After nearly a week doing nothing but laying around and healing, I was bored in the hospital. That was an understatement.
Four days after surgery, my head didn't hurt so much anymore and I began to feel more and more like myself. Day five, they removed the ICP monitor and moved me to the general pediatrics floor instead of the PICU and cut the morphine completely, thank God. I hated the foggy feeling that accompanied it.
As soon as I recovered from the removal of the ICP monitor, I met with a SHIELD psychologist. It was uncomfortable, to say the least. I tried to avoid talking about what had happened at all costs. It was obvious that the guy wasn't good with kids, and I hoped that I wouldn't have to see him again. It seemed that he wasn't informed about my past in Tempe, and I was grateful for that. But he kept trying to needle me about what exactly had happened in the Red Room, and I just simply wasn't ready to talk about it with anyone. I wanted to pretend like it hadn't happened, like I wasn't mutated, like I couldn't feel the energy bubbling under my skin whenever my emotions got the better of me. I hadn't broken the hospital yet, at least.
It was hard to believe two weeks ago I hadn't been kidnapped. The torture from the Red Room, though it was still fresh in my mind, seemed insignificant compared to the screams of the citizens from Sokovia. Although I hadn't had a nightmare- probably due to the drugs they had me on- the screams, Pietro's death, and the face of the metal armed man from the Red Room haunted me in the dark hospital room before I fell asleep. The calming green glow from Nova's consciousness combined with Tony's snoring was the only thing that kept me calm enough to fall asleep.
During the day, I was able to ignore my dark thoughts to an extent. Some of the Avengers (minus Vision, he was staying with Wanda- I had been told that she was inconsolable during Pietro's memorial, and she was attached to Vision now in what I assumed was the same way I was attached to Nova ) would stay with me during visiting hours. Mostly it was Natasha, sometimes with Bruce, who were now openly dating, but usually everyone was there in the evenings and we'd play a board game of some sort.
I liked the visits, although them babying me was getting pretty irritating. For starters, they still didn't let me watch the news, although they informed me that world knew that I was Tony's daughter now. This had shocked me, but the only aspect of it that really upset me was that it would be harder for me to blend in now. I liked that Tony had apparently had a press conference and bragged about me for (Pepper told me) twenty minutes straight. I liked that he was proud that I was his daughter.
On the other hand, I had gathered from side comments the nurses and the Avengers made that the world wasn't exactly happy about Sokovia combusting miles up into the air. It was confirmed whenever Tony or Steve would abruptly change the subject whenever I tried to mention anything about the battle or training. I had a feeling that they didn't want to think about the civilians that didn't make it or the backlash from the rest of the world. I didn't blame them.
But what was bothering me most, more than the Avengers walking on eggshells around me, the fact that I couldn't suppress my memories, or the possible public's opinion of the Avengers, was the conversation I had with Fury. I knew that he was right in that I couldn't exactly help the Avengers. I was a kid. I didn't have much going for me, just what Natasha, Steve, and Clint had taught me in about six weeks' time and a mutation that I didn't really know how to use. The only thing that I had was my brain, which was going around in circles, trying to figure out how to move forward from here. I wanted to stay with my family, but I knew I needed to train. I needed SHIELD.
I didn't get an opportunity to tell the Avengers about my aspirations until a week after I had woken up. All of the Avengers (besides Vision; Vision couldn't exactly go out in public, being basically a floating death ray) were visiting me; Pepper was not. This was lucky for me; I knew that Pepper didn't see me as a genius-mutant-child; she just saw me as a child. That wouldn't help my case.
In celebration of the hospital finally letting me eat whatever I wanted, we were officially having the 'We Saved the World From Almost Ending' party. After the Battle of New York, they had apparently eaten shawarma; this time, it was a bunch of different French cuisine, which I decided wasn't my favorite but I didn't complain. The creme brulee was amazing, at least.
It wasn't until the food was almost gone that I found my opportunity. I had been quiet all night, trying to figure out how to approach the subject of me potentially getting trained as an Avenger. It was Steve that had brought it up.
"Sam got back to me this morning, by the way; he's in. October first, we're going in," he said casually.
I immediately zeroed in on their conversation, although I had previously been listening to Clint and Tony argue over who was going to win the College Football National championship; Clint was rooting for the Iowa Hawkeyes, while Tony said over and over again that he'd place money on USC. It was hard to ignore them; Clint was sitting by the head of my bed on the left, Tony on the right, and they were talking across me.
"I'm telling you, Barton, the only reason why you root for that second-rate team is because you're basically their mascot_"
"Stark, you went to MIT. Go root for their football team and leave mine alone- oh, wait. MIT's football team is a joke," Clint jested, throwing a piece of baguette at Tony's head.
I did my best to ignore the flying food and zero in on the conversation that Natasha and Steve were having. Wanda, who had previously been hanging out on the windowsill, also looked around in interest.
"Yeah, Rhodes said that he'd be in as well," Natasha said, trying to keep her voice low. "Sam, Rhodes, Wanda, and Vision. That'll be a good group. It'll be awhile before we can really integrate them into the team_"
"Wait, what?" I asked crossly, abandoning any hope of stealthily listening in on their conversation. Everyone else went quiet. "Wanda's joining the Avengers? Vision and Rhodey are too? And who the hell is Sam? But Fury and you guys won't let me join?" I knew that I sounded like a petulant child, but I didn't care at the moment. Didn't they trust me?
Tony stopped bantering with Clint and looked at me with an uncomfortable expression on his face. "Didn't we tell you that we're adding Rhodey, Vision, Wanda, and Steve's BFF Falcon to the Avengers team? No? Musta slipped my mind," he said, gesturing wildly.
I fixed him with the unamused glare that I had learned from Pepper. "And why wasn't I invited?"
"Oh, just the fact that you're twelve. And have a brain injury. And have a habit of making terrible decisions-"
"Hey, guys? Give us a minute?" Tony asked, cutting off Natasha mid-tirade.
"Yeah, sure thing," Steve said, hopping up. From the hasty way the rest of the Avengers trekked out, I could tell they knew it was about to be a battle between Tony and I.
The door closed and Tony and I were silent, contemplating each other with stubborn expressions on our faces. He had gotten to his feet and was pacing. I had my arms wrapped around my knees, Nova clenched in my right hand.
"I don't understand why you guys won't let me join the Avengers," I finally said, looking down at my knees. "Fury just gave me some answer about you guys not needing the skill set that I have. But Rhodey- he has a suit, Dad. The Avengers already has an Iron Man. What gives?"
"You want to know the real reason why you're not joining the Avengers?" Tony asked me bluntly. Without waiting for an answer, he continued, "We can't trust you."
This stopped me cold. "What do you mean, you can't trust me?" I spluttered. "I did everything I could to help you guys stop Ultron-"
"Oh, we trust you to step in front of a bullet for us, sure," Tony continued, like I hadn't spoken. "But that's Rogers' gig. We need to be able to trust that you'll follow any order given, instantly. You do understand, that by disobeying us- by disobeying me- you could have died, right?" He started pacing.
"I fought with a concussion. So?" I sneered. "I've had to do a lot harder stuff, a lot more injured. Perks of the shit I went through why you were off being a playboy- I can work through the pain."
My words cut him; I could tell. I hadn't meant it like that. But before I could apologize, Tony slammed his fist on the table. I flinched.
"Okay, Holly? First thing; next time you swear, you're out of the lab for a week," Tony said testily. "Second thing, you don't live that life anymore. You are safe here. Me, Pepper, and the rest of the Avengers- we're here to protect you. But you gotta work with us, Holls. You can't just throw yourself into the mix whenever you feel like it. You have to do your part to protect yourself, too. Your brain injury almost killed you- it would have, if it weren't for Dr. Strange. Do you even understand what could have happened to you?" Tony asked, getting frustrated.
"Dad_"
"As it is, you can't fight now, anyway. If you get hit in the head, anywhere in the head, you'll go down, likely killed, instantly. It's too risky to even consider training you for any physical aspect of SHIELD now, maybe in a few months_"
"I understand," I interrupted him impatiently. "But HYDRA is still out there, still hurting people. We need to stop them. I need to be prepared for next time. I can wait until my head heals, but I am going to fight them." Why couldn't Tony see the bigger picture?
"There won't be a next time. Not for a long time," Tony said sternly. "Not until you're an adult."
"But Dad!" I exclaimed, running my hands over my face. "HYDRA_"
Tony stopped pacing, walked over, and stooped slightly so he was at my eye level. "Holly Maria Stark," he said, an uncurrent to his tone that made me realize he was close to losing his temper. "HYDRA would eat you alive. They would literally kick your scrawny butt into the next century. We're not gonna pick a twelve year old armed with a butter knife to send out when there's the Hulk next to her." He started pacing again. "Basically, what I'm saying is, you're not even close to being ready to go."
I took a deep breath. He was right. "I know. I understand. But when can I start training so that if there is a next time- even if that next time is when I'm an adult- I won't get my butt kicked?"
Tony sighed. "Holly, why do you have to join this fight? How come you want to?"
"I'm a mutant," I began.
"Oh, don't give me that," Tony snapped.
I glared at him. "I wasn't finished yet." He shrugged, gestured for me to continue. "I got kidnapped, and I have these mutant abilities, and I'm a genius. I could help people_"
"You could help people by becoming a bioengineer, too," Tony interrupted again.
"Dad, if you interrupt me one more time, I'm telling Natasha you're the one that ate her Red Vines."
He shot me a look of mock terror. "Fine. Continue."
"I could help protect people that can't protect themselves. I know that I can't yet, but if I trained... " I trailed off.
Tony looked careworn. "You can't physically fight because of your head. That doesn't exactly give you a lot of training options, kid. Besides, even if you didn't have a head injury, there's a lot of hoops you have to jump through to get into SHIELD. You now have to see a psychologist, for one. Then there's years of training. You can't just become an agent, just like you can't just become an Avenger."
"Wanda's joining," I muttered bitterly.
"Wanda's going to be trained to join," Tony cut me off as he sat down. "You know that even though she's being trained, it doesn't automatically give her a pass to join, right? She's gotta prove herself; just like Rhodey, Vision, and Sam. You know, I almost wasn't able to become an Avenger. Before New York, they rejected me for the Avengers Initiative."
That distracted me. "What? Why?"
He grinned ruefully. "Something about not playing well with others."
I sighed. It wasn't going to be as easy as I thought it would be; I wouldn't just be able to skip my way onto the team. "What next? Where do we go from here?"
"Well, there is some sort of training exercise you could do, but you're going to hate it," Tony said, smirking as he leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.
"Bring it," I said in my toughest voice.
"Well, you need to figure out how to lie. How to blend in. So you go undercover. Fake name, change your appearance, pretend to be about fourteen- and you go attend high school."