BONUS! Have a great weekend everyone! #thanksEm
Luke sat in his pink booster seat during Christmas dinner, proudly showing off two new skills. The kids had taught him how to give a thumbs up and he'd learned the word "delicious" and its meaning. With every bite of his food, he would put up his tiny thumb and exclaim that it was "dee-wish-us!" He had everyone eating from the palm of his little hand.
The day after Christmas arrived with a fresh dusting of snow. Just a day late for a white Christmas, but the kids were nonetheless thrilled. Elizabeth, Natalie, Nana Charlotte, Grammy Grace, Julie and Violet all piled into Violet's rented minivan and headed for the outlet mall.
If there were deals to be had, they were going to find them. Keeping a set of triplets, a set of twins, and 3 singletons all in clothing was no small feat, but they wouldn't back down from the challenge. Grammy Grace and Natalie were born for this kind of shopping. The rest were just along for the ride.
Soon there were so many bags that they could barely see out the back window of the van. The ladies found their way into an Olive Garden where they descended on the soup and salad. Their waiter didn't know what hit him when the group of lively women came in.
Munching on their chocolate mints, they slowly made their way back to the Thatchers' farm and the brave, wonderful dads who were holding down the fort.
Violet and Julie entered first and their children all rang out a chorus of "Mommy's" and those were soon followed the rush of Grayson and Owen's feet coming to tackle Natalie. "Mom, we missed you!"
Jack, William and the rest of the men were making their way out of the den when Luke scrambled past, clad only in his Thomas the train underpants and rain boots and went running to Elizabeth.
"Mama! Mama home! Yay!"
Everyone froze, voices quieted, like mannequins in a store window. All eyes on Elizabeth and Luke as he grasped her legs tightly and she picked him up. Her eyes were glued to Jack's, searching his face for an answer, a confirmation, something… and all he could do was smile.
The shine in his eyes was everything.
Only seconds passed, but it felt like hours. After the initial shock wore off, Elizabeth beamed and squeezed him tightly. "I missed you, baby boy."
Luke released his death grip from her neck and peered at her. "Lukie not baby. Lukie big boy Mama!"
He said it again. She hadn't misheard. "Oh, you're right! I missed you, my big boy! Did you have fun with Daddy, Pa-paw Tom, Papa William, your Uncles and the kids?"
"Yes, come see, come see!" Luke wiggled out of her grasp and ran off to the den. Elizabeth followed him and discovered an intricate layout of tracks, complete with bridges and loops and at least a half-dozen trains cruising around it.
Much of Luke's loot from Christmas formed one long maze of track around the room. It was quite impressive. The older children began filling in the ladies on what they'd accomplished with the help of Jack, Tom, Henry, Ryan, Pa-paw Tom and Papa William.
The ladies looked down to see that the men had obviously enjoyed themselves just as much as, if not more than, the kids. Excitement was in the air and they were all seeking pats on the backs from their ladies for keeping the kids alive and entertained all day.
They were rewarded with many grateful kisses and hugs from their spouses and were treated to "dee-wish-us" pie that evening after dinner. Elizabeth couldn't have asked for a better, more delightful holiday. Without a doubt, she had received the best gift and everyone knew it.
Jack was deliriously happy. He stood in the doorway watching Luke sit in Elizabeth's lap. Luke was still wearing nothing but his Thomas underwear and his boots. He insisted on taking off all his clothes when he went to the bathroom, but they'd work through that. Jack chuckled to himself as he silently watched the two great loves in his life.
Luke's declaration was like the checkered flag Jack had been waiting for. Not wanting to appear like he was rushing headfirst into something again, he had been hesitant to set a plan in motion. He had known she'd say 'yes' without a doubt before now, and her parents didn't hesitate to give him their support. Luke had really been the final stamp of approval. Jack knew after the past few days that both families were already connected and had blended together beautifully.
And now Luke was calling her "Mama."
And she beamed every time he said it.
So did Jack.
A quiet evening at home was just what they needed after the bustling holiday they'd just spent at the farm with both families in attendance. Everyone had gone their separate ways to recuperate.
Elizabeth and Jack settled into the couch downstairs while Luke alternated between all of his new trains and hiding inside the tee-pee in his 'setwet hideowt.'
Their conversation started out light, but went deeper as midnight grew nearer. New Year's Eve doesn't look the same for couples with a toddler as it does for singles. They knew they should go to bed, but the conversation flowed like a fountain in the spring as Luke snuggled with Elizabeth.
After she explained more about the farm and what her family was really like when she was growing up, Jack asked Elizabeth if she had any regrets.
She thought about it for a while, giving it serious thought before answering. "You know, I don't think I do. Younger Elizabeth did some stupid things, don't get me wrong. My parents say that I've always been the 'spirited' child, which really just means I was a handful," she chuckled. "But I never got into any real trouble, you know? I think that I was always aware that people were watching us. And I didn't really understand why or what the big deal was, but my Dad always told us to keep our heads down and to behave. It wasn't spoken as a threat, but we understood that we should listen because of the way he said it. The sincere look in his eyes."
"Have you ever had any issues with the media?"
"Not really for me, I don't guess. They had a field day when Julie got married right after high school. Henry was her high school sweetheart, but he hadn't really been in the press with us much at all, so everyone assumed she was pregnant." She rolled her eyes hard. "You should have seen the stories about my Dad 'forcing her to get married' and 'baby out of wedlock.' It was ridiculous. I think at that point, my Dad realized that totally blocking the media out was a bad idea. Julie and Henry had been dating since they were freshmen in high school. We had grown to love Henry as a part of our family and knew they were going to get married. She was young, no doubt, but my parents got married at 19 and they've been married for 35 years."
Jack furrowed his eyes slightly, pursing his lips. "But, Taylor? How old is Taylor again?"
Elizabeth grinned. She watched him doing the math. "Yeah, they didn't wait long, which just made the frenzy worse. Taylor's four. Julie got pregnant about 2 months into the marriage. They planned her though. Julie always knew she wanted to be a Mom, even when we were little kids. People would ask her what she wanted to be when she grew up and she always said she wanted to be a Mom."
"And you? What did you want to be?"
She shrugged, a smirk on her pink lips. "Depended on the day. For a while I told people I wanted to be Princess Leia. Then I went through a Princess Belle phase," she winked at him. "Then a veterinarian, and an actress. I couldn't really ever decide. But I loved teaching and bossing my sisters around. I think my Mom knew even back then that I had the most potential as far as going into the business somehow. My parents always seem to know what's going to happen before it actually happens." She squinted, recalling how her Mom had purchased the 'Luke' train weeks ago and her Mom had assumed they were engaged on Jack's birthday.
"So you never wanted to be a Mom?"
She could tell that the question was a hard one for him to ask. "Of course I did! I just didn't envision myself being a 'traditional, stay-at-home Mom' like Julie did. She is all in and loves it. Not that there's anything wrong with that at all. She's so good at it, and so are Natalie and Violet. I just didn't think I'd be good at it all the time and assumed I'd keep working."
Jack nodded his head, as if her answer sounded reasonable, and looked down at Luke sleeping in her lap, her fingers twirling through his curls mindlessly. "I think you underestimate yourself. I think you'd be terrific, but I trust you to make the right decision for you."
After a lengthy conversation about kids and timelines and careers, they eased into the subject of Faith's family and how they would breach telling them about Elizabeth. They agreed that they didn't want them to find out via the media and that it should definitely come from Jack.
Elizabeth sat up straighter and looked Jack in the eye. "If you could go back now and tell 'younger Jack' anything, what would you tell him?"
Jack stared at the fire so long that Elizabeth wondered if he was ever going to answer. He seemed in such deep thought that she didn't want to interrupt him. Finally, he spoke softly and she saw his eyes glistening. The painful history creeping out of the creases in his forehead.
"If I could go back 2.5 years Elizabeth… to younger Jack… to broken Jack. I'd tell him that there will be a day when it will all be worth it. On the days that I had trouble even getting out of bed. On the days I couldn't put my feet on the floor for myself, but did it for Luke. In the moments where I saw his tears and I resented him for needing me," he grimaced, the thoughts obviously agonizing to him. "In the moments when I didn't think I could take another step…
"I'd tell younger Jack to get up. To get dressed. And to go see you. To let you take care of Luke on the days I could barely force myself to eat. And I'd tell myself not to beat myself up over letting him need you too. I'd tell myself not to feel guilty because he was falling in love with you and needed you like he needed me."
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. "I remember watching you with him and I was jealous for so long. It seemed so easy for you to care for him—not just his needs, but the way you looked at him. Almost like he was your own, even then. And part of me wished that he was yours and not mine… because I didn't feel good enough. I was too broken. It was hard for me to love him knowing what his life had cost me."
Elizabeth sat quietly, lost in the sadness and brutal honesty coming from his beautiful mouth.
"I didn't carry him inside my body like she did. I didn't feel like a dad until they put him in my arms. And then there I was, a 12-hrs-old father and my wife was gone. The wife I barely knew in the first place. And then my tough-as-nails Dad drove me to see a counselor, making me go because he knew I needed to go even if I denied it. And he knew I wouldn't go unless he forced me. So he sat outside in the waiting room each time, ensuring I got what I needed even if it was by force.
The respect Elizabeth had for Tom, Sr. was growing by leaps and bounds. She was quickly realizing how blessed Jack was to have his parents. And now I'll have them too.
"And I have to tell you that it made all the difference. I'd tell younger Jack not to feel ashamed or weak because I needed help. I'd tell younger Jack to accept the hugs and to let the tears fall and to not feel lesser because of it. I feel closure because of all of that stuff, Ellie. And I'd tell younger Jack that after he finally felt that closure, that he shouldn't feel guilty about being happy again… about looking for the rainbow."
He turned to face Elizabeth again, taking her hand in his while and staring into her tear-filled eyes. Both of them listening to the glorious sound of Luke's calm breathing, lost in dreams of trains, his cousins and Christmas.
"You are my rainbow, Elizabeth. You are not my savior, nor my salvation. But you are the love that has kept every promise and every hope for me alive. You are my forever. You didn't save me from the pain of sadness, of loss, of disappointment and failure. You just picked me up from those things and showed me that hope remained.
"For the sheer joy of getting to be this little boy's Daddy, I'd do it all over again. Over and over, I would. Especially if it brought me back to this day. A day where I'm sitting next to the woman of my dreams and listening to my beautiful son sleep in her lap, on the back end of a Christmas that felt like a fairytale. I'd tell younger Jack that life was going to suck for a little while, but the bright light on the other side would be the most incredible thing he'd ever seen or felt."
Her breaths were slow and shallow. No adequate words came. But the love was spilling out of her eyes for this man that had lived through something truly horrific. A man that had every reason to give up, but didn't. He had fought and clawed his way back and had somehow landed himself in her den, sitting on her couch in front of her fire, watching his son sleep in her lap.
In our den…
Sitting on our couch…
In front of our fire…
Watching our son sleep in my lap.
The thought more than startled her. "Jack." She paused, not entirely sure what to say or how to say it. "I love you and Luke more than my own existence, but I don't ever want to replace Faith in your life, or in Luke's. Her role in all of this was, and still is, monumental. She brought Luke into this world and I want him to know about her and I don't want you to forget her. I would love to be a part of your life when you're ready, but I need you to know that."
Jack watched her throat as she swallowed and knew that this this was all so messy. She probably hadn't counted on him waylaying her with history so cutting when she'd posed the question. He leaned forward to her, placing a hand on each side of her jaw, running his thumbs down her cheeks. "Elizabeth, I'll never forget Faith and what she gave me because I have a daily reminder slobbering and climbing all over me. But I can promise you that I will never compare you to her. Because I value you way too much to reduce you to 'my second wife.'"
He pressed his forehead to hers, looking into her eyes in a way that made the marrow in her bones crackle with heat.
"You will be my wife. The one I will love and protect with all of me. The one I will treasure for as long as I get to have you and as long as you put up with me… which I hope is forever. And as for that little boy… I'll tell him about Faith when the time is right. He'll know as much as he wants to know when he's ready to know it. Right now, you are his Mama, Ellie. You're all he knows. I know that it shocked everyone, me included, when he blurted that out at your parents'. But he was right. Ellie… he is your child just as much as he is mine. And one of these days when you least expect it, I'm going to put a ring on your finger and you will be mine too."
The grandfather clock chimed a dozen times as his lips covered hers, making her toes curl with an excitement that coursed through every cell of her body.