Disclaimer: I do not own Frozen :(
Also, perhaps another warning, for a part close to the end of the chapter. It is the first part of Elsa's letter at the end of the chapter, and may be triggering for some people. Just be careful, my children.
"You didn't have to do that, you know."
Elsa's eyes fluttered to a close as Anna's fingers had splayed across her stomach, soothing over her skin. Always soothing. Always there.
"I wanted to," Elsa replied quietly, temple throbbing and heart racing. Anna's touch hadn't ceased for one second. Her watch lay abandoned on the wooden floor beside them. Her mother's eyes burned into her mind. "I don't want to hide you anymore. I don't want to hide myself anymore."
Silence fell over the room like the leaves fell to the ground outside. Elsa burrowed herself deeper into Anna as the hand of the clock ticked by raucously. They were small on their bedroom floor, surrounded by their hastily packed suitcases and unopened boxes. Their coats seemed good enough beds that night.
"Elsa." Elsa hummed in response. Her heart skipped whenever her name fell from Anna's lips, whenever she heard the way her tongue curled around the letters, the sounds. Anna's hands had stilled, but still they shook. "You'll be okay, won't you?"
Elsa's lips curved into a smile. How could she possibly tell Anna that she didn't know the answers? That she might never know the answers?
"Yes," She breathed, because what else could she say? "I'll be just fine."
"Elsa, babe, what do you think of these?"
Anna held up the mustard yellow curtains hanging on the rack, smiling in amusement at the twitch of Elsa's nose. An obvious no. Quite frankly, she didn't like them either. She just wanted to bring Elsa out from her pretty little head, especially while they were shopping for their new home. (Anna still wasn't over that.)
"Can't we take a break?" Elsa had murmured, sidling up to her and tangling around her from behind. They had been walking around for hours now, having picked out most of their furniture (and nearly getting kicked out for jumping too enthusiastically on one of the beds), and their kitchen appliances and utensils ("Elsa, won't you reconsider these multi-coloured plastic ones?" "No, Anna, I won't settle for anything less than 50 euro." "Per plate?!"). "And if you insist on getting curtains, at least consider those really nice purple ones in the corner."
Anna smiled knowingly, tipping her head back to kiss Elsa's jaw. Elsa's arms had tightened around her waist, drawing her closer, and Anna wasn't going to reject Elsa's sudden public displays of affection. "You could have just told me you were tired, Els. Do you need to sit down?"
"Yes," Elsa had murmured against her shoulder, trying to hide the smile tugging on the corners of her lips. "And some more kisses, if you'd like to give me some."
"I've created a monster," Anna declared dramatically, walking forward and letting Elsa shuffle along behind her, still latched on.
"A cute one," Elsa had pointed out, arms squeezing tighter around her waist, her watch letting out a single warning beep. Anna's heart clenched. Too slow. Too slow.
"The cutest," She breathed out, instead of voicing her worries, instead of expressing her fears. Instead of panicking, because Elsa had to be okay. Elsa had told her that she would be. She had to be. She just had to be.
("I can make my own darn table, Anna."
Anna lounged contently on their new sofa, practically sinking into the material as she stretched out, happy to be wearing nothing but Elsa's large sweatshirt. Her girlfriend sat on their living room floor, surrounded by pieces of the coffee table she had insisted on buying, simply because she was fascinated with the notion of making your own furniture. Anna thought she looked adorable, with the furrow in her brow, dressed in a loose tank top and black boy shorts.
"I never said you couldn't," Anna pointed out with a cheeky grin, because Elsa was so easy to rile up when she was frustrated. She reached over, tugging on the end of Elsa's braid. "Come here. We can figure it out in a little while."
"I hate you," Elsa had grumbled as she climbed onto the couch beside her, nosing at the marks she had left on Anna's neck earlier. Anna let out a pleased hum, tugging at Elsa's ear and laughing at her playful growl.
"I know," Anna chirruped, pulling Elsa back up to kiss her, melting against her lips. Lying there, in their home, in their space, Anna didn't want to be anywhere else. "Me too.")
"We are not ordering in on our first night here."
Anna had sighed dramatically, near pushing her off their brand new couch as she flailed around. "You stinker."
Elsa grinned brightly, holding Anna close on their couch, in their living room, in their new home. Theirs, together. Finally. "Mhm, you too."
("Have you settled in alright?"
Elsa sat on the edge of her finished table, wiping the sweat from her brow, a triumphant grin on her face. Aurora's voice had filtered from her phone speakers, the other blonde shuffling around on the screen. Her eyes fell on Anna, visible from where she was sitting, as her girlfriend danced around their kitchen, singing loudly to the songs on the radio. Their dinner sizzled away in the pan as a great warmth bubbled up from inside Elsa.
"Yes," Elsa replied, voice soft and smile softer. "We've settled in just fine."
Aurora had laughed, grumbling playfully about her disgusting love struck expression before she grew serious once more. Elsa tore her gaze away from Anna to focus on her best friend's sudden quiet. "Are you going back? Will I still see you around the campus?"
"Of course," Elsa replied softly, patting the dark wood of her finished table and wondering if she should have simply made one out of ice. That would have been a sure way to impress Anna – much more than the table she had slaved over, at least.
"I heard Calhoun wants to make you class president," Aurora had informed her after another moment, gauging her expression, seemingly amused herself. Elsa laughed and collected her tools. "I agree that you do have the face of a winner."
"Do you think I could do it? Run for class president?" Elsa couldn't imagine it, being such a prominent figure in their year group when most only recognized her as the girl who threw up on the stage on the first day.
Aurora had let out a laugh, but not one to mock her. It was quiet and light and full of warmth. Elsa met her gaze through the screen, not wanting to admit to the nerves that gnawed at her inside. The insecurities that plagued her. "I think you could do anything you wanted to, Elsa," Aurora had told her, eyes bright even through the screen. "And I'll be right behind you. Always."
Elsa's chest filled with warmth, her body blooming with happiness. She did not deserve a friend as wonderful as Aurora. "Thank you."
Aurora had shaken her head and smiled, eyes twinkling. "Thank you."
Aurora had ended their call then, all warm smiles and kind eyes, and when Anna had asked her about it over dinner, Elsa could only smile. Aurora knew she would be okay, too.)
It was in moments like these that Anna knew she was truly blessed.
The silence hung over the room as Elsa had shifted, twisting further into the silky sheets that hid nothing. Anna drank in the sight of the girl beside her, fingertips tracing along Elsa's sharp jaw, the light from the window following her every touch. Anna sidled closer, lips planting tender kisses over the bruises that had darkened as the stars danced in the sky. Elsa had looked infinitely beautiful, then, so young and unburdened by the weight of the world.
"Good morning," Anna breathed as her lips brushed against Elsa's. Long eyelashes fluttered open, lips curling up into a sleepy smile.
"Good morning," Elsa had whispered, voice so soft Anna wondered if Elsa was going to disappear any second later. Anna's hold tightened around her, prayed to the Gods, to whatever high power there was, hoping they would hear her.
"Elsa?" Elsa had closed her eyes again. Anna's heart squeezed.
"Yes, Anna?"
"I…" I love you. I need you. I don't think I could ever live without you. "I want blueberry pancakes for breakfast."
Anna wondered, as Elsa's lips curled into the sweetest smile she'd ever seen, if the blonde knew she was a coward.
"Your mother has not contacted you?"
Elsa soothed her hand over the wrinkles in her trousers – however non-existent they were.
"No," She murmured softly, fingers curling even tighter around her smartphone, the soles of her brown leather shoes clacking against the ground beneath her. "Mama has not contacted me. No calls, no e-mails, no texts. She doesn't have my new number."
Her papa stayed silent for a long minute, students passing her as she waited for Anna's class to finish. "Would you like me to give it to her?"
"No," Elsa replied immediately, not when everything was going so well, not when everything was settling in. Not when she wasn't sure her heart could take any more. "I don't want you to give it to her. Please."
"Very well," Her papa had sighed out, voice quiet and weary and heavier than it had been in so many years. "Have you received your things? I had them shipped to your new home as soon as I heard from Tiana."
"Yes," Elsa answered, feeling at a loss of words for her papa for the first time in years. She ached to find more to say. "Thank you for sending them over."
"I will do anything to make you happy, sweetheart." Her papa had paused then, and Elsa closed her eyes, knowing what he would ask, knowing what he would want. "Won't you reconsider coming home?"
Elsa let out a soft breath and opened her eyes at the sound of familiar footsteps, greeted with the sight of brilliant teal eyes and an even brighter smile. Her lips curled.
"No, papa," She told him, voice steady and strong, her heart thudding in her chest. "This is my home now."
"I'm not letting you out of my class until you agree."
Anna stood behind her girlfriend, staring up at Tamora Jean Calhoun, standing tall with her sleek black suit and piercing grey eyes. They had met her husband, the university's technician and overall handyman, Felix, and he had been so nice Anna couldn't help but believe that opposites really did attract.
"I really do not think that I am the person you want for your political endeavours," Elsa had breathed out, knuckles growing even paler as she clutched at the strap of her messenger bag, her eyes big and blue and wide. Her heart monitor beeped wildly, the only other indication that she was anything but calm and cool and every bit the Ásdís she was raised to be. Anna pressed a reassuring hand against the small of her back.
"Your mother had been the class president!" Calhoun had declared, throwing her hands up in near frustration, towering over Elsa's already impressively tall figure. "She was the best in our class, and I'm sure her daughter is just as good as she was."
Elsa's jaw had tensed, the beeps slowing, piercing the brief silence that settled with strong, firm beeps. "I am sorry, Mrs Calhoun, but I am not my mother."
Elsa had taken her hand then, fully intent on walking around Tamora Jean Calhoun and all of her 6 foot glory. Anna let her, feeling the way Elsa's hands trembled, seeing the way her jaw ticked. I am not my mother.
"What if I told you who the rivalling candidate is?" Calhoun had called after them, making Elsa still at the door. The lecture hall seemed a lot smaller them, just her and Elsa and Tamora Jean Calhoun, who she was seriously considering talking back to.
"Who is it, ma'am?" Elsa had asked, voice soft and tired and small. Anna squeezed her hand firmly, her eyebrows furrowing, her stomach twisting, the warning in the back of her head blaring once more.
"Hans Westergaard." Anna stiffened at the sound of his name, at the memory of his voice, slurred and loud, breath stinking of alcohol. You were supposed to be mine.
Elsa's hold had tightened around hers, cold air tickling her palm as she turned around, blue eyes ablaze. "I'll do it."
Calhoun had smirked. "Let's get to work, ladies."
Elsa had never been good with children - or people, for that matter.
Watching Anna now, however, Elsa was struck with a great sense of awe, her heart fluttering as Anna joined in seamlessly with the games the children were playing. Anna had moved fluidly, laughing joyously, without a care in the world. Elsa wondered, with a fond smile, if she would ever have this with Anna. She wondered if she would ever see Anna's face when she proposed, if she would ever feel the tear welling in her eyes as Anna walked up the aisle, if she'd ever hold their first child, if she would even live long enough to tell Anna that she loved her. Gods, how she loved her.
It had been a small tug to her sleeve that drew her away from her thoughts, from her fears.
A young girl, no older than 5, had peered up at her, dirty blonde hair held back neatly with a light green headband, hazel-green eyes hiding behind thickly framed glasses. Tiny hands had clutched at a worn - well-loved, perhaps? - book. Elsa smiled gently, despite this.
"Hello," Elsa greeted softly, fingers wriggling nervously in the safety of her gloves. She moved subconsciously, hands trembling as she eased the expectant little girl up onto the bench Elsa had perched herself onto. "My name is Elsa. What is yours?"
"Lucy Q," a quiet voice had replied, hands still curled tightly around the book.
Elsa's smile softened. "It's nice to meet you." Elsa paused, eyes darting towards Anna for the briefest of moments. "Why aren't you playing with the other children?"
"They're very loud," Lucy Q had explained softly, finally pressing the book into Elsa's hands. "I was hoping you could read to me instead." Lucy Q had paused in thought, before tacking on a half-hearted. "Please."
Elsa gazed down at the well-read novel in her hands, fingers tracing reverently over the creases, the pages. Alice in Wonderland was certainly a very interesting read. "I'd love to."
Lucy Q had settled into her side then, latching onto her sweater as Elsa carefully pried the book open, trying not to show her surprise too much. They had quietened then, in their own little bubble, Elsa and Lucy Q tumbling into their own little wonderland.
"Elsa," Anna had called as Elsa closed the book over, after what seemed like hours later.
"Yes?" Elsa startled, her free hand running over Lucy Q's head in apology as the girl jumped, too.
Anna had smiled then, the kind of smile that made her heart flutter and thump and splutter.
Elsa, as a chorus of 'ew's' filled the room, could only laugh against Anna's lips, pulling her closer.
"I'd like to see Lucy Q again."
Anna smiled tenderly at her girlfriend - were they girlfriends? - and pressed a kiss to the bare hand tucked safely into her own. Elsa had flushed at the touch, and Anna couldn't help but press a dozen more kisses just to see Elsa fluster.
"Anna!" Elsa had exclaimed, voice high-pitched and breathless. A few passers-by glanced over in surprise. "Focus!"
"Sorry," Anna replied, wholly unapologetic, a cheeky grin crossing her face. Elsa had huffed, cheeks warm and tinged with pink. "But, I would like to see her again, too. You two were so cute together."
Elsa had grown quiet then, eyes falling to their joined hands. Anna watched adoringly, completely missing the light turning from green to red as she stepped off the sidewalk. Horns blared in her ears, and Anna choked out a breath as Elsa yanked her back. Frost coated the collar of her coat, Elsa's watery blue eyes burning into her own.
"What were you thinking?" Elsa exclaimed shakily, trembling hands curling into her coat. A frantic beeping sounded in her ears."Gods, Anna, you could have..."
"Elsa..." Anna breathed out, eyebrows furrowing as the frost only seemed to spread further across the fabric. "I—"
"I love you."
Anna, in the fading Corona sunlight, could only smile, a great sense of relief rushing through her as her forehead pressed to Elsa's.
"I love you, too."
"Aurora has the entire athletic department voting for you."
Elsa gaped up at her girlfriend, who was perched delicately on her lap, looking very content with herself as she hugged one of Elsa's campaign posters. She shifted in her seat, hands splayed warmly against Anna's sides.
"That's practically half of the school," She breathed out in astonishment, waving absently as the soccer players, in their usual herd, called out to her as they passed. Anna had shifted happily in her lap.
"Not only that. I managed to convince most of the art department to vote for you. They found your serenade for me very romantic."
Elsa laughed softly, bringing her girlfriend closer and ignoring the throb of her temple, burrowing her head against Anna's shoulder. "They're voting for me because they think I'm romantic?"
Anna had pushed against her, smirking, pressing a kiss to her lips. "They're voting for you because you're this sweet, caring, amazing person, Elsa. They're voting for you because now, they can see all the things I love about you. You deserve this."
"You really think so?" Elsa asked quietly, peering up into Anna's bright eyes, fingers curling into her shirt.
Anna had smiled, warm and kind and tender when she pressed her lips against hers. "I know so."
("You're not going to win this, Elsa."
Elsa, in her dark blue polo shirt and authoritative little ponytail, had glared up into Hans' hazel eyes and smirked.
"Watch me.")
'30 October 2015
Dear Anna,
I love you.
There are many things I am unsure of, like how many freckles you really have (I have counted just over a hundred, now), or if I will ever fully reconcile with my mother, but I am sure, more than anything, that I love you. I love you so much. I could watch you for a single minute, and find a thousand things that I love about you. So, I crave every second, every minute, every hour and day where there is no you and I, or me and you, but us.
You are the only reason that I am still fighting. I could so easily give up, so easily succumb to the dizzying headaches. But I don't ever want to stop seeing you smile, feeling your heartbeat against mine, relishing in the whispers that fall from your lips when we kiss. I don't ever want to lose you, so I will fight so you will never have to lose me.
You will never, ever lose me.
Love, Elsa.'
"Come back to bed," Anna had murmured as Elsa folded the letter into the pages of the book, slim arms winding around her neck from behind. "Let me show you how much I love you."
Elsa merely smiled and lost herself to tender touches, knowing, as Anna's lips breathed worship against her skin, that no god above or hell below could stop her from doing so.
("Don't ever leave me, Elsa."
Anna had breathed those words against her shoulders, still out of breath, still flushed with warmth. Elsa shook her head and pressed herself closer, ever, ever closer.
"I won't. I won't. I promise.")
"I've never been trick-or-treating before."
Anna fixed the orange ears perched crookedly on her head and brought her gaze to her girlfriend, eyes wide. Lucy Q had walked in between them, seemingly shocked at this new development, also.
"Never ever?" Lucy Q had exclaimed, peering up at Elsa and squeezing her hand. Elsa had blushed and shaken her head.
"Never ever," Elsa had echoed in confirmation, pink ears flopping around on her head. Anna watched as Lucy Q's chubby cheeks had puffed up in contemplation, before being yanked along, the little blonde Pooh Bear tugging them along to the next house.
"Say it," Lucy Q had whispered loudly up at Elsa as the middle-aged woman watched from the doorway in amusement. Elsa had flushed deeply, matching the pink of her Piglet costume.
"T-Trick-or-treat," Elsa had managed to get out, offering the heavy bag of candy she had been carrying for Lucy Q. The woman had chuckled and dropped a small bar of chocolate into the bar. "Thank you."
The woman merely smiled. "Have a nice night, girls. Wonderful costumes, by the way."
"Thank you," Anna chirped brightly, her striped tail bouncing lightly as they turned away to catch up with the other children.
"Your girlfriend is very cute, Tigger," the woman had told Anna with a chuckle. "You should hold on tight to someone like that."
Anna brought her gaze over to Elsa, eyeing her pink cheeks and floppy ears and shy smile as Lucy Q began pulling them along once more.
Anna's lips curled into a brilliant grin. "Don't worry. I don't plan on letting her go."
"Come on, slowpoke!" Lucy Q had huffed and tugged harder at her hand. Anna laughed and nodded her thanks to the woman once more, before letting Lucy pull her along.
"What was that all about?" Elsa had asked her, eyes shimmering with curiosity.
"Nothing," Anna reassured with a smile, leaning over to peck Elsa's temple, lingering for the slightest of moments. "I love you."
Elsa, with crimson filling her cheeks once more, had laughed. "I love you too."
"He likes you."
Elsa turned back to her novel, effectively ignoring her girlfriend and the tiny creature in her hands. "I don't like him."
Anna had pouted, shifting closer and dropping the little grey pup onto her chest. Elsa yelped as she received a few eager licks to the underside of her chin. The pup had stolen all of Anna's attention for the past few days, so it was safe to say that Elsa was not happy with him.
"Just give Marshmallow a chance," Anna had insisted, nuzzling against her cheek. Elsa wrinkled her nose, a hand settling on the pup's back as he began to slip off.
"I can't believe you got us a dog," Elsa drawled and let her gaze fall upon a sheepish Anna.
"It's too quiet around here," Anna had defended, curling a strong arm around her waist, bringing her closer. Elsa couldn't resist, even if she wanted to.
"You're really lucky I love you," Elsa murmured as the pup settled down to rest against her chest. Her eyes fluttered to a close as Anna had pressed light kisses to her ear, feeling the curl of Anna's lips as she had smiled.
"I'm just really lucky to have you at all."
Elsa hummed and turned her head, capturing Anna's lips with her own. Elsa, as Anna's hand curled around the nape of her neck, wondered if Anna knew just how wrong she was.
'04 November 2018
Dear Anna,
I'm scared. I know that Doctor Pabi has warned me about fear becoming my enemy, but I can't help but be scared. I am scared of losing this election. I am scared of losing to Hans. I'm scared to think of what it might mean for the rest us, for the students who want someone to rely on, to look up to. I'm scared of what someone like Hans can do after what he almost did to you. After what he could have done to you. I am scared, because I hear your screams, I hear your cries, I feel your shivers, the way you tremble, the way you thrash, begging him to leave you alone, begging him not to touch you. I'm scared that you won't be able to protect you.
More than that, I'm scared of what's happening to me. Doctor Pabi tells me that the prototype is failing. He tells me that it might not last one more year, one more month, one more week, one more day. He tells me that I am living on borrowed time, that my days, and minutes and seconds are numbered. What scares me most is not knowing. Not knowing how much time I have left, not knowing how much more my heart will take, not knowing if I'll be able to say goodbye.
I don't ever want to say goodbye.
Love,
Elsa.'
Yes, I reposted this chapter, only because I wasn't happy with the way I wrote it the first - or rather second - time. I hope you like this new and (hopefully) improved version of this chapter, and tell me what you think! Thank you so much for all of your reviews and for following and adding my story to your favorites! You can also find this story on AO3 now, but note that the chapters here will be ahead of those. Thank you :)