Chapter20 –Wish–

Carlisle told me that Chime would leave the hospital in a week, so this was the time frame I had to complete my plan.

I now admitted that I needed to have Chime in my life in some way. And I meant really in my life – like talking and laughing together, not just staring at her in history and being ignored by her in return. I wanted the Chime I heard on that self-made album: the energetic Chime, the passionate Chime, the happy Chime.

The problem was ... Well, the only way to achieve that incrediously far goal was to tell her how I felt.

Gulp.

I remembered those silly teenage soaps that Nessie liked to watch, where the protagonist's best friend told him that real men never talked about their feelings. I couldn't believe that I was actually thinking this, but those stupid pubscent boys –usually equipted with a too small basecap, too big clothes and a skateboard– were right. There was no way I went directly to Chime and told her about my feelings right into her face. Not. Happening.

So I did what every artist would do in such a situation. I transformed all my pent-up emotions into art, music, songs.

So the first thing I did was to pour out all my feelings into notes, sounds, melodies. It only took me one day and one night to start and finish all the songs. That was an incredible accomplishment even for me. There was so much for me to write, so much I wanted to tell her, that the words and notes seemed to flow out of the pen on their own. I felt like a dam, my emotions like water gathering –pushing– at the wall. Now after only opening the gate the tiniest crack everything –fears, concerns, hope– all flowed directly onto the blank pages of sheet music. I let it take over, let the waves take me with them. It felt incredibly good to just let go. My only concern after making the final bar line was that I might sound too cheesy.

The next step of my brilliant master plan was a little more tricky though. –Recording the songs. Edward and I had built a little studio into the basement so the technical part was no problem. About a third of our self-made music collection were recorded here. My main concern were my performers.

Rosalie, to be exact.

Everyone was just too eager to help me "melt the ice queen's heart", as Emmett had put it. Everyone, except for Rosalie.

"Please, not again," she had groaned when I had told my family about my feelings for Chime. "First Edward and now you, Derick. Seriously, what is wrong with you guys? Or is this the Curse of Forks? Any single male vampire falls in love with a cute little human girl here? –No offence, Bella."

Talk about an impossible task. Persuading Rosalie was probably the most difficult thing to do. Not that she wouldn't be a helpful person. She would do anything for you if she considered it right. And there was the rub

It had to be her definition of right.

If Bella was as stubborn as a rock, then Rosalie was Mount Everest: intimidating and immoveable. Even Emmett, the person she trusted most, couldn't change her mind.

Which was exactly what he told me when I asked him for help.

"No chance, dude," he laughed, looking down at me as if I were a little child, asking whether I could fly around like Superman. "For all these centuries I've only seen her change her mind once. And that was Bella, after getting pregnant and almost die because of that. " –another fit of laughter which I fould kind of macabre– "And according to her reaction toward your suggestion, even that didn't make her completely agree with Bella's decision of becoming a vampire in the first place. It only helped her to accept the fact that she couldn't do anything about it."

That reminded me on the first few months after I had joined the Cullens. Even the two shape-shifters had been fine with another bloodsucker joining the family. Rosalie, however, obviously had something against an intruder. I soon learned that it wasn't me she didn't like but the whole concept of a new member in general. She had had her perfect family and then I burst into the picture. Not acceptable.

She never really tried to throw me out or openly insulted me, but her entire attitude –the way she ignored or sometimes glared at me– showed how unwelcome I was.

After about a year she finally had accepted me or rather the idea of a new person in the house, and started talking to me on her own accord. I remembered how relieved I and everyone else had been, as if I had finally passed the test.

"I think I get what you're saying," I said thoughtfully. "I have to talk to her."

He laughed. "Good luck with that."

"The way you talk about your wife is shocking," I joked, shaking my head in fake disapproval.

"Hey! I love her!" Emmett defended himself. "Every single trait of her. What more is there to ask for?"

Considering all the peculiarities of Rosalie's that I had collected in the last forty years, I decided that the best time to talk to her –to convince her– would be when she was in a very good mood and had no possibility to just get up and leave. That limited my choices of time and place extremly, leaving exactly one opportunity. Evey week Rosalie would go and check on her "babies", it was like a ritual, and I was not thinking about her infamous shopping marathons with Alice and Nessie.

Rosalie's babies were our cars and the garage was her shrine.

She was lying under my Legacy, only her jeans clad legs could be seen, when I walked down the stairs into the garage. I had asked her to take a look at my car after my ... "race" to LaPush.

"What's the diagnosis, doctor?" I asked, not able to think of a better opening.

"She will survive," came her high soprano from under the car.

"She?" I paused. I had never thought of my Legacy as female, or any gender in general.

She stuck her head from under the car to show me her raised eyebrow. "Derick, you're driving a white Japanese car. It's a she," she stated and vanished beneath said car again.

In which way those two statements were connected was a mystery to me, but I decided to let it go. I probably wouldn't get it anyway. I wasn't much into cars unlike my brothers. –Music geek, alright.

"Whatever you say." I cleared my throat, not out of necessity –vampires didn't even need to breathe, let alone clearing their throats– but rather out of nervousness. "You know, I'm always impressed how much you know about cars" –I was such an apple polisher– " and mechanics in general. You probably could build a space shuttle out of scrap metal."

"Of course," was her unfazed reply. "And my answer is no, Derick."

I laughed nervously, suppressing the urge to check if I was sweating. "What are you talking about?"

"Please, Derick. I'm not blind," she said in a bored tone. "The fact that you locked up yourself in your room and then came out grinning like a love sick puppy twenty four hours later can only lead to one conclusion. It doesn't take a genius or any kind of supernatural power to know that you've been compossing like a maniac for that crazy human girl."

I gulped. She was faster than I had expected.

"And now, of course, because you don't have the guts to say all the cheesy things you've written into her face, you need us –your wonderful family– to record a CD filled with pretty love songs that are so sweet that even a vampire would get caries from it."

Okay, that was too much. She could insult me but not my music. "Well, maybe I'm not here to ask for your help," I snapped like a sulking child.

Her face appeared from under the car once again. She gave me the eyebrow.

I lasted for about two seconds before I surrendered. "Okay, you got me. I need your help."

"Rejected." She disappeared under the car again.

"Oh, come on, Rose," I begged. "Please, just this one time."

No answer but the soft sound of metal touching metal.

"Why not?" I demanded. "If you refuse to help me then at least give me a good explanation."

She finally came out completely and got up. "Fine," she sighed, walking over to the sink to wash her grease smeared hands. "But first you have to tell me one thing, Derick."

"What is it?" I asked impatiently.

She dried her hands with a towel and turned around, leaning against the counter, her beautiful face hard and serious. "What will you do?"

I paused. "What do you mean?"

"What will you do after telling her how you feel? Will you also tell her that you're an immortal blood-drinking vampire? And will you tell her that your entire family is built up of vampires and werewolves, some even with creeply psychic abilities like yourself?"

I didn't know what to say. My mind didn't seem to be able to process all the new information, didn't want to deal with them. Stop!, I wanted to shout at her, wanted to jump her and make her fall silent. But my body didn't obey. It had no energy to move, no strength to speak up. I felt like a doe on the highway, staring into the headlights that were racing toward me. In the back of my head I knew what would happen, knew that I needed to run; but fear kept me in place, fear doomed me to die.

"And what would you do if she understood and accepted you for what you are? If she –despite the fact that you and your family are blood sucking monsters– returned your feelings, which is –I'm sorry, Derick– according to my observance not very realistic." –her voice became softer– "Not that you're not a loveable person, Derick. I really do wish for you to find a partner like the rest of us. But I doubt that that girl is even capable of loving and trusting anyone after everything she has been through. I'm sure you know what I mean. We all have been there."

Yes, I knew what she meant. My father who had worked so hard day and night only for me to achieve my dreams. My brother who had been nothing but happy and proud when I had made it to high school. My mother who had done everything to give me a family and the feeling of security even when everything had already fallen appart. Their faces had become blurry through the centuries, but the warmth of their love would always live in my heart. It would always remind me on the piece that was missing there.

Then I remembered Chime's father. How she had smiled and laughed. How her eyes had gleamed and shone. How she had suddenly transformed into a completely diffenrent person – the perfect opposite of the Chime I had first seen: Her never changing face, as if it were carved into stone. The cold and untransparent stare, keeping everybody at arm's-length, shielding herself from more pain. Her ghost-like demeanor, as if she wasn't really a part of this world.

Exactly the way I had felt after hearing of my mother's death.

"What will you do?" Rosalie continued, her voice soft but persistent. "Despite the fact that the odds are seemingly not on your side. What will you do?"

I noticed my mouth opening, thought that I said –no, stuttered– something. I didn't understand what it was. Nothing important, for sure, nothing that could answer the question. Because I didn't know the answer to the question.

"What will you do, Derick?" Rosalie asked again, her words echoed in my head, grew louder, heavier, pulling at my every nerve. "Will you change her?"

I winced, as if the words were knives, rammed into my chest.

"No?" Did I just said that? "Then what else will you do, Derick? She will still be human. And humans die. Could you bear that? ... No?" It seemed that although I couldn't hear me saying anything but Rosalie could. "I doubt that those two wishes of yours will work together, Derick," she sighed. "I guess, you need a new wish."

A new wish? Had there really been a wish growing inside me all that time? Without me even noticing? Me, who read the wishes of other people –both friends and strangers– so easily? Did anyone know that they had a wish before it already was full-grown, before it was too late? Was it even possible to stop a wish?

All these years –all these centuries– I had read other people's wishes. I had looked at their most intimate thoughts like an open book. Some had astonished me, most of them appeared absurd to me and a lot of those seemed just plain stupid. But that was because I had never thought about the reason behind those wishes, never had I wasted a second on the wishing persons themselves. How arrogant I had been, how blind and dismissive.

Maybe everything that had happened in the last few weeks was some kind of godly punishment for me to learn appreciating my gift. Well, I had been asking for it, I supposed. Now, I finally understood that a wish wasn't just an annoying inner voice demanding for something. It was desire. It was an aching pain deep in your heart, pulsing, living, growing. As if there was a burning wound that urgently needed the correct ointment so it could heal. It wasn't just a stupid habit of humans' but the essential impulse to get up every morning. It was the most important part of life.

And suddenly, everything was clear.

"You are right, Rosalie," I finally said, my voice now calm after realizing everything. "I haven't put a single thought on how my actions would effect my surroundings and myself. There are more than enough reasons for all this backfiring at me. The chances that Chime feels the same way as I do are probably smaller than the moon dropping on the earth." I smiled at my stupid comparison while Rosalie frowned, presumably questioning my sanity. "But you see, Rose, it doesn't matter."

She was honestly astonished at that. "What do you mean, it doesn't matter?"

"Isn't it obvious?" I wondered. "Everything that you are worrying about. All the possible consequences that you reminded me on. They are just that: consequences, possibilities, things that may or may not happen in the future, things that even Alice can't tell by a hundred percent. And you know that I have never been the person to be interested in the future. I only care about the present."

"That is very shortsighed," she pointed out.

"Sure it is," I admitted. "But that's how wishes work. A wish doesn't care about the future, about what might come or go. It is only about the here and now."

"But your wish is to be with Chime," Rose argued. "How couldn't that involve the future?"

I smiled. The smile seemed to be glued on my face; I couldn't make it go away. "Don't you see? Exactly here lies the mistake. All of us thought that my wish was to be with Chime. But that was wrong. Being with Chime is only the best possible outcome of this entire story. But not my wish itself." –I closed my eyes– "My wish is to let Chime know about my feelings. Anything else that will follow is just a dream and unsettled."

Yes, that was my wish. It had been my wish from the very beginning. I had only been too blind to see it. Being with Chime, listening to her voice and her laughter, was not the wish but only a dream. The best end of the story –of my story– that I could think of. But not my wish. The wish itself was neutral. It worked like a life-threatening sickness that needed instant treatment. It was neither good nor bad. One could wish for a sword. Whether they intended to use it to start a war or fight for peace is not included in the wish. That depended on the dream, the reason why the wish had appeared in the first place. Of course I would try to achieve my dream. But first I needed to fulfill my wish.

Rosalie was silent for the following two minutes, thinking about everything that I had said. I was pretty sure that at least half of it made absolutely no sense to her – hell, even I had just grasped it!

"I'll help you."

I was so surprized by her answer that I first thought that I had misheared. "What?"

"I said that I will help you, Derick," she repeated impatiently. "Now be happy about it and thank me already."

"I-I ... Of course! I can't say how grateful I am," I was stuttering with excitement. "Rose, you're amazing! I owe you."

She shrugged unimpressed.

"I'm serious," I insisted. "If there's anything I can help you with –may it be now or some time in the future–, call me and I will be there."

"Honestly, Derick, it's fine," she finally laughed. "Now let's get started before I change my mind."

hey! look who's back from the dead! xD

I just checked when I'd last updated ... well, let's say, that was a story a loooong, loong time ago xD

so here I go: I AM SOOOOOOO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU WAIT SOOOO LONG! *bow* .

and of course -because social etiquette instructs this- my "fancy" expalaition: (drum roll, please) COLLEGE! xDD -life is just wonderful, isn't it?

well, after writing a 1500 words essay on Shakespeare, a 6200 characters essay on Oprah and a 10 pages assignment on Harry Potter ... I just needed some space to Word =D

I do hope that it will get better ... I will work on it! =)

okay, that's enough babbling on the matters in the real world =D let's finally talk about the chapter!

what do you think? did you get the wish-and-dream-part? it's quite complicated, I admit ... I came up with it at about 1am - no wonder it doesn't make much sense xD

a penny for your thoughts? =)

-Mulan-