wow i am SO sorry this took me so long. song for this chapter is the song that basically started this whole story for me, the link to it is on my profile. it's short and it's just...breathtaking. ANYWAYS, let the talk begin.

chapter twenty one

near keystone, south dakota, 6:35 am

mixtape: south dakota (remastered version) by magic man

We've taken a slight detour. It all started when I woke up early from my sleeping shift a little over an hour ago. We were driving down the dark highway, Edward humming along to the music he had playing softly and I was staring out the window, not entirely sure I was completely awake yet.

"I've never seen Mount Rushmore," I had said quietly as we passed a sign for the monument.

"Me either," he had replied. "Let's go."

"What? No, we can't."

"Why can't we? We made good time last night. Besides, how often are we in South Dakota?" He had a point.

Which is why we're now walking up the path as the sun is almost done rising, staring at this massive mountain with the faces of old American presidents sculpted into the side of it. It's quiet, we're here too early for the crowds to build. Just a few small groups snapping photos. The area is beautiful, tall trees everywhere. The sky fading into a perfect light blue, little wisps of clouds barely visible.

"This is kind of ridiculous," Edward says, a small grin on his face.

"What is?"

"Faces carved into a mountain. I don't know. It just seems silly to me," he says, laughing a little and I feel my heart beat a little harder. I can see the amazement behind the quiet amusement in his eyes. He's such a subtle person. You have to really look at him to know what he's thinking.

"You're so strange," I tell him and he laughs a little louder. We find a ledge that faces the monument and sit down, sipping the coffee and eating the muffins we bought on the way here. It's so peaceful. Edward's hand covers mine and neither of us moves for what feels like a very long time.

I look down at his hand and I keep my stare there, memorizing it. I notice a small, light raised spot on his knuckle, a scar. I take my hand from his grasp and use a finger to trace it lightly.

"What's this from?" I ask, watching his eyes close. He takes his time answering.

"Tyler Crowley bit me," he says and my stomach drops slightly at the mention of his name. "It was after that party…he and I, we fought."

"I remember. You had that black eye," I say, looking back out at the landscape around us. He squeezes my hand.

"He looked a lot worse. Didn't come back to school that whole next week." I hear the satisfaction in his voice, but also the notes of sadness. There are always notes of sadness.

"Good," I say.

"B," he begins. "I'm sorry. I'm still so sorry."

I still don't look at him, but I know that this is it. This is the moment.

"I just don't know how you could have let it happen."

"I was scared. Tyler had been my friend for so long and you hated me and I just… I didn't know he was serious about it until I found you in the dining room and…I just, oh god—"

"I didn't hate you," I say suddenly.

"What?"

"Back then, I didn't hate you. I was embarrassed, I was hurt, but I never hated you."

"You never talked to me, you just...stopped talking to me," he says.

"Well, you never talked to me either," I tell him because it's true. Edward sighs.

"That whole thing should never have happened with the letter. I still regret it. It was stupid, but Tyler kept telling me how he heard that you had a thing for Eric Yorkie and I was so jealous. When he found that letter…I guess I was just mad. I don't know I thought you liked me and then to find out you wrote all those words for someone else, I just, didn't care anymore."

"I didn't write that letter for Eric," I say slowly, finally turning to him. His eyes are so tired, so sad but he's looking intently at me. "I wrote it for you."

I watch as understanding blooms in those green eyes, how his mouth opens a little but he doesn't say anything quite yet. I lace my fingers with his and take a small sip of my coffee. He takes a deep breath.

"You were the best part of me," he says softly. "I think I loved you from the start, since that conversation in the kitchen. My life was just…shit and you were just so good. Everything about you, it just…I felt okay with you. My whole life since then-I've just been trying to figure out what's missing and it…it was you."

My eyes are stinging with tears and I'm kind of embarrassed about being the over-emotional person that I am in this moment. I want to be cool, calm and collected but relief hits me in the chest so hard that I feel like I've caught and lost my breath in one fell swoop.

"We were so stupid," I laugh, though it's a little broken up by my crying. Edward exhales again.

"Mostly me," he says.

"Yeah," I say and he bumps me with his shoulder. I drink more coffee and try to halt the tears.

There is this a sort of grace in us now—we are far from perfect, far from where we used to be—and I don't think we can ever get back to that—but something has changed. There is forgiveness and calm as we watch the sun finish rising, bringing warmth and light to the world around us.

it wont be that easy, but it's a start at least. next chapter will be up in the next couple of days i promise. thanks for stickin with this

xo meg