Author's Note:
Wow. (Sorry, this AN will be long.) *dies*
Well, I started kicking myself in the ass to get myself writing on this because it was Kat's birthday, and I thought, frick, if I can't come up with something unique to write her, I gotta at least dedicate a chapter of this to her. So, though late, this is still birthday-dedicated to the wonderful Katja (aka Kuraieshi or Memorialfire). ^.^
And then Kiki (aka Atomic-Clover) shook things up like woah. I mean, her exuberance as she read this was already enough, I was goin nuts trying to find more time to write because she encouraged me so, and then. That beautiful art…which I still can't believe (check my profile for a link) and which led a whole lot more readers here. So this is for Kiki too, and also for all the readers, thanks for the wonderful support!
I only wish I could have made this chapter more exciting for all of you, but I can't screw with the plot plans, and things just. Keep. Taking. Longer. Soon! I hope to make it more exciting again very soon! (And yes, I am really gonna put some effort into this again.)
Final notes: y'all don't have any faith in Zexion, LMAO. XD And, if you submit an unsigned review, that's cool, thanks, but if you want a reply you gotta give me an email addy or something. c:
Roxas was helping Axel prepare for company. He was just bringing the chips out to where they had arranged extra seating around the coffee table when there was a knock on the door.
"That'll be Dem, I'll get it." With these words and an encouraging smile – he knew Roxas was just a little nervous about this introduction – Axel headed for the door.
Roxas finished setting out the chips and moved to follow as Axel opened the door. "Hey Dem-…oh, you brought Zexion. Hey, welcome, come on in." Axel was already extending a hand toward Roxas as the two other men stepped inside, and Roxas nervously reached out to take the hand. Two guests…OK, everything will be fine. They'll both be nice people who will like you…
Axel was wasting no time. "Demyx, I would like to introduce you to Roxas, my boyfriend." A shiver of delight traced down Roxas' spine at the words, and a glance at Axel showed his green eyes sparkling slightly with pleasure. Roxas was sure they were both probably a little pink, too.
Axel coughed once as the sandy-blond, apparently Demyx, beamed radiantly at the both of them. "And Roxas, this is my best friend, Demyx, and this is Dem's boyfriend, Zexion."
"Nice to meet you." Roxas managed to force his greeting to sound calm and casual. Zexion nodded, smiling coolly, but Demyx reached forward and took Roxas' free hand, shaking it hard.
"Roxas, so nice to finally meet you officially. I suppose it hardly needs to be said, but I have heard a lot about you from this guy." A toss of Demyx's head indicated Axel, while Roxas was momentarily distracted – he was both a little overwhelmed by the friendly greeting, and a little surprised at the…extremely odd hairstyle of the other blond.
Axel intervened, possessively drawing Roxas away a bit. "Easy Dem; try not to break his hand." Both of them laughed slightly, and Axel turned to the other guest. "But this is great that Zexion could come too. Now we all get to meet each other all at once. I've got stuff for lunch too, by the way. You guys eat?"
Zexion was still smiling slightly and not answering – which struck Roxas as a little odd – while Demyx shook his head and happily replied that they'd love some lunch. At the same time, there was the briefest flash of a more serious expression communicated between Axel and Demyx. Roxas caught it because his attention was always half on Axel – a curious, questioning, concerned glance escaped the redhead, flashing toward Zexion before fixing the unspoken confusion on Demyx. Roxas just caught an answering glance that seemed to warn Axel off, slightly, with the briefest headshake.
A moment later, however, Zexion finally spoke, addressing Axel very quietly. "Sorry…could I use your restroom?"
"Yeah sure, you know where it is?" Zexion nodded and was off, while Axel turned and began to lead Roxas and Demyx to the sitting area.
Roxas was glancing curiously after the slate-haired man, still tightly grasping Axel's hand, when he heard the redhead whisper to Demyx, "What's up with Zex? He OK?"
Demyx's answer was also a whisper, "I dunno man, something happened but he wouldn't tell me everything, just said he'd come along. Apparently," Demyx glanced at Roxas, thinking, then seemed to decide that excluding the blond wasn't necessary. His lowered tones raised slightly to include Roxas, "Apparently something happened yesterday that concerns all of us. That's what he said, anyway. He was really freaked out last night…and I wondered if maybe it had something to do with…you know."
Axel looked worried, but Roxas leaned in, curious. "With what?"
Reluctance visible in his expression, Demyx hesitated, glancing at Axel before explaining to Roxas in one terrible word.
"Xemnas."
Roxas felt his blood run cold. He froze, eyes wide and uncomprehending. How…? But Axel was already there, comforting.
"It's OK, Rox, he's not here, you're gonna be fine. There are some…connections you don't know about yet. We'll have to explain everything. Don't worry though…I'm going to take care of you."
The words filtered through, but what really eased the thudding of Roxas' hectic heartbeat was the warm pressure of Axel's arms around him.
Nodding, Roxas allowed himself to be led to the couch, Axel quickly fetching him a drink, Demyx telling him what he and Zexion would like and settling himself in a chair. As Roxas carefully brought his breathing back to normal, he noticed the other blond smiling at him.
"You've had it tough, huh? Poor guy…" The man was sympathetic, but Roxas didn't detect anything like…pity. It was…nice. Companionable and open. Roxas found himself already liking Demyx, who was apparently the single most laid-back and friendly person in the world.
Before he could even reply, however, Axel was returning. At the same time, Zexion emerged, making his way for Demyx directly. The blond stood up, immediately focused on his boyfriend, softly questioning, "You OK, Zexy?" The quiet man nodded and sat down, and soon all four of the young men had settled themselves around the chips and drinks.
The cheerful blond across from Roxas sighed happily. "Well, Axel, here we are. Only a couple months ago, it was just you and me all the time. And now we've both got boyfriends." He chuckled lightly. "Who'd have guessed?"
Axel agreed good-naturedly, and Roxas listened quietly as the two exchanged some lighthearted chatter. He noticed, however, that Axel didn't seem entirely relaxed. And Zexion was still quiet, although pleasant… Still, Demyx seemed to always have one worried eye on his boyfriend, and their hands remained clasped together.
Roxas observed the other couple carefully, fascinated by the sight of a real relationship. As he watched, he couldn't help sensing a strong connection between them. Something in their expressions had a similar cast…or maybe it was their mannerisms…he couldn't be sure. He just felt very certain that he was looking at a couple – two people who belonged together, utterly and completely, and who would be lost without one another. And, in spite of the differences between them – such as the obvious difference in the amount of talking each was doing – Roxas was at a loss as he tried to find certain differences…telling ones.
It wasn't that he meant to pry…it was just that, in his former line of work, he had become very accustomed to knowing, by certain telling details, what sorts of roles the others who shared his lifestyle played. He knew a gay man from a straight man on sight with almost perfect accuracy – that was elementary. For his job, however, he also needed to be able to tell if a man was a top or bottom by preference, since he was almost always a bottom at work and it wouldn't usually be profitable to approach another man who liked that role. Furthermore, he was used to seeing partners, and, as an extension of his identifying skills, he was always able to tell who belonged to whom in any given pair.
Which was why he was all the more intrigued by Demyx and Zexion. Not only could he not tell who topped, he didn't even get the slightest sense from them of who was whose boyfriend. Even with Demyx being as attentive to Zexion as he was, it didn't provide the usual "owner" sense, but neither did it seem to be the other way around, like Roxas would have had to treat his Master. The blond was truly mystified by the other couple.
As he scrutinized them – trying, of course, to not be too obvious about it – a lull developed in the conversation. Roxas was somewhat startled when Zexion broke into the silence, changing the subject from the previous light mood in a moment.
"Sorry for showing up unexpectedly Axel. Thanks for having us over." A small smile accompanied the slate-haired man's words.
Axel smiled back. "Sure Zexion, no problem. I'm glad you could come meet Roxas too."
"Actually," Zexion glanced at Roxas, including him in his answer, "we've met. Though I'm not sure if Roxas would remember." Roxas blinked at the other man, confused. He didn't think he had met Zexion before… "At the time, you introduced yourself as 'Roxie' though." A shiver ran down Roxas' spine at the name Zexion mentioned.
Trying to act calm in spite of the nervous fluttering in his stomach, Roxas replied, "I'm sorry…I don't remember. When did we meet?" Marluxia's? Or some other time…maybe before that? Zexion doesn't seem like the type to have been in places like those, though…
Zexion's smile was tired as he answered, addressing the group. "I guess this is a pretty good opportunity to get everyone on the same page, huh?" Without waiting for an answer, he spoke to Roxas again. "Actually, we met at the apartment. You live right below me, and a couple months ago I met you in the stairwell and helped you to your room. You were soaked form the rain and in bad shape."
Roxas' eyes grew wide as the memory hit him. The day Xemnas let me go…after the first time he took me. His mind struggled to remember the person who had helped him to his room. He had only been aware of fuzzy details at the time, now almost forgotten. So it was Zexion. Covering his surprise, he smiled nervously.
"Ah…so we're neighbors! I didn't know at all. Um, I remember that though, thanks for your help. Sorry I didn't remember before, I was…a little out of it that day."
Zexion waved his apology away. "I'll say. I wasn't even sure you were aware enough to know where you were. But that's fine. There are a few other things you don't know about." He glanced around again, seeking the general agreement. "I'd like to use this opportunity to explain them."
Axel and Demyx both nodded, suddenly serious. Roxas nodded too, still on edge from the previous revelation, and now worried about what else he had yet to learn. Especially if it had something to do with…the one that Demyx had mentioned coming in.
"The truth is, Roxas," Zexion addressed him calmly, "we have a very unfortunate…acquaintance…in common. Xemnas."
The name froze the blood in Roxas' veins all over again. He stiffened in fear, his hand clutching hard at Axel's. In a moment, the redhead was turned to him, moving comfortingly closer, squeezing his hand and running soothing fingers through his hair. The lowest murmur reached his ears, a repetition of, "It's OK, it's OK." Even though he had suspected that Xemnas had something to do with all this, the name spoken aloud still rang with terror in his ears.
Zexion had paused, but was now calmly continuing his explanation. "A while ago, Xemnas was my boss. I don't really want to explain all the details here…" a trace of obvious discomfort flitted over the placid face, "but the result of my knowing him was that he blackmailed me and more or less single-handedly destroyed my career and my social life in one shot. All because he wanted me for…for the role I believe he had you playing, until now."
Roxas reddened. He hated having that mentioned around Axel. He was still half-sure that, in spite of what the redhead had said, Axel would eventually decide that he didn't want such a dirty boyfriend. And even if he didn't, it had to be unpleasant for him to be reminded of it, and Roxas didn't want to displease Axel in the slightest.
But wait…how does he know about Xemnas and me?
The question had just made its way into Roxas' blue gaze when Zexion began answering it.
"Somewhat more recently," he continued, "I was at my apartment with Demyx one night when I saw Xemnas arrive at the building. I was afraid that he had come for me…yet it turned out that he was there for you, instead. And…" Zexion softened, trying his best to reveal this news gently, "we heard what happened when he found you. We came here, to Axel's, and called the police." He paused to let Roxas absorb this news.
Oh. That time. When he…raped… Then, a new realization hit Roxas. Turning to Axel, he all but whispered, "Then…it was you. In the police report…you knew it was me? I mean, did you…did you know?"
Axel glanced at Zexion and Demyx, both of whom turned their attention away, to each other, allowing Axel to speak to Roxas. The redhead leaned close, whispering as he held Roxas' lost gaze, "I did know. They told me when they came. I'm sorry for not telling you before. And I'm sorry I didn't come then and save you. I did what I could…and I thought you wanted to stay with him, because of how we'd parted before that. I…I had to respect your wishes."
Green eyes were searching, pleading for him to understand. "Like I told you…I want you to make your own choices and decide what you want. I thought that I couldn't interfere. But…" Axel's whisper suddenly broke for a moment as the redhead struggled to remain calm and rational for Roxas. "If I'd known then…nothing would have stopped me from taking you away from him. I'm so sorry…that you had to go through that alone."
Roxas was reeling a little, but he managed to contain his shock. OK…one thing at a time… Zexion and Demyx had heard what Xemnas had done. They'd told Axel and called the police, which hadn't done much, but it had been Axel's way of trying to help…while respecting Roxas' decision. Why would he think I'd ever choose to be raped, though? Roxas was mystified, but put the thought aside. There must be some reason…maybe we can talk about it later. Right now…I can't start demanding explanations. I can't be…catty like that.
So Roxas left it alone and turned his attention to taking a few deep breaths and studiously concealing the humiliation that hit him as he began to fully realize that not only Axel, but Demyx and Zexion – almost strangers to Roxas – all knew that he'd been raped. They knew. Demyx and Zexion had even heard it – Roxas did not want to wonder about how much they had heard.
They know, they all know, they can see how dirty you are, how he dirtied you, they look at you and see a little slut who spreads his legs for money…
Shut up shut up shut up! I don't have time for this, shut up! Roxas was aware that Axel was waiting for a sign that he understood, and though his thoughts had been swift, a pause was developing. He didn't have time to listen to the dark voice or argue with it. He had to make it go away.
Axel…Axel doesn't think that. Axel said…he doesn't care about what I've done. And… A new realization hit Roxas, this time with a breath-stopping shock that was happy, for a change. …And Axel knew about everything – my past, my Master, the rape, everything – when he said that.
Roxas still wasn't sure he could believe that Axel could look past all that – how could he, when Roxas couldn't? – but the thought still tingled inside him…a relieved sort of bliss in his stomach.
And so, Roxas took one more deep breath and looked back at Axel, his eyes remarkably clear and…trusting. "OK." He smiled thinly, but genuinely. "I understand. And…thank you."
Axel looked relieved…and then Roxas thought he looked proud, proud of him, proud of Roxas, of all people, as the redhead squeezed his hand and nodded. And then Axel bit his lip a little, and Roxas had a feeling that his boyfriend wanted to kiss him right then. In fact, he was almost sure…and felt the same.
I can…understand him. I can read this expression and know what he's thinking. I haven't been able to do that with anyone since Nami… Well, not perfectly true, because he had learned to fear a few of Xemnas' most dangerous expressions…but those were obvious. This…this was more subtle, and it made Roxas even happier.
Seeing that the little conversation had been concluded, Zexion cleared his throat slightly and turned back to the group, Demyx, Axel, and Roxas doing the same. As the slate-haired man continued speaking, Roxas' fingers slipped into Axel's, knitting together and holding tightly.
"Well, Roxas, that's the extent of it as far as Axel and Demyx know. Besides the fact that we're all aware that you recently left that man, mostly through Axel telling us. And I must say, that was a brave step to take." Something in Zexion's eyes, so serious and knowing, told Roxas that the other man wasn't just handing him a compliment. He seemed to speak from his own experience, and as Roxas nodded his thanks, he wondered just what had happened in the past with Xemnas and Zexion.
"That brings us to the present." Zexion concluded.
"Yeah," Axel's voice beside Roxas chimed in, agreeing. "And at present we've still got a problem, and we kinda need to figure out what to do about the future…" Roxas caught Axel's questioning glance sideways at him and nodded his agreement. They hadn't really made definite plans for the future, and Roxas realized that this might be something they needed to work out sooner rather than later.
"But," Demyx cut in, "first I would like to know what happened last night." He gave his boyfriend a pointed look, and when Zexion glanced back – visibly uncomfortable for the first time – Demyx immediately softened. "You promised to tell me today. I'm not gonna demand it, love, but you know how worried I am. I can't help asking."
Zexion's uncertainty seemed to find its answer in Demyx's gentle eyes. The man swallowed and nodded, his forehead crinkled slightly in worry and doubt.
"Yes…I did. And it's good to talk about it now, since it concerns Axel and Roxas too." He glanced at them, including them in his answer before turning back to Demyx. "Just…promise me you'll try not to be too upset, OK? You know I hate it…"
"I know, when I freak out. I'll do my best."
"OK." Zexion breathed, inhaling slowly and deeply, before he began. "Last night, I came home from work as usual. I was expecting Dem over later." Roxas noticed that Zexion seemed to be addressing a fixed point on the coffee table. "There was a knock as soon as I was in my apartment. It was…Xemnas. And Saïx, actually. I don't know if you know Saïx, Roxas. He was another coworker of mine…Xemnas' little lackey, and also involved in what happened to me. He has a scar like an "X" between his eyes, and long hair…"
Roxas blinked, surprised. "Blue hair…" Zexion nodded. "Yeah…I do know who you mean. He was…um, I guess Xemnas' lackey is a good way of putting it." Roxas didn't really want to reveal how closely he knew Saïx, not with Axel there. Or Demyx. Maybe he could tell Zexion though…if the other man had run into Saïx in a similarly miserable way.
Demyx's eyes were wide and fixed on Zexion. "I knew it…" He breathed. "Go on, babe…what happened?"
Zexion swallowed. "They had come to see if I knew you, Roxas. Xemnas…he was demanding to know where you had gone. They tried to threaten me." Demyx tensed even further. Zexion glanced nervously up, then hurried through the rest of his explanation. "I told them I didn't know, but that I could find out. They let me go and left with that promise. I didn't want Demyx to come over then…I didn't want them to know who you are, Dem." The sandy-blond squeezed the hand he held. "So I snuck out the back. From what they had said, it sounded like they had the building entrance under surveillance. I made sure I wasn't followed before I actually went to Demyx's place."
"Oh my God, Zexion, I wish you'd called me and told me to come home sooner…"
Zexion shook his head. "It wasn't that long before you came. I spent a couple hours, actually, making sure I wasn't followed. I didn't want to see you before I could be sure."
Roxas heard the rest of the conversation, but the idea of Xemnas watching his apartment was foremost in his mind. "You said…" he swallowed. "This happened last night?" Zexion nodded, and Roxas started rapidly wondering how long Xemnas had been watching the place. Probably…maybe since Roxas hadn't answered his phone. Friday.
The last time I didn't come when called…he came over and forced me.
Raped you, dirtied you…
Forced me. So this time…maybe he's been watching the place ever since. Or making that other one – Saïx – making him do it.
Wide blue eyes turned to Axel. "Oh my God, I'm so glad we didn't go there yesterday for my stuff. He might have been there already…might have seen you with me." Axel was shaking his head, trying to reassure Roxas, but the blond was still horrified by how close they'd come.
"Nothing would have happened, Roxas – I would have protected you…"
Roxas shook his head. "I don't want him to know you exist!"
"He can't hurt me, Roxas…"
"You don't know that." He didn't know how to explain…how to make Axel understand what Roxas knew just from breathing the air in the same room as that man.
To his surprise, Zexion spoke up softly. "Actually…I understand how he feels, Axel." Roxas stared at the quiet man, who looked back reluctantly. "I feel the same, after all. I don't want him to know Demyx exists…and he's not even after me anymore." His eyes now held Roxas' as he seemed to…ask for agreement. "But you just…you have to know him to understand. And you won't want him coming near anyone you care about." Roxas felt himself nod slightly, conveying his understanding to Zexion, agreeing. That's right…that's how it feels.
Roxas forced himself to voice his thoughts, turning to Axel again. "That's…he's right. I know you don't think he'd have any reason to go after you…but he…he doesn't need one. So I just don't want him to know."
Axel sighed. "OK. All right, I understand. And look, it's fine then, right? He doesn't know, we didn't go to your place, and if he's watching the place, we can just stay away. You don't have to go back there…" Axel paused, his eyes seeming to ask Roxas for confirmation before he finished. "You can stay here."
Roxas, to his own surprise, broke into a grin, in spite of the oppressive atmosphere. "You sure about that? You've only got one bed. Won't you feel a little…crowded?" He saw Axel's eyes shine in response to his teasing.
"Oh, I like crowded," the redhead grinned back, his arm stretching lazily to wrap around Roxas' shoulders and pull him close, "and I think we already know there's room in my bed for you." Axel leaned down and lightly bonked his forehead against Roxas'. The blond grinned happily and responded by rubbing his nose against Axel's in an Eskimo kiss.
Demyx arched an eyebrow at the display and sighed. "Ah, newlyweds." He rolled his eyes, looking over to Zexion. "Isn't young love charming, my dear?"
Zexion had been slowly recovering from the haunting memories of the night before – as he'd been trying to all morning, actually – and now he smiled shakily at Demyx. "Are you implying that we're some old married couple already?" Demyx psshed that idea at once, and Zexion felt his smile growing more real. He couldn't help it – Demyx was always his reason to smile.
"My dear Zexy, as much as I look forward to every phase of our lives, including our 'old married' years, we are still a long way from that. We're still the hottest new item on the block." A devilish wink was sent his way, and Zexion arched an eyebrow back.
"Aren't they more recent though?" He nodded at Axel and Roxas.
Demyx shrugged. "Different block."
Zexion chuckled, and Axel joined in as Demyx beamed at his boyfriend. Roxas smiled at their banter, but he was most interested in the deep, pleasant sound of Axel's laugh. He'd have to remember to find ways to be funny, if possible, just to hear more of that. It felt like forever since he'd heard that sound.
However, Roxas' curiosity and concern soon pulled him back to the topic at hand, and he turned back to the other couple, asking Zexion, "What will you do, then? If Xemnas is still watching the place and he's willing to threaten you to get to me…"
Zexion shook his head. "I'm not going back there. I already know that. At least…I won't be back as long as he might be there. I don't want to put any of us at risk."
Demyx was nodding. "Of course you're not going back, not while he might be waiting for you." Then he grinned teasingly. "No more excuses – you have to move in with me now."
Zexion sighed, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. "They weren't excuses, you know that. And I can't exactly move if I can't go back to get any of my stuff."
"Do you have much there that you need?" Axel broke in. Zexion shrugged.
"Nothing critical, but a few things I'd rather the landlord not throw away on me when he realizes I've disappeared. And…I don't really want to contact him about the lease. Xemnas will be on him for anything he can find out, and it wouldn't take much to get that weasel to talk."
Roxas nodded. He, like all the other tenants, shared the general poor opinion of the landlord. "I guess I'll be skipping out on him too…not that I've been the one paying my rent for the past couple months…" He trailed off, glancing at Axel. The redhead seemed to miss the point of the statement – he glanced back somewhat blankly at Roxas. "It's…part of being kept," the blond explained, somewhat wryly. "The…pet isn't responsible for their own living anymore. Not with a rich master, anyway." He managed to keep his voice relatively even and neutral. Axel nodded, ahh-ing his understanding.
Roxas continued. "Anyway, I already decided I didn't really need anything there. And…there's a good chance Xemnas will have ransacked my room by now." A thought occurred to him. "Zexion, you said he followed you to your room, right?" Zexion nodded. Roxas winced. "You should probably see about sneaking someone in there and getting anything out that you want to keep. When you go missing…Xemnas will probably bribe the landlord for your key too."
Zexion nodded again. "Probably true. I'll have to call in a favor with one of the neighbors. Xemnas can't watch everyone who lives there, after all. Maybe I can get someone to sneak a few things out. In the meantime," he inhaled, looking around, "I'm not going back to work, either. I don't like to abandon my responsibilities like this, but I'm afraid Xemnas may have figured it out. I had my uniform on still when he came." The others nodded sympathetically, Roxas especially. Xemnas…noticed details. Zexion concluded, "I don't like to hide like this, and I probably wouldn't if it was just myself involved, but since it involves you two," he looked to Axel and Roxas, "and I don't want Demyx tangled up in it either…I'm going to lie pretty low for a while."
Demyx nodded, agreeing. "He won't find you if you stay at my place and don't go out much."
"Exactly. And Roxas," Zexion continued, "I think it might be best for you to stay hidden for a while too. I don't know about for the long term, but going out might be a bad idea for now. Xemnas has all kinds of connections. I think those of us with faces he can recognize should keep ourselves as invisible as possible for a while."
Axel heartily approved of this idea, glancing back to Roxas. "Definitely. The last thing I want is to send you off to the grocery store and have you never come back." Roxas tried to smile comfortingly.
"Don't worry. I won't go anywhere…I won't disappear…ever again." His voice had dropped to almost a whisper on the last words, and Axel squeezed his shoulders. His eyes were very happy…a quiet sort of happy. Satisfied. Roxas felt content just looking at such an expression.
The redhead responded by leaning in close, his lips approaching Roxas' ear as he whispered, "Good. I love you."
No matter how many times Axel said it, Roxas felt his heart speed up as a thrill of delight raced through his body.
Across the coffee table, Demyx shook his head, grinning. "Roxas, you must tell me your secret – how did you ever turn this guy into such a sap? I've never seen him this mushy in my life."
Axel shot Demyx an annoyed glare while Roxas snorted with laughter.
"Right then," Axel suddenly pulled back from Roxas, slapped his knees and stood. "Who's up for some sandwiches? I'm starving; I say it's time to make lunch."
Roxas smiled, silently adoring. He's happy…I want him to always be happy…and I want to make him happier. Forever.
~o~