Hey,

So I just have one question. For the next chapter, I was wondering if you wanted me to write some of it in Derek's point of view, you'll understand better at the end.. it would be half Derek's point of view and half Julia's like the chapter I did with Amelia and Julia. That way, I'll be able to have more Derek and Addison moments in the next chapter, as some of you have been asking for. Let me know what you think!

Thanks. Enjoy reading.

Chapter Twenty One

The human body is made up of systems that keep it alive.

There's the onethat keeps you breathing, and the one that keeps you standing.

The one that makes you hungry, and that one that makes you happy.

They're all connected. Take apiece out, and everything else falls apart.

And it's only when our support systems look like they might fail us that we realize how much

we depended on them all along.

- Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

Bright lights are everywhere. They are like sunshine but only brighter. And it can't be sunshine, because I'm not outside. I'm lying on a mattress. I can't remember how I got here. I don't even know where here is. I know I came here with Peter though. I remember getting into his car, and having to drink a warm milkshake. He told me if I drank it, we could go on the ferryboat. Of course I really wanted to go, because ferryboats are my favourite things in the whole entire world, other then Aunt Amelia of course, but she doesn't count anymore because she's dead. For a second, I think I am dead too. Maybe the big bright lights I am seeing are heaven. I wonder if that is where Aunt Amelia is because Dr. Montgomery and my superhero daddy didn't fix her. I wonder if it is finally my turn to go to heaven. Maybe if I crawl through the lights, I will get to heaven. So, I begin to crawl. I crawl until I fall off the mattress and land on the ground with a thump. "Where do you think you're going pretty girl?" A deep voice asks. I'm then getting picked up, and thrown back down onto the mattress. Shivers go up my back and my hands onto my body as I realize my clothes have been taken off. "I'm going to heaven to see Aunt Amelia." I tell him, stumbling around looking for my clothes. Maybe you had to take your clothes off before you get into heaven. Aunt Amelia must be waiting with my clothes for me. Suddenly there is a lot of laughing. The laughing doesn't stop. "What the fuck did you get yourself into Peter?" The deep voice speaks again. I now know, as much as I wish I to be in heaven, I'm not. There probably wasn't even heaven to begin with, and this makes me really sad to know Peter is here too. "P…Peter?" I hold my naked body, trying to keep it warm. "Where are my clothes? I want to go. I don't want to be here anymore." I try to get up from the mattress, but feet walk up towards me, and hands grab me and hold me down on the mattress. "You promised me baby girl," I recognize Peter's voice. "You told me you would do what I wanted you too do." I tremble as his hands let go of me. "What do you want me to do?" I ask in barley a whisper, knowing there was no way out of this. "I want to be a vicious lion. I want to crawl around this mattress and pretend to be a lion. I want you to roar, baby. ROAR!" Peter yells, and I just sit there, not knowing what a roar of a lion sounds like. I never saw a lion before. Peter gets mad at me not doing anything, and grabs me by my braids, almost pulling my hair out of my head. "I don't know how to be a lion! Please Big Daddy! Please!" When Peter realizes what I am saying is true, he lets go of my hair. "Then we are going to have to go to the zoo," Peter acknowledges. "You are going to learn to be a lion. The best baby lion there can be." "Why do I have to be a lion without my clothes?" I wonder, confused. "Why do I have to learn to be a lion?" "Because you are going to be famous, baby." Peter kisses my lips. "You're going to make me a lot of money. Your videos are going to go all over the internet, all over the world. Everyone like me will know you. Baby girl, you are going to be a star." My eyes widen when he says this. And I leap up and put my arms around his neck and kiss Peter's cheek. He said I'd be a star. Everyone knows who movie stars are, not just people like Peter. So, me being a star will help my superhero daddy love me again. Aunt Amelia will be able to watch me from heaven. And now, I'll finally be able to find Dr. Montgomery. My seven year old life, couldn't get any better. Right now, I'm the luckiest kid alive.

To have a healthy life, you don't just need to have all your bodily systems working. I mean, yeah they're a big help, but they are only one part of the puzzle. And when they break apart, they aren't what we rely on to put us back together. We turn to the people we trust. We believe they know the answers. We think they can bring back light into the darkest of days. We want them to solve all our problems for us. The thing is though, is they have problems too, just like us. Problems, at the time we don't care about because we are to self centered on our own. We often forget these people are human beings. They're our support system. Family. Friends. Teachers. Priests. Social Workers. Doctors. They're the people we turn to when something goes wrong. I believe, to have a normal life, you have to have a support system. You have to have people who will stand behind the decisions you make and be there for you when things go over the edge. You need a support system because without one, you're life won't be normal. You'll be broken, broken like me. I never had a support system growing up. There weren't people to be there for me when everything fell apart. There where social workers. There were a lot of those. They came and went faster then a tortoise crossing the finish line. It was easy to tell they had lost hope too. Seeing so many children from such horrible back grounds, and never having a break through, most of my social workers didn't care anymore. You could see it in their eyes. Or when, they didn't know your background information and mixed up your file. Or confused you with another child they had on their caseload. There are so many things a social worker can do subconsciously to lose their clients trust. They're part of the reason why kids like me, are so messed up. Trust is the number one rule, in having a support system. If you can't trust your support system, how are they going to help fix you? How are all your other bodily systems going to fall into place? How will they know where to go? Our systems need guidance, and they won't start functioning again until they get that guidance. I've been saying all along that we seek guidance from our support systems. They direct us towards the right path. The rest of the fixing, that's up to us. We have to believe in our selves. We have to take the advice, guidance, and help, whatever our support systems have given us, and work towards the goal. Once you get to this goal, you'll fell proud, accomplished, and unstoppable. That's when our bodily systems start working again. Then, we'll begin setting more and more goals. Sometimes, we get over whelmed, and our goals don't get met. Our world comes crashing down on us. But, our support system will be there to catch us, to lift us up and put us in the right direction again. Our support systems are our lifelines. Without them, we'd be lost. So, think. Think long and hard about your own support system. Do you know whom yours consists of? Love them. Cherish them. Hold them close. Don't ever let them go. Do you have yours? I'm so close to having mine.

I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here, waiting for Mark, in Derek and Addison's brownstone, on their tan sofa staring out the large glass window in their living room, past the street and the other brick townhouses staring back at me to the promised view of Central Park. The sky that was once lit up by the sun was now dark. In place of the sun, was the moon of course and the light from the streetlights that flicked every so often. It was when the streetlights came on; I began to get doubtful about his appearance. Addison had asked Mark to come pick me up because she and Derek had a lunch date with old friends of theirs, Savannah and Weiss. They had left, ensuring me that Mark would be here in no more then five minutes to come pick me up. Little did they know, that those minutes turned into hours of me sitting and looking out the window waiting for him. During this time, I memorized every inch of their living room. The interior decorations, everything from the tan colored furniture, to the grayish blue walls matched perfectly. The deep rich chestnut brown colored coffee table which sat in the middle of the room, and the complementing picture frames and curtains gave it a much needed warmth. It was as if the living room had magically popped out of a very expensive catalogue. Despite the beautiful interior design the brownstone had, the townhouse seemed empty to me. So empty to a point were the brownstone seemed unlived in. Unlived in, unloved. Emotionally deprived. Neglected and broken. I was afraid that if I were to touch or move, the whole room would shatter into a million little pieces. That's why I forced myself to remember every detail of the room, incase it were to do so. I straighten up my back and cup my hands tighter on my lap, as I continue to wait patiently for Mark. Finally, after what seems like forever, a car pulls up into the driveway, its headlights blind me. I get up off the sofa, my legs feeling like Jell-O, and I wobble my way over to the front door of the brownstone, opening it up before Mark can get out of the car.

I have to admit, despite being extremely excited that Mark's finally here, I'm very angry with Mark for forgetting me today. I've have saved up enough energy from sitting around all day, that I am ready for a fight. I mean, here I was all along thinking Mark was my best friend. Now, I feel ashamed with myself to have thought of our relationship to be that way. Like seriously, what planet was I on? No grownup wants to waste their time being best friends with a kid. I didn't hurt over the whole him standing me up though. I hurt because I had broken all my rules with him. I had learned to trust him, something I haven't done with somebody in so long. And now, I regret everything I ever told Mark. Mark had probably stood me up, to go met up and have sex with some chick. I know I should be happy for him, for finally sleeping with someone else other then Addison, but I felt like he was betraying her. I felt like he was betraying me. I felt like he was betraying my family. And for that, I now understand why Derek can't stand Mark.

The front doors to the car opens, and it's not Mark that steps out of the drivers seat, but Derek, and Addison steps out of the passenger seat. Derek then opens the door to the back seat of the car and the silence of the night, is broken by a little girls giggles.

"I missed the brownstone so much Uncle Derek!" the girl laughs and stretches her arms out for Derek to pick her up.

"Your Aunt Addie and I missed having you sleepover Chloe!" Derek informs her. "It has been quiet in Seattle without having you around."

The little girl laughs at this, and I run my fingers through my hair laughing to myself, unable to believe what my father is saying. It's all bullshit. It's all lies. It has been anything but quiet between Derek, Addison and I. And if I throw Mark and Meredith in the mix, the fights Derek and Addison share are basically as loud as a rock concert. Somebody could pretty much hear the two of them yelling at each other from miles away. Quiet without Chloe? Bite my ass.

Derek takes the girl into his arms, closes the car door behind him. He joins Addison and the three of them make their way up the driveway. Like a picture perfect family. Something, I'm beginning to doubt Derek, Addison and I would ever be, at the rate we're going anyway. As I watch the three of them carry on, walking up the driveway, I can't help but feel replaced by the little girl in Derek's arms. If things had turned out differently, and my father had known about me my whole life, that little girl, could have been me seven years ago.

"To bad my Mommy had to go save people lives and couldn't come have movie night with us and Uncle Mark and Aunt Amelia too. Do you and Aunt Addie still save people lives?" Chloe wonders, feeling doubtful.

"We're still surgeons Chloe, if that's what you mean. What makes you think Derek and I weren't doctors?" Addison questions as they begin to climb the brown wooden steps to the entrance of their townhouse, towards where I'm standing, blocking there way inside.

"Because you don't live in New York anymore and don't like Uncle Mark because Mommy said he sold your practice. Is that why you don't like Uncle Mark?"

Derek and Addison let out sighs, as they are forced to come to a halt, unable to get passed me standing in the doorway, unless they, one shove me out of the way or two, ask me to move, or option three, or I let them in myself.

"I didn't realize we were going to have a welcoming committee," Derek jokes quickly, greeting me, using my presence as an excuse to change the subject. "Chloe you remember your cousin Julia right?" He then asks the child.

Chloe nods her head enthusiastically. "You played with me and my cousins at the beach house."

I stare blankly at her, not wanting to say anything to not just Chloe but Derek and Addison as well. Seeing how Derek and Addison act with Chloe makes me jealous of her. I'm jealous of how attached she is towards the two of them. I'm jealous of her innocence. When I was Chloe's age, I hardly had any innocence. By the time I was her age, I had seen and went through so many horrible things, that my innocence was gone. To me, it's not fair that she gets to have innocence when I never did. I'm so tempted to take it all away. I'm so tempted to tell her the truth about Derek and Addison. I'm so tempted to tell her Mark slept with Addison. I'm so tempted to tell her Derek left because of that. And because he left New York, he did not only leave Addison, but Chloe as well. I can't bring myself to tell her these things because as a child, you need innocence to survive. Sometimes I wonder how I was able to survive without innocence. I wouldn't be here right now, if I didn't have any to hold onto. So, I'm guessing somewhere some how, I was able to find some and hold onto it. I guess, I must have had some hope.

"Uncle Derek?" Chloe asks, as the three of them continue to stand waiting for me to move to let them inside. "How come my new cousin isn't a baby? Aren't new cousins supposed to be babies? Like Aunt Meaghan's baby?"

Derek lets out another sigh. He's clearly not sure how to answer Chloe's question. I'm kind of happy Chloe asked the question though. I have a perfect response to it.

"I used to be a baby. " I tell Chloe. "But your Uncle Derek never loved me. Even when I was a baby he didn't love me. So, because he couldn't love me, he couldn't bring himself to look after me when I was a baby. So he gave me to mommies and daddies that could. But those people where even meaner than him. They didn't love me either. And now he just feels bad about everything but he still doesn't love me and he's just letting me live with him because the place I go to get knew mommies and daddies is making him because none of the new mommies and daddies want me." I explain, the best I can to a six year old, yet trying to make Derek feel bad about himself at the same time. I do kind of regret saying what I just did, but I mean hey, Chloe did ask the question and I gave her an answer.

I'm surprised by my reaction to the little girl. So surprised to a point where I am shocked with myself. I've never said anything that hateful to a child. I've been so over filled with emotions lately; I can't seem to be able to control them. Without thinking, I reach for the door handle and with all the strength I have, I close the door in their faces. I quickly lock it, and turn around with my back against the door breathing hard.

On top of the jealously I have towards Chloe, I'm extremely furious with Mark. I don't want anything to do with him at the moment. How dear he come over for a movie night after standing me up all day. I just didn't get it. I'm also frustrated with the way Derek and Addison are handling this. Don't they see I'm upset about something? Haven't they figured out by now that I never went out with Mark all day? They forgot about me too. Didn't they think to ask about me when they called Mark about coming to the movie night? Putting all that aside, Derek and Addison then have the guts to bring their niece into this whole thing. I honest to God don't understand what they are thinking at times. The three of us are having a hard enough time getting along as it is. And now, they're bringing Chloe into the equation?

I'm honestly in no mood for a movie night and the only person I am relatively looking forward to seeing is my Aunt Amelia. Even with her coming, I kind of don't want to be involved in this thing. The whole Chloe being so attached to Derek and Addison thing reminds me of how attached I used to be with Aunt Amelia. She reminds me of me when I was younger. Back before I thought she died and everything was okay as long as we were together. But then, Aunt Amelia had to over dose, and then everything wasn't okay anymore. I got to have Aunt Amelia for only one summer. Chloe gets to have Aunt Amelia her whole life. The same goes for Derek and Addison. I wish I were able to have Derek and Addison my whole life because then, maybe Derek would love me the way he loves Chloe. Maybe, then I wouldn't be as screwed up as I am now.

"Hey Chickie!" Aunt Amelia greets me, letting herself into the guestroom before I can tell her to get out. "I heard you and Derek had a little fight. Is everything okay?"

I don't bother to look up at her. I don't really know what to say to her to be honest. Derek probably told her his side of the story and now she's been sent up here to play peacekeeper. I shrug my shoulders, hug my knees tighter to my chest and continue to stare at the chestnut brown paisley pattern on the comforter of the bed, which I had to say complimented the deep red bedroom walls very nicely.

Aunt Amelia walks over and climbs up onto my bed facing me. I try to focus my eyes on the bedspread by tracing my finger around the pattern. Concentrating on the pattern didn't help any, and I couldn't help myself but to glance up to Aunt Amelia. The fight Derek and I had before her and Mark got here, wasn't exactly little. None of our fights are little to say the least. Derek was more or less mad at me, for getting Chloe upset because she now apparently thought Derek was the meanest person in the world, and because he didn't love me as a baby, she thought Derek didn't love her either. Chloe cried uncontrollable sobs non-stop for half an hour while Derek blamed me for ruining the night, before it even started. He did admit however, before leaving my room that he was sorry things worked out like they did in the past. He then went on to inform me that the past is the past and he hoped that somewhere down the line, we can work out our differences. The way Derek fraised his wording, it sounded like he wasn't talking to me, his daughter, but to an intern that didn't know any better or a colleague perhaps. Lastly before leaving my room, Derek told me that when I was ready to apologize to Chloe, it was only then that I could join the family movie night. Let's just say, I'm not planning to anytime soon.

"So did Derek send you up here to be peacekeeper?" I grunt, still extremely pissed off at him. I feel like I'm always going to be pissed off at him for one thing or another.

"No," Aunt Amelia shakes her head. "But I did come to see if you want to join us. Mark brought Chinese food and I brought Rocky Road ice cream. It's still your favourite right?"

I force a smile, nod and then look back down at my feet again. "I don't really feel hungry," I lie as my stomach growls, a result from not having eaten all day.

"Julia you need to stop finding an excuses to hate everybody who tries and helps you. You can't keep doing this to yourself. It isn't healthy."

I let out a sigh, knowing Aunt Amelia is right. Sometimes I just can't help myself though. I'm so used to shutting people out. It just has become natural to me. I have every right to be mad at Derek and at Mark. Yet, I know what I said to Chloe was wrong. She was just a kid. She didn't mean anything by her question. She was just curious. Something, everybody is at times.

"I can't control my emotions Aunt Amelia." I deluge. "They just get is pilled up so quickly and then they explode and I can't help it. I'm just so angry all the time. I didn't mean to say what I did to Chloe," I admit. "Mark stood me up and I couldn't bring myself to tell them. I'm so mad at him."

"You can tell all this to Kathleen tomorrow. But for now, confront Mark. He's downstairs. Tell him how you feel and apologize to Chloe."

I shake my head; to stubborn to take Aunt Amelia's advise. I can't picture myself going on about this stuff to Kathleen. I can't talk to Kathleen like I can with Aunt Amelia. I can't go down stairs either. Not after everything that just happened. Well actually that's a lie. That's not what's holding me back. Chloe has already taken over Derek and Addison. I'm afraid she'll take over Aunt Amelia and Mark from me too.

"God, you're just like your father." Aunt Amelia avows, and can't help but laugh as she tosses her head back. "Your so stubborn."

A small smile appears on my face. In my life, I never did imagine talking about this type of stuff with Aunt Amelia. Sure, I've always considered her my Aunt, but now we are actually related. We're biologically related. We share the same blood. I never thought seven years ago, that I would be sitting in the guest bedroom of my father's house, talking about genes with a non-dead Aunt Amelia. For that reason, I'm forced to tell her the truth.

"I'm scared to go downstairs because I don't want to lose you," I say, which now sounds kind of stupid the more that I think about it. "All they care about is Chloe. They all like Chloe better. They rather have Chloe around then me. You would too." I look up at Aunt Amelia with pleading eyes.

"When did I ever once say I would rather have Chloe around then you? You assume things too soon. You over think things. Chloe is Derek and Addison's niece. She's my niece. We are all family. That's just something you got to live with. You can't change who your family is." Aunt Amelia asserts, her blue eyes gleaming. It's clear she has more to say.

I don't know what planet Aunt Amelia's lecture is coming from, but the whole can't change family thing is a bunch of bogus. Think about it, how many families have I changed in the thirteen years of my life? To many to count. It's true you can't change who your parents are. But it's your parents who change your future. They decide if they want you to be in their family or not.

"No matter how attached Chloe is to Derek and Addison, you have something she doesn't have." Aunt Amelia continues.

"What's that?"

"You're their daughter." Aunt Amelia acknowledges.

"Aunt Amelia?" I ask curious, deciding to ignore the whole daughter part. Honestly, sometimes I feel anything but Derek Shepherd's daughter. "What do I get from you?"

"Your freewill. Your wild side." Aunt Amelia chortles, beaming, she reaches for a deep red pillow that's sitting behind me, and throws it at me.

"I'm not wild Aunt Amelia!" I insist.

But, at the same time, I can't help but laugh at that too. I catch it and fall backwards onto the piles of other pillows. I then sit up and throw the pillow back at her.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Aunt Amelia gets up off my bed, rolls her eyes and reaches her arm out for my hand. "What do you say?" She asks. "Are you ready to go downstairs?"

This is the type of thing that I'll never be fully ready to do. But, I have to apologize at some point. I slide off the bed and take Aunt Amelia's hand. Together we walk out of the bedroom. I guess, it's better to apologize sooner, rather then later.

Music fills our ears as Aunt Amelia and I enter the kitchen. London calling to the far away towns. Now the war is declared and battle come down. London calling to the underworld. Come out of the cupboard, you boys and girls. Derek must have picked the music. I like the Clash too, but I don't dear mention it out loud. Derek would add it to his chocolate cake, ferry boats, and being stubborn list. He's stuffing a fork full of ginger beef into his mouth at the moment. It's pretty much all his plate of food consists of that, and a rather large pile of stir-fried vegetables. Ginger beef, is my favourite Chinese food dish too. But, that's going to be left unsaid, because liking Ginger beef will get added to the list as well. Addison is sitting the opposite of Derek. Every so often between bites, Derek glances up at her, hoping she'll return his glaze. Except that's not going to happen any time soon because Addison's too engaged with Chloe, convincing her to eat the vegetables on her plate, something the seven year old girl would much rather do without.

"Please sweetie?" Addison begs the child. "Just three more bites. Then you can get more chicken."

The little girl shakes her head, crosses her arms against her chest and kicks the legs of the chair with her feet. "It's no fair! Uncle Mark has already gotten three plates of chicken without having to eat his vegetables. Why do I have to eat my vegetables?"

Mark's standing across the room over the bar style garnet counter top plopping a spoonful of chicken fried rice on his plate. He reaches for the metal spoon shaped utensil in next box and dumps a helping of chicken chow mien. Next, he reaches for the sweet and sour chicken balls and adds some ginger beef, making the pile of food now a mountain.

"Come on Chloe Bear," Aunt Amelia joins in, hoping for a break through with the child. She walks over to the freezer and takes out two tubs of ice cream. Coffee and Rocky Road. "I brought ice cream for dessert. If you listen to your Aunt Addie, you can get both kinds."

"I hate vegetables!" Chloe pouts. "I don't want ice cream Aunt Amelia! I want chicken. Uncle Mark!" She whines.

Mark turns around and is about to start walking towards the dinner table, when he notices me lingering in the doorway of the kitchen. He doesn't give me a gritty greeting like he normally does. Instead, he just stands there awkwardly, knowing he did something wrong. Or maybe he's waiting for me to flip out. Trust me, it's something I want to do, and it's something that's gong to happen. Not just yet though. I have other plans. My stomach turns as my eyes move from his plate to the containers of ice cream Aunt Amelia is holding. I'm not in the mood for the Chinese food Mark brought; I never was in the mood for Chinese food to begin with. Mark continues to stand still, and I choose to ignore him. A smirk comes on my face, as I walk over to where Aunt Amelia is standing and take the tub of Rocky Road ice cream from her.

"You read my mind," I say, taking the lid of the container, I look around realizing I have no idea where the silverware drawer is, so I reach over the counter and take a spoon that was sitting in the box of chicken fried rice. I lick it off and then stick it in the ice cream. I then walk over to the table and sit down across from Addison and Chloe. I dig out a spoonful of ice cream and shove it in my mouth. Once he see's me eating, thinking it's safe, Mark comes over to the table and sits beside Chloe, while Aunt Amelia helps herself to a plate of food.

"How come you get ice cream?" Chloe snivels. "I want ice cream!"

"I thought you didn't want any," Derek recognizes, placing his fork down as Aunt Amelia takes a seat beside me.

"I just don't want vegetables. And she gets dessert without having to eat anything!" Chloe points to me, as if she's laying a law. A law that says you have to have vegetables before dessert.

"Would it kill you to eat some normal food?" Addison questions me.

"I did eat real food Addison," I enlighten her, lying. "Mark and I ate like all day. He took me to the most expensive restaurant in New York and let me order whatever I wanted. Right Mark?" My tone of voice is somewhat unbelievable. I don't really care. I just want Derek and Addison to realize Mark never came to pick me up.

"Mini D, what are you talking about?" Mark asks, eyeing me across the table, probably wondering what goes through my head.

I couldn't help but share a small smile with him, my eyes gleaming with evilness, excitement, and immortality. My plan so far was working. All I want is for Mark to admit he stood me up. That he decided to go have sex with a blonde bimbo rather then spending the day with a thirteen year old. Now, I'm beginning to think Derek and Addison lied about their lunch date. Maybe they didn't even go. Maybe they just said it as an excuse. Maybe they didn't want to have to put up with me all day. Maybe, they blew me off too, to go spend time with their niece.

"We didn't go out for dinner. Why would I take you out for dinner, when I told Derek and Addie that I was bringing over Chinese this morning?"

I seriously cannot believe what Mark just said. Had Derek, Addison, him and Aunt Amelia planned this movie night all day? Did nobody have the guts to tell me about it? Am I really that invisible to them?

"Then what did we do all day Mark?" I snap back at him, famished, offended, aching. I slam my spoon down on the table suddenly not feeling hungry at all.

Derek, I guess finally feels how hurt I am, because he glances up from his plate, his blue eyes bounce from me to Addison who finally returns his glaze and then to Mark, as we all wait for an answer. Mark opens his mouth to speak but no words come out. I hoping he has realized that he forgot me.

"Veronica asked me too meet with her to go over one of her cases, I meant to come get you, I did. Things just got a little carried away. I'm sorry Mini D." Mark broods, attempting to apologize, except his apology is more along the lines of a reasonable excuse, trying to cover up what he actually did with Veronica.

Mark bows his head unable to look at me. His eyes shift to his nearly empty plate, overflowed with despair and guilt. His actions very much like a child's, afraid to take the consequences. For a minute, I feel sorry for him. But then, I glance at the sofa in the living room—the seat where I sat for hours on end. The sorry-ness gets sucked out of me, and I myself am left speechless, unsure wither to be mad at him or let it go. My head turns towards Aunt Amelia, hoping she'll say something in my defense so I don't have too. She's unaware, too absorbed with Chloe, counting the vegetables the girl has left to eat. One. Two. Three. Four. Aunt Amelia looks up at me for a quick second and then back down to Chloe's plate of food. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Or maybe she's trying to distract the little girl, knowing a storm about to come.

"Veronica? As in ditsy clueless hot blonde nurse Veronica? She didn't become a surgeon that fast did she? " Derek raises his eyebrows, finally becoming aware about the whole Mark not showing up. "What type of consult did she need Mark?"

"She…um…she…um…she," Mark stutters, realizing lying isn't going to help him out now. It's all too obvious.

"I waited for you all day!" I burst; my feet blot up from under me, and my hands slam down against the table. "You forgot me. You were the last person whom I thought was going to forget me. But you did! You blew me off to go fuck with some chick. Thanks a lot Mark. Some best friend you are!"

I've had enough of this family dinner. I've had enough of Mark. There is no way I'm going to sit though a movie with him. I didn't want to watch a movie with any of them to be honest. At this point, I doubt they would want to watch the movie with me. I reach for the ice cream container lividly unable to take the ghostly stares the four adults share with me. I try my best to ignore them, by concentrating on the ice cream container in my hands. My first thought is to take the ice cream container and run, but I decide to make my exit memorable. I decide to show Mark how much he hurt me. Now that I'm holding the tub of ice cream in both hands, I raise this above my head and turbulently chuck the ice cream at Mark. It flies through the air, nipping Mark's shoulder and splattering against the tan colored wall behind him. Addison gasps, Chloe starts crying and I take this as my cue to run.

My feet thump up the stairs, my eyes bolting and my head turning from side to side, attempting to find a hiding place, knowing that if I go into my room, somebody's probably going to come up after me. Yet, at the same time, I don't want to be found. I pound my feet to make everyone believe I'm going into my room. I slam the door from the outside a couple of times. I sneak quietly down the hallway. Slowly as possible, trying not to make a sound, I open a door on the left side of the hallway at the end. I walk into the room, closing the door behind me. I look around realizing I'm in Derek and Addison's bedroom. I sigh in relief knowing they probably won't think of looking for me in here. However, I figure I need to hide better just to make sure. A stray of light coming from inside another door gets my attention. I tiptoe across the master bedroom and squeeze through the crack.

Inside, I'm enclosed by racks upon racks of designer clothes and shoes. Addison's things are on the left. Derek's on the right. The smell of their sent loiter through my nose. Addison's perfume smells of orange, iris, jasmine and vanilla all mixed together. While Derek's cologne smells musky and leathery. I crawl into Derek side of the closet, I surround his dress suits around myself. Ralf Lauren. Calvin Klein. Paul Newman. I take one off the rack and use it as a blanket. I take another one to use as my pillow. But there's something that's in the way of where I want to lay my head down. My hands pick up a wooden box. My fingers trace over the smooth carvings. I move it around in my hands, shaking it a couple times, dying to know what's inside. I can't take the suspense anymore and open the box up. Inside, is a letter addressed to Derek in neat clean handwriting. I take out the letter, curious as too why he kept it hidden. That's when I notice my mother's name in the return address. My heart begins beating so fast it's about to pop out of my chest. Has Ainslie been keep in touch with Derek this whole time? Has Derek known about me my whole life? Why was there only one letter? I have millions of questions dying to be answered. The only way I'd get answers to the questions, is to open up the letter. I figure, because the letter is from my mother, I have every right to read it. My fingers automatically go to the back of the envelope. I attempt to rip it up, and after a few tires, looking more closely, I realize the letter already has been open. I yank the paper out of the envelope and quickly unfold it. The paper is worn, wrinkle and stained. I take a breath and start to read the letter.

"Derek,

This letter is probably the most difficult thing I have written in my life. Well, I guess if we don't count Kate's eulogy. I know we are both trying to move on from Kate's death. I know we are both no longer on speaking terms. And, I know we shouldn't have let things between us get as bad as they did. After everything we've been through, I don't understand how you are willing to walk away just like that. I don't understand how easy your decision was to make. If Kate was alive, would that make you change your mind? Would it make my parents change their minds? They are forcing me into something I don't want to do. Yet, I feel obligated to do it, because I'll have nothing if I don't. I wish I could go back and change things. I wish I'd said no when you showed up at my door. I wish Kate was alive because then, things would have been different for all of us. Everything would have been okay. They wouldn't have ended up like this. I'm sixteen. I'm still a kid myself. How am I supposed to go through this alone? I can't Derek. Maybe you can help convince my parents. Maybe there's another way. Maybe things don't have to be like this.

I'm not asking for you to love me, but to love her. She's partly yours after all. Do what's right for her, not for yourself.

As much as I hate you, I need you Derek.

-A"

My hands are shaking as I stare at the paper. My own tears smudge the well tattered ink, replacing the dots from my mother. I didn't understand why my mother kept me, when so many people want her to have an abortion. Derek knew. He must have knew. Why else would he have kept the letter? I understood now, why my mother never talked about him. She didn't want me getting hurt. She did it too protect me. She did it out of love. She thought it was what was best for me. Maybe it was. Ever since I stepped into my father's office, all I've done is hurt. I've hurt for him. I hurt for me. I hurt for Ainslie.

That's when I couldn't take it anymore. I stand up, hurry out of Derek and Addison's bedroom, and throw myself down the stairs nearly tripping face first at the bottom and into the living room.

Chloe's mood is the exact opposite from the adults who were calmly relaxed, leaned back in whatever seats they were sitting in. She was excitedly jumping on the sofa. Derek reaches for the child, helping her into a sitting position and then calls out to Addison, I'm guessing because she's not in the room.

"Come on Addie," He urges. "We'll get Mini D to help clean up later. Leave it for her to do. She's the one that threw it."

I hear Addison sigh as she joins the rest of the family in the living room. She's about to sit down beside Derek, but realizes me standing in the entrance. Addison nudges Derek to get his attention and points up at me.

"So you knew?" I ask him my words shuttering as I hold the letter up in the air for him to see, tears spiraling down my face.