I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update this, I swear I didn't forget, I've just been very busy and uninspired for a while. If you don't follow me on Tumblr or haven't seen my sparse updates over the past few months on here, my dad passed away in September and I just didn't feel much like writing until recently. Plus, I got very behind on my schoolwork, so I was scrambling to keep up with that. Hopefully now that it's Christmas break I can get back in the swing of things and write a little bit more. Please be patient with me. I love this story and don't intend to abandon it!
As always, thanks to those of you who have favorited, followed, or reviewed this story. It's so lovely to hear from all of you, so I'm dedicating this chapter to YOU, my readers! Every single one of you!
Anyway, Downton quotes are italicized.
Enjoy!
Chapter Twenty-One
"Are you sure you're not cross that I have to go in to the office today?"
Mary raised her eyebrows as she looked at Matthew in the bathroom mirror, quickly applying her mascara before speaking. In the bright light of the bathroom, Mary couldn't help but notice the circles under her eyes, the way her hair refused to stay in place. How annoying it was to feel so out of control and not even be able to tame her hair.
"It's fine," she replied, dropping the mascara tube into her makeup bag. "Sophie's just getting her one-month checkup and I'm sure there's nothing to worry you with. Besides, I doubt you'd want to go to my physical."
He smirked and stepped up behind Mary to circle his arms around her middle.
"I just want to hear the results," he murmured in her ear, his low growl sending a shiver through Mary.
"Nose down, boy," she said in a shaky voice.
Matthew brushed his nose to the base of her ear and she exhaled a raspy breath, her fingers trailing across his arm.
"Are you sure you don't want to ask Sybil and Tom if they can babysit tonight?" he questioned. He kissed her neck and Mary relaxed against his torso, the heat of their bodies intermingling as Matthew pressed against her and Mary exhaled slowly. "They do owe us."
"Darling, we don't know that I'll get the okay for anything," she told him, carefully extracting herself from his embrace even though every pore in her body cried out for his touch. "There's no use passing Sophie off to Sybil and Tom if there's no reason for it."
He sighed, following her as she crossed to Sophia's bassinet, checking on the still-snoozing baby before opening the wardrobe. Matthew settled on the edge of the bed and Mary felt his eyes trained on her as she grabbed a t-shirt and jeans and laid them on the bed. She shifted her eyes to him and he pretended to be engrossed in pulling on his socks.
Truth be told, Mary wasn't ready to leave Sophia, even if only for a few hours. She knew it was silly, but Mary could hardly stand to be away from her for the time it took to shower, let alone for four hours or even overnight. She hated that she was becoming such an overprotected mother, but she couldn't help herself. She couldn't leave her.
Not yet.
Neither spoke for a time as Mary dressed, highly aware of Matthew's stolen glances at her as she hooked her bra and pulled on the jeans, struggling against the waistband as she fastened them.
"I don't know why you keep looking at me," she said, tugging the shirt over her head. "I look like a beached whale with legs."
She shot a glance at Matthew, who looked back at her with his eyebrows pulled together.
"Darling, no you don't," he said, getting to his feet. Matthew stepped over, resting his hands on her waist. "You're beautiful, my love."
Mary dropped his gaze. Although she knew Matthew spoke honestly, she couldn't help but doubt his words. She knew she was huge, stretchmarks across her only slowly diminishing belly, her butt still too big to fit into her pre-pregnancy trousers. And the unpredictable hormones weren't helping any.
"That's rich," she muttered, slipping from his embrace, but Matthew grabbed her hands and drew her towards him.
"What can I do to convince you?" he questioned seriously, wrapping his arms around her middle, leaning down to kiss the space below her ear. "I'll do anything."
As Matthew spoke, Sophia gave a pitiful wail. Mary pulled away in an instant, shoving her desire for her husband aside as shed headed for their daughter.
"Shh, Sophie, Mummy's right here, love," Mary cooed, scooping the baby from the bassinet. Sophia calmed quickly at her mother's touch, and Mary looked up, surprised to see Matthew frowning at her. "What?" she asked him.
"You don't want to leave the baby, do you?" he asked, sitting on the corner of the bed.
Mary scoffed, hoping to hide her fears. "What gives you that idea?" she murmured, placing a kiss on Sophia's head as she clutched at Mary's t-shirt, her chubby fist unyieldingly strong for someone so small.
"That's why you don't want Tom and Sybil to watch her?" Matthew questioned and continued without waiting for her answer. "God, of course not. How could I be so stupid?"
"Matthew, that isn't it," Mary lied, rubbing her palm against the baby's back.
He looked at her skeptically. "So, what is it then?" he asked. "Do you not want to have sex? Is that it? Be honest. You are allowed to say 'yes'."
"Oh, good, I'm so grateful I can say 'no' to sex. God, Matthew, you're such a child," she scolded, dropping her gaze.
"Mary," Matthew began carefully. He paused for a few moments before continuing, his gaze making Mary feel as though she was being examined. "Please, just tell me what's bothering you."
"Nothing is bothering me," Mary said, brushing her fingers across Sophia's downy soft hair.
Matthew let out a huff. "Then look at me and say that," he said.
Mary turned her head, barely looking at him. "You're going to be late for work."
"Mary-" he protested, but she interrupted him.
"Off you go then," she said, turning away again, her eyes focusing on the window. "You don't want to keep them waiting."
She felt his eyes on her, listening as he pulled on his sport coat and approached her slowly.
"Call me if...there's any news," Matthew murmured.
"About me?" she questioned, looking outside without seeing anything before her.
"About both of you," he said, laying his hand on her shoulder. "I love you." Matthew pressed his lips to Mary's cheek and she forced herself not to pull away, her stomach contracting anxiously as Sophia began to cry.
"I love you, too," Mary whispered in reply, rubbing the baby's back as Matthew headed for the door. His footsteps stopped, causing Mary to look at him as she attempted to soothe Sophia.
"I was hoping so," he said with a gentle smile. "Call me."
Mary rolled her eyes, but smiled slightly at her husband before he slipped from the room. She stood silently for a moment, listening as the door closed downstairs, barely audible over Sophia's wails.
God, she was a mess.
Matthew couldn't keep himself from staring at the clock. He knew Sophia's check-up should be over by now, that Mary's call would come at any moment, but he couldn't help from being anxious. He checked his phone for the tenth time that minute, the background photo of his wife and daughter bringing a smile to his face. With all of Mary's erratic behavior, even though he knew she wasn't doing it intentionally, he couldn't help but be cross at her. He knew she was stressed and tired and felt out-of-control, but sometimes he did too.
Neither of them really knew what they were doing, least of all him. But he loved them. God, did he.
And finally, after what felt like hours, Mary's name popped up.
"Darling," Matthew answered immediately in a breathy voice. "How'd it go?"
On the other end, Mary sniffed. Matthew's heart felt like it was about to leap from his chest as he waited for her to speak.
"Fine," Mary said finally, her words doing little to lessen his anxiety.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing," she said, sniffing again. "Just my bloody hormones. God, Sophia started crying during her exam and I lost it."
He propped his elbow on his desk, running a hand through his hair. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there, Mary," Matthew told her, feeling horrible that she'd had to go to the doctor's office alone. "I should have been there, love."
"It isn't your fault. I know you wanted to be," she replied, although Matthew couldn't help but think she believed otherwise. "Apparently she does have colic though, like Mama thought."
"What can we do?" he asked with worry.
"There isn't much to be done. I just have to alter my diet a bit and see if that helps," Mary said. "It could be the formula we give her sometimes, but there isn't a specific cause for colic. She should grow out of it in a few months."
"Poor thing," he replied, feeling sympathy for his wife and daughter both. "Do you need my help when you go in for your appointment? I could ask for the afternoon-"
"No, please don't worry about it," Mary insisted. "Sophia's finally napping in the car seat, so I think she'll be alright. My appointment shouldn't take long and then we'll head home."
"Did you grab lunch?" Matthew asked, noting the exhaustion in his wife's voice.
"There wasn't time," she said. "I had an apple this morning, so I should be fine."
"Well, grab some tea if you get the chance. I'd hate for you to tire yourself more because you haven't eaten."
Mary cleared her throat awkwardly. "I've got to go, but I'll call you later," she said in a hurried voice.
"Alright, sweetheart," Matthew began, noticing the stress in her voice. "I love-"
The line clicked and he heard the dial tone.
What the hell, Mary?
Mary felt bad for hanging up on Matthew, she really did, but she didn't want him to hear who had appeared at the driver's side window.
After a bit of tapping on the glass, Mary rolled down the window and tried not to look too exasperated as her eyes met those of Lavinia Swire.
"Lavinia, hi," Mary said slowly, listening in case Sophia awoke.
"Oh, my God, Mary!" Lavinia gushed, leaning down to Mary's level. "It's been too long!"
Mary returned Lavina's smile, albeit a less enthusiastic one. "It has been quite a while," she replied.
"Evelyn told me he saw the two of you at Christmas. Golly, what luck! I was up in Manchester, so I had to miss the party," Lavinia explained, speaking quickly out of excitement.
"What a shame," Mary said, not agreeing with her words. "Evelyn mentioned that you were still seeing each other."
"Yes, he's such a doll!" Lavinia replied happily, her hands resting on the open window. Mary noticed there was no ring on her hand, something that surprised her since Evelyn told her of his intentions at the Christmas party. Perhaps he'd been waiting for a specific moment.
"Well, I'm very happy for you both," Mary said, turning her head as Sophia made a few tired baby noises and stretched in the backseat.
"That's right, Evelyn said you were pregnant over Christmas. Oh, my God, is this her?" Lavinia asked, peering into the backseat, Lavinia's eyes wide as she gazed at Sophia.
"Yes, Sophia Isobel. She's a month old," Mary told her, growing increasingly wary. She wished she had some way to get ride of Lavinia, but her own doctor's appointment wasn't for another hour and Sophia had just eaten before Mary brought her to the car.
"Oh, she's so precious! Blonde hair, my God, she's the cutest baby I've ever seen!" Lavinia said.
"Thank you," Mary said with a tight smile.
"She's so like both of you," Lavinia continued without missing a beat. "Such a beautiful little one."
Mary kept her smile, although she couldn't think of another response.
"It's really been too long, Mary!" she said. "Maybe you and Matthew would like to meet for dinner sometime? I'd love to hear all about what's going on now!"
"I'm not sure," Mary began, unsure of whether Matthew should see the woman who his amnesiatic brain had only recently fallen out of love with. "I haven't really been out yet since Sophia was born and-"
"Oh, come on," Lavinia entreated. "It would be so fun to catch up and I'm sure you both need a breather for an evening. And Evelyn always speaks so highly you, as did Matthew, of course. I always thought we'd be wonderful friends Mary, truly."
Lavinia was so honest and endearing, Mary couldn't stop herself from saying, "Alright."
"Perfect!" Lavinia squealed. "I'll give you my number!"
Mary passed Lavinia the mobile she still held, giving her a pained smile as the phone was returned.
"What do you say to next Friday?" Lavinia asked.
Mary heard the words come out of her mouth without meaning to say them.
"Sounds great."
As soon as he entered the house, Matthew knew something was wrong. The air smelled like pot roast.
After laying his sport coat on the sofa, he crossed to the kitchen, surprised to find Mary bustling away at the stove. Her back was to him as she mashed a pot of potatoes, but she wore her long housecoat, which only served to confuse Matthew further.
"Darling, what are you doing?" he asked, walking over to where Sophia sat in her motion swing, contentedly sucking on the ear of a stuffed tiger. Mary turned her head slightly as he scooped the baby from the swing, cuddling her to his chest as he walked over to his wife.
"Making dinner," she said, flashing him a quick smile before returning to the potatoes.
Matthew watched her for a few silent minutes, contemplating whether this was a sign of a positive or negative prognosis from the doctor. He had no idea since she hadn't called him after the appointment.
"It smells wonderful," he said as Sophia dropped the animal to the ground, prompting Matthew to pick it up in case she started to cry. "What did the doctor say?" he asked as he righted himself again, offering the toy to the baby.
Mary kept her eyes on the potatoes for a few seconds before giving him another smile.
"I meant to call you," she said, dropping the masher and turning to him. "Everything's in tip-top shape. We don't need to worry about it anymore. The doctor said to just to be careful and use...something...so I won't get pregnant before I can go back on the pill."
"Is that why your making dinner in your skivvies?" he asked, glimpsing the lacy fabric beneath her robe.
She gave him a pointed look, the tip of her nose wrinkling somewhere between playful and annoyed.
"Would there be any other reason?" she asked, turning her attention back to the potatoes, mashing them with more vigour than necessary.
He started at her for a few moments, unsure what could have prompted Mary to change her mind so completely about the evening when only that morning she'd nearly cried at the thought of sex or leaving Sophia for less than ten minutes.
"Did those potatoes do something to personally offend you?" he asked, rocking Sophia gently as she gurgled in his arms.
"This is how you make potatoes," Mary replied, giving the pot one last stir before placing the lid on it. "Why don't you go relax and I'll call you when I'm done, darling."
"I could give you a hand," Matthew offered, still rather suspicious of his wife's behavior.
"No, no. I've got it," Mary insisted, leaning over to peck him on the cheek. "It's just the salad left since the chocolate soufflé has another twenty minutes."
"Soufflé?" he questioned. "When have you ever made a soufflé?"
"Out," she instructed. "I'll let you know when it's ready."
She gave him another smile, which Matthew knew meant she was done discussing it. He walked to the living room still holding the baby and settled on the sofa with his little girl.
"Is Mummy hiding something, my darling?" Matthew cooed, his fingers brushing against the baby's cheek. In response, Sophia hiccuped, which Matthew decided was a rather solid yes. "Perhaps we'll discover it together, Sophie."
Mary was on edge the entire dinner. She hoped Matthew wouldn't notice that she kept refilling his wine glass and gave him a larger portion of the soufflé than normal, but she couldn't help but feel as though his eyes were x-raying her, attempting to discover her secret.
"More wine?" she asked, filling his glass for the third time, after only allowing herself a few sips from his glass. She knew more was out of the question until Sophia was weened.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to get me drunk," Matthew said, eyeing her as he watched her fill the glass.
"Why would I do that?" Mary questioned.
Matthew raised his eyebrows knowingly. "That's the million dollar question, isn't it?"
"Don't be an arse," she said, moving the soufflé to the table.
"Are you sure there isn't a reason why you've made my favorite dinner, poured an excessive amount of wine, and made chocolate soufflé for pudding?" he asked, watching as Mary dipped a spoon into the dessert before offering it to him.
"Just to celebrate," she said. She nudged the spoon against his lip and Matthew grudgingly accepted it. "How is it?"
"Suspiciously good," he replied, eyes fixed on her as he took another bite. "Is this laced with something, too?"
"Oh, please," Mary said, pulling the spoon from his lips to take her own bite. "Mmm," she sighed, relishing in the flavors on her tongue. Chocolate was nearly as good as wine sometimes.
Matthew took a rather large swig of wine, swishing it around like mouthwash as he surveyed his wife carefully. Mary wrinkled her nose at him.
"Don't do that, it's disgusting," Mary scolded, taking another bite of the soufflé as she checked on Sophia who was dozing in her carrier.
Matthew swallowed, his eyes narrowing as he spoke. "So tell me, what are you hiding?" he asked, for what Mary felt was the thousandth time.
"Nothing at all, sweetheart," Mary replied, leaning forward to run her fingers through his hair, giving him a smile that she hoped dissuaded any further questioning. "I just wanted to spend a relaxing evening together. Doing all sorts of things," she purred.
"But this morning-" he began with a slight frown.
"Never mind about this morning," Mary said, standing to clear the plates, letting her robe display her panties underneath before walking to the sink. "You know how my hormones have been lately."
"It just seems so sudden, even considering that," Matthew said as he got to his feet, carrying his plate over to her. Mary took it, rinsing the residue from the meal off in the sink before bending down to place it in the dishwasher, purposefully bumping her bottom against Matthew's hip. He lightly placed his hands on her waist, brushing his fingers against the silky fabric of her robe. "I don't want you to do anything you're not ready for yet, darling."
Mary righted herself and leaned into her husband, covering his hands with her own. "I...I'm not, Matthew. This morning was just...just a fluke," she said, although she realized her voice was not altogether convincing. She wanted to be with Matthew, she really did, but that wasn't the reason for her cooking for him, for the special wine and dessert. She hated being so secretive about something that made her feel so guilty.
He rested his chin on her shoulder, nuzzling her neck. "Trust me, if you want to wait, we can," he breathed against her skin, his suspicion melting away.
She inhaled sharply, her body tingling as a shiver shooting through her while Matthew's lips kneaded her neck, his hands tightening on her backside. And the dam broke.
"I told Lavinia we'd have dinner with her," Mary blurted out.
For a moment, it was as though Matthew didn't hear her, as his lips continued to work on her neck. But very suddenly he pulled his face an inch from her neck, his voice cracking as he spoke.
"What?" he asked.
Mary took a step away from him, causing Matthew's hands to drop from her bum.
"I, um, ran into Lavinia outside the pediatrician's office and...agreed to have dinner with her and Evelyn," she explained, not meeting his eyes.
"Evelyn?" Matthew asked, his eyes unfocused as he searched his mind for that name. "You don't mean...Evelyn Napier?"
Mary looked up and nodded. "Yes," she said.
"They're dating? Each other?!" he asked dumbfounded.
"Yes, darling," Mary said, feeling idiotic for agreeing to Lavinia's request. It had been clear she had no idea about Matthew's accident. No idea that he had only recently been wrapped up in her rather than his own wife.
"Oh, shit," Matthew said, unable to fathom this new development. "Bloody, bloody he-"
Mary interrupted him. "Matthew, before your accident we saw Evelyn at the New Year's party. You'd known about the two of them for years," Mary told him, her stomach clenching anxiously as Matthew looked around in confusion. "I would have told you, but it really didn't come up."
"Oh, my God," he sighed, an agitated hand running through his hair. "Why didn't you tell me when I asked for Lavinia in the hospital? When I couldn't remember a bloody thing?"
"The doctor said it was no use to remind you of things like-"
His cheeks flushed as his annoyance grew. "But you couldn't have told me that the woman I was apparently in love with was seeing your ex-boyfriend?" he asked.
"Why does it even matter now?" Mary asked in a raised voice, her eyes flicking to Sophia who didn't stir. "You're not in love with Lavinia, are you?"
"Of course not!" Matthew shouted back, his eyes slightly wild as they focused on Mary again. He exhaled heavily. "Of course not," he repeated in a quieter tone. "I just...would have liked to know."
Mary blinked back tears that were unnecessary now that the argument seemed to be over, but she couldn't keep from forming and escaping down her cheeks. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Considering the circumstances, it seemed unimportant at the time," she said softly, quickly wiping at her eyes.
"It wasn't important," Matthew said. Stepping forward, he reached out to cup her face in his hands, his thumbs brushing away tears that gleamed on her face. "You're important. You and Sophia. Everything else is detail."
She sniffed. "I should have told you, but I was too worried about you to remember it."
Matthew smiled slightly. "I know. I'm sorry I shouted, love. You'd think my hormones were on the blink," he joked.
"I did sort of spring it on you. I should have said 'no,' but Lavinia is just so-"
"Sweet?" he asked.
Mary rolled her eyes and Matthew laughed before touching the tip of his nose to hers.
"Yes," she sighed, but leaned in to him. "God, I should have at least talked to you first. It's not as though I want to have dinner with our exes. Or leave Sophia for a night."
Their eyes strayed to their sleeping daughter. Sophia's fists gripped the baby blanket loosely, her head leaning against the side of the carrier as she snoozed.
"I know," Matthew said, sliding his hands into the front of Mary's robe and wrapping his arms around her bare waist. His fingers brushed against the skin at her back, heat radiating from their tips. "I'm not keen either, but a few hours wouldn't be so bad, even if it is for such an unappealing reason. We can't stay with her forever, Mary."
"Under different circumstances, I'd say you're wrong, but I'd rather not go. You know how you are around Evelyn and I'm not so sure seeing Lavinia would be quite a good idea for you," Mary murmured, her pulse quickening as Matthew's hands ran across her skin.
"Do you think I'm lying about not being in love with her?" he asked, leaning back slightly, but his hands still worked until his fingers played with the waistband of her panties.
"No, I don't," she said, sucking in a ragged breath. "I just don't want you to be uncomfortable. And you're always so short with Evelyn, you'd think I'd been in love with him."
"So you weren't?" Matthew questioned, the elastic of her underwear flicking her waist unintentionally.
"Ouch! God, no," Mary said. Matthew grinned, looking rather pleased with himself as he traced his thumb over the curve of her bottom, but she continued. "Not like that. I was only distracting myself, but he wasn't you."
"And Lavinia wasn't you," he replied, quickly touching his lips to hers.
"You don't think you would have been happy with her?" Mary asked, touching her fingers to his neck.
Matthew rolled his eyes wryly. "Not like this," he said. "Even with all the arguing, our life together is wonderful, my darling. Actually, I think it's the arguing that makes it, really."
Expertly, he slipped the panties over her hips and they fell to the floor, prompting Mary to raise an eyebrow at him when his hands cupped her bare behind.
"Because the making up is so much fun?" she asked with a smirk.
"Oh, it's more than I could ever imagine," he replied. He bent down and kissed her hard, his hips pinning hers against the kitchen counter. Beneath his lips Mary smiled, stifling a laugh as his tongue brushed against her mouth. Matthew pulled away, a questioning look in his eyes. "Are you laughing at me?"
"No, darling," Mary said, kissing him quickly before glancing at Sophia. "The baby. It's just funny."
He chuckled. "Suppose we better not go at it in the kitchen with our little girl sleeping on the floor, huh?" he asked.
"Not with all these knives about," she joked. "Why don't you take Sophie's carrier into her room and turn on the baby monitor? I have a feeling she'll sleep for a little while longer."
"Are you sure?" he asked, concern etched on his face once more.
Mary looked at him for a moment, feeling relaxed for the first time that evening. She smiled.
"Yes, I'm sure," she replied. "I'll meet you upstairs?"
"I'll be there," Matthew said, his playful grin returning as he hurried to Sophia's carrier.
"Be gentle," Mary instructed. "You don't want to wake her."
"No, I most definitely do not," he said. He adjusted the carrier's handle and lifted the sleeping baby from the tile before carefully making his way to the stairs. "Don't be too long," he called over his shoulder.
Mary laughed, puffing out the candles she'd lit on the kitchen table before putting the leftover food away. She corked the half-full wine bottle, placing the dirty glasses by the sink before following Matthew's path upstairs, discarded underwear in her hand.
Down the hall, she could already hear him in their bedroom, his enthusiasm for the evening evident from all the noise he was making. The door to Sophia's room open only a crack, so Mary peeked inside, a smile coming to her lips as she gazed at her sleeping daughter. She still wished, rather selfishly, that she would stay a baby forever, that they would never have to part with one another, but Mary knew that more good would come of her growing up.
And she and Matthew would have some real alone time.
Remembering her anxious husband, Mary tiptoed down the corridor to their bedroom. The door was shut, so Mary knocked. On the other side, Matthew gave a sultry "come in" and Mary opened the door. She blinked a few times when her eyes fell on a completely naked Matthew on the bed.
"You don't waste any time," she said, pinching the bridge of her nose to keep from laughing at him.
"And you do," he replied. He got to his feet and approached while Mary giggled, taking her hands in his. "So, where were we?"
"A little bit less naked, I think," Mary told him, wrapping her arms around his middle.
"You're one to talk," he teased, guiding her over to the bed while his fingers toyed with the collar of her robe, brushing intentionally against her chest.
"I believe some of that was your doing," she said, releasing one of her arms to glide her fingers through his hair.
"Was it?" Matthew quipped, grinning as Mary tripped over one of his feet and landed on the bed. With a thud, he settled beside her. His index finger traced around her now exposed belly button before he leaned forward to press a kiss to her ribs. "God, I've missed you, Mary," he said, his voice thick with desire.
She hooked her leg around his calf, her toes brushing against his skin.
"So have I," she replied, playing with the knot of her robe.
Matthew sat back, his eyes sparkling playfully as he said, "Show me."
With a smirk, she brought her lips to his, her leg hooking around his thigh as he pulled her to him, belonging only to each other once more.
Thoughts?