Fairy Tale: The Emperor's New Clothes

Rated: T (for cussing and nudity -like that matters-)

Spoiler Warning: If you haven't gotten past the Sabaody Archipelago arc, or do not know what predicament Sanji is in at the moment, please feel free to skip this chapter.

A/N: Ahahaha! This was fun to write. Enjoy!

Once Upon a Time…

It was unbelievable, both disturbing and impossibly hilarious at the same time.

"Oi, who's that over there?" Franky asked, pointing toward the horizon.

"It looks like a lady… sorta," Luffy said.

In the distance, a feminine-looking person trotted toward the crew, waving her arm in the air.

"Do we know that person?" Nami asked.

"Why yes, we know him very well," Robin tried not to chuckle.

The person continued running, getting close enough to allow the crew to see him in detail.

"She has really long curly blond hair," Chopper squinted.

"I wonder if I may see her panties," Brook thought out loud.

"Wait a second, something familiar is on her forehead," Zoro said.

Usopp lowered one of his goggles over his eye and developed a cold sweat on his fingertips, "It's a…curly eyebrow."

"What? That can't be the ero-cook," Zoro turned away from the oncoming person.

"Uh, Zoro?" Chopper started backing away.

"What?" Zoro asked. Before Chopper could warn him, Zoro was tackled from behind and grouped together with other crew members in a giant bear hug.

"I missed you guys sooo much!" Sanji smiled lipstick and all.

The crew said nothing.

"You're so happy that you're speechless," Sanji said.

A shiver ran up Zoro's spine, "Get the hell off me!" He shoved Sanji back, disturbed by the turn of events.

"Sanji-kun, what happened to you?" Nami asked with astonishment.

Sanji grinned and took Nami's hands in his, "They have changed me, Nami-san. I am a new woman! You may call me Sanji-chan."

Nami grimaced, "Do you need to be slapped back to normal?"

"How could you say such a thing," Sanji released her hands and turned to the rest of the crew. They all took a step backwards in response.

"Captain-san, are you not glad to see me?" Sanji asked.

"Why are you dressed like a princess?" Luffy asked, tilting his head.

"Oh! A princess? I feel so touched," Sanji twirled on his toes, much like Bon Kurei would, "Wait, is Brook okay?"

Brook, on his hands and knees, practically dry heaving, managed to speak, "I can't…believe…I was going… to ask to see his panties…"

Days passed, and after trying every plan the crew could think of, Sanji would not revert back to his suit-wearing, skirt chasing, self.

Zoro tried a risky maneuver of throwing the food Sanji had painstakingly made on the ground. Normally that would have gotten a swift fiery kick to the face, but the okama Sanji simply said "oh dear," and went to clean it up.

Nami tried flirting; even planting a kiss on Sanji's cheek, but that was only received as a "girlfriend" expressing her affection for her friend.

They were even desperate enough to threat Sanji into going right back to the Baratie and making the owner of the restaurant, Chef Zeff, kick his ass. Sanji simply laughed and waved it off.

"Oi Zoro," Usopp nudged the sleeping man awake with the front of his shoe.

Zoro opened one eye, "You have another idea?"

"Yup, but it's going to take some good acting," Usopp grinned devilishly.

Sanji was in the galley, preparing snacks. Not for the ladies, but for the men of the crew. It was so backwards that Luffy even refused to eat the snacks, and opted to let Sanji give them to Nami and Robin.

He twirled around the kitchen as he cooked, when Zoro and Usopp strolled in quietly.

"Hello gentlemen, your snack will be ready in just a few moments," Sanji smiled.

"Actually Sanji-"

"Sanji-chan," Sanji corrected.

Usopp tried hard not to gag, "Sanji-chan, we have something that you might like," Usopp began.

"Is that so?" Sanji asked intrigued.

"Yes, It's a beautiful dress that is invisible to those who don't have a good fashion sense." Usopp lied confidently.

"Really, may I see it?" Sanji asked.

"Of course, you'll just have to follow me to your room," Usopp beckoned for Sanji to follow him.

They walked into the woman's quarters, where Sanji insisted he should stay, and opened up a large dresser.

"Zoro, if you will," Usopp motioned for Zoro to remove the made believe dress.

Zoro shrugged and reached inside the dresser. He pretended to grasp something and pulled it out of the dresser.

"Isn't it lovely?" Usopp asked.

Sanji paused, he obviously couldn't see it, but he wasn't going to admit that to the two men.

"It is indeed, I love the colors," Sanji lied. Usopp and Zoro stifled a snicker.

"You have to try it on then," Zoro said.

"A-Are you sure?" Sanji stuttered.

"Definitely, it would look absolutely beautiful on you," Usopp confirmed.

So Sanji pretended to put it on, but it didn't seem to cover him. It looked like he wasn't wearing any clothes at all. 'Well, I guess I can't see it, but the others will.' He thought.

Reluctantly, Sanji walked out of the woman's quarters where Zoro and Usopp were waiting.

"Well, how do I look?" Sanji asked.

Zoro couldn't help but laugh. He covered his mouth with his hand.

"You look great," Usopp spoke out of the corner of his mouth, holding back from joining Zoro in his laughter.

Sanji walked about the ship, receiving questionable feedback for the rest of the crew.

"Oi Sanji, you look stunning today," Franky laughed.

"Isn't it breezy today?" Chopper asked with a snicker.

"Uhh, I guess," Sanji said.

"Sanji, are you drunk or something?" Luffy asked.

"No, why?"

"You're not wearing any-" Luffy was cut off by Usopp, who covered his mouth and dragged him away from Sanji.

The day carried on with Sanji unknowingly parading around the ship in the buff.

Until finally Robin spoke up, "Chef-chan, are you aware that you are naked?"

"No, I am clothed by a beautiful dress that only people with elegant style can see," Sanji claimed and posed to show off the dress.

"Who, may I ask, gave you that dress?"

"Zoro-kun and Usopp-kun," Sanji said.

"Do you really think they have elegant style?" Robin asked.

Sanji paused.

"Bastards!" He roared and kicked Usopp through the railing and off the ship. He then threw another kick at Zoro, who blocked it with one of his katana.

"Welcome back, Ero-cook," Zoro grinned.

"Glad to be back, shitty marimo," Sanji hissed.

The End.

A/N: Ahh Sanji. The poor guy has the worst luck. I can't wait to see how his time on Kamabakka Kingdom turns out :D

Until next time! reviews are so appreciated, they make me smile in my sleep!