The Square root of Christmas – Chapter 21

****Adult Content Warning****

"Fill 'er up barkeep," a tipsy Amy said. Penny pulled a bottle from beneath the bar and poured her another glass of wine.

"That's the last one for you, and I'm only giving it to you because you said you're riding with Bernadette." Penny put the bottle away and turned to Bernadette. "What's gotten into her?"

I don't think it's what; I think it's who and hasn't," Bernadette said coyly.

"Huh" Penny said.

"Sheldon's not puttin' out," Amy slurred. "I'm trying to be patient, but so help me if he doesn't get his ass in gear, I'm gonna…"

"Whoa there Nellie," Bernadette stopped her, "we're in a public place."

Amy looked around her then leaned forward. Penny and Bernadette leaned toward her and Amy said in a stage whisper, "I'm a gonna jump his bones; I'll tie him down to the bed and screw him to kingdom come."

Penny snickered and said before she thought better of it, "You can borrow my handcuffs if you want." Amy and Bernadette's eyes shot open and Amy seemed to visibly sober up.

"You don't?" Bernadette said. She saw Penny blush to a deep shade of rose and said, "OOOOOO, tell girl."

Penny shook her head in embarrassment. "They were from an old... thing. And for your information, they're trick cuffs; the kind you don't have to have a key for. You just push a button and they open up."

"You said they were from an old relationship," Amy started.

"Thing," Penny said, "I've never had a relationship. I didn't know what a relationship was until Leonard..." She trailed off and Bernadette patted her hand.

"I understand Penny. You really love him don't you?" Bernadette declared.

"You and Leonard have used them, haven't you?" Amy said slowly. Penny just stared back at her. "Come on, give. Did he cuff you to the wall; or the bed? Did he use ropes too? Did he tie you up?"

Penny looked around and said sternly, "Shhhhhh, someone will hear you."

All three looked around but no one seemed to be paying them any attention. "It's almost closing time and everyone is either half drunk or deep in their own conversations," Bernadette explained.

"Still, this is my work. I've got to..." Penny started.

"Oh bull, your just looking for an out," Amy said, "Details. Now."

"Has Howard said anything to you?" Penny asked Bernadette.

"Why would Howie say anything, and about what?" Bernadette wondered.

"I figured he would have said something about the other morning; guys talk about those things don't they. I'm sure Howard would have told you so you could laugh about it together," Penny explained.

"He didn't say anything to me," she replied, "But knowing Leonard; he would never talk about something intimate that happened between you." She stared at Penny for a moment. "So, what happened the other morning?" Penny blushed. "I can call Howard. He'll call Leonard and pester him until he talks, and then Leonard will know you told us," she threatened.

"How dare... you wouldn't," Penny said with venom. She looked between Amy and Bernadette. Her shoulders drooped and she said, "You can't ever tell anybody what I tell you; and Leonard never, ever knows that you know." They both nodded their agreement. "Well... it all started in the middle of the night and I woke Leonard up..."

"OOOOOoooo," Amy and Bernadette both sighed.

"Oh, please," she continued, "He was having a bad dream and he was having trouble breathing, so I woke him up to make sure he was alright." She saw a patron trying to get her attention, "I'll be back in a minute." She left to wait on the bar patron.

A few minutes later, she returned. Amy and Bernadette had not moved an inch, and Penny began to wipe down the bar. "Listen," she said, "I've got to start preparing for closing."

"Oh, no." Bernadette said. "You're not getting off that easy." She put her hand out and wiggled her fingers. "Hand over the key."

"What?" Penny asked.

"Give me the key to your apartment. Amy and I will wait for you there. As soon as you get home, you are going to finish the tale." Penny turned to the cabinet behind her and retrieved her purse. She opened it up and removed her key ring and detached her apartment key. "I'll call Howie and tell him we're having a girls' night. Don't dilly dally; come straight home." Bernadette said as she took the key. "Come on Amy. We'll stop by and pick-up a couple of bottles of wine and the all night grocers."

It was well past 11:00 p.m. when Penny finally walked in the door to her apartment to find Amy and Bernadette sitting on her couch wearing flannel nightgowns and each with their own cartons of ice cream. She plodded over and sat heavily in the chair next to the couch and sighed.

"Leonard came by and we told him he would have to sleep in his apartment tonight," Bernadette said as she stood. "We bought you Extreme Moose Track; do you want a glass of wine too?"

"No, just the ice cream," Penny said. "Did Leonard look upset when you shooed him away?"

"He looked more confused than upset," Amy said.

Penny stood. "Let me just duck next door and tell him goodnight; I'll be right back." She was out the door before they could protest.

Ten minutes later she walked back in with a look of bliss on her face. She sat back down as Bernadette handed her the ice cream and a spoon. She took a bite and the smile that was on her face grew even wider.

"He was the king again; wasn't he?" Amy asked. Penny got a startled look on her face but then just smirked. "Damn, girlfriend. How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Penny asked with as much innocence as she could fake. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Are you at least still wearing your underwear?" Bernadette asked and she saw Penny blush.

Penny sat the carton of ice cream on the coffee table and stood. "I'm going to change into my pajamas." She rushed out of the room and Bernadette turned to Amy who had an identical knowing smirk on her face that matched her on.

"She is such a slut," Amy said and Bernadette just nodded her agreement.

When they had all settled back down and the ice cream was being scraped out of the bottoms of the cartons, Bernadette finally spoke up. "Okay, you've stalled long enough. What happened when you woke him up?"

"You mean the other night; the night he was having the bad dream?" Penny confirmed.

"Yeah. Have you done it again since then?" Amy asked.

Penny lowered her head and whispered, "Again; this morning."

Bernadette giggled and said with a laugh in her voice, "Leonard is one lucky guy, Penny. You are a 'slut', baby girl."

Penny snapped her head up to look at Bernadette; she knew it was said in jest but she didn't want them to misunderstand. She said in a serious tone, "I admit, I have been a slut. I've done some things that I'm not proud of… but now… now I'm…" her voice faltered. "Now I'm just a slut for Leonard."

"Ahhhhh" they both sighed.

"That's so romantic," Amy added.

Penny laughed. "I never imagined hearing the word romantic and slut being used for the same thing."

"But it is," Bernadette said. "It sounds like you get freaky if it makes Leonard happy."

"That's a whole other ball of wax," Penny said as a sidebar.

"What's that mean?" Amy asked.

"Oh, nothing," Penny answered.

"Uh huh," Bernadette said, "We'll add that story to the list for tonight's Pow Wow." She shifted on the sofa to get comfortable, "Now continue. You woke him up to make sure he was alright…" She leaned forward in anticipation of the continuation of the story.

Penny sat the now empty carton on the table and sat back in the chair. She folded her hands over her abdomen and began her story.

"Well, he sounded like he was having a nightmare and he was rasping; I was worried he needed his inhaler. So… I woke him up to ask him if he needed me to get his inhaler from his apartment. He was groggy, but he said no; that he was okay. And then he said…" her lip quivered, "he said we needed to talk; that I should put on some coffee and meet him here," she pointed to the couch that the girls were sitting on, "and we would talk."

Bernadette noticed that her hands were now entwined and Penny was rubbing them together as if trying to keep warm. She sat forward and grabbed her hands and rubbed her hand over hers. "He didn't…?" Bernadette started.

"Break up with me?" Penny finished for her. "No… No," she said as she thought back to that night. "But he may have had that in mind…" she trailed off. "But Sheldon interrupted us. He had heard me raise my voice and he came over to check up on us." She chuckled. "It was almost sweet of him to be worried for me." She didn't notice the cloud of jealousy that appeared in Amy's eyes. "But I sent him home and…" she stopped.

"And…" Bernadette prompted, "and what/"

"Leonard had confessed to me that…, that is need to know only and you," she glanced at each in turn, "don't NEED to know. Let's just say that he had an erroneous set of data and once I pointed out to him the corrupting influence of that data he re-evaluated the conclusions"

"That is very…" Amy began and stopped.

"Scientific," Bernadette finished for her.

"Hey," Penny protested, "I listen… sometimes." She smiled at them. "Well anyway, I could tell that Leonard was torn between giving in to my 'scientific' argument and running away so…" she stopped and her cheeks flushed bright red.

"Give girl." Bernadette said as she patted her hand.

"I ordered him to strip and I told him to get his ass in the bedroom and lie down on the bed." The girls gasped and smirked at each other. "Before I knew what was doing, I had cuffed him to the bed and put a blindfold on him…" She brought her hands to her face and covered her eyes. "I'm so embarrassed,"

"That is hot," Amy hissed. She fidgeted in her seat. "Penny, do you still have that electric toothbrush I gave you for Christmas?"

"Yes, of course," Penny said and then her eyes shot open. "Don't you dare. No, you cannot…"

"Alright" Amy conceded, "Don't get your panties in a wad; if you're wearing any," she jibed.

"What did you do once you had him tied up?" Bernadette led.

"Cuffed," Amy stated, "She had him cuffed; not tied." Bernadette just shot her a glance of 'whatever'.

"Well I talked to him about how much I care for him and how much I need him; I really have…" Penny started.

"We know," Bernadette eased her burden.

"So…" Amy said, "Details BFF."

"I, umm, I kissed him and… touched him. I started to… I put my mouth on his… you know and started to pleasure him." Penny said as if she were embarrassed.

"You mean fellatio," Amy blurted out. Bernadette shot her another glance, this time it meant 'shut-up'.

"Yes, that is what I mean." She fidgeted in her seat. "I guess I'm not good at it, 'cause I couldn't make him… he didn't…"

"You guess you're not good at it." Bernadette looked at here with a question on her face. "But you've been… I mean you are the most experienced…" she swept her hand between the three of them, "… of us. Surely you know how good you are. You've had a lot of feedback haven't you?"

"That's just it; I haven't. I've never been fond of that… you know."

"Fellatio," Amy stated.

"Yes," Penny sighed, "Fellatio. I've only ever done that… fellatio, to get a guy hard. I never followed through and continued once the guy's dick got hard."

Bernadette just stared at her with shock. "How… why… I don't… I can't imagine how… Howie loves it when I blow him. What does Leonard say about you not liking it."

"Do you like doing that with Howard?" Penny asked.

"I love doing that with Howard. The little noises he makes and how he holds my head as I suck him." Bernadette shivered as she relived those feelings. "When the head of his cock slips into my throat, I almost come."

Amy moaned and stood. She darted towards Penny's bedroom. "Potty break," she shouted as she closed the bedroom door behind her. Penny looked at Bernadette with a panicked expression.

"Do not use my toothbrush," she yelled. "I'm never using that toothbrush again," she told Bernadette.

"So are you saying that you didn't enjoy… doing that with Leonard; 'cause I've learned that it just as much who it is as it is how big and how talented it is." Bernadette enquired.

"How talented it is?" Penny asked.

"It makes a difference in how the knight handles the sword," Bernadette said with a grin. "So you've never tasted…"

"I have since then, but that's the other story," Penny said, "and not one for this conclave."

Amy re-entered and sat quietly back in her spot. "Much better," She stated.

"Oh god Amy, do I have to buy another toothbrush?" Penny asked.

"I'll drop by CVS and pick you up another one in the morning." Amy said and smiled at Penny. "Now, where were you?"

"I tried. I really did, but I couldn't bring Leonard off. So… when he said that I should stop, I reached up and kissed him." Penny continued.

"He didn't mind you kissing him, right after you had been…" Bernadette asked.

"No. In fact, I just pecked him on the lips but I was getting wound up so I leaned down to kiss him again and… he attacked my mouth with such gusto, and then he started sucking my tongue with his mouth…" a shutter passed through her at the memory.

"I love Howie, but when I do that for him, he won't kiss me on the mouth until I've rinsed with mouthwash. It's a little off-putting to have to pause in lovemaking to rinse my mouth."

"If I ever get Sheldon's cock in my mouth, I'm going to suck every bit of moisture out of his body; down to the marrow," Amy said and her hands flew to her lap.

"Anyway," Bernadette rebooted, "he was making love to your mouth with his tongue?"

"Yeah," Penny nodded, "He was and it was getting me so hot. I told him that I needed him so bad. But he said no."

"He said no?" Both friends asked in unison.

"He said he didn't want to fuck me until he had tasted me; he loved to eat me out." Penny's hand flew to cover her mouth. "O god, I can't believe I just told you that."

"You've told us before; just not a bluntly," Amy said and saw the confused look on Penny's face. "You always say he's the king of foreplay; what else could it mean?"

"What did you do?" Bernadette ask Penny; trying to get her back on track.

She got an evil grin on her face and said, "I let him taste me; I took off my panties and stuffed them in his mouth. Then I climbed on top of him and rode him like a prize bull."

Bernadette and Amy saw a look of triumph cross Penny's face. "You're not telling us something," Bernadette said, "Spill." Penny grinned from ear to ear and put a hand up to here heart.

"I… I rode him so hard and fast. I felt him cum inside me and that… that made me so hot. I had an explosive orgasm and I almost blacked out." Penny stopped to ponder if she should tell them the rest.

"That's not it," Amy said, "What's the rest of the story?"

Penny smiled at them and made a decision. "I almost passed out… but Leonard did. He feinted." She laughed. "It scared the hell out of me and all I could think to do was… I screamed for Sheldon to call 9-1-1 and…"

All three burst into laughter. It was a very long while before they all calmed down. Penny begged off about the second story and said she would tell them over breakfast in the morning. They all settled down and Penny went to sleep without brushing her teeth.