(( Yay J I'm so happy to see that there are literally hundreds of people reading my story xD I was like OMIGOSH! Haha :D Anywho, here is chapter 21. Sorry I couldn't upload it the day before :S For some reason I think the fan is busted on my laptop so now it keeps overheating al the time and turning off on its own _ Really sucky if you ask me -o- Anyways, here we go with another chapter J I hope you all enjoy it! ^w^

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter. I only wish I could come up with as extravagant a story as J.K. Rowling did D; ))

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Lilia watched as Filch the caretaker nailed yet another rule into the wall at Hogwarts, right outside the Great Hall so each student couldn't possibly miss the rules Umbridge wanted enforced at the legendary wizarding school. She narrowed her eyes at the new rule, which stated Umbridge had replaced Dumbledore as head of Hogwarts school.

She turned away and headed into the great hall, feeling just about ready to throw a temper tantrum from all these horrible and stupid rules which Umbridge had created for the student body to obey. It seemed with her latest take over of the position of Headmistress she took her power to a new extreme, apparently having given out detentions with the use of her quill to the entire group which had come to be identified as Dumbledore's Army.

In a way, Lilia had to commend the Potter boy for going about under Umbridge's nose the entire time with this secret group. Apparently it had been going on for quite some time as well. It made Lilia think of her lesson that evening which she knew without a doubt Snape would keep going, somehow knowing he wouldn't be one to submit quietly to one of Umbridge's ridiculous rules. After all, as far as she knew, he was still giving Harry his lessons at night in Occlumency as well.

Taking her seat, she grabbed a bit of breakfast for herself, hoping to avoid Dawn that morning. She wasn't exactly thrilled about Dawn constantly pestering her about who she was sneaking away into the night to see. Really, how on earth was Lilia supposed to casually bring up the fact that she was SORTOF possibly seeing Professor Snape. Simple, she just didn't.

Besides, she still wasn't entirely sure if they really were seeing each other. It was clear enough he had wanted to kiss her, and she him, but it was only twice and since then, he hadn't acted any differently towards her. At least not that she could see with the naked eye.

She was just about to finish breakfast and get up when Dawn slammed herself down into the spot next to Lilia and smirked.

"Thought you could avoid me so easily, did you, Gunner?" she asked with a cheeky grin. With that, she spun a bit to face the table and began to eat her own breakfast. "Alright, so spill. Who is it?" she asked without waiting or even a simple good morning.

Lilia shrugged and casually looked away.

Dawn narrowed her eyes. "Oh don't give me that. Why do you keep trying to hide it?" she mock pouted.

Lilia looked at her and raised a brow. "Because I enjoy tormenting you. It's so much fun," she said, repeating Dawn's words the other night.

Dawn looked at Lilia, her breakfast pastry stopping halfway to her mouth. "Oh my. Did you really just make a joke there, Lilia?" Dawn smirked.

Lilia rolled her eyes and looked out longingly towards the entrance to the Great Hall. She desperately wanted to get to class and then finish everything for the day merely so she could see Snape again. It was a bit disturbing for her to want so badly for one class to come, especially the one so latest in the day. She hated the nagging feeling it brought when she would glance at the time and see there were still several hours to go before she could have her lessons.

Dawn nudged her and frowned. "Come on, another hint at least," she said.

Lilia sighed and gave it some thought then looked at Dawn. "He has black hair too," she said calmly.

Dawn groaned. "Come on, you must give me something a little more specific than that," she whined. "It's so hard if you tell me traits that the majority of the students here have. I mean, sure there are just as many brunettes as blondes, but still," she pouted. "It's so cruel of you to keep me so in the dark," she said dramatically.

Lilia almost had to smile at her friend's comment, almost, then stood and yawned softly. "I suppose I'll see you later in Potions," she said, turning to go.

Dawn watched her friend go and then sighed, finishing her breakfast quickly after and then went to her first class of the morning as well.

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"Feeling sentimental?" Snape asked Harry, clearly having invaded his mind with ease again.

Harry panted and looked at the potions professor angrily. "That's private!" he gasped.

"Not to me…" Snape said coldly. "And not to the Dark Lord if you don't improve," he said. He leaned close to Harry then. "Every memory he has access to is a weapon he can use against you. You won't last two seconds if he invades your mind," he told him seriously. With that he narrowed his eyes slightly. "You're just like your father. Lazy, arrogant," Snape told Harry.

Lilia leaned against the door to the other room, listening to the things Snape said and frowned, wondering why he was so spiteful towards Harry. As far as she knew, the boy hadn't actually done anything personal to Snape, and yet the way he spoke to him seemed very personal.

"Don't say a word against my father!" Harry cried out.

"Weak," Snape snapped.

"I'm not weak!"

"Then prove it," Snape said insistently. "Control your emotions. Discipline your mind." He frowned and raised his wand again, pointing it at Harry and spoke the word which would gain him entry to the fifth year's thoughts and emotions. After a few mere seconds, Snape spoke again before he let go. "I may vomit…" he commented on whatever he was seeing.

"Stop it!" Harry gasped from the other room.

Lilia remained silent in the dark room, grateful for the open window in the upper corner which let in some moonlight, rather than it being pitch black where she stood, waiting for Harry to finish she her own lessons could resume.

"Is this what you call control..?" Snape taunted calmly.

"We've been at it for hours! If I could just rest," Harry almost pleaded.

Snape quickly came at Harry, the fifteen year old stumbling back up against a desk. "The Dark Lord isn't resting," Snape told him firmly. "You and Black, you're two of a kind, sentimental children, forever whining about how bitterly unfair your lives have been," Snape said coldly, hatred in his eyes, thinking about his own past and how unfair and cruel it had turned out, but also of Lilia and her past and currently life, who stood just a few meters away in another room, listening to what he was saying. "Well, it may have escaped your notice, but life isn't fair," he told him, glaring at the boy. "Your blessed father knew that, in fact he frequently saw to it," he stated.

"My father was a great man!" Harry said defensively, glaring at Snape.

Snape glared back and roughly grabbed Harry's shirtfront, tossing him back into the chair. "Your father was a swine," Snape said matter of factly.

Lilia frowned, glancing at the wood of the door itself, wondering what on earth had made Snape react so cruelly to Harry of all people. She guessed they must have been close in age, maybe even in the same age group when they were in school, but what had actually transpired between them to make Snape carry over his hate for James Potter on to Harry even after all this time?

Just as Snape was about to enter Harry's mind yet again, Harry exclaimed a counter spell and entered Snape's instead.

There was only a moment of quiet and then Snape cried out "Enough!"

Lilia swallowed and held her breath, wondering what Harry had seen in Snape's mind that she herself might never even imagine.

"Enough…" Snape said in an almost acid tone, clutching onto the table for support. Snape approached Harry with a very serious and gaunt expression upon his face. "Your lessons are at an end…" he told him, clutching his shirt front up roughly in the air. When Harry tried to speak in defence of himself, Snape cut him off. "Get… out…" he told him, relinquishing his hold on him, watching as Harry left his line of vision and then the classroom itself.

Snape stood silently for a moment, then managed to move, heading to the room where Lilia was in and opened the door, walking in silently. He then looked at Lilia with a cold frown and gestured for her to leave.

She stood, looking up at him in concern. "Professor?" she whispered.

"Go…" he said. "Your lessons are postponed for tonight…" he said, much too angered to deal with even her.

Lilia looked at him and saw that there was something very wrong going on inside his mind. "Snape…?" she asked quietly, for the first time feeling concern for the older man. She approached him when he didn't respond, placing a hand upon his arm and looking up at him. "Severus?" she whispered.

Snape glanced at her when she used his first name and met her gaze, staring into those green eyes. Green eyes so much like another girl's… a girl he'd never gotten the chance to hold or touch or kiss. But here stood Lilia, quite possibly the one that he could do all the things with, which he'd been so cruelly torn away from long before. "What?" he asked finally.

She looked at him and swallowed, wanting to somehow be there for him, the way he had been there for her when she was in pain, albeit a different form of it. But she didn't know what specifically was wrong, and so didn't know how to truly comfort him. She'd never comforted anyone in her life. So she merely slid her arms around his waist from behind and rested her cheek against his backside, closing her eyes. "Please don't send me away tonight…" she whispered. "We don't have to do lessons, honest. I just don't want to leave right now," she said.

Snape stared ahead, feeling a guilty and sorrowful pang in his heart. Lilia couldn't possibly understand how he felt right at that moment. She was not only just a child, but it wasn;t exactly a situation he could simply sit her down to and tell her like it was nothing… because it wasn't nothing. He still loved Lily. He always had and he knew he always would. But then there was Lilia… someone who was alive while Lily lay dead for years now. Lilia was the one who held onto him even if she had no reason to, who stood by his side right at this moment, knowing something was troubling him but refusing to leave, while Lily had refused to know him any more after he'd used a derogatory word towards his beloved friend. He felt guilt worm its way into his heart at the thought of Lilia possibly harbouring feelings for him after they had kissed so willingly with one another, while he himself did care for her, but also still loved someone else who couldn't be replaced in his heart.

He finally looked down at the small arms around his waist which tried to desperately to convey comfort to him. He reached up and placed his hands over hers gently, not saying anything for some time. "I think it is time for you to go to bed, Miss. Gunner…" he said finally.

She opened her eyes and slowly let go, looking up at him. She slid her hands away and then looked down, feeling defeated and useless by his essential rejection. She stepped away and then slowly turned, reaching for the door. She opened it but was startled when a hand came from above her and slammed it closed again.

She felt fear spread like wildfire throughout her body for a moment, but relaxed when that same hand slid down over her own and gently touched her skin. She swallowed and slowly turned around, looking up at Snape, shocked to see the pained look that briefly flitted through his eyes.

She reached up, feeling a painful stab in her heart, her hands delicately reaching up to cup Snape's face, her fingers softly tracing over the lines in his face, over his imperfect nose which she'd come to love seeing each morning… over his lips which had felt so perfectly moulded to her own a little while ago… Her eyes met his and for a moment she was unsure and hesitant as to whether or not she should continue such intimate movements, but those doubts and fears slipped away when his hand cupped her right cheek and brought her lips to his, kissing her for the third time.

She let her eyes slip closed and slowly slid her arms around his neck, her fingers very gently tangling loosely into his jet black hair which was surprisingly pleasant to the touch. She felt his hands slide to her waist and draw her closer than before, firmly pressing their bodies together while she parted her lips against his, inviting him into her mouth, which he more than willingly complied with, slipping his tongue in to explore the wet cavern of her mouth. She blushed and tried to stifle a groan which escaped her at the pleasant feeling of their tongues curiously entwining within their mouths.

Snape was a little surprised at the soft groan which escaped his student, but felt the man in him desire more of that sound, pressing her even more firmly to the door while she instinctually manoeuvred herself higher, her leg hiking up onto his hip.

He got the message and lifted her up higher, smirking into the kiss when she wrapped her legs around his waist and pressed closer to him.

Both were fierce and desperate in their motions, desiring comfort and love from one another which had for so long been denied to the two of them.

After some time, Lilia pulled away and rested her forehead against Snape's, both of them panting softly after such an intense kiss… or more like a make out session in Lilia's mind. A good one, though, she thought. She opened her eyes and looked into his, feeling a strange sensation deep inside her as she held onto him, firmly held between her professor and the door behind her back. "Professor…" she whispered, unsure what to call him now.

"Severus…" he murmured, reaching up to brush back a section of her hair and looked back into her eyes.

She looked into his eyes then and slowly slid herself down off him and back to the floor, looking away abashedly. "Severus…" she said softly, sounding out the name which had been given with permission by her professor to use now. She lifted her eyes and looked up at him. "What… what exactly, am I to you?" she asked him softly.

He frowned, looking at her calmly. "You are my student first anf foremost," he answered without hesitation.

She felt disappointment wash over her at his words and she had to force herself to swallow the sob which had so suddenly tried to come up.

"However…" he said and smirked. "In private… I'm not entirely sure myself…" he said calmly. "You must remember, this isn't the sort of relationship we can casually bring into the open," he explained.

She looked surprised by the word 'relationship'.

He paused and frowned at her. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, go on," she said quickly.

He looked at her suspiciously and then sighed. "As I was saying… this is private… If others were to learn of it not only would they be appalled by the significant age difference between us, but I can assure you I would lose my job and you very well would be expelled for involving yourself with a professor. It must not be divulged to anyone besides ourselves," he said seriously.

She knew it was true, so she nodded. "I understand. It's a secret I promise not to tell to anyone," she assured him.

He smirked and nodded, watching her for a moment.

She watched him as well, and then realized why he was staring. She was smiling. Truly smiling. The realization made her gasp and cover her mouth quickly, her cheeks turning bright pink.

Snape smirked and turned away. "Goodnight, Miss. Gunner," he told her.

She nodded, biting her lower lip and reached for the door again. She then paused and looked up at him. "Lilia," she said.

He frowned and looked over his shoulder at her. "Excuse me?"

"Lilia… I want you to call me by my name from now on when we're in private," she said, hoping he would.

He narrowed his eyes, unsure if this was a good idea or not, but then nodded. "Alright…" he said and then waved her away.

She nodded and closed the door behind her, heading to the Slytherin common room for the night.

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He wanted to strangle something. He wanted to break everything around him and scream in agony over the guilt he now felt. Instead of sending her off to be,d he'd gone ahead and kissed her again, this time with far more passion than he thought he could possible muster for someone other than Lily.

Lily…

His heart ached over the thought of the woman he had always loved so dearly in his heart, even if it was secret to only himself and Dumbledore.

He felt disgusted wit himself over the way he could love Lily so much and yet disrespect her memory by going ahead and feeling things for a girl like Lilia.

Lilia….

How could he possibly look himself in the mirror now, knowing he'd gone ahead and confirmed that they were in fact in some sort of relationship now, when he still loved another, even if she was dead and had been for some time.

He leaned forward against his desk and closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath, feeling horribly conflicted on the inside. Not only was it unfair to himself, but it was horribly unfair to Lilia to do this to her. It would only hurt her… .completely crush her in the end if she ever knew.

So he decided. He would do everything he could to keep it from her. He could not risk losing her, not when they could have so much together if things went well. He wanted her to trust him and care for him the way he did her… He wanted her, and would do everything he could to keep her, even if it meant hiding certain parts of himself from her.

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(( BUM BUM BUMMMMMM lol :P Chapter 21! ^^ I hope you all liked it :D I hope it was as dramatic and :O as I wanted it to be xD Again, sometimes it might seem like one step forward and two steps back because OBVIOUSLY Snape is conflicted with this whole thing for more than one reason, and also, Snape is so anti social and introverted and Unemtoional xD Which he clearly isn't when he's all over Lilia like he was here *waggles eyebrows* xDDD Nah, I'm just trying to convey his frustration as well as desires in a way that makes sense and is realistic, so I HOPE I'm doing a decent job of it J Please review and lemme know what you think ^^ ))