Golden Bad Girl

by: Liv-x-Case-Benson

Ch. 21: Fuzzy

The next few weeks, Alex appeared a lot calmer, and everything seemed to go back to normal, though Noah was still a little quiet. "Liv, have you seen my locket?"

"Isn't it in our room?"

"No, I can't find it," Alex sighed. "I'll check the nursery. Can you start breakfast?"

"What do you want?"

"Eggs and toast, please."

"Sure," Olivia said, kissing her cheek,

Alex smiled, kissing Olivia softly before running upstairs.

"Noah, do you want breakfast?"

"Toast!"

She smiled, picking him up and taking him to the kitchen.

Inside the fridge was Alex's necklace.

Olivia smiled, taking the necklace out. "I found it!"

"Where was it?" Alex asked, walking down with Allie in her arms.

"In the fridge."

"That's impossible. I left on the nightstand yesterday."

Olivia handed it to her.

Alex frowned, putting it on. "I definitely left it upstairs," she said softly walking through the the dining room with Allie, feeding her.

She smiled, starting breakfast.

Noah wriggled free from Olivia going to sit with Alex, watching her.

"We should have a day out and about."

"I thought you had work..." Alex asked nervously.

"We could have lunch."

"Ok," she nodded.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Liv."

"I love you."

"I love you too," the blonde smiled.

Over the next couple of months, more items kept disappearing only to be found in odd places, and Alex's personality seemed to have more fragility than Olivia had ever known. The latest item was the brunette's badge, which she handed to Alex when she got home from work the previous evening so she could cuddle the kids. Alex was sure she'd placed the item by the door, but Noah had just found it in the bathroom.

Olivia sighed. "Still seems weird."

"What are you saying?"

"Maybe you keep misplacing things."

"I know where I left things, Olivia."

"Are you sure? Maybe you misplaced it."

"I... I..." Alex stumbled, and suddenly she was sure she believed herself. If she had moved it, why couldn't she remember?

"Is anything else out of place?"

"No."

"Maybe it's not you."

"There isn't any other way to explain it."

"Unless..." she got up, checking the windows.

All the windows were secure, and Alex went to the closet to get a jacket. "Aren't you due at work?" the blonde asked, frustrated with herself.

Olivia wrapped her arms around her. "I can be a few minutes late. Honey, you're very sane. Maybe it's something else."

"I'm not sure anymore. It's just like..."

"Like someone's moving things around?"

Alex shook her head, biting her thumb nail before fidgeting with her baggy sleeves. "I'm always on edge. I can't sleep. It's like being back there again."

"Have you...considered talking to someone?"

"You think I should?"

"Do you think you need to?"

"As much as I don't like to admit it, yes."

"Everything will be okay."

Alex nodded. "Do you know anyone good?"

"I can ask around, okay?"

"Okay," the blonde replied, relaxing, "Go on, you'll be late."

Olivia smiled, kissing her.

Alex kissed her softly. "See you tonight."

"See you," she said, kissing the kids. "Breakfast is on the table," she said as she left.

Shortly before 4pm, Alex stumbled into the squad room, trying to focus her eyes to locate Olivia's office. The blonde's shirt was covered in blood and her wrist was slashed.

"Alex!" she called, running over, squeezing her wrist. "What happened? Where are the kids?"

"I-I don't know. I c-can't remember..." she slurred.

Olivia sighed, holding her tightly. "Can someone please go check on my kids? And call Warner. I'll take Alex into my office," she said, standing up and guiding her back.

"We're on it," Amanda called, running out with Nick.

"How did I get here?" Alex asked.

"I don't know. You don't remember?"

"I just remember being outside."

"It's ok," she said, grabbing a towel and wrapping her wrist, squeezing it.

Alex stared down at the towel, then looked back up at Olivia with glossy eyes. "What's wrong with me?"

"I don't know, but we're going to figure it out, together, okay?" she said, kissing her head.

Alex nodded, resting against Olivia until Melinda knocked ten minutes later. "I can take this if you want to call Nick or Amanda for an update," she offered.

"No. It's fine."

Melinda smiled warmly at Alex, assessing her wrist before cleaning it up, stitching it. "Can I have a word, Liv?"

Olivia nodded, stepping from her office, closing the door.

"Any idea what's going on here? Has she been depressed?"

"That's what the doctor asked me too. I know Noah's had attention issues. But I really don't know. She said she'd see a psychiatrist if I could find one."

Warner nodded. "She's a danger to herself..."

"What do you suggest?"

"If Alex was my patient, I can say I wouldn't consider having her sectioned," she sighed.

"Sectioned?"

"Admitted to a psychiatric facility."

"So what would you consider if you wouldn't do that?"

"She needs someone with her around the clock to ensure her safety," Melinda replied as Olivia's phone rang.

Olivia held up a hand. "Excuse me for one second. Benson," she answered.

"Hey, it's Amanda. We've got crime scene guys at your house. The kids weren't here, but don't worry, there was a message on the machine from Kathy to ask what time Alex was picking the kids up and Fin called Elliot; they're still there."

She sighed in relief. "Good. Thank you," she said, hanging up. "I don't know what to do. I can't stay home 24-7. I just..."

"Just what?"

"I can't stay home. Alex needs someone. I can't keep dumping my kids on Elliot and Kathy. It's not fair."

"Then you need to make a choice. For the sake of your kids, and your wife."

"Good god. Well, she has agreed to see a shrink, but unless someone could get her as an out-patent... Even a daily program, so the kids could still see her, but I don't know if that's possible."

"Talk to her. I can make some calls."

"Yeah, I think I'll make a couple too. Thank you. Please let me know what you find out," she said, going back into her office. "Hi."

Alex smiled weakly, wiping her cheeks. "I'm not crazy..."

Olivia sat beside her, hugging her tightly. "No, I don't think you are either. But...you might be sick with depression."

"But I don't feel down. I feel paranoid because I can't remember things, and that makes me anxious."

"What can't you remember?"

"Well, I remember being in the car with the kids..."

"...and you dropped them off with Elliot and Kathy."

Alex thought for a moment, then nodded. "Then I went home. That's where it goes a bit fuzzy. The next thing I remember is being here."

"And...your wrist?"

Alex's lip wobbled. "I don't know."

Olivia kissed her cheek, wrapping he jacket around her. "Sshhh..."

"I'm so confused," the blonde replied, leaning into Olivia.

"It's going to be okay."

Alex nodded, curling up in her chair, closing her eyes.

Review thanks goes out to: dragonsprit & svuaddict4015