Hello, boys, girls. Aren't you glad I'm back?
"No, no, definitely not."
No one cares about your opinion, Vladimir!
"She's just upset because I completely own her in the upcoming series that she's going to have to post eventually!"
Seriously? Italics? This is just supposed to be a disclaimer, Vlad.
"Well, with you…"
I do not own Danny Phantom. Now, guess who's come to play today?
"Please, don't say Barney."
Aw, geez, Vlad! Now look what you've done!
"Huh? What?"
I have to put Barney in the disclaimer, too, 'cuz of you.
*Insert Vlad's evil laugh* "Glad to be of such assistance."
Well, you say it now!
"Fine. We here at InuApril Studios do not own Danny Phantom."
You forgot Barney, ya fruitloop!
"Or Barney. There, now you've made an incredibly long disclaimer that I'm positive no one will appreciate. I hope you're happy."
Yes, actually. Now, who do we have to torture during this timeslot?
"Um, Clock…work…"
Okay, how'd you manage to mispronounce that? Isn't it enough with those automated phone services where you have to say your name, like, a thousand bajillion times?
"I'm not good at math, but that isn't a number. You just made it up."
Just bring Clockwork in!
"Well, he's not here yet."
What? But his name is Clockwork!
"Yes, and you'd think he'd be on time, wouldn't you? Such as misleading title."
"Time is relative!"
Whoah, voice from the sky! I've always wanted to interview one of those!
"Actually, that was Clockwork, that tardy-bug."
"And it's not from the sky. I'm standing right in front of you."
Are you sure, because all I see is air.
"I'm not even intangible."
I'm telling you, there's nothing there! *Starts making as though hitting the air in front, but really poking Clockwork*
"All right, you've had your fun, now stop poking me."
I don't know what you're talking about.
"Haven't you heard that a joke can get old rather quickly? Some comedian. I'd heard you were funny."
*Stops poking* Okay, CW. I've decided that my goal during this interview will be to break your calm façade.
"And that's different from your normal interviews, how exactly?"
Do you like eggs?
"I suppose."
Because I'm gonna crack you like one.
"…Wow. So clever."
So, CW.
"Call me Clockwork."
Yeah, I don't think so. Anyway, what's up with the phasing? One second your old, the next your young, the next you're a cute wittle baby! Gootchy gootchy goo!
"I will not answer your question when your making a face like a gorilla."
Actually, that was my guppy face, but…"
"I know what it was."
…Well, answer?
"You don't want to know."
Actually, I really do. And don't you, my fantabulous readers?... I heard a yes!
"Well, due to the complex systems of time in the omega region, and my imperialistic domain over all time related events, I am forever morphing from one era to another while simultaneously simulating a form in the time which I prefer to remain. Ergo, I am all time at once, forever changing, always unpredictable, and never in the same place at once. Did that answer your question?"
…What's the omega region?
"Now that's Dr. Who's territory. I'll let him answer it. Oh, wait, he won't. Not to you, anyway."
What about your medals? Why do you leave them out in the open in your cave?
"It allows me to easily put them on time travelers."
But it's so out in the open. A passerby could just slip by and take one while you're out-
"I know when a petty thief is going to come in and try to get my medallions. You'll try, and, believe me, that does not work. I'm the ghost of time."
…Wow. I just got burned.
"Word" *Crosses arms*
Ack! My eyes! My eyes! Please, don't ever do that again!
*Uncrosses arms* "No guarantees. Now, please, continue with your interview."
All right. Phew. So, do you and Dan ever talk? You know, since he's trapped in a thermos and all that.
"That's confidential information."
Yeah? Well, I'm making it unconfidential.
"You can't do that."
My story, my rules.
Actually, my rules!
Oh, right. Sorry InuApril!
It's okay. But do it again, and I'll give you acne.
-
Just get on with the interview!
Right! Anyway, deal is, you have to tell me, or else I'll start bringing out the tape recordings.
"What tape recordings?"
Ha! And here I was, thinking you knew everything, like when a petty thief's supposed to come-
"TIME OUT!"
*Navok freezes*
"There we go. I wasn't sure if I could stand anymore of that high-pitched squeaky voice. Now, to find those recordings of which she spoke. I'll worry about how got passed my security later. Those Observants-"
Looking for these? *Another Navok enters the room, flashing in behind Clockwork, waving the tapes. She's wearing a medallion wrapped around her hair, forming a ponytail*
"But, how-"
What? You don't think I'm smart enough to use my ghost powers to duplicate myself, plan a series of distracting interviews to nab your fickle attention, invite you over-twice-, while I snatch recordings of your so-called "psychiatric sessions" with Dan? Come on! I'm a hostess extraordinaire!
"But when did you place-"
The tape recorder? When you sent me to that future, which took up three of my precious chapters, by the way!
"So-"
Yes. I'm that smart. In fact, Harvard-
"Would you stop interrupting me with your show-offy ability to finish another being's sentences!"
Well, look who's interrupting now, hmm? Anyway, let's listen to these recordings.
Recording 1: Clockwork and Dan
"And who are we feeling tonight, Dan?"
Squashed.
"Well, if you hadn't gone parading through time, trying to destroy the world, the you wouldn't be in this situation right now. You know that, don't you?"
No.
"What do you mean, no?"
If you hadn't interfered, like always, I'd be on top of the world, a world made from my vision. So don't talk to me about how it's my fault that I'm stuck in here when it's obviously yours.
"What about Danny Phantom, your good, somehow less deceptive half?"
Lucky. He would have become me. Once again, though, you interfered.
"So you blame entirely for your predicament?"
Yeah. That's pretty much what I just said.
*Long awkward pause*
"Listen, Dan, I need your help."
What? Wait, is this one of your tricks again? I'm evil, if you had forgotten.
"Evil and suave. See, I have this date with this girl, and she has a BFFL that wants to come along. So, how does a little double-date sound to you?"
*Another long, even more awkward pause*
"Well?"
I'm sorry, it's just that there were so many things in that paragraph that I never thought I'd hear you say. Ever. BFFL is at the top of the list.
"Fine, I'll just take the Box Ghost."
No, I'm coming.
"Good. Now, don't destroy the world. And try to make a good impression."
What has the world come to, where you'd think I'd try to destroy the world?
End of Recording 1
This-This has to be fake.
"It is."
No. No, it came specifically from your cave! How could you have gotten Dan-
"Let's just say that he hates you more than he hates me. And that's saying something, considering you've never really interviewed him, except in that alternate universe.
So that means-
"I do know everything. What? You think I'm not smart enough to use your hugely enhanced ego to spring a trap and embarrass you in front of your entire audience by having you play a tape recording that is obviously out of character? I'm a time lord extraordinaire!"
I hate it when my words are used against me. Curse you word plaaaaaaa-
"TIME OUT!"
*Both Navoks are now frozen*
"I also know how to pause only one person so that you think your duplicate is actually immune."
"Hey, I just finished running from the store and…You froze both Navoks, didn't you?
"Yes, Vlad."
"Can you leave her that way until next week…or month?"
"Absolutely."
"…Want some eggs."
"Sure."
Grrr! I'll get you CW, and that little Vlad too! Anyway, I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm working on the story of my apprenticeship to Vlad, and when it comes out, it's gonna be called "Half-Ghost Stories". I'm trying to make it halfway decent, so it may take awhile, but believe me, I am working on it.
"I'm making her live under a cupboard."
Go away Vlad! Anyway, please review! Sorry for the long wait before the update-
"Don't try to rhyme. You're not any good at it."
Make me some eggs!
"Hey, I'm not the apprentice here!"
No, but you are the secretary. So go! And please, review you guys! Suggestions and comments are always welcome, and don't be afraid to repeat yourself, because I have a horrible memory! That's why I need Vlad here to be my secretary. Bwahahahaha-
"End the interview already!"