tone of his voice, he bit her neck savagely, ensuring that his teeth would push the venom fully into her system. Already he noted a subtle change in the texture of her skin. It was minutely tougher; the venom was already beginning to work.
He continued biting at pulse points, whispering his apology to her as she moaned and whined. Had it been possible, Edward's face would have been wet with tears. When he'd finished, Bella lay quiet and still on the bed, her eyes still open and looking around the room.
"Bella, please. I didn't . . ."
"Shh." The sound was barely audible from her lip, but she was looking right into Edward's eyes.
His brow creased in surprise. He remembered the end of his transformation with vivid, immortal clarity, but he didn't remember those first moments any more than he remembered the last moments of his mortal life. Had he been able to speak coherently? He didn't remember, but he doubted it highly. Now, his mind took off frantically. Had he made a mistake? Had he taken too much blood? Was she dying?
Bella closed her eyes, and her lips trembled. Edward leaned forward, turning his head in the hopes that he might hear her whisper to him. Her lips never moved, though her voice was clear in his head. Stay with me. I love you. She'd spoken to him in the only way she could, lowering her shield somehow and speaking directly into his mind.
Edward grasped her hand and waited for her to scream, to writhe, to show that the transformation had begun. She lay silently, her eyes shut and her mind closed to him once again. Though he tried to break through, he could hear nothing. He knew he would hear thoughts of her pain, but he didn't care. He wanted reassurance that she would survive this. He was denied even that. Her beating heart and rapid breath were the only solace to Edward as he watched her silently burn.
A/N: Surprise, surprise. Well, for you. ;) I had always wanted the bite to be sort of an accident. Of course Edward can't forget that Bella isn't immortal, but his thoughts about her immortality weighed heavily in the accident. In the end, it was a loss of control and a pure mistake that made him bite her without warning. We shall have to see what this does to Bella's ability to help with the documents. Do you think this Bella will be as controlled as in canon, or will there be some differences? We'll just have to see what happens in the coming chapters. ;)
If you are interested, I posted the two outtakes I have written thus far for this story to my FF profile under a new story title: The Foreign Papers Outtakes and Extras. They are both alternate POVs, but I think they really give you a good insight into the characters. :) I hope you enjoy. Thanks so much for reading! ~Jen