A/N – First I must say thanks to a family friend who gave me help ages ago with some information about medical stuff for something else I wrote which I'm using in this fic. I don't know how different it might be from the US care. Certainly in the UK all hospitals have slight differences, like visiting times etc. I'm also going on the one occasion when a family member was in ICU, fortunately not for long but it did bring home some of the events. If there are mistakes, they are mine alone. So, Doc. D. thanks for the help.

I go on holiday now for two weeks. As mentioned, I will try and find time to write, but there is no guarantee I will manage it. In the meantime, I hope this suffices for now.

Chapter twenty one

Taking a deep breath, JJ walked out of the elevator and down through the double doors that lead to the OR waiting rooms. Heads swivelled around on the sound of the doors opening, and everyone relaxed when they saw her walk in with purpose. JJ sat back down next to Hotch and Garcia. She looked at Hotch.

Her question surprised him. "What happened with Athena?"

JJ got her answer immediately by the look in Hotch's eyes, but she held her stare, wanting to hear him say it.

"She escaped." Hotch admitted, his voice apologetic.

JJ's face hardened at the news. "How?" The word was almost spat out and Hotch winced at the anger and betrayal conveyed.

"We are still looking in to it."

"You had it locked down for four blocks." JJ's manner was icy cold, her eyes no longer blue, but steel gray, and the rest of the team looked nervous. "Snipers on every rooftop we could get access to, vehicles on pretty much every corner or alleyway. We were this close," JJ motioned with her thumb and forefinger to show a small gap between them. "This close when swat went past us, and you're telling me she escaped." JJ couldn't stop the rise in her voice as she spoke, fighting down the anger as much as she could.

"We don't know what happened. It could be she had help or prior knowledge from someone close to the operation or in law enforcement..." Hotch wasn't allowed to finish.

"Emily could die because someone messed up." JJ knew she had to stop her tirade, so shut up, her teeth clenched so tight, she thought she would shatter some. Hotch looked at JJ, his own features beginning to harden.

"She wasn't wearing her vest."

"Don't you fucking dare try and turn this around on Emily." JJ's anger was now unleashed in a torrent, and Garcia put a hand out on to JJ's arm, but it was shrugged off. "Just for the record, we both took our vests off. We knew if we wore them it could tip our hand. Had you just asked instead of ordering us to wear them, you would have known that. Emily is experienced in these situations, it's why she was invited to do the job, and yet not once did you actually ask for her opinion on this." JJ stood up, and walked over to the corner, unable to look anyone in the eye.

"JJ." Morgan tried to talk, but Hotch put a hand up to stop him.

"No, she's right. We, rather I, made the mistake of assuming something, when I should have asked. I made the mistake I tried to instil in everyone else, and that was don't underestimate Athena. I'm sorry, I failed with that." Hotch sounded as weary as he looked.

Morgan glanced across from Hotch to where JJ was still standing, who was hugging herself, looking scared, angry and so alone he didn't know what to do.

"JJ, sit down." Rossi got up and walked across to JJ, putting his hand out and gently took her elbow. The touch seemed to bring JJ out of whatever trance she was in, and although her eyes hardened again at the contact, she gave a curt nod, before sitting back down. Garcia moved to once again be near her friend and simply put a hand on JJ's knee, who allowed the contact with a look of thanks.

"She's going to be fine." Garcia whispered. "She's got you and Henry to live for."

Hearing what Garcia said took all remaining fight out JJ who slumped back in to her chair, bringing the palms of her hands up to rub her face down.

"I hope to god you're right." JJ spoke so softly, Garcia almost didn't hear what she had said.

"I know I am, Emily's a fighter." Garcia said with as much conviction as she could muster.

Unable to reply, JJ just tipped her head back and closed her eyes, trying to ignore the images of Emily in the alleyway that seemed to be seared in to her retinas.

Garcia squeezed JJ's knee again. "Sweetie, while you were out, I got you some scrubs to change in to."

JJ's eyes opened, and she looked down, and saw just how much blood stained her clothing. She could understand the EMT's concern now down at the ER entrance, and it brought a slight smile to her face as she remembered his worry.

"The rest room's over here." Garcia stood up, and pointed to a door just across the corridor. She moved and pulled some scrubs that were in a folded pile underneath the chair she had been sitting on previously. JJ stood up, taking them from Garcia.

"Thanks, especially for earlier when I left. I know how difficult it was for you to let me go on my own." JJ said with a weak smile as they walked the short distance to the rest room door. JJ stopped, and pulled Garcia in to a quick hug. "I'll be as quick as I can." before she disappeared through.

Garcia watched the back of JJ, before she moved to the waiting area, as she walked across to Morgan, who looked up her questioningly.

"What?" Morgan looked genuinely perplexed by Garcia's presence.

"I suggest you do the same."

"Do the same?" Morgan repeated.

"As JJ." Garcia said with a shake of her head that projected a very clear message. For a profiler, you are so dumb sometimes. "Get a change in to some scrubs." Garcia pointed down to his own pants and the bulletproof vest he had just pulled on before leaving the alleyway. "While I do appreciate you half naked, and at any other time, I would drool uncontrollably, now is not the time." Garcia's eyebrows shot up, and Morgan actually laughed, despite everything.

"One change of clothes coming up." Morgan rose, and he lent down and placed a kiss on Garcia's cheek. "Have I told you I love you Babydoll."

"Indeed you have, but not enough." Garcia lightly tapped his arm, "Now go."

Morgan didn't need any further prompting and walked off to see if he could find someone to help him in his quest for a change of clothes. Garcia sat back down with a smile that she gave to everyone, who couldn't help but smile back.

JJ stood at the sink, barely recognizing the woman who was staring back at her in the mirror. She was desperately trying to fight back yet more tears that threatened to overwhelm her again.

Emily needs me to be strong JJ thought and with a sigh, she began to clean herself down as best she could using just a sink and rest room soap. She stepped out of her clothes and standing there in her underwear, she quickly pulled the scrubs on. She then balled her other clothes up, and for a second felt like just throwing them in to the trash can, but her training held her back, as she wondered if they might be needed by the crime scene unit that would undoubtedly be crawling through Athena's offices and the alleyway now with a fine tooth-comb.

Swallowing hard, JJ walked back out in to the corridor, noticing that Morgan had also now changed in to some scrubs. With the slightest of smiles, JJ moved past him and dropped her clothes down in a pile next to one of the hard plastic chairs where she sat down, pulling her knees up, hugging them before she rested her chin down on the top, closing her eyes lightly.

No one spoke, and although muted, it was never fully quiet, and every sound seemed amplified. Machines could be heard whirling in the distance, as could the sound of people's feet as they moved around. Wheels squeaking almost imperceptibly from chairs, beds or gurneys being moved could also be heard. The smell was also unmistakable. Sterile, yet harsh on the nostrils it seemed to invade even more than normal. Everything felt surreal, as if they were in a bad dream and would wake up, only JJ knew this wasn't a bad dream, and she couldn't just wake up and will it all away. JJ closed her eyes tighter, as the blood seemed to pound in her ears.

I will not do this JJ thought, and she was reminded of when she was at the Hankel house bathroom, after being bitten by the dogs while Reid was being held captive.

'How come none of this gets to you?'

'What do you mean?' Came Emily's guarded reply.

'You come off a desk job; now suddenly you're in the field surrounded by mutilated bodies and you don't even flinch.'

Hotch quietly came up behind them. 'She's right. You've never blinked.'

'I guess, maybe I compartmentalize better than most people.'

Of course, I now know that Emily was lying JJ thought as she felt more tears on the corner of her eyes, so she tipped her head back as far as it would go.

The full implication of Emily's statement rushed in to JJ's thoughts. How at the time, she had no idea of Emily's CIA training and she now saw the fear crossing Emily's face that her past might be uncovered by JJ's statement. How JJ always thought Emily had a strength that she possessed to go so deep undercover. How even now, Emily saw her time as a weakness, whereas JJ still thought about the strength of character it took to take on the assignment. The strength to then go and fight Doyle and save Declan a second time and protect the team, her family. That Emily was the most extraordinary women she knew, and she desperately wanted to know more of that Emily.

I just hope I can show the same strength JJ thought, moving her head to check the time. Because dammit, I love you.

"God why is it taking so long?" JJ didn't even realize she had spoken out-loud, and her voice startled everyone.

"We'll know soon." Garcia patted JJ's hand, her own eyes red with tears. JJ simply put her head back down on her knees.

"Jennifer Jareau?"

JJ shot up from her chair as if the devil himself was chasing her. "That's me."

The nurse looked up from her clip board. "Can I have a word?" Her smile seemed genuine, but for a second, JJ felt her knees weaken.

"Oh god." The words barely left JJ's lips. Seeing JJ's distress, the nurse immediately moved closer.

"I'm sorry. I've not got any news, but I need to talk to you about something."

JJ nodded, trying to compose her thoughts. "Of course."

"We can talk in the room just up here." JJ didn't even look back at the team as she was lead down to a small darkened room, with a narrow bed, a chair and what looked like a small bathroom just off it.

"I'm Anna." The nurse held out a hand, which JJ shook. "We are looking at Agent Prentiss's files, and we wanted to talk to you."

"Okay." JJ tried to hide her confusion.

"Are you aware of Agent Prentiss's wishes on file?"

"No." JJ's eyebrows knotted together as the confusion increased.

"Do you know what an advanced directive and living will are?"

"Yes," JJ scratched her forehead as she tried to retrieve the information she knew. "The directive allows someone else to take decisions on their care if they are unable to themselves, and the living will states whether someone wants to be on life support or not." JJ pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to stave off the headache that was now threatening to invade.

"That's correct. In Agent Prentiss's case, she has both an advanced directive, and very clear instructions that she doesn't want to be kept on life support beyond a certain time or treatment. She has you listed to be her advanced directive."
JJ's knees finally began to give way, and the nurse immediately got her to sit down.

"I'm sorry, I would have hoped you knew."

JJ looked up trying to maintain her focus. "No, I didn't know, I mean I know she's not close to her own family, her Mother is an ambassador and often out of the country so I can't say I'm surprised its not them, but I didn't know she had put my name down. And please call her Emily. How is she? I want to truth, no sugar coated version." JJ's voice sounded raspy as she finally asked the only question she truly wanted answers to.

"I'm not going to lie, its been a very difficult time for the trauma team, but last I heard they felt confident she was going to be okay. Once in ICU, the following seventy two hours are going to be critical, and she will not be out of the woods by a long way. But the measures taken at the scene helped save her life."

JJ wiped the tears that had sprung up. "Thank you."

"Its my pleasure. Do you want a few minutes here once I leave? I can push the sign across to indicate someone is in this room when I go, all you have to do is push it back again when you go back to the waiting room." Anna looked at her watch. "Even if Emily comes out of surgery, they will place her in the recovery unit first before giving the news. I suspect its going to be at least another hour before you hear anything, so you've got time to gather you're thoughts."

"I'd like that." JJ mumbled, "Thank you again."

"No problem. I'll see you later." And Anna left the room, closing the door softly behind her as she went.

JJ sat there for a few minutes trying to process the news she'd been given, before heading back out, where the others all gave her questioning looks.

"It was paperwork." JJ could only say as way of explanation, which seemed to pacify everyone, who settled back down to wait.

"Emily Prentiss's family?"

For the second time in an hour, JJ bolted out of her chair as if not only the devil, but demons as well were after her. She immediately saw it was a doctor in a white coat this time, not a nurse, and braced herself for the news.