Chapter 21

Charlie sat in his bed, fingers anxiously tapping and eyes fixed on the door. He gasped when Don entered the room.

"What happened?" Charlie asked. "Did you stop him?"

Don nodded and collapsed into a chair by Charlie's bed. "The BAU had already subdued the bomber. It wasn't Dufresne. Just another lackey wearing a vest."

Don immediately regretted his words when he saw Charlie shudder.

"That… I didn't mean you, Charlie. You were a victim. You didn't have a choice."

"It's okay," said Charlie. "I know what you meant. So where is Dufresne now?"

"Unfortunately, we don't know. He's still a danger, but we're hoping he might back off for a while. You don't need to worry."

Charlie nodded but didn't answer. He looked tired and it struck Don just how close he came to losing him.

"I'm sorry, buddy," he said. "I'm sorry I couldn't find you sooner."

Charlie shook his head. "You did everything you could. You saved me in the end." Now it was Don's turn to flinch and look uncomfortable. Charlie watched his brother and asked, "What's wrong?"

It took several seconds of silence before Don could speak. He knew he had to tell Charlie the truth, but finding the right words was more difficult than anything he'd done before. He looked at Charlie, pale beneath his dark hair, arm harnessed tight against his chest to keep him from upsetting his shoulder. He didn't want to cause him more pain, but he couldn't live with himself if he didn't tell Charlie the truth.

At last, Don spoke. "We knew the bank was a potential target for Dufresne's explosives. Megan and I went there with two BAU agents."

Charlie nodded, his expressive eyes so innocent. He had no idea what was coming. Don hurtled on before he lost his nerve.

"We stationed ourselves around the building. I was on the top floor. I could see every person who entered the building."

"You saw me come in," said Charlie.

"I didn't know it was you, not immediately."

Charlie shrugged. "I was wearing a hood. You couldn't recognize me. Not to mention the top floor is a pretty good distance. You couldn't see me clearly from all the way up there." Charlie's eyes narrowed. "Why were you on the top floor anyway?"

This was it. Don took a breath. "Megan, Hotch, and Reid were all closer. I had to be up high… to give me a better vantage point for… for the rifle." Don found it impossible to breathe after he'd said those words. He saw confusion and then realization appear on Charlie's face.

"You were the one that took me down before I could trigger the explosive," Charlie said. He didn't look upset, not nearly as upset as he should have been. "But, like you said, you didn't recognize me from the top floor."

"I knew it was you. The moment you lowered your hood, I realized what Dufresne had done."

Charlie's face lost even more color. He stared at Don as though waiting for him to say, just kidding! Don merely waited for Charlie to respond.

"It's okay," Charlie said. "You had to do it."

"I didn't want to. Believe me. When you lowered that hood and I saw your face, I froze. It was only Hotch screaming at me over the radio that… Never mind. I won't make excuses or try to put the blame on someone else. I aimed the rifle and pulled the trigger. I'm sorry, buddy."

Charlie's bright brown eyes never left Don's face. They stared at each other for nearly a minute. Don started wondering if he should leave, but he didn't want to. He knew that the minute he walked out the door, it would be for good. Unless Charlie could forgive him now, their delicate relationship would fail entirely. Everything Don had gone through to recover his brother would be for nothing if Charlie pushed him away now.

Even though he knew he should feel angry, Charlie found himself understanding Don's position. He'd seen his brother put in impossible situations, forced to make unimaginable choices. He'd seen what those choices had done to his brother, the rethinking, and the second-guessing. He didn't want to put Don through that again.

"It's okay," Charlie said. "I didn't want to trigger the bomb. But Dufresne told me that if I didn't, he'd use a second explosion to destroy CalSci. I didn't know what else to do. It was kind of a relief when you stopped me."

Don shook his head. "I don't think I will ever be able to look back on that moment and feel relief."

"I'm just grateful you are a good shot. You could have killed me. Instead, you incapacitated me. Don?"

Don had been looking down at his hands folded in his lap. At his brother's pleading voice, he looked up.

"Don't feel bad about this. Please. I'm back. I'm alive. You're alive. It's been a rough time, but it's over now. Can we move on?"

"Dufresne is still out there somewhere."

"You'll catch him one day."

"I'm sure you already have some formula or algorithm in the works to help us track him."

"He's not as original as he thinks," said Charlie. "Just look at him going after the BAU at the airport. We called that one."

Don smiled. "We sure did, buddy." He reached out and placed a hand on Charlie's good shoulder. "I'm glad you're back, Charlie."

- O -

Spencer sighed and sank further into his seat. He replayed his conversation with Dr. Eppes in his head. He thought of everything he'd read about the professor, everything he'd accomplished both in academia and with his consulting for the FBI. Spencer wondered where he would be now if he too had chosen to split his time between research and law enforcement.

"Something bothering you?" Morgan asked, taking the seat next to Spencer.

"Just thinking," Spencer replied.

Morgan scoffed. "Kid, you are never just thinking. Tell me."

Across from them, Spencer saw Hotch look his way curiously. He tried to invent some other reason that would satisfy his co-workers' concern, but in the end, he went with the truth.

"I'm just wondering where I might be if I'd dedicated more time to academia."

"Reid, you can't compare yourself to Dr. Eppes," Hotch said.

Spencer didn't respond.

"Why do you feel this way?" Hotch asked.

"I look at his life and all that he's accomplished, and I just wonder what I could have done if I'd made similar choices after I graduated."

"Do you regret joining the BAU?" Morgan asked.

Spencer shook his head. "No way. I don't regret anything. I'm just thinking about it."

Hotch leaned forward. "You both have your accomplishments. You should be proud of the people you have helped and the lives you've saved throughout your time with the BAU."

"I know," Spencer said. He leaned his head back against his seat. "Ch—Dr. Eppes has also saved lives when he consults with his brother, but you should have seen his office."

"I did, kid," Morgan said. "Not sure what you're jealous of."

"That's because you couldn't understand what was on his chalkboard. It was brilliant. He's trying to map the brain using math. I just feel like I should be doing something like that. Finding a cure for… just something outside of my work with the BAU."

"You want to get involved with academia?" Hotch asked.

Spencer shrugged. "I know. I don't have time. I can't lose focus. I need to stay on track. It's fine, Hotch. You don't have to worry."

Hotch and Morgan exchanged a glance. "I don't see why you can't have side projects," Hotch said.

Spencer looked at him. "Really?"

"We all have our hobbies," Morgan added.

"Reading is a hobby," Spencer said. "I want to do something more complicated."

"What did you have in mind?" Hotch asked.

Spencer considered for a moment, then nodded. "Something to help my mom," he said.

Morgan chuckled and Hotch cracked a rare smile.