A/N—Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

Not a lot to say about this chapter, so...let's just get into it. Thanks as always to those reading and reviewing, I hope you guys know how much I love reading your thoughts. And because I don't say it enough, thanks to my fantastic beta for looking everything over before I post. :)

Logan and James stepped into the living room hand in hand, finding Carlos and Kendall cuddled up together on the sofa talking quietly with their own hands clasped. There was no hint of judgment from James; the same couldn't be said of Carlos, who glared as he glanced up at them. "Finally ready to go?"

James nodded once, ignoring the tone, and turned to Logan. "Didn't we already do this today?"

"We did," Logan smiled. "This time it's for real."

"We thought it was then, too."

Logan only shrugged before dragging James closer, the two rocking together in an embrace neither wanted to end.

Carlos sighed and stood, pulling Kendall up with him. "Are we that ridiculous?"

"Worse," Kendall winked. "We actually like the romance."

"They do too, they just don't admit it."

Kendall chuckled and leaned down to kiss Carlos, who closed his eyes and absorbed the feeling. "I meant what I said. Day or night, you know where to find me."

"Don't remind me. And...I don't know if it was on purpose, but earlier you told me to call you Kendall."

Had he? Panic flooded Kendall, who couldn't remember doing that.

"I just want you to know it means a lot to me. I know Jeff's the only one allowed to do that, and...the fact that you consider special me enough for that...I don't take it lightly."

Seriously, when had he done that? "You are special enough," he said anyway. It was the worst idea, but maybe Logan had been right; maybe it was better this way to avoid slip-ups. "You can call me Kendall," he whispered.

"Thanks," Carlos grinned. "Kendall."

The word falling from Carlos' lips brought about an immediate smile. He liked the way it sounded, loved the affection behind it. No one had said it with so much feeling since...

Well. Probably since Mom and Katie. Who...shit, he'd mentioned her real name earlier, too. What the hell was he thinking?

"Are they still hugging?" Carlos whispered.

Drawn from his panic, Kendall glanced back over his shoulder. "Yeah. I think they might do that all night if we let them."

"Sadly, we can't." After lifting up onto his toes to kiss Kendall, Carlos reached out to tug on James' sleeve. "Time to go, buddy. Hour's long gone."

James didn't bother with a reply. Instead he stepped back from Logan, who asked, "Remember what you said about the future? No matter where you are or what you're doing, you'll wish..." When James nodded, he finished, "It'll be the same for me."

"Even still? After all of that?"

"I told you nothing would change the way this feels." He kissed James tenderly, James clinging to him like a life preserver until Logan pulled him down enough to whisper into his ear. "I love you."

James answered the declaration with a kiss. "I need to go."

"I know."

"Have a safe flight."

"Thanks."

"I'll miss you."

Logan nodded, knowing James would read in his eyes that he felt the same. "Find that peace."

"I've already found some."

"Find the rest. You deserve it."

James took a breath, then forced himself to turn away. "Carlos, we need to go. Now."

"Like I haven't been saying that for the past fifteen minutes?" He rolled his eyes and allowed Kendall one more kiss. "Goodbye, what could've been."

"Day or night. Don't forget."

"Like I ever could."

With a last wink, Carlos followed James out the door. Kendall stepped outside to watch them go, eyes mostly on Carlos. He was really going to miss that little shit.

The second they'd disappeared from view, Kendall slammed the front door and faced Logan. "What did he tell you?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me. Carlos said he was crying."

"He didn't tell me anything."

Kendall shook his head, deciding to leave it for later and running down the hallway. "Come on, we need to see this!"

He'd unlocked the office and turned on all the monitors before realizing that Logan wasn't in the room. "Dude! Get in here, they're probably about to fight!"

James didn't seem to be in the mood to fight, though. On the screen, he ignored Carlos' "We need to talk" and continued toward his bedroom.

"Logan, what the hell?" Kendall poked his head out and spied Logan leaning against a wall in the living room, arms crossed over his chest and face devoid of expression. "What's wrong?"

Logan said nothing.

"James is talking about you."

That got his attention. Logan approached slowly, not speaking until he was seated and watching Carlos bang on James' closed bedroom door. "You're lying. He didn't say anything."

"Oh, I must've heard wrong."

Logan's jaw dropped. "You're unbelievable. Do you have no heart at all?"

"Shh, Carlos is saying something."

"You owe me!" Carlos was yelling.

Logan reached around Kendall and pressed a few buttons until James' bedroom came up on another screen. James was sitting on the edge of his bed, hands clasped between his knees as he stared down at his shoes.

"Dammit, James, open this door! I know you said shit to him, I saw you crying!"

James' head shot up. He rose from the bed and swung the door open after unlocking it. "What are you talking about?"

"I went out there to get you when the hour was up. You were crying and he made me leave."

"Logan?"

"Who else? Don't try to act like you didn't tell him anything because you were fucking sobbing and you never cry. Not unless it has to do with Emily. What did you tell him?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me!"

"Don't yell at me!" James shoved Carlos, not hard but enough that he was forced to step back. "It's none of your business!"

"Bullshit, everything is my business! Just like you always tell me. I swear to God, if you told him anything about the business, I'll—"

"I didn't."

"Then what did you talk about for a fucking hour?"

James looked away, hands diving into his pockets and shoulders hunching before he replied, "My mom."

That stopped Carlos cold. "Your mom?"

"My mom," James confirmed. "About...all the stuff that happened before I met you. Before I came to your uncle."

After letting the words sink in, Carlos stated, "You don't even talk to me about your mom."

James shook his head, then turned away. "I don't talk to anyone about her."

"But you did with him. A guy you just met last night."

Having no answer for that because it made as little sense to him as it did Carlos, James only shrugged.

"Jesus, James. I knew you'd lost your head over the guy, but this...is that what he meant about finding peace? Do you somehow blame yourself for your mom's death the way you do Cristina's?"

"No, that was not my fault. But the way I treated her before she died...that was all me. And that's something I can't ever go back and change."

Carlos let out a breath, all of his anger dying away with it. "Man...you need to stop blaming yourself for everything."

"They were my actions, Carlos. No one else's."

"I know, but...it's just like with Cristina. You can't change what happened."

"I live with that every day."

"You need to learn to move on."

"How can you move on? She was your sister. Your twin."

"They were twins?" Kendall whispered. Logan said nothing, gaze fixed to the screen.

"And I miss her every fucking day of my life," Carlos agreed. "You think I don't live with that same hell? You think I don't know that if I hadn't fucked up on the phone that day and told her about the arrangement, that she wouldn't have taken off to the park and she'd still be alive?"

"Arrangement..." Kendall glanced over at Logan. "Do you know what he's talking about?"

"No clue," Logan replied.

"Carlos, that's not your fault. You thought she knew."

"And her getting shot isn't your fault."

"It is, I left her alone even though—"

"She kicked you out, bro. From what she told me, you didn't have a choice. She said she started beating on you until she had you out the door."

James looked down at his feet.

"Is it my fault?" Carlos suddenly asked.

"No."

"Then it's not yours either. It's just...the business. The life. And I'm tired of this life. I'm tired of being afraid to go outside. Tired of having to hide in this stupid town with stupid neighbors who give me flowers and ice cream and look at me like they actually care and would marry me if given the chance."

Carlos choked up on the last sentence, Logan turning to look at Kendall, whose face had paled.

"I know, Carlos, but that's how Cristina felt, too. And look what happened. She got away from the prison, and look what happened. I can't let that happen to you."

"Then stop losing your head over some dude that's only passing through before moving on to find the man he's meant to be with. I know that hurts, but you have to let him go."

"I did. I said goodbye and I meant it. I just...needed to talk it all out first. A lot of buried feelings about my mom, okay?"

"So he was basically your psychiatrist?"

James rolled his eyes. "He was so much more than that. I don't expect you to understand."

"Because I've never been in love? I've never had a real relationship?"

"No, Carlos, I didn't mean that."

"What did you mean then?"

"Just that your relationship with Steve is different. I don't get that any more than you get mine. But I respect that your feelings for him are real, and I know how hard it was for you to sit in a room with him for an hour and pretend not to care. So thank you for that."

"Yeah, well...I'm no saint. I caved."

James couldn't hold back a smile. "Don't beat yourself up about it. He's nice to look at."

Both Logan and Kendall were surprised by the comment. "He thinks I'm hot?"

Logan rolled his eyes. "He didn't say hot, Kendall, don't get excited."

Carlos chuckled. "He is that. But more than that, he's...deeper than I imagined. We have a lot in common, believe it or not. Did you find out anything about Jeff?"

"Like what?"

"Just more about his life? His background?"

James shook his head. "I don't want to know."

"Why not?"

"Because it would just make me fall more in love with him and then I might not walk away at all. It's better I know nothing about him."

"Maybe you'd like him less if you knew everything."

"No way. I barely know anything now and I'd get down on one knee if given the chance."

Logan's breath caught. "Oh my god."

Kendall grinned and patted Logan on the back. "Nice work, partner."

"Maybe you're right," Carlos nodded. "Steve said he's leaving tomorrow."

"He is. And that's the best thing that could possibly happen for all of us."

"Yeah, I suppose it is." Carlos lifted a hand to squeeze James' shoulder. "I'm sorry, though. I know how much you care about him. And I'm glad you finally talked to someone about your mom. I know that was eating you up."

James only nodded.

"I think I need a nap."

"I could use some time to myself," James agreed. "I'll start dinner in a few hours."

"Thanks. I know we're both gonna be kind of down tonight, so how about I rent us a comedy?"

James' smile didn't quite reach his eyes, but he said, "That sounds great. Thanks, bro."

Without another word, Carlos closed the door. James sank to the bed and rested his head in his hands, tears silently streaming down his cheeks.

Kendall sat back in his chair to watch Carlos close himself in his room, not looking at Logan until his target had kicked off his shoes and reclined on the bed. "Dude, are you...what's wrong?"

Tears were streaming down Logan's cheeks, as well. He continued to watch James, the need to comfort him plain in his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me he said stuff about his mom?"

"It has nothing to do with the case."

"Bullshit. Everything does."

"Not his guilt over the way he treated his mother before she died." Logan wiped his eyes and stood from the chair, then pulled out his phone.

"Who are you calling?"

"The director. I'm done."

"Not this again. Come on, dude, we're getting closer every—"

"Sorry, Kendall. I can't do this. I'm too close to the target. I'm not objective. And honestly, I can't even look at him anymore without wanting to tell him everything, so...it's time to go."

"Logan, hang on, just—"

"I'm sorry."

He stepped out of the room with the phone to his ear, Kendall in shock but only for a moment. It was long enough for Logan to lock himself in the bathroom, though, and make the call he needed to make while Kendall stood outside the door.

"Motherfucking...dammit, Logan, I need you! Don't do this to me! Fuck!"

Kendall's own phone buzzed at his hip; he groaned because he knew who it would be and knew he'd have to admit defeat to his boss. "Fuck!" he screamed again, kicking the bathroom door and wishing it was Logan.

Now how was he supposed to continue the mission?

Not knowing what else to do, Kendall invited Lucy over for dinner; maybe she'd have better luck convincing Logan to change his mind. As it was, Logan had locked himself in the bedroom and refused to come out, even when Kendall asked him to watch the monitors long enough to escape to the bathroom.

"Take the wireless," was Logan's suggestion, as if he knew it was just an excuse to get him out of the room. Knowing Logan, he probably did.

Outside of a phone call to Luis that resulted in nothing more than the news that Javier would be stopping by again that evening, things were status quo in the other house. James stayed in his room scrolling through something on his phone while Carlos talked to his uncle and munched on cheese puffs. They'd never broken out the second bag of cheese puffs, Kendall now realized. It was a small thing, but still a mark of unfinished business between himself and Carlos. He wasn't giving up yet.

Maybe he could use Javier as an excuse to get Logan out of the room. Logan knew James didn't trust Javier, and they both knew that he probably had reason for that. Logan was absolutely too close to James, which Kendall could use to his advantage; if Logan was worried for James' safety, he'd want to watch over them.

Kendall kept that in mind as a back-up plan in case Lucy wasn't able to fix the problem. There was no need to let her in, as usual, and she found Kendall sitting alone in the office with his chin resting on his hand as he stared at Carlos banging around the kitchen in search of who knew what.

"You're sure he's not going anywhere tonight?" Lucy questioned.

"Nah, Javier's coming over again, so he'll be home for the evening."

She made herself comfortable in Logan's chair, kicking back and setting heavy boots on the desk. "What's going on with the nerd?"

"He got too close. Called the director and requested to be pulled off the mission."

Lucy's eyes fell closed on a heavy, disgusted sigh. "Well, it's not like we didn't see this coming. Wait, why wasn't I informed? I'm supposed to be told about any major changes within the mission."

"I asked the director to hold off on taking any action because I'm still hoping to change Logan's mind. He's already got another tech specialist lined up in case I can't, but...for now, we're keeping the same plan."

"Let me guess. You want me here because nothing you say is getting through to the lovesick genius and now he's refusing to even speak to you."

"He's speaking to me," Kendall shrugged. "Just...only through his bedroom door."

"Ah, young love. Makes us all so stupid."

"Is that why you have no heart?"

"Duh. What kind of agent would I be if I went around with hearts in my eyes every time I tailed a hot suspect?"

"Logan was fine when James was just a hot guy we were watching. Then he got directly involved and fell in love and...look at him now. Completely lost his head over this guy."

"He's not in love," Lucy stated firmly.

"Oh, he's so far gone."

"He met the guy last night. There's no way anyone could fall in love that fast. It's infatuation."

"You think so?" Kendall mused.

"Think about it. To really love someone, you have to know them inside and out. Their habits, their motivations, you have to know the way they think and be able to predict their actions. If you still want them after all that?" Lucy waved a hand. "It's your funeral."

Kendall let that sink in before saying quietly, "Logan does know all that. It's why I used him. He knows James, knew exactly how to approach him and read him so well that the guy we thought was impossible to break down risked his own safety to get over here today. Spent an hour crying on the porch over his dead mother."

Lucy's lips twisted. "He cried in front of someone else? Like...real crying?"

"Carlos said he was sobbing while Logan held him."

"Wow. Who knew our little nerd had that in him? We should send him in against all our toughest targets. Maybe it's because he seems like he's not a threat that he gets past the barrier so easily."

"Maybe," Kendall nodded. "He's pissed at me, says I'm heartless and that I don't care about anything but the mission."

"Again, duh."

"Right? He might have a point, that he was never cut out for this type of work."

"He needs to get out of it, then."

"Not that easy. He's kind of stuck in it."

"Nobody's stuck."

"Trust me, Stone. He's stuck."

"Well...better for the Bureau, then."

"Right, but not if he isn't willing to do his job. So...work your magic. Talk to him. Get him to see the greater mission here."

"You think he's gonna listen to me?"

"I think he'll at least hear you out, because you're not part of the problem in his eyes. You're not directly hurting James or Carlos with lies."

Lucy thought that over. "You gonna bribe me with tacos?"

"I was thinking pizza."

She immediately dismissed that idea. "Pizza can be delivered. We need something that can't."

"Why?"

"Because I'll need time to talk to Mr. Heart Eyes without you around, so you need an excuse to leave the house. Which also means he has to come out of the room and take over surveillance. And voila, your boy is out here where he can't escape me."

"Oh." It was so simple Kendall felt like an idiot for not thinking of it himself. "Perfect. So...chicken or beef?"

"I'm thinking enchiladas tonight. Extra cheese. Get some more of that guac, that stuff was addicting."

"It was pretty good," Kendall agreed.

"What's happening over at Casa del Lovesick Dealers? Anything I need to know about?"

"Probably nothing until Javier shows up. We can use that to keep Logan out here, he worries about them because he knows James doesn't trust the guy. Right now James is just wallowing while Carlos eats his way through the sadness. He misses me." The thought brought a smile to Kendall's face.

"This makes you happy?" Lucy asked with a raised brow.

"Well...I mean...it means I'm effectively doing my job, right? Making him care and want to be with me. That's half the battle."

"Whatever gets you through the day, Knight. Ooo, do they have horchata?"

"What's that?"

"Trust me, they will. Bring me back some of that. I'll probably need it after listening to Mitchell whine about how he can't stand to lie to the love of his life anymore. God, you people are pathetic."

"Hey, don't group me in with that. I'm fully aware of my responsibility to the mission and to the betterment of the world in general."

"Yet you get a disgusting little smile on your face when you talk about Garcia missing you."

"It's not like that."

"Horchata. The H is silent, don't go in there asking for a whorechata and...actually, do that. And film it so I can watch them all make fun of you."

Kendall rolled his eyes, standing from his chair and ignoring the subject change. "Just cheese?"

"Throw some beef in there, too. Don't forget the chips and guac!" she called out as he turned left to approach Logan's bedroom.

There was no answer to the first knock; perhaps Logan had fallen asleep. Kendall tried the knob and found it locked. With a frustrated sigh, he knocked again, louder this time.

"Will you just take the wireless with you?" Logan yelled.

"I need you. I got Lucy to come over and cover for you, but I had to bribe her with tacos. Can you come out and watch until she gets here?"

"You can't just go after she shows up?"

"No, she insisted I go now, you know her and her stomach. You okay with the same thing I got you the other night?"

When it was quiet for a full minute, Kendall was about to start yelling; he was losing patience fast. Before he could get started, the knob jiggled and the door opened to reveal a puffy-faced Logan who had obviously been crying and was clearly in pain. The sight did what none of Logan's words had been able to to do—it made Kendall feel bad for his new friend. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Just...that you're hurting."

"I don't want to talk about it. Just hurry back."

"So tacos are okay? You want chips and salsa this time?"

"I'm not hungry, Kendall."

"You're eating dinner. I'll be back."

"Whatever."

Logan was two steps into the office before he noticed Lucy and put the dots together, realizing he'd been suckered into this. "You son of a...Kendall!"

The door to the garage slammed as Kendall rushed out, Logan rubbing a hand over his face. He was about to turn around when Lucy's voice stopped him.

"Don't even think about it. You're gonna sit here and listen to me."

"I'm going back to my room."

"You're going to sit down. What's it gonna take, ten minutes? Fifteen? He'll be back before you know it, unless they heckle him for the whore thing because he's totally gonna screw that up. Man, I wish I could see that."

Logan's brows drew together, having no idea what she was talking about and then deciding he didn't care. "Nothing you say is going to change my mind. I'm leaving in the morning."

"That's fine, they've already got someone lined up to take your place."

It was like a punch to Logan's gut, the idea of someone else sitting in his chair watching James' every move. Watching James shower, sleep, do...other things. "That's...good. It's necessary."

"Don't act like it isn't killing you to think of someone else taking your place."

"I want someone else to take my place, Lucy. That's why I'm leaving. Someone else will do a better job. Someone else won't care about him the way I do."

"You sure about that? What's it been, like three days? Four? You're already head over heels. How long did it take you to start drooling? An hour? You think anyone else is going to be any different?"

"Excuse me?" Without meaning to, Logan stepped further into the room.

"The guy's hot. Anyone in his right mind would want to hop that train."

"Not a straight guy. And I made sure to tell the director that's what my replacement needs to be."

Lucy actually laughed. "You think they're going to mess with a formula that works?"

"What are you talking about?"

"In less than twenty-four hours, you broke this dude. You got through the armor and into the heart of someone so well hidden that the Bureau couldn't even figure out his name. If the director's smart, and I know he is, he's gonna replace you with someone who can continue what you started. Because we all know the bodyguard is the key to keeping Garcia interested. I'd guess your replacement will look a lot like you and act a lot like you. The difference will be inside, because he won't have the weakness you do. He won't have the heart. But he sure will play it up for James and pretend to care, because that's what we do here."

Logan was shaking his head. "There's no way to explain another guy showing up when I leave. He'll have to stay hidden in this room like I was supposed to."

"Of course there's a way," Lucy smirked. "What better way for Steve to get over Carlos than to take another lover?"

Logan stared hard at her, his cheeks paling as he swallowed hard. "That would negate the idea that Kendall loves him. Too soon to move on. He told Carlos his door is always open."

"Right, so he uses the new guy to make Carlos jealous. It's genius. It would work, wouldn't it?"

When Logan thought about what he knew of Carlos, he could see it. Kendall taking a new lover would very much fan the flames of jealousy, so much that no matter how much Carlos had encouraged Kendall to move on, he'd probably march over here and scream at Kendall for doing just that. And then Kendall would "cave" and go back to Carlos, while the new guy...

"And then there's this poor new guy, caught in the middle and hurt because he gets dumped by Steve, and James has to be here since he can't leave Carlos alone. Who's there to console the new guy, who also can't leave because he's here on a mission?"

"Fuck you," Logan bit out. "I know what you're doing. It's not going to work."

"You think I'm trying to get you to stay? I won't lie about that, it's better for the mission if you do. But the bottom line is that everything I just said is true. If you do leave, that's exactly how it will play out, because it's our only option. I get that your feelings got in the way. I get that now it's hard to look at him and see a bad guy. But Logan...whether you stay or go, this mission is going to continue."

"I know that." Logan sank into Kendall's chair, misery running through his next words. "I can't stand to see it happen. He's had a lot of tragedy in his life and no matter what I do, he's going to suffer more." Tears sprang to the surface. "Don't make me sit here and watch that. Because I can't."

Surprising him, Lucy laid a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Look at him right now."

"No."

"Tell me what he's doing."

After using his fingers to wipe away tears, Logan focused on the monitor showing James' bedroom. James was no longer crying, though his eyes were just as red as Logan's. "He's looking at his phone, you don't need me to tell you that."

"What's he looking at, Logan?"

"How the fuck am I supposed to know?"

"Because you do. You don't have to tell me, but you know exactly what he's looking at. Because you know him. I'm not gonna lie, he's going to suffer just like you said. Eventually he'll go down with Garcia and spend the rest of his time thinking back over his life and the mistakes he made. He'll also think back over the good parts of his life. We both know you fall into that category."

"What's your point? Make it so I can get out of here."

"Stay. Give him more good things to remember. Give him memories to get him through all the misery he's going to face."

"Not good enough. I don't want to be part of the machine that takes away any hope he might have of living a normal life."

"You know he's never gonna have that."

"You're right, I do know. Doesn't mean I want to see it happen."

Lucy studied Logan closely, mouth twitching around as she considered and tossed away arguments before accepting that he wasn't going to be swayed. "Fine. I give up. At least sit out here with us and eat tacos and...don't give up your last opportunity to be part of his life. Even if it's through a screen. Give yourself that much before you walk away from him forever."

Logan bit his lip, eyes on the perfect soul he'd lost his heart to in an incredibly short amount of time. In his room, James pocketed the phone and reached for a tissue to scrub over his face one more time before standing and stretching, mind most likely on what he was going to fix Carlos for dinner. "I do love to watch him cook," Logan admitted softly.

"Then by all means, watch the man cook. Let yourself enjoy it before the chance is gone forever. And tomorrow, you can leave here knowing that in your mind, you did the right thing. Even if it isn't what most of the world would agree is the right thing."

"That guilt trip doesn't work on me, Lucy. I don't really give a shit what most of the world thinks."

Without warning Lucy stood and bent to hug Logan awkwardly from behind. "Probably why I like you so much." She kissed his cheek and flounced out of the room mumbling about cheese puffs that she knew were hidden somewhere. Logan took in a deep breath before letting it out, gaze following the only thing he did care about as James pulled a pan out and set it on the stove.

Yes, James was definitely going to suffer in the coming months. Weeks, maybe. The best place Logan could be was far away, somewhere he didn't have to witness it or even think about it.

Still, he knew that no matter where he was, he'd be wanting James again and wishing they could be together, and he knew that James would be wishing for the same.