AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, I went a whole day without even looking at this. Not because I was busy, but because I was stuck. And I was just unable to decide where to turn next. And, because I am unable to decide where to go next, I'm just gonna... write. Because the only way to get out of a writer's block is to just keep going. So, starting out with the whole, "Powering through" thing, allow me to remind you - 1. I don't own this. 2. I really, really hope you read, enjoy, and review. 3. If you feel the need, you can follow or fav me. I promise, it won't hurt my feelings. And... 4. Much love to you and yours from me. ~ Billie

SHANE

Claire was crying. Again. I got it, I really did. She was tired, and stressed, and to top it all off, we didn't have my leftover chili to count on food-wise, since after the incident with Myrnin we forgot about it and it stayed on the stove all night. In the end, we just threw the whole pot away, since the chili had turned into some kind of coating that didn't seem to be going anywhere no matter how hard we scrubbed. That meant we had to figure out our grocery issue asap. And tonight, Claire just wasn't up to it.

I felt jealousy flare up in my chest. I wondered if I were the one living across the street if she would cry for me. I had no doubt that she would fight to get me back if I was in danger, and no doubt that she would worry about me. But would she cry over me? I wanted to ask, but was too scared to find out the answer.

I gritted my teeth and tried to focus on the tv show ahead of me as my mouth formed all the right, soothing words. "Claire, baby, he's gonna be fine. I promise."

"I know," she sniffled, "It's just... I'm so worried about him."

I was so tired of hearing that sentence. "Yeah. I know."

I glanced upstairs as I heard footsteps. Michael and Eve had escaped Claire's incessant worry earlier, neither of them meeting my eye as they headed upstairs to "hang out with Miranda." No doubt Michael could still hear most of Claire's crying, but Eve would probably have a peaceful sleep tonight. I couldn't say I'd have the same.

I'd tried everything I could think of to make her feel any better. I'd even tried to lead her upstairs for a nice make out session and maybe even a little bit of stress relief. She'd refused. Claire had never refused me before. Sure, sometimes she'd say, "Oh Shane, we can't right now! I have to get to class!" Or maybe she'd give me a playful slap and say, "Shane! Eve and Michael are right next door in the kitchen!" But she'd never just said, "I don't feel like it," until tonight. I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

I felt awkward in the one place I should have felt most comfortable - Claire's arms. Finally, I couldn't take it any more. "Claire. I'm going to take a shower and go to bed. Want to come with me?"

Claire blew her nose and shook her head. "No, I think I'll just stay down here for a while longer. I think I need some time alone."

Yeah, I thought. To think about him.

I headed upstairs, with Jason's offer from the night before ringing in my head. Both offers. All I had to do was point Jason and whoever he was working for in the right direction and I'd be free. Free of Morganville. Forever. I'd be able to put all the awful things that had happened in my life behind me and start fresh in a place where vampires were nothing more than actors in the movies who sparkled in the sunlight. As stupid as that idea was for me to get my head around, it would be a small price to pay to forget about the bloodshed, to finally stop the nightmares, to not be afraid anymore. But it had a much bigger price to pay hidden in the fine print. I'd have to also forget about Claire. Because if I turned on Myrnin, she would know. She'd read it in my face. I'm good enough to lie to vampires, but not to her. And I'd lose her. She'd never forgive me. And freedom without Claire wasn't freedom at all.

There was the other offer. I could become a vampire. I'd hate myself. I'd be betraying everyone I ever loved, but there was that chance. Claire loved the damn things so much, maybe it would make her love me. Love me more... than him. Even as I thought of it, the idea seemed stupid. She already loved me more than him. She always had. She'd chosen to come back to a human life instead of take his offer of an eternity of learning and discovery and... and... blood. I felt like that was what had made the choice easy for her. The blood. Not me, not the meager things I could offer her. But the knowledge that she would have to harm another in order to survive.

She was a gentle creature, my Claire.

I turned the shower on as hot as it would go and stood under the water, wishing the heat and the steam would loosen the icy grip insecurity had on my heart. But instead, the pounding water just beat away at my defenses. Why was Claire with me? She was so much smarter than me. She was so much kinder than me. She was so much... more than I could ever be. So why did she stay? Was it really love? Really? Or was it just complacency? Or was it just fear?

I snarled under my breath as I turned off the water. I dried off in the hot steamy bathroom, and cleared a spot on the mirror to shave my face. Not that I had any reason to be clean shaven - Claire hadn't even returned the kisses I tried giving her earlier. I watched my face in the mirror as I shaved. I looked older than I remembered looking this morning. I felt older than I had this morning.

I went to my room and lay down on the bed, leaving the tv off. I didn't want to hear or see anything right now. I lay in the darkness and replayed the entire night over and over again. The way Claire had turned away from my advances, the way she had turned me down, the way she had sent me up here by myself because she wanted to be alone. As if she'd never stopped to think that maybe I didn't want to be alone.

The clock slowly crawled forward, counting the minutes that Claire remained downstairs. It was after three when she quietly climbed the stairs and went into her bedroom, closing the door softly. I hated the tension in the air.

I lay in the darkness and waited for Claire to open her door and knock softly on mine. When she didn't, I got up and went to her door. I stood in front of it, knowing she would know I was there. She always knew when I was there. But she didn't come to me. I raised my hand to knock, thought better of it, and went back to my room to lay in the darkness and watch the clock countdown the minutes to sunrise.