Hold my hand
This life don't last forever (hold my hand)
So tell me what we're waiting for (hold my hand)
We're Better off being together (hold my hand)
Than being miserable alone (hold my hand)
Amanda couldn't take her eyes off the stone, as a million thoughts crossed her mind. Would they get married in church, would he want to after a divorce? Would it be a huge wedding like Daniel and Wilhelmina's had been? Should she wear white, or just a different shade of it? After all, it would be hard to hide the baby bump, by that time. Unless he was planning on marrying her after the baby was born, so that the baby would be a witness to their parents' union of love.
She only managed to tear her eyes off the ring to look at her stomach. It was way too early to see a bump, she was only just over two months into the pregnancy, but she could feel it. She was a mother, she could feel it in every fiber of her body; she felt the constant need to take care of herself if only to protect the little creature growing inside her. Amanda had hardly felt this unselfish, in her life, she had always been too busy thinking of her own interests to take care of others, but this time she knew those days were over.
She was ready to give up the old abandonment, to grow up and become a mother, the best mother in the world. She wouldn't be a carbon copy of her mother. She would never leave her child alone, and she would be there every day of their life, helping them, telling them what to do, giving them the best advice she could.
She smiled, inwardly, and walked up to the fridge, where a number was written on a pink post-it. She picked up the wall phone and dialed that number, still smiling.
When the voice on the other end sleepily answered, her smile grew bigger and she felt a wave of pride, a wave of satisfaction.
"He wants to marry me."
She could almost feel her mother straighten up on the bed and she could imagine her face perfectly: the concern, the surprise, even the incredulousness in some way. There was a silence, in which she listened carefully to her mother's even breath. It was soothing, nonetheless, but that was not why she had called her. She had not expected a motherly cheering session over the news, no; she wanted to rub it in her face. She wanted to show her that she was not just another Sommers who was bound to be dumped by a Meade. No, she would be a Sommers-Meade, something her mother had never managed to be.
"You're making the biggest mistake of your life," Fey said, her voice firm and authoritative. However, Amanda could hear a hint of pleading in her tone, the plead of a mother asking her daughter to think carefully through the matter. It made her smile.
"No, it's not a mistake, it's the right thing," she said, keeping her voice barely above a whisper to be sure Daniel didn't hear her. If he wanted it to be a surprise, it would be. She would put the ring back into his pocket and pretend to be surprised when he bent on one knee and asked her, it would be the most romantic night of her life, she could feel it. "He wants to do it for the baby, and he'll learn to love me too along the way. It happens all the time, people need things to bond over, and this baby will be just that. This baby will bring me and Daniel together, and we'll live together, and we will be happy." She paused for a second, taking in a deep breath before the final hit. "I just called to rub it in your face. You will never be happy, but I can, and I will."
She put the receiver down and kept her hand on the device, still holding it tight, as if that display of courage and fieriness had cost her a huge effort. She pushed herself away and picked up Daniel's jacket, slipping the velvet box back into the pocket, and let the garment fall back down on the chair. She took a step back and clasped her hands together, doing all she could to keep the scream of joy from bursting out.
After all the tribulations, she was making it back on the surface. She was about to have a beautiful baby, a husband, a life she had never thought she wanted, but a life that now was the only one she could see herself in.
Cause I've been there before
And you've been there before
But together we can be alright.
Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold
We hold each other till we see the sunlight
Meanwhile, at 38th Fifth Avenue, the atmosphere was tense. When Wilhelmina had walked back into the apartment, that night, after the disaster that had resulted from Daniel's plans for her birthday, she had found Sawyer, still dressed up, sitting on the couch of her main room, waiting for her.
She had tried to explain, but he hadn't listened. He kept petting Hudson, as if her words were going right through him. She told him she thought it was him, Sawyer, who had set it up, and that was the only reason she had agreed to follow the instructions all along. Still, he hadn't given any sign that he understood what she was saying.
She had rolled her eyes and stormed off, not bearing the fact that he was acting like a jealous boyfriend after only a few weeks into their relationship. What was he expecting, that she would know in advance that her ex husband had set up a romantic day for her birthday? How on Earth was she supposed to? What was exactly her fault, in all of this?
She was taking off her dress, when he walked in and apologized for his behavior. She listened to his words, to his insecurities, and she could understand why the man felt so frustrated by the situation. Still, there was nothing she could do about it. She and Daniel had something, and Sawyer could never quite get the full idea of exactly how important it had been.
No one ever would.
She forgave him, he kissed her.
However, something was wrong. Her mind was off somewhere, miles away from him, miles away from herself. When Sawyer touched her, that night, it didn't ignite her like it usually did. When he kissed her, she didn't feel the same burning sensation she always did. When he loved her, she just couldn't find it in her to love him back.
She didn't love him.
So, that night, she had settled for something that she had never had to do: she had faked it. She was good, and she almost laughed it off when Sawyer rolled off and spooned her. So many times the thought had occurred, she might just drop the fashion career and give acting a chance.
And just when she was mentally thinking of the speech she would give the night her name would be announced as the Academy Award winner, Sawyer rested his chin on her shoulder and looked down at her. She looked back and smiled, in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture, but his expression didn't change.
"What?" she asked,
"What's wrong?" he asked back, his hand sliding up and down her side.
"What are you talking about?" she insisted, feigning ignorance while a pang of guilt hit her stomach.
"Are we going to keep answering our questions with other questions?" he said, with a smirk. Wilhelmina bit the inside of her cheek, closed her eyes for a split second and kept looking at the man, inviting him to voice his doubts. "So, what's wrong?" he asked again, halting his hand on her hip and propping his head on his hand.
Wilhelmina rolled on her back and looked up at him, searching her soul for an answer she knew she couldn't give him. "Nothing," she lied, with a courteous tone she hated herself for. She tried to prop herself on her elbows, trying to shut him up and kiss him, but he held her back against the mattress with his free hand and tilted his head, clearly not buying it. Wilhelmina huffed and looked away.
"You know, I'm not eighteen anymore, I can tell when a woman fakes it."
If she were a blushing type of woman, she knew this would be the right time to blush. However, she opted for a strong denial of the situation. "I didn't-" she began, but Sawyer lifted his eyebrows so high they almost disappeared under the hairline. "What, really, I didn't."
"Why are you lying to me?" he said, shaking his head. "What's the point? We both know you did." Wilhelmina's silence, this time, was more than an answer enough for him. "Why?" he asked.
"Look, Sawyer," she began, trying to shrug the situation off as a bump on the road. "it happens. I'm a woman, and sometimes women just…can't. We're not like you, men, always reaching the finish line no matter what."
"Finish line," he drawled, trying hard not to laugh at her choice of words.
"Yes, Sawyer, finish line," she repeated. "Don't make it big, it's not your fault. Sometimes, it just happens."
"Bu it never happened so far," he said, the tone of the conversation changing suddenly with that simple sentence.
"What are you implying?" she asked, rolling on her side, so that they were face to face.
Sawyer shrugged and returned his head on her hip, drawing patterns on the sheets wrapped around her body. "It's curious this happens now. After, you know…Daniel."
Wilhelmina frowned and her eyes darted to the sides quickly before she snorted and sat up. She started looking round for her robe, needing the distance, needing the space, needing to get away from the accusations coming from the man she allowed herself to share her bed with. But she wasn't quick enough, because Sawyer sat up and placed his hands on her shoulders, coming up behind her, and rested his forehead against the back of her head.
"Sorry," he whispered. "That came out rude."
"Never mind how it came out, it came out because that's what you think," she snapped, trying to shrug his hands off her. "You're basically saying I think of Daniel when you're with me. That's one secure man I have here."
He held her in place, and she sighed, giving in and letting him keep her close. "I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice stronger. "But you need to understand me. Every time, every single time, you see Daniel and your mood darkens, you become all nervous and the smallest things set you off. I've been living with it for the past weeks, but this…If this happens, it makes me think. It makes me wonder."
"Wonder about what?" she asked, fearing the answer.
"I'm afraid you're still in love with him."
She stiffened, and her breath quickened. "He's my ex husband."
"That's not an answer."
Wilhelmina turned around and looked into the man's eyes, feeling his pain and his fear of being the eternal second to the ghost of Daniel Meade. She brought a hand up to his cheek and caressed his cheekbone with her thumb. "I don't have an answer," she said truthfully. "I'm not in love with you Sawyer. I care about you, a lot. But I'm not in love."
"I know you're not," he said, placing his hand over hers. "I don't expect you to be, after such a short time. But I need to know if it's possible for you to love me, in the long run." As he said this, his head fell down on his laps, and looking at him Wilhelmina felt sorry for him. She didn't know if she could give him that.
"I think I could," she said, well aware of the lie escaping her lips as she leaned in closing the distance between them.
Hold my hand
Baby I promise that I'll do
All I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
hold my, hold, hold my, hold, hold my hand
The conference room was packed, while she addressed everyone for the first meeting for the new issue. Marc, standing beside her, handed everyone a copy of the mock up outline, while she repeated for the umpteenth time who would take care of what.
"I will personally supervise the centre-spread, this month," she announced, her gaze falling upon the back of Marc's head. "I hope everything has been set up."
Marc spun around and smiled. "Of course," he said. "We have a dozen outfits coming from Spain, they should all be shipped by the end of next week." He reached for his folder and took out a stack of pictures of the clothes. "It's Tango vs Fandango, right?"
"Yeah," she mumbled, watching the pictures Marc was handing her. "And Marc, tell someone the light went out in the copy room. I don't know what the hell is going on in this place, but it's even worse than my marriage, and trust me that was a disaster."
There was a moment of awkwardness in the room, and Wilhelmina looked up at the Editors, who were exchanging uncomfortable, confused looks.
"You can laugh, you know?" she said, shaking her head and lowering her eyes on the pictures again.
"Miss Slater," came a voice from the door.
Wilhelmina lifted a hand and kept her eyes on the pictures, deep in thought. Marc looked at the small girl standing on the threshold and tilted his head questioningly. The girl, who was the new receptionist, pointed at her desk, through the glass wall. Marc narrowed his eyes and then widened them.
"Willie…" he whispered.
"Wait," she said, focused on what she had in her hands.
"I don't think I should," he said, placing a hand on her shoulder and shaking her lightly to catch her attention.
Wilhelmina snorted and sighed, closing her eyes. "What, what is it Marc, what the-" she exclaimed, lifting her head and stopped dead on her tracks, taking in the scene. Through the glass wall, near the big circular desk, stood Sawyer, leaning against it, holding Hudson's leash in his hand and casually looking around. The dog was sitting by his feet, strangely calm. Her eyes widened when she looked over Sawyer's shoulder and noticed Daniel standing at the end of the corridor, talking to someone.
"Shit," she whispered, and with a quick movement she left the room, walking fast toward Sawyer, well aware of the stares following her. When Hudson saw her, the puppy stood on his four legs waggling his tail madly, happy to see her. Sawyer smirked, seeing her drawing closer, and pushed himself off the desk.
"Hello gorgeous," he said, smiling at her when she was within earshot. "Hudson and I happened to be on the block, and thought we might drop by and say hi."
Wilhelmina's eyes darted to the side, where Daniel was dismissing the accountant. She didn't want them to meet, she didn't want to be in the middle of an awkward threesome, not in the office. She smiled and placed her hand on his elbow, trying to drag him into her office, but it was too late.
"Wilhelmina."
She shut her eyes when she heard Daniel's voice calling after her. Her arm fell down her side, as Sawyer turned around in Daniel's direction, and she did the same. Daniel shifted his eyes between Wilhelmina and Sawyer, but if he was irritated by the man's presence he didn't show it. After a short second in which she thought Daniel would just turn around and leave, he stepped forward and approached them.
Hudson, as soon as Daniel came into view, yapped happily at who he saw as his third owner, after Wilhelmina and Sawyer. Daniel smiled down at the dog, who had grown a good four inches since the last time he'd seen him, a month before, and kneeled down to stroke the dog's muzzle. "Hey little you," he whispered.
Standing back up, he extended his hand to Sawyer, who took it and shook it politely. "Hi man," he said.
"Nice to see you again," Daniel replied. Then, shifting his eyes back on Wilhelmina, he folded his arms. "I need your names for the Paris Fashion Week."
"I'm not going," she said.
"I know," he stated. "I need the names of the Editors you're sending over there. We need to notify the organization for press seats and passes."
Sawyer's eyes were following the exchange, confused. When had the situation changed to a professional and relaxed one? What had he missed?
"I don't know yet, I'll have the names emailed to you by the end of the week," she said, shrugging.
Sawyer's focus was solely onto the two people before him, and he didn't notice the seamstress passing them by, with a stack of feathers boas in her arms. He didn't notice Hudson sniffing her as she passed by, and didn't notice the animal's eyes lit up when he caught a glimpse of a red boa sticking from the woman's arms.
Suddenly, the dog spring forward and Sawyer felt the leash slip out of his grasp. "Fuck," he exclaimed, and his eyes widened as Hudson turned a corner and disappeared.
Wilhelmina and Daniel stood still, looking terrified at the corner where Hudson had just disappeared. Wilhelmina opened her mouth but no words came out. Daniel dropped his papers on the desk and ran after the dog, disappearing behind the same corner. Wilhelmina looked round for a second, then started to run after Hudson and Daniel. Before she could turn round the same corner, she lifted a finger in Sawyer's direction.
"Dial 323, it's the closet's number, tell them to close the doors!" she yelled, before setting after her dog. She ran down the corridor, feeling the uneasiness of her 5 inches heels. She huffed and stopped, leaning with a hand against the wall, and taking off her Manolos, throwing them on the nearest desk, before her employees' bewildered looks. "Did you see a dog? Or Daniel?" she asked one of them. The boy nodded and pointed to the corridor on his left.
Wilhelmina ran in that direction, unaware of the ridiculousness of the situation: she, Wilhelmina Slater, running barefoot round Mode's office, looking for her dog. That was something she wouldn't tell Fey, or she would die for real. Heart attack.
When she reached the end of the corridor she looked left and right, before hearing Daniel's voice coming from her right. She made a turn and tried to follow the voice, her heart beating faster when she noticed she was getting dangerously close to the closet. She hoped Sawyer's call had reached the seamstress on time. The thought of what Hudson might do, in a closet full of shoes, which seemed to be his favorite chew toy, appalled her; especially because those shoes were everything but cheap.
"Damn you Marc," she muttered under her breath, vowing to make the boy pay for any damage Hudson might have caused. She stopped when she heard the voice of the seamstress yell insults in her native language (was she Polish? Hungarian?) and knew immediately where Hudson was.
She reached the opaque door of the closet and pushed, noticing it wasn't closed at all. What the hell had Sawyer been doing, instead of what she had asked him to? Catching flies? Stepping over the threshold, she looked around and immediately saw the blonde animal in the middle of the room, looking straight into her eyes. She noticed immediately something blue and shiny dangled from his mouth.
She took a careful step forward and extended her hand. "Hudson, give me the…whatever it is," she said, smiling at the dog reassuringly. "Come here, boy, come here. Give that to me," she drawled, bending slowly when she was within reach. The dog's eyes were fixed on her hand, as she slowly approached.
Then, within a second, she heard the secondary door been burst open and someone running in, bumping straight into her side. She was thrown down on the ground at the impact and Hudson jumped back out of reach. She looked at the person beside her, on the ground just like her, massaging his shoulder: Daniel.
She looked at him, who looked back at her, then they both looked at Hudson, who had sat on the clean floor, and was studying his masters, asking himself why they were laying on the floor. The dog tilted his head and, reluctantly, lay down, letting the shiny blue object fall from his mouth. Wilhelmina sighed at the sight of the blue Vuitton purse that was supposed to be on the cover for the April issue.
But when she looked back at Daniel, still on the floor, with a look of frustration on his face, her lips twitched and curved in the smallest smile. He shook his head and chuckled, falling on his back and covering his eyes. As hard as she tried to suppress it, the laughter overcame her and she started laughing in a way she didn't even remember she could. She held her stomach, and Daniel looked at her briefly before following her and laughing along from his position on the floor.
"What's going on?" came Marc's voice, and slowly a bunch of other people entered the closet, staring at the two of them with amused expressions painted over their faces. Wilhelmina couldn't stop laughing as she took in each and every one of their faces; she couldn't realise what it looked like, but it sure as hell was funny that they were both on the floor with a waggling Hudson and a Vuitton covered in drool.
Or maybe it wasn't really that funny, maybe it was stupid and childish, but it was relieving to laugh.
She managed to kill the laughter when, in the chaos of all those faces, she could see one in particular, less than pleased. She motioned to Marc, and the boy came closer and helped her up. She brushed the dust off her skirt and walked up to Sawyer, who was still looking at Daniel.
She looked over her shoulder, following his stare, and gestured for Daniel to stand up. He did, quickly, and swiftly grabbed the purse from Hudson's claws, and the dog's leash too. He handed the purse to Wilhelmina, and the leash to Sawyer, with a sheepish smile. "This dog needs to be sedated," he said, chuckling.
Wilhelmina looked down, smiling, unable to hide it. Sawyer looked at her briefly, his lips pursed and, for what seemed like the first time since she'd known him, he looked upset.
"Let's go to my office, shall we?" she said, looking round and perceiving the presence of those people, now for the first time, as an intrusion. With a small smile, she nodded in Daniel and Marc's direction, before leading Sawyer outside the room.
Daniel stood staring at her back, as she drew further away, and only managed to snap out of his trance when Marc slapped him on the back of his head. "Ouch!" he exclaimed, whispering, as the people around them began scattering from the room. Marc waited till they were the only people left in the room and tilted his head, narrowing his eyes at Daniel. "What now?" Daniel asked. "I did nothing, she started laughing, I laughed too."
Marc shook his head. "Don't do this to Amanda," he said, his voice firm and serious. "She might have done the wrong thing, for so many reasons, but she doesn't deserve to be your second choice."
"She's not my choice," Daniel hissed. "I'm not in love with her, Marc. The only reason we're together is because of this baby. I can't promise her anything, but I do have duties. I'm with her, Marc, but I'm not in love with her. She knows it, she accepts it."
"You don't know her at all, Daniel," Marc chimed in. "She has hopes, she has dreams too. She's a girl, she's probably making up things in her head, things that'll only delude her more when you'll turn out to be the asshole you are."
"What am I supposed to do, Marc? Leave her alone to raise a child that is mine too? I can't, I wasn't taught that way," he explained. "All I can do is support her, be her friend. I'm not completely ruling out the possibility of us eventually developing feelings for each other…but as of now, I can't. I already love someone. And I won't stop loving her until I know in my heart there's not a small chance of getting her back."
"There isn't, Daniel!" Marc exclaimed. "You need to give it up."
"No," Daniel whispered. "I can feel it. There's still a chance."
The nights are getting darker (hold my hand)
And there's no peace inside (hold my hand)
So why make our lives harder (hold my hand)
By fighting love, tonight
Sawyer had only agreed to stay a couple of minutes before cooking up some excuse to leave. They hadn't talked about Daniel, she didn't see why they should. What happened had nothing to do with Daniel, it would have happened with anyone. It was the situation, it was Hudson, it was her need to remember what it was like to laugh.
Daniel had nothing to do with it.
Hadn't he? How could she be 100% sure it wasn't his presence, and the fact that for the first time they were in a place where the anger and the resentment couldn't reach them? Why had it felt so right, in that moment, just the two of them and Hudson?
She drummed her fingers on the glass surface of her desk, absentmindedly. Her agenda was before her eyes, and she looked at the blank page.
Story of my life,she thought. She had something good in her hands, and yet she seemed to look at all she didn't have. When she stopped and looked at her life, now, it was just like staring at a blank page she just couldn't find anything to write on.
"Aunt Wils?"
Her head snapped up as she took in the young teenager on the threshold. Tall and well-built, with middle-length brown hair that reached his shoulders, and deep hazel eyes. His soft features reminded her of the past, when he used to be just a child, while now he was a little man, in his black leather jacket and his washed out jeans.
"Am I still allowed to call you that?" the boy asked with a small, sad smile, walking inside the office and taking a spin in the middle of the room. "Everything's as I left it one year ago."
"Not everything," she said, smirking. "And as you weren't allowed to call me aunt Wilsbefore, neither are you now." She stared the 19 year-old down, and then tilted her head to the side, leaning against the arm of her chair, and her face softened. "Hi, DJ."
The boy bowed mockingly and took off the jacket, throwing it on the chaise. Wilhelmina followed the garment till it fell on the white leather, and lifted her eyebrows. "Sorry," DJ exclaimed, beaming. Then, he took out one of the chairs opposite her and sat down, rubbing his hands together and then leaning on his elbows. He craned his neck to look into his aunt's eyes. "So…how are you?"
"Is your mother here?" Wilhelmina asked.
"Yes," he answered, but he was not going to let go that easily. "How are you?" he repeated.
Wilhelmina smiled. "Where is she?" she asked, instead.
"Meeting Uncle Dan," he explained, leaning back against the back of the chair, never taking his eyes off Wilhelmina. "That bad, huh?"
"You do realize you're having a conversation with yourself?" Wilhelmina asked, standing up and pushing the chair back as she did so. DJ's eyes kept following her movements. "If you're expecting me to use you as my shrink, you're so wrong you wouldn't believe it." DJ's grin grew wider, but he didn't seem to be hearing a word she was saying, too busy trying to get her to talk. "Why are you here, anyway?" she asked, busying herself, collecting papers from her desk that didn't really need to be collected. "Aren't you going to see uncle Dan?" She drawled the last words.
"I wanted to catch up with my favorite Aunt first," he said, the idiotic grin never leaving his face. Suddenly she was reminded of how much exactly he reminded her of Daniel.
"I'm your only Aunt," Wilhelmina stated, still pretending to be reading stuff.
"Wrong, you forget Aunt Sibylle," he chimed in.
"Again, I'm your only Aunt," Wilhelmina repeated, looking up. "Look, I'm glad you came here and felt the need to check on my mental state, but I think it's better if we…"
"Keep our distance?" he completed the sentence. "Are you kidding me?" he asked, the grin long forgotten, forgotten by a confused, almost resentful. "So what, you and Dan get a divorce and all of a sudden you and I stop being family?"
"Yes, that's exactly how it works."
"Well, that's bullshit," he exclaimed, standing up.
"Watch your mouth, young man," Wilhelmina warned, lifting a finger.
DJ smiled at her antics, and even Wilhelmina herself felt uncomfortable with the motherly ways she used to get with him.
"Well, I have a present for you," he said, thrusting a hand in his pocket and dropping a rectangular, flat package on the desk. "I know I'm late for your birthday, but it's better late than never."
Wilhelmina studied the package, not touching it. "You didn't have to," she said.
"It's from mum, too," he said, nodding. "Just, open it," he insisted, sliding the package over to her side of the desk. Wilhelmina rolled her eyes and, with a smile, grabbed the package and tore the envelope, meeting a familiar writing on the white box. "Mother chose it," DJ said.
"Chanel," Wilhelmina said, smiling. "Your mother is the only Meade with good taste." The two shared a chuckle, and Wilhelmina lifted the top of the box, and smiled at the small, shiny black rectangular clutch bag, with a single pearl on the silver clasp.
"You like it?" DJ pressed.
"It's Chanel," she said, wiggling her eyebrows. "Of course I love it!" Closing the box, the placed it back on the desk and smiled at her nephew. "Thank you. And I'll thank your mother as soon as I see her," she added.
DJ nodded and, with a sigh, took his jacket from the chaise longue, and toyed with it for a few seconds before nodding once more and pointing at the door, meaning he was going. He was on his way to the door, when he head Wilhelmina say his name very weakly. He turned around and looked at the woman he had considered family for such a long time.
"It's that bad," Wilhelmina said, masking her feelings, hiding the pain behind a smile, but she knew DJ could read it in her eyes.
Cause I've been there before
And you've been there before
But together we can be alright (alright)
Cause when it gets dark and when it gets cold
We hold each other till we see the sunlight
"How do you like Sally?" Amanda asked, turning yet another page.
"Makes me think of Sally Field," Marc whined, rolling his head back against the back of the couch. "I told you, Lady Gaga is good."
"Marc, I'm not going to call my daughter Lady Gaga," Amanda stated.
"But you wanted to call her Cher," Marc pointed out.
"Marc, Cheris ageless. You, of all people, should know that."
"Because I'm gay?" Marc deadpanned, lifting his head to look at her.
"I was about to suggest because you're smart, but yeah, because you're gay works too," she agreed. "How about Naomi?"
"Like Naomi Campbell? You want your daughter to grow up and beat you down with a phone?" came Betty's voice from the kitchen table. "I still think you should call her Anne."
"Only you could suggest such a boring, obvious name," Amanda exclaimed, closing the book and dropping it on the cushion next to her. "This baby will be the daughter of Daniel Meade and Amanda Tanen Sommers, she needs a name that will tell people who she really is…A name like-"
"Wilhelmina?" Betty said, smirking.
"Yeah, let's call her Wilhelmina, that way there's not a chance this baby will ever see the light of day," Amanda murmured, looking down at her stomach. "You know what, let's do it. I'll call her Wilhelmina just to spite her."
Marc chuckled. "Well, why don't you call her…Fey?"he asked, smirking.
Amanda's head snapped in his direction, eyes wide. He was grinning, and Amanda shot a glance in Betty's direction.
"You know, it would be nice," Betty said, leaning her head against her hand. "It would be a nice tribute to your mother, after all. A nice way to remember her and, somehow, be sure her legacy lives on."
Marc nodded knowingly, and Amanda snorted. "Right, her legacy."
The conversation was interrupted by a knock on the door, and Amanda stood up, glad for it. "Must be Daniel," she said, a smile appearing on her face when she said his name. Betty smiled too, but Marc stiffened on the couch, reminiscing his and Daniel's chat, that afternoon. He felt bad for his friend.
She opened up and the three of them gasped when Daniel appeared on the threshold, not alone. Betty squealed and stood up abruptly, running to the door and hugging the tall, blonde woman that was in his left, while she extended an arm to DJ and pulled him into the hug too.
Amanda's breath quickened, and she looked back to meet Marc's eyes, and to see the same confusion as she felt. She turned and smiled at Daniel, stepping aside; he walked in and Amanda stood with her hand on the doorknob, waiting for Betty to release their guests.
When she did, Alexis shifted her eyes on Amanda and, even though it was subtle, Amanda noticed how her gaze had fallen briefly upon her stomach. Instinctively, she brought a hand up to her belly, and Alexis smiled at the gesture. "Hi," she whispered. "You remember DJ?"
Amanda was taken aback by the kindness Alexis was showing her: she had expected her to be as bitter as everyone else, but she had forgotten how different Alexis was from the rest of the Meades. She smiled and nodded, smiling at the man who, if things went according to the plan, would become her nephew.
"Hi DJ," she said.
"Hi," he said, polite but still somewhat colder than his mother. Amanda let them in and closed the door.
"I'm sorry, Daniel didn't tell me you were coming," she said. "I would have prepared dinner."
"And with that, she means Iwould have made dinner," Betty chimed in.
"Hi Marc," DJ exclaimed, approaching the couch from where Marc was witnessing the scene. "You staying here for dinner?" he asked, hopeful.
"Sorry, boy," he said, standing up and patting him on the back, noticing how taller than him he'd gotten since the last time he'd seen him. "Wilhelmina's waiting for me."
"Oh, you're staying with her?" DJ asked, lowering his voice while the other people in the room seemed busy with small talk.
"Someone has to, right?" Marc said, shrugging. "But we'll catch up, I promise."
DJ nodded and leaned in, trying not to be heard by the others. "Tell her I'm sorry, for everything, and that if she needs me, she knows where to find me. We're staying at Grandma's."
Marc smiled at the boy, remembering the deep bond between Wilhelmina and her nephew, despite the distance. With a last nod, he took his coat and headed towards the door. On the threshold, he turned around to study the scene. Betty, Daniel, Alexis and Amanda were sitting around the table, but Amanda seemed like a fish out of water.
He tried to catch her attention, to catch her eyes, but she kept her eyes on Daniel.
If only he could tell her there was no chance in hell he would ever love her back while Wilhelmina Slater was alive.
So if you just hold my hand
Baby I promise that I'll do (If you just, If you just)
All I can
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
hold my, hold, hold my, hold, hold my hand
Daniel, DJ and Betty were out on the balcony, chatting, two hours later, while Alexis helped Amanda cleaning up after dinner: they'd ended up ordering in. Amanda was carefully piling up the dishes, while Alexis was picking up glasses and cutlery, sometimes stealing a glance or two at the other woman.
Amanda felt Alexis' glare, and she had tried to ignore it at first. But something inside her snapped, and she couldn't control it.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Nothing," Alexis said, too quickly to be believable. "Well, I'm just…I don't know what to say."
Amanda opened her arms. "Me neither."
"I'm not mad at you," Alexis said, placing the glasses back on the table and shaking her head sadly. "I'm mad at my brother, for being weak. I'm mad at Wilhelmina for bringing this on herself with her behavior. But you…you're the least guilty of them all."
Amanda smiled, as someone recognized she was not the cause of such a tragedy, for the first time since the whole ordeal had begun. "Thank you," she whispered.
"But I don't want you to hold your hopes up, Amanda," Alexis added. "I know Daniel. He'll never forget Wilhelmina. He won't because he knows he's the reason of the breakup, and he will never be able to let that go."
"He's going to propose."
Amanda clasped a hand upon her mouth, not able to believe she'd really let it slip.
"What?" Alexis whispered.
Lowering her arm, slowly, Amanda bit her bottom lip. "I found the ring," she confessed. "And he says he wants to do it right," she explained. "I found it in his pocket, while I was putting his things away and…Oh Alexis, I know he might still love Wilhelmina, but don't you think maybe, somewhere into his heart, he might have feelings for me too? Maybe this baby can bring us back together?"
Alexis couldn't believe what Amanda was telling her. Never, in a million years, would she have thought Daniel would marry Amanda, not so soon after his divorce with Wilhelmina; but then, he was a good man, he was probably doing it to be sure the baby grew up with strong values, and a real family.
She didn't have the strength to tell Amanda that, however, no, probably he would never love again.
I can tell you're tired of being lonely (yeah)
Take my hand don't let go baby hold me (hold me)
Come to me and let me be your one and only (hold my hand)
So I can make it alright til' the morning (hold my hand)
Wilhelmina and Hudson were in her bedroom. She was on her bed, on one side, propped on her elbow, while Hudson was on the floor, at the side of the bed, looking up at her. The two looked at each other for a few seconds, before Wilhelmina cracked and smiled.
"Come here, big guy," she said, patting the side of the bed.
Hudson didn't need to be told twice, and he immediately jumped on the bed, no longer needing any help thank to the inches he'd gained during the past two months. He walked in circles for a while before settling down in the curve of Wilhelmina's body, with his back against her stomach and his head next to hers.
She looked down at the dog, who looked up at her with his lively eyes; she could feel the beat of his tail hitting the mattress, and she started to stroke his fur on his back.
"What should I do, Hudson?" she asked, caressing the dog. "You know, I'm not one to usually ask for advice, but something tells me you're pretty smart…" she paused and looked as the dog's tongue darted out as he licked his paw. "Your little stunt today…was it to bring me and Daniel together?" she asked, not stopping for a second to think the absurdity of what she was doing. "You miss him, don't you?" she asked.
Hudson stretched leisurely and rolled on his back, moving his paws up in the air. Wilhelmina smiled and lay her head on the mattress, while stroking the dog's neck casually. "I miss him too," she whispered. "But what can we do? It's not about me and him anymore. There's Sawyer. And there's a baby. A baby that has done nothing wrong, except for choosing the wrong womb." She sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "A baby that Daniel has wanted for years, and that I would have never been able to give him."
As if hearing and understanding what she was saying, Hudson rolled over and jumped off the bed. She propped herself on her elbow again, and watched him as he disappeared behind the door to her walk-in closet. With a sigh, she pushed herself from the bed and walked into her closet, locating him immediately. She could only see his back, but he was digging in the laundry basket that she used as storage for old accessories.
"Stop it, Hudson," she said, tired, walking slowly to the spot where the dog's head was deep in her stuff. She tried to pull at his collar, but the dog thrust his head further into the basket. "Whatever, choke on it," she said, turning her back on him and walking out.
She crawled back on the bed and sat against the headboard, crossing her legs. In that moment, Hudson reappeared from the closet and jumped on the bed.
"Are you done destroying my things?" she asked.
He sat opposite Wilhelmina, and dropped something in her laps. She looked down and lifted the end of an emerald green tie. Daniel's wedding tie. She shifted her eyes on the dog, and he lay down, placing his muzzle on her ankles, looking up.
"How did you find it?" she asked, with a small smile.
Hudson's head snapped up as a heard of a slamming door could be heard from the other room. Wilhelmina looked at the tie in her hand and hastily stuffed it under her butt when she heard Sawyer's voice calling after her.
"Bedroom!" she shouted, and he stepped in seconds later. "Hey," she whispered.
Sawyer smiled and crawled on the bed. Hudson, as if he knew exactly what had to be done, jumped off the bed and stood on the threshold to the closet. Sawyer grabbed Wilhelmina by her ankles and pulled at her, sliding her down on the bed, as he moved above her and kissed her without uttering a single word.
She kissed him back, feeling the small ball pressed into her back, under her. She immediately reached under her and threw it aside, taking advantage of Sawyer's distraction.
Hudson watched as the tie landed in front of him, and looked up on the bed. Sawyer's lips left hers and he focused on the side of her neck. Craning her neck, Wilhelmina tilted her head and pointed the tie with her finger. Hudson took the tie in his mouth and disappeared into the closet.
As Sawyer kept up his actions, she closed her eyes and relaxed. Either she had the smartest dog in the world, or the tie had just become another one of his toys.
I can tell you're tired of being lonely (hold my hand)
Take my hand don't let go baby hold me (hold me)
Come to me and let me be your one and only (one and only)
So I can make it alright til' the morning (hold my hand)
Daniel had insisted he drove up to Claire's with them, and he would be back in the apartment. He had said he wanted to spend some alone time with his family, but Alexis knew he wanted to get away from his present. Now, as she walked into the kitchen of their family house, she remained on the threshold looking as her two men shared a laugh over a cup of coffee. DJ and Daniel turned, feeling her presence, and Alexis smiled and walked into the room.
Reaching DJ's side, she ran a hand through his hair. "You should go to bed," she suggested, and DJ nodded without complaining, knowing his mother probably needed time alone with Daniel.
"'Night Mum. Goodnight, uncle Dan," he said, leaving the room.
Alexis sat in her son's place, and slid her hands over the counter, reaching Daniel's and placing them over his. He smiled and squeezed them. "Where's Mum?" he asked.
"Sleeping," Alexis told him. "Danny, there's something I need to ask you. But you have to swear to me you'll tell me the truth."
"Sure," he said, confused.
"Are you going to marry Amanda?"
"No."
The reply came quick and determined, and for a second Alexis thought she hadn't heard right. "Excuse me?"
"You heard me," he said. "No, I'm not going to get married to anyone. I'm done with that. I'm going to be there for the baby, I'm going to give him the closest thing to a family I can think of, but I'm never getting married again. I can't enter a church and vow to love someone till death do us part when I'm perfectly aware I don't mean that."
"Maybe a civil marriage-"
"No," he repeated, dead serious. "I'm not marrying anyone Alexis. Why are you asking?"
Alexis sighed and let go of his hands, fidgeting with her own fingers. "Amanda thinks you're going to propose, Daniel," she burst out. Daniel opened his mouth to say something, but she cut him off. "She found a ring."
Daniel shook his head, then remained petrified, looking ahead, as the realization crept up. "Fuck," he breathed.
"What?" Alexis inquired.
"There is a ring…" he trailed off as he reached into his breast-pocket and took out the small velvet box he brought with him wherever he went. He turned it in his hands for a little, then he placed it on the table and clicked it open and turned it towards Alexis, showing the ring to her.
"So, there is a ring," Alexis drawled, her eyes fixed on the shiny red stone.
"Yes," Daniel agreed. "But it's not for Amanda."
Alexis nodded as the pieces of the puzzle slowly started coming together. "Wilhelmina?" she asked, and Daniel nodded. "You need to tell Amanda, Daniel. You need to tell her, now, before that girl starts getting lost in a delusional daydreaming."
Daniel turned the ring back towards him, nodding.
He had to tell her.
Hold my hand (yeah)
Baby I promise (hold my hand) that I'll do
All I can (hold my hand)
Things will get better if you just hold my hand
Nothing can come between us if you just hold,
hold my, hold, hold my, hold, hold my hand.