Author's Note: This chapter is a little short for me because it is a two-parter. Originally it was going to be one big chapter but then I got writer's block and couldn't figure out why. Some talking with my best friend, which I'm super stubborn so I kept saying 'no that's not it' but she ended up being right, revealed that it was because the content felt wrong as just one big chapter. So, I split it into two parts. The second part is well-underway so hopefully you won't be waiting too long for it. Also - I felt bad for leaving you guys at a cliffhanger for so long.

WARNING: There are going to be some dark themes, an implied miscarriage and implied periods of depression in this chapter. It's also just...really sad in some places.

Civil Affairs

Chapter 21

Kiyoko's Convictions: Part I

I could feel the eyes burrowing into my back as I walked, along with the pitying glances and scandalized whispers. I did my best to keep my posture rigid, my shoulders squared and my chin up. I kept my eyes forward and refused to look at anyone. I ignored the hesitant greetings a few of my co-workers threw in my direction. I just needed to make it back to my office. I just needed my office. I just needed to get to my office...then I would close the door and be alone with my work.

October 9th, 1462. This was it. My first day back at the Civil Affairs Office.

Lord Hokage and The Director, to my surprise, had attempted to convince me to stay home for a few more weeks but I couldn't do it. I was feeling restless. I couldn't spend any more time on compassionate leave. I'd only been gone for three weeks but the idleness was wearing on me.

I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. I just couldn't. Everyone told me that I still needed time, that it would take at least three more weeks for me to recover physically and countless more mentally. I disagreed. I needed to work. I needed my job. I needed to go back to the way things were.

I needed everything to be just like it was in April, before Kakashi and before...before Tobiro.

I needed this more than I had ever needed anything before.

When I reached the fifth floor and subsequently my office, I ducked inside and closed my door, accidentally slamming it shut. I stood in silence and listened as the force of the slam vibrated through the building's walls and echoed in the small room.

I'd reached my refuge.

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding and turned to look down at the stacks of paperwork scattered everywhere. I could see that Tamaki had been attempting to keep them organized but hadn't been very successful. There was plenty of work for me to do. Plenty of work…

As I stared at the mountains of documentation, I brought my arms across my flat abdomen and couldn't help the slight nausea I felt at the action. I could almost feel myself turn white and my nose start to sting. It was a warning of unshed tears. I forced them back.

I needed to work. I just needed to work. Work, Kiyoko, work. I'd feel better if I got back to work and hopefully I'd get distracted and I'd forget the pain.

On shaky legs I made my way towards my chair, running my hand along the edge of the wooden desk as I did so. I lowered myself down into the seat at an agonizing pace and it wasn't until I sat down that I realized I'd forgotten to breathe. I let out a heavy exhale.

I half-heartedly grasped the nearest stack of documents and slid them so they were in front of me. I lifted the list that had been laid neatly on top and immediately recognized Shibi Aburame's handwriting. A calming sense of familiarity fell over me like a blanket. Blanket...? My blanket? Remembering my blanket that was draped over the back of my chair I reached around and brought it over my shoulders.

I was just about ready to bury myself in paperwork, and moved to cross my legs out of habit, when the toe of my boot connected something under the desk. I heard a small exclamation of pain.

I shuffled my chair backwards and adjusted so I could scrutinize the underside of my desk. There, jammed into the far corner, was a small orange bundle with blond hair. Large, round blue orbs seemed to glow as they took me in with curiosity.

"There you are, Miss Shiranui!" Naruto exclaimed, and he was quick to climb out from underneath my desk. He stood in front of me and dusted off his pants, reminding me I really needed to sweep my office floor. It looked like Tamaki had been using it to store half of Suna.

I stared at him for a moment, blinking slowly at his appearance. It wasn't odd for Naruto to hide in my office, but I hadn't expected him to be the first person I interacted with today. I hadn't wanted to talk to anyone...I still didn't.

But…

There was something about seeing him that was almost a comfort to me. I wasn't sure why, but one glance at his whiskered face was a balm for my aching heart.

"It's Wednesday." I informed him bluntly, "You should be in class."

He huffed and squinted his eyes at me, crossing his arms over his chest in a stubborn manner.

"Well, you went away for a long time and you didn't tell me where you went! I was coming to see if you were here today or if it was that other lady…" That other lady? He was talking about Tamaki.

"You didn't give Mrs. Morino a hard time, did you?" I questioned him, making sure to keep my tone hard. Just because I went away for a while didn't mean that he could get away with doing whatever he wanted.

"No... not really." He muttered, but I could tell he was pouting like I had caught him getting up to something. Poor Tamaki; she never mentioned he'd been picking on her. Then again, I suppose she thought that I had enough on my mind. In hindsight it was too bad she hadn't told me. I probably could have used more thoughts of Naruto over the last couple weeks. Bless Tamaki for putting up with whatever pranks he'd subjected her to without a fuss.

I shot him a skeptical glance and he looked away from me, doing his best not to meet my eyes. He felt scolded. Good. The pranking needed to stop.

"Hold on a second…" Naruto started suddenly, and he looked back at me. His eyes raked up and down the length of my body. "What happened to your tummy? Where's the baby?"

The innocent question caused me to freeze and my back went stiff as a board. I suddenly felt hot, like I had a fever, and my nose started to sting, reminding me of the tears I'd been suppressing. The night he'd escorted me home from the hospital, I'd cried in Genma's arms. I hadn't cried since. I'd made a point not to and I was still stubbornly refusing.

I didn't cry.

I wasn't a crier. Nothing shook me. Ever.

I was confident and passive. I was Kiyoko Shiranui.

I was the woman who had a strong resolve and faked confidence in any situation until I had myself believing it. I could handle anything. That's what I kept telling myself every day when I woke up.

I swallowed thickly and tried to come up with an answer for him but the cogs in my mind had come to a screeching halt. Suddenly I couldn't think straight...I just really didn't want to cry and that desire was dominating everything else. Suddenly, I felt my face slacken and my body go limp in defeat. My eyes darkened and I retreated into my mind for a few seconds. I shut down.

I stayed like that for far longer than acceptable and I consciously recognized what was happening and struggled to get back to the surface. When I finally emerged, I noticed that Naruto was still staring at me intently despite what I assumed had been some time. I didn't know he could stand still for so long.

"It died." I said abruptly, almost choking on my own words. I fought to keep my face into a passive mask - to not let my pain show. This was an eight-year-old boy; not a sounding board for my misery. He needed to know the truth but the thought of showing him the depth of my pain…

I felt like allowing him to know would be an injustice. No one needed to know. No one needed to see me cry.

I wouldn't let them see.

Naruto stared at me blankly for a long moment, before his face twisted into first confusion and then understanding. I could see his young mind process the implications of what I had just told him. Most young children didn't understand death, not entirely. I know I hadn't understood death even when my father had been killed. It took me until I was older, maybe when I was about ten, to have the epiphany that my father hadn't just gone away. He was never coming back because someone had taken his life from him.

Most young boys didn't understand death as anything more than a concept. Naruto, I remembered in that moment, wasn't most boys.

As usual, he surprised me.

"Why?" He asked softly and could feel myself begin to crumble. Why, indeed.

I'd asked myself that question over and over and over again. Why? Why my little person? Why Tobiro? Why me? Why would fate intervene to have him conceived only to rip him away before he breathed his first breath? Buried among my sorrow, despondency and confusion as to why this had to happen to me...I found that I couldn't help but think of Kakashi too.

I wasn't sure why I felt concern for him, but I did. Pity too. If there really was some greater, cosmic reason for the loss of Tobiro why did it have to happen while Kakashi was out of the village? He'd be expecting to come home to a four month old son...and...and...he was going to come back to nothing. Just more loss. I almost felt worse for him then I did for myself. At least I knew the horrid, ugly truth.

Dismissing the dark thoughts that had invaded my mind I did my best to meet his eyes. I'd spent four days in the hospital after it had happened because Genma had been out of the village. Dr. Ito had advised against sending me home by myself and the nurses had listened. While my body hadn't fully recovered, I had wanted to be home, but he was adamant that I needed to be supervised. It was what was 'best for my healing' and the portly man was my physician, so I was forced to obey.

I would have preferred being home over the agonizing days I spent staring at the hospital's white walls or out the window at the same tree. Dr. Ito had checked on me several times a day and sat by my bedside. Sometimes he would just hold my hand and we would sit there in peaceful silence.

I didn't speak the first couple days, beyond thanking the nurses for my food or asking for something to read.

I just thought.

I thought constantly, about everything and everyone. About myself. I was introspective...I took the time to think about myself and my feelings. The feelings I usually dismissed. On the third day of being trapped in my own thoughts I finally spoke to him. I asked him to be honest and tell me what I had done wrong. I asked him if it was my fault. I asked him why.

"Sometimes...bad things happen, Naruto." I said, almost echoing the physician's words to me exactly. "Bad things happen to us all the time...there's no reason for them and there's nothing we can do about it." He'd also apologized to me, but I'd tuned out his words.

He told me it wasn't my fault and I hadn't realized until that moment how much I needed someone to tell me that. The physician said that it wasn't my fault...so why did it feel like it was?

Something about saying that evenly, looking into the small blond's innocent eyes, finally broke the dam I had been slowly building. Tears, unbidden, began running out of my eyes and I consciously struggled to bend them to my will. When I couldn't make them stop using willpower alone, I brought my hands up to shield my face from him and tried to force my face to dry. I wasn't sobbing but I did tremble. I wanted them to stop. I wanted them to go away. I couldn't let Naruto see me like this…

I felt a weight rest on the crown of my head and my trembling stopped at the unexpected contact. Slowly, I lowered my hands and from my sitting position, I had to look up slightly at the child in front of me...who was resting his hand gently on the top of my head.

"There, there." He said quickly, biting his lip which I assumed reflected how helpless he felt. He patted my head a few times as he said it.

At the gesture my mind went back to another, simpler time when the only thing I had to worry about was getting to work on time and Naruto Uzumaki. I remembered that day, when we'd released Gama-chan back into the wild, when I'd been confronted with a distraught demon-container crying at his loss. I'd been helpless. I hadn't known what to do but I knew I had to do something.

So, what did I do? At a loss I had patted his head and said 'there, there' attempting to convey in my usual, stunted way...that everything was going to be alright. I took a moment and recalled what Lord Third had said...what had he said?

"You have a special place in Naruto's life. Just by being there for him you teach him about kindness."

I remembered how skeptical I had been at Lord Hokage's statement. I had doubted him until this very moment. I had completely doubted him. I couldn't see how I had taught Naruto, with his exuberance and constant pranks, anything…

Then he put his hand on my head and attempted to console me the only way he knew how; in a way I had taught him without even meaning to. He had extended me a kindness and at that realization, there was an undeniable warmth that bloomed in my chest.

I felt a little stunned. Through some miracle the tears had stopped, I sniffed once, and I brought a hand to wipe the wetness from my cheeks.

"Do you feel better now?" Naruto asked quietly, staring at me like I was a deer that he could startle.

My hesitation was brief.

"Yes, I feel much better." I told him, mostly because I was still stunned and wasn't sure what else to say.

"That's good!" The boy said, sounding relieved, "I still need you to help me be an ace ninja, Miss Shiranui! You can't do that if you're sad."

That's right. I couldn't believe I'd forgotten. Naruto still needed me.

Why couldn't I go back to that simpler time when all I had to worry about was doing my job, getting to work on time and Naruto? There was no reason I couldn't. It would be a long road, but if I aimed for that and put my misery aside I knew eventually I would heal. All wounds healed with time if you allowed them to. I couldn't allow myself to wallow in my pain.

A small, whimsical smile tugged on my lips and I brought my hands up, taking both of Naruto's in my own. He let me do it, but he was staring at me questioningly the entire time. This wasn't a type of contact or situation either of us were used to. I stared down at his small hands, flipping them absently so I could stare at the creases in his palms. I took in his rounded cheeks, his whisker markings, his mess of blond hair and his big blue eyes. I felt a lightness in my soul...like some heavy burden was slowly being lifted away piece by piece.

"Thank you, Naruto."

It was on that day, with those simple words from a helpless eight-year-old, that my healing began.

XxX

I selfishly allowed Naruto to sit with me in my office for almost thirty minutes before I decided to make him leave.

He refused, even when I half-heartedly threatened to have Lord Hokage's door guards toss him off the roof. I'd eventually gotten Naruto to return to class on his own by threatening to make him sort all my files. They were already meticulously organized, but he didn't know that, so he'd pulled a face and agreed to return to the academy. He'd trudged out slowly with his hands in his pockets, tossing rebellious looks at me over his shoulder. I knew he wasn't really going back to class but by divine intervention I heard Iruka's voice shouting at him outside in the hall. Apparently, Iruka had finally tracked him down.

I heard a brief scuffle, followed by Naruto groaning indignantly as I'm assuming Iruka managed to capture him. That was followed by very loud scolding from the chunin which faded as I assumed he dragged the boy down the hallway.

When the time came for me to take a break for lunch, I decided to do something I hadn't done before.

Usually I ate in my office or, if Tamaki invited me, I would go out to a nearby restaurant with her. I didn't feel like doing either today. I didn't want to stay in my office as having the door closed all day had left me feeling claustrophobic and pent-up. I also, despite their best intentions, did not want to spend time around Tamaki or Yuzuha right now. I wanted to be alone...but I couldn't stay in my office. The thought of having to walk downstairs and be stared at again was also not appealing.

If didn't want to walk downstairs, be around people or stay in my office, that left only one other option. Up.

I went up to the roof, sat down on the edge with my knees bent up to my chest and stared out over the village. It was sunny and bustling today. It was like not a single citizen had a care in the world...including me. I'm sure I looked rather peaceful, resting my cheek against my knee and staring out across the tops of the buildings. The civilians were moving in thick herds along the dirt streets and ninja navigated the village by jumping from rooftop to rooftop. A frigid wind blew in from the north, tugging at my hair and blowing my scarf up around my face. After a few minutes of that, I eventually became irritated and moved to sit so that my back was no longer to the wind.

That put me in view of The Hokage faces carved into the mountain. They'd always been there but I don't think I ever actually looked at them before. So, I took this opportunity to do so.

I started with Lord First, Hashirama Senju, wondering how accurate the depiction of him really was. He was dead long before my time so it's possible it looked nothing like him. I supposed there were photos I could probably dig up in the archives to do a comparison, but the truth was I didn't care enough to do that. I couldn't help but wonder how he got the idea to carve his face into a cliff. I imagined there was a great deal of arrogance involved in the decision.

Then my eyes slid over to Lord Second, Tobirama Senju. I had just begun to scrutinize is carved features when a thought suddenly hit me. Something Tamaki had said a few months ago.

If we're going to point fingers this is all Lord Second's fault!

That's what she'd said that night and for the first time...I properly agreed with her. The thought struck me like lightning and I once again became conscious of my flat stomach. When you really broke it down...this entire situation was all Lord Second's fault. I wasn't necessarily angry at the realization, I still deeply admired the man for everything he'd done for the village, but I couldn't deny that the flawed legislation he'd left behind was the root cause of my tragedy.

The complex web of laws and legislation regarding contraception he'd left behind were at the root of what had happened to me. I didn't deny that Kakashi and I were both at fault for what happened but there was a third party involved in our misfortune that I hadn't considered before. Tobirama Senju.

If I'd had access to contraception, I likely would have used it, if only as a precautionary measure much like kunoichi do. After all, only some of their missions required seduction. If it was accessible, there was no reason why I shouldn't have used it. If I had access to it the chances of me conceiving by accident were almost non-existent. I never would have gotten pregnant and, subsequently, I wouldn't have lost Tobiro. I never would have known the pain of losing a child because no child would have existed for me to lose.

I had never given the laws that prevented civilian women from getting contraception much thought. My view was that it was just the way things were and that was it. I'd never questioned it before. I hadn't necessarily agreed with it, but I had never entertained the idea that it needed to change.

But it did. It was wrong. It was so wrong. How many women had been forced to raise children that they couldn't support? How many women in my village had no say over whether they were going to conceive another child? How much overwhelming pain had this system of Lord Second's design caused the women of this village?

We had a right to choose.

XxX

"You want to do what?" Tamaki questioned, her voice initially loud but then she tamed it to a harsh whisper.

"I'm going to abolish the legislation surrounding the distribution of contraceptive in Konohagakure." I repeated dryly, leaning back in Yuzuha's guest chair and crossing my ankles. "I'm aiming to no longer have contraceptive considered a controlled substance."

The three of us had crammed ourselves into Yuzuha's tiny office. Tamaki was squeezed between two stacks of paperwork near the back wall and Yuzuha was sitting at her desk. Both women were looking at me with stunned expressions. It had, of course, been Tamaki who had chosen to speak first.

Yuzuha's mouth opened and closed a few times, as if she was testing the words she wanted to say then thought better of it. Eventually, she spoke.

"Kiyoko, you've been back in the office for less than eight hours. You're still…" She trailed off and I heard her exhale abruptly from her nose as she seemed to re-think what she was about to say.

"I'll say it even if you won't, Yuzuha." Tamaki exclaimed, elbowing the paperwork surrounding her in irritation, "You are still mourning the loss of your child. You're not thinking straight!"

"Tactfully put, Tamaki." Yuzuha shot the other woman a glare and her voice was dripping with sarcasm. I understood why they thought that, but I was thinking more clearly than ever before. I was no longer going to sit idle and shrug off something that needed to be changed.

"The original regulations laid down by Tobirama Senju are outdated. It's time that they were changed or at least altered to accommodate the village's changing needs." I told them simply, giving my shoulders a small shrug. "I can't really blame him for creating them the way he did. He lived in a time when most women, who weren't kunoichi, slept only with their husbands and their virginity was carefully guarded prior to that. Times have changed...the world isn't like that anymore. A woman's worth is no longer measured by her eligibility for marriage."

"I know they're outdated laws." Tamaki dismissed, "Everyone knows that."

"Yet, no one has bothered to do anything about it." I replied quickly, watching as Tamaki shifted her weight where she was standing in discomfort.

Yuzuha sighed.

"We're not arguing your points. They're good points and you're right." The older woman told me with a tone that was almost scolding, "We're just saying there's no reason you have to instigate a legislation change. Burying yourself in your work and then taking on more can be just as unhealthy as wallowing in misery. You'll burn out."

People always seemed to be telling me that I was going to burn out. I hadn't yet. I figured that had to count for something.

"You're not a politician, Kiyoko." Tamaki added, shooting me a concerned glance. She seemed to have simmered while Yuzuha was lecturing me.

It seemed that this was a tough sell. You didn't have to be a politician to advocate a change in legislation. You just needed to work very hard, gain support for your cause and do your research. It certainly helped to be a politician, but you didn't need to be one.

I was doing this, whether my friends agreed to help me or not.

"So, I take it I won't be counting on your support." I commented blandly, taking in the two concerned looking women in front of me.

"Now, hold on one second." Tamaki suddenly burst with a renewed fire, "I never said that. If you're going to do this no matter what...then I'm in."

Yuzuha sighed again and slumped in her chair, crossing her arms and looking defeated.

"There really is no reasoning with you, is there?"

I shook my head. I'd made up my mind.

XxX

It was Thursday, October 10th, 1462.

I started my day by going to see Naruto before he went to the academy. Tamaki had taken over my workload except for taking care of Naruto. She'd offered to but apparently the workload had already been difficult for her to manage. Having to care for Naruto as well was considered too much to demand of her. Instead, The Director had chosen to give the file to some miscellaneous caseworker I'd never heard of. I could remember Tamaki telling me that a few weeks ago. I hadn't exactly been happy about it but my mind had been occupied with my loss and I'd quickly forgotten.

When I walked into Naruto's apartment, it looked like a tornado had hit and I blinked once in silent confusion. As far as I knew, or at least as far as Tamaki knew, the cleaner I'd hired to come in once a week was still employed by the office. The woman and I rarely interacted, except for the odd time when she would send me a letter asking me if she was going to need to change the day she cleaned. It was in the file that we sent her a bundle of ryo once a week as payment for her services. We hadn't neglected to pay her while I was gone...had we?

Recognizing that I couldn't leave it as it was, I wandered around the apartment and tidied. I held idle conversation with Naruto as he got his breakfast and got dressed.

"Oh," I began in sudden realization, turning to look at Naruto who was biting into a piece of toast, "Happy Birthday, Naruto."

There'd been so much going on that I'd nearly forgotten. I'd never really acknowledged Naruto's birthday, except to recognize that he was another year older. I barely remembered my own birthday or Genma's, so it wasn't that odd that I usually didn't remember Naruto's until it had passed. I'd been reviewing his budget yesterday after he'd left my office and that's when I'd realized when his birthday was. I didn't think anyone had ever celebrated Naruto's birthday and that realization had made me...sad.

October 10th was the anniversary of Lord Fourth's death and the attack of the nine-tailed fox on Konohagakure which wasn't cause for celebration. Underneath that remembrance of terror and sorrow, Naruto's birthday was forgotten.

"It's my birthday?" The boy questioned, looking at me with a baffled expression.

"Yes, it's October 10th today." I threw out a couple of empty ramen cups, at first not realizing why he was so confused. I had mistakenly thought his confusion was because he hadn't been keeping track of the days like I'd taught him.

"I... have a birthday?" He asked me, his tone one of awe. I snapped my head to look over at him, making sure to maintain my typical blank expression. My eyes shot to the calendar on the wall behind him. I noticed he had been carefully placing 'X's on as the days had passed, just like I'd taught him. I noticed a big circle on the calendar next week and in red marker it said 'Ramen with Sensei' but other than that there were no other important dates marked.

Naruto...hadn't known about his own birthday?

It was one thing to forget your own birthday, like I did every year, but I realized then that Naruto hadn't even known he had one. Come to think of it, the only reason he seemed to know his own age was because I told him. I remembered back in March, he'd kept saying he was seven and I'd had to keep correcting him. I'd dismissed it at the time as a typical child's absent mindedness but now I knew that it was because he genuinely didn't know that he'd gotten older...until I'd told him.

I stared at him in silence for longer than usual. I scrutinized his expression which had, since my comment, morphed into one of pleasant surprise.

"Yes, you have a birthday." I finally confirmed.

"So, I'm older today?" He asked me.

"You turn nine today." I informed him, watching him closely as he reacted to the news. I straightened my posture and brought my arms up, crossing them over my chest.

"Wow! Really?" He exclaimed excitedly, and I didn't bother to respond, I just watched in silence as he reacted to this latest information. He abandoned his half-eaten breakfast and ran over to the small mirror I'd gotten for beside his door. He ran his hands over his cheeks and squinted his eyes. He lifted himself up on his tiptoes a few times and raised an arm in the air as if trying to measure himself, although he was failing miserably. Then he looked at me with a betrayed expression and I was a bit taken-aback by it. Why did he look so disappointed?

"Are you sure I got older? Nothing changed!" He emphasized. He seemed to pout at the realization that he wasn't magically taller, broader or different in some way.

"Well, aging doesn't really work like that. I still look the same as I did when we first met and I'm three years older. As a matter of fact, so are you."

"No! You did change! Your eyes got warmer!" Naruto insisted and that caused me to pause. My eyes got...warmer? What on earth did he mean by that? I shrugged it off in favour of trying to reason with him.

"Why are you so disappointed?" I questioned him, keeping my tone flat.

"How long am I going to be so short!?" he exclaimed in frustration, "I'm never going to reach that stupid mark of Iruka sensei's at this rate!"

The mark? It took me a second to recall exactly what he was talking about. He was talking about the kunai mark that Iruka had made in the tree outside the academy. I remembered Iruka seemed to have tried to guess at how tall Naruto would be as a grown man and had placed the mark there.

"Naruto, you're not going to reach that mark in just a few years. It'll take a lot longer than that." I attempted to reason with him.

"How many years will it take for me to be a hero then?" He asked me with some mild desperation. That was a good question. How long would it take?

He was really putting me on the spot with that one. There was no way I could predict that, but I also had a feeling that he wasn't going to let me deflect his question. There really was a chance that Naruto would never achieve his dream...but I couldn't tell him that? Could I?

I looked down and saw his blue eyes glistening as he stared at me with an agonized expression.

"I can't say for sure," I began with some hesitation, "seven years...maybe?"

I almost choked on my own words as I said that, regretting it instantly. I should have tried to reject the question or changed the subject. I shouldn't give him false hope or unrealistic expectations. I'd just said the first amount that came to mind, which would make him sixteen. I knew he'd probably be established in a ninja career at that point...but be a hero? Not likely.

Grudgingly, I watched as Naruto's face slowly brightened at the newly discovered goal I'd unintentionally given him.

"Seven more years and I'll be an ace ninja! A hero! Then I'll be Hokage!" He shouted happily, "Believe it!"

I watched him with a slowly softening expression. I really wanted to believe it.

XxX

"Please tell me you have a plan for this campaign of yours?" Yuzuha questioned dryly then took a sip of her tea. The Yumehara Teahouse was uncharacteristically quiet for noon on a Sunday and my small group of activists had taken advantage of the hushed atmosphere. We were huddled together in the back corner of the restaurant, interrupted only by the occasional visit of Izo to the table.

"Yes, I hope you do. I have no idea how we would even begin such a feat." Himari added quickly. I had recruited her to the cause a few days ago and she was currently sitting next to Yuzuha. Both women were across from me in the booth. Tamaki was to my left on the outside of the booth, picking at a plate of dango absently.

"I'm not going to pretend I have everything planned but I have an idea of how we should start." I confessed. "First, we need to track down the original treaty that the Nara signed with Lord Second. We need to see what it actually says...there is a possibility it's being misinterpreted."

"After all these years?" Tamaki asked with disbelief. "I imagine that's a slim chance." I opened my mouth to respond but Himari beat me to it.

"It's not impossible." She informed the other woman matter-of-factly, "Historians have come across evidence suggesting that many confrontations between clans during the Warring States Period extended from such misinterpretations. Sometimes those conflicts spanned for decades until someone realized it was a misunderstanding. The Aburame and Inuzuka come to mind."

I had forgotten that Himari was a teacher of history at Koba Academy and was well versed in such information. I had been expecting to explain it to the other women but apparently that had not been necessary.

"I'll do that." Yuzuha told me pointedly, "I'm sure I can bully Shikaku into helping me look. If it's not in the clan archives we must at least have a record that says where it is. I'm also a Nara from the head family, so I can argue I have the right to look for it whenever I want."

I nodded. It was a promising idea to have her look for the treaty.

"What's the next step of this master plan then?" Tamaki asked, "If Yuzuha's going after that treaty how can Himari and I help?"

"I was hoping you two would help me with the most important part." I explained, earning raised eyebrows from them both.

"And that would be…?" Himari questioned.

"Gaining support." I told them bluntly, "We need to demonstrate to the Elder Council, The Director and Lord Hokage that this issue is relevant to the village as a whole...not just a small group of people."

"Call me the devil's advocate," Tamaki began with a bit of hesitation, "but until you started on this warpath of yours I barely gave this whole issue a second thought. None of us did. What makes you think anyone is going to care?"

"They care." I stated, "They just don't know it yet. Not knowing how to stand up for yourself isn't the same as apathy...neither is ignorance."

"What do you mean by ignorance?" Himari asked suddenly, "I've always accepted it, but I wasn't ignorant. I can't think of any civilian women who don't know how it all works."

I felt the corner of my lip quirk slightly as I prepared to explain what I meant.

"Exactly." Yuzuha said before I could, a look of realization blossoming on her face, "Civilian women know about it because they live it every day. Kunoichi on the other hand…"

"No kunoichi has ever been denied contraception in the history of this village."

Tamaki still looked doubtful.

"Think about it," I started, "Do you know anything about a kunoichi's lifestyle beyond the fact they go on missions? Do you know about their training? Know about the physicals they need to undergo? Or the psychological evaluations they need to pass?"

All three women mumbled negatively in response.

"The same could be said about their understanding of us. All they know is that they leave the village and we stay. They fight, and we don't. They don't understand what it's like to live like us anymore then we know what it's like to live like them." I rationalized to the others.

"Well yeah," Tamaki agreed although she still sounded confused, "but you're not making sense. If kunoichi really know so little about what it's like to be us, then why do you think they'd even care about how we have to live our lives?"

"We're all women. It doesn't matter that they fight and we don't; our bodies, our hearts and our needs are all the same. They'll be able to empathize with us better than any other demographic in the village." I glanced around the table at all three of my companions, taking in their now thoughtful expressions. "Even better...they're used to fighting to get what they want."

Author's Note:

So yes, I did do that...Kiyoko miscarried. I don't like it either...but I did it.

The miscarriage itself...is necessary for the plot, Kiyoko's character development, establishing her motivations/priorities in the next phase of her life and making the good things that happen to her later in life a natural progression. The loss of Tobiro is a recurring theme in this story that helps establish 'Kiyoko's Convictions' (hence the name of this chapter). This is Kiyoko's turning point...and Kakashi's too although the change is more gradual, and we won't be seeing him for a few chapters.

It has become an established joke in my circle of fanfiction friends that I have a 'Baby Complex'. Pretty much everything I write revolves around my characters having babies...I love when characters have babies. It makes the world a better place. Not allowing Kiyoko to have Tobiro ripped apart my baby-compex soul...the reason I dropped the ominous hint in the last chapter is because personally, as the grand architect of this story, I needed to rip it off like a bandaide.

Like I said, for those of you who aren't rage-quitting the story on me KIYOKO AND KAKASHI DO HAVE A HAPPY ENDING...TOGETHER. This is also the last 'bad' thing that was planned to happen to Kiyoko for the duration of the story. I hope that gives you the same peace of mind it gives me.