CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE:
"There's something you need to know…"

"…Estimated human casualties from the Haydonite invasion, occupation, and liberation by Alliance forces were in excess of 300 million dead and 200 million wounded across the planet. Some areas of the planet (e.g. China, Middle East, and Europe) were heavily devastated by the fighting. Those areas the hardest hit suffered major societal breakdown because of local governments collapsing along with the destruction of support services and infrastructure. General Coulson did not hesitate to deploy Alliance forces into those areas to prevent complete anarchy and restore order. On more than one occasion, the sight of Invid Shock Troopers patrolling the streets dissuaded any potential troublemakers and rabble-rousers. This helped to bring calm and restore order allowing for much-needed assistance and supplies to be brought in and flow freely, helping the survivors…"

— excerpt from "A Galaxy at War: The Haydonite-Alliance War"

oOoOo

A grimace of pain flashed on Faith's face as she bent over the open fridge. The twinge of pain stabbing through her body was a reminder of that final battle and she, once again, silently cursed the alien and her own stupidity. As she grabbed a can of beer from the fridge, a wisp of a smile flashed on her face as she opened the beer and took a sip. Her smile faded as the knowledge she was disobeying doctor's orders quickly lost its rebellious zest. The dark cloud that was hanging over her reasserted itself.

The lingering pain from her injuries was minor to the pain that still filled her heart and soul. When she'd regained consciousness, she'd at first been confused and then surprised to find herself in a hospital bed with Andy by her bedside. There had been the obvious confusion as her last memories were a jumble of images. She thought she was dead or Andy was crazy when he told what had happened in Adamsville and around the world.

It was one of those moments that didn't feel real when he — hesitantly — told her the Arcadia had returned, leading a large fleet to defeat the aliens. It had been pure instinct and reflex when she jumped out of bed, ignoring the pain as she headed for the door. She was almost to the door when she realized what she was doing and that she'd left Andy just sitting there, looking forlorn and lost. The pain from her wound faded to the background as she found herself being pulled in two directions. Before she could say anything, Andy caught her by surprise when he asked her to get back into bed. He told her he had to make calls to let people know she had regained consciousness.

It took all her self-control not to bolt from the room while waiting as she didn't know what she would do or say when Paul showed up. The little voice in the back of her head was wondering about why Paul wasn't here, but her anxiousness overrode the concern.

An eternity seemed to pass by before the door opened and a small group of people entered. She was surprised to see Buffy and Willow leading a group of nurses and orderlies. Faith did a second take as she realized that one of the nurses wasn't a nurse. A huge smile grew on her face as she recognized Dawn. When she didn't see Paul with the group that small voice expressing concern became louder. Faith's stomach dropped away and her smile faded upon seeing the look on Buffy's sister's face.

Before Dawn could even say anything, Faith was shaking her head and muttering, "No" to make what was happening go away and seem less real. Only the words "Paul was dead" sunk in and made any sense to her as Dawn spoke. For the longest time, she'd given up hope and rationalized that he was dead. That he'd been alive for all this time to die now ripped open the protective scar she'd built up. It took all the orderlies and Buffy to hold her down, while she thrashed and screamed, for the nurse to administer a sedative to calm her down.

It had been a no-brainer decision to go home with Andy. When she'd been discharged from the hospital, her first instinct was to run and hide somewhere to bury herself and forget. How all this must seem to Andy and how he was dealing with her 'losing it' for another man added to the mix of emotions she was already going through. There was a moment where she felt as if she was losing her mind and she'd lost Andy too, but he never wavered. He stepped up and consoled her, not saying a word as he held her as she sobbed quietly. His unspoken love and support reaffirmed how she felt for him and where her place was.

That was almost three weeks ago and Faith was still trying to sort through everything as she got her strength back. It had been fortunate that Andy's house had survived the fighting except for a few holes and broken windows that were easily repaired. It had given them a place to return to and try to move past what they had gone through.

Though the house was the same, it seemed different to her somehow. She realized that Andy was still walking on eggshells around her, doing his best to not upset her. This only caused her to get angry with him acting all gingerly and sensitive with her. Several times she'd called him out on it and immediately was filled with guilt for taking out her pain and issues on him. She wanted to be with Andy. She felt better being around him… at least that is what she kept telling herself.

Though Andy's home had survived, his business hadn't. His garage was nothing but a burnt out shell, yet he was still gone every day. He was out helping his neighbors and the town rebuild. He would leave early in the morning and wouldn't get home until late in the evening. Faith realized part of the reason he was staying away was to give her time and space to recover. The other reason was to avoid the almost constant bickering they seemed to fall into whenever they tried to talk. There had been many a meal they had eaten together in silence, both afraid to voice what they were thinking. Early on, he had tried to get her to talk to him. After a while he'd given up, and the guilt filled her as she recalled how she dismissed his attempts with a curt, "What's there to talk about!"

She let out a sigh, walking back into the living room sipping her beer. She knew she had to do better with Andy if they were going to have a chance. There was a part of her that realized that some of the guilt and pain she was suffering was from knowing she'd given up on Paul. There was a long list of dark, questionable and dumb things she'd done in her life. Knowing she'd slept with Andy while Paul was still alive was now pretty high on that list and it tore at her. Rationally, she knew there was no way she could have known, but that was small comfort to her conscious or her heart.

I need to let go… I need to move on…

She snorted at those thoughts as she knew it was one thing to say it. She sighed again as she sat down and stared at the darken television. The television was working fine, she avoided watching it. The TV was alive with news reports and stories about the Arcadia, Paul and the Alliance. She couldn't stand to watch without the pain wanting to burst through. Whenever Andy was home, he would watch TV, but Faith would retreat to the bedroom to avoid it.

Even with her attempts to avoid the news, she still got rough details about the Arcadia, Paul and this so-called 'Alliance'. She knew if she would ever get over Paul and allow herself to move on, she needed to face her pain.

If Andy and I are ever going to have a life together, I need to face this, she thought. Her hand reached for the TV remote, pressing the power button. The television came to life and as if to test her resolve, a news program came on, providing the latest updates of events.

"…construction on the first of several planned orbital shipyards is proceeding on schedule. With the new space stations being constructed, they are adding to the unprecedented build-up in space around the planet. This follows on top of the recent announcement for the new moon base and expansion of the current scientific outpost on Mars to a larger base. While this will increase humanity's reach into the solar system, some observers and critics are expressing concerns. Questions are being asked if those same resources would be better utilized to help with rebuilding those areas of the planet hit hard by the fighting. In a recent news conference, General Coulson, speaking on behalf of the Alliance, addressed these concerns…"

The screen switched over to show General Coulson standing behind a podium addressing a room full of reporters. Faith noted the hard serious look on the man's face as he looked into the camera, addressing the reporters and those watching.

"I know that we… the human race has suffered much recently from the invasion and fighting to free our world. This is not the time to look inward! We have to build-up our space capacity! This is to not only defend ourselves, but contribute to the fight against the Haydonite Hegemony and help our allies at this critical time!"

Faith's eyes glazed over as the screen switched back to the news anchor and he began talking about the current political situation in the country. She headed back to the kitchen for another beer as the announcer continued on in the background. The news anchor droned on about how those members of Congress and the Senate, not associated with President Kinsey, were meeting with state representatives. Discussions were ongoing to schedule new elections for both houses and President, along with rebuilding the Supreme Court.

Faith cared little about the current political situation. All she knew was that a junior Senator from California was acting-Speaker of the House which made her interim President. Most of Congress, the Senate along with many others from within government were being hauled up before special tribunals for their actions and collaboration with Kinsey. She'd heard talk about people comparing these tribunals to "show trials", "witch hunts" or "purges", but all that mattered to her was that Kinsey was dead.

With the President dead, she no longer had to hide or worry about the law looking for her. Dawn had told her that General Coulson had granted her, Buffy, and everyone associated with their group full amnesty and pardons for any actions. There had been a few rumblings from some quarters about the amnesty, but no one was going to dispute the General. Faith returned with her beer as the news anchor finished up his report.

"…The number of volunteers wanting to join the Alliance forces has been overwhelming. Several countries and militaries have expressed their frustration at the slowness of training, integrating and equipping of humans into the new military alliance. In response, Alliance representatives have promised that more resources are on route from Tirol and other Alliance planets to help speed up training and arming. To help deal with the huge influx of volunteers, several new bases have been opened across the planet along with the expansion of existing bases. In final news… Officials from the Chinese provisional government, the Israeli-Palestinian joint governing council and several other countries have expressed their appreciation to General Coulson and Alliance representatives for the support and supplies that have been given to their countries. Special thanks were expressed to the Invid for deploying their forces to help maintain law and order and assisting with relief operations in those regions hit the hardest…"

Faith shook her head as she still found it hard to believe how much the world had changed in the last few weeks. She debated about whether to turn off the TV or leave it on. Finally deciding upon a compromise, she laid down on the couch and closed her eyes, leaving the TV on. She lost track of time, but her eyes shot open as her mind picked up on what was being said on the television.

"…'Operation Good Fortune' is considered one of the most important operations of the war against the Haydonites. The then Captain Coleiro drew away the defensive forces guarding the Hegemony's huge orbital shipyards and base in the Letiri System. In what could only be classified as a risky gamble. He took the Arcadia into the system and led her fighter squadrons in a strike against the installations, destroying them and crippling the enemy's operations. This victory allowed Coleiro to take the offensive against the Hegemony and liberate Optera…"

Faith held her breath as she watched the video footage play. She watched Paul as he briefed all the pilots, telling them that the war and everyone's survival was counting on the success of this operation. Her eyes misted over as she saw him on the Arcadia's hanger deck. Gentle tears rolled down her face as she saw him climb into his Veritech's cockpit. Her breathing got ragged when she saw her name emblazoned on the nose of his fighter. The cameraman got a close up of Paul in the cockpit, his face easily visible behind his helmet visor. Seeing his face, Faith wanted the scene to freeze, so she could imprint it into her mind. The scene moved on, changing to show waves of fighters attacking space stations and ships in orbit around a planet.

She couldn't watch anymore. Quickly turning off the TV, she laid back on the couch, staring at the ceiling as thoughts and feelings flowed through her.

"Goodbye, Paul," she whispered to the empty room as more tears rolled down her face.

oOoOo

"Are you sure you want to do this?" the English-accented voice asked.

Rachel Larson sighed. There was a part of her that wanted to tell Giles to just keep driving, but she needed to do this.

Faith needs to know what happen, Rachel thought as she pushed her cowardice and doubts back down.

"Yeah, I have to do this… I'll need a drink afterward," she said as she got out of the car, making her way to the small nondescript house.

"I think we'll all need a drink afterward," Giles replied, getting out and following Rachel to the house.

oOoOo

Faith hadn't realized she had drifted off to sleep until she awoke to a soft banging. Out of habit, her body tensed at the potential threat, but she relaxed as she realized that someone was knocking at the front door. Out of instinct and reflex, she moved quietly and quickly to the door. She wasn't too worried about any threats because if they had been serious about hurting her, they wouldn't have knocked. Her curiosity about who could be at the door turned to surprise when she found Chief Larson and Giles standing on the front porch.

"Chief? Giles?" Faith asked in a confused voice.

"Hello, Faith," Giles answered in calm, quiet voice.

There was a long moment of silence before Giles spoke up again, "May we come in?"

This shook her out of her surprise, "Uh…yeah, right. Come in… make yourself at home," Faith said as she opened the door to her visitors and showed them to the living room.

The uncomfortable silence returned as Rachel and Giles sat on the sofa and Faith took a chair across from them. Another long moment passed, this time it was Faith that broke the silence.

"So, uh… Chief, how are you doing?"

"It's just Rachel now… I'm no longer in the navy or military," Rachel said with a small smirk, reading the puzzled expression on Faith's face.

"I quit… retired… however you want to call it. I left or I should say more accurately, I'll be leaving the service in a couple of weeks. I just have to wait for my paperwork to be processed."

"I-I don't know what to say," Faith said in a surprised voice, "I would have thought you would stay on until the war was over?"

"This is my third war… four if you count the Zentraedi rebellion. I've seen enough… I've lost too much… too many friends and family," Rachel said with a tired sigh.

At the mention of lost ones, Faith met the other woman's eyes and nodded as the dark cloud of Paul's death descended on the room. She could see the lingering pain and sadness in the older woman's face. It only reminded her of her own pain and sadness she had been wrestling with.

"So, what're you going to do now?" Faith asked desperately wanting to get on to another subject.

"I don't know… I'm going to take some time to think about it. Maybe Giles will make an honest woman out of me… or maybe I'll corrupt him," Rachel said with a small laugh.

Faith couldn't help herself as she laughed at seeing the uncomfortable look cross Giles's face at Rachel's verbal jab.

"Corrupt, Giles? Now that's something I would love to see!" she said, laughing again. She couldn't remember the last time she'd laughed. It felt good to laugh again. The feeling faded as the tension and silence returned. Faith finally broke the silence as she had questions that needed answers.

"How did he die? Dawn didn't tell me much beyond that Paul was dead and what news I've watched has been vague on a lot of details."

Rachel sighed as she'd recognized that this would be one, if not the first, of the questions asked. Details surrounding Paul's death had been restricted with only vague general details being released for public consumption. The news was focusing more on his contributions to the Alliance and war rather than his death.

The Alliance Council had classified and restricted the details of Paul's death along with releasing any images of or discussing the Regent's appearance. The scuttlebutt was that the Alliance wanted to avoid any problems or complications with the Invid at this critical time. Rachel had laughed at this because there were no details to release! Nobody had a clue or idea of what had happened, and the Invid weren't saying much about it either.

She'd heard talk going around about how some of the Invid mecha had flown against the Haydonites. There were a few voices expressing worry about how much the Admiral had told and given the Invid with his sacrifice. She guessed that those same concerns were being discussed at higher levels as well, especially in light of the power that the Invid had projected to help liberate Earth. She didn't share those concerns or worries as she'd fought the Invid before, in her home universe, and the Invid of this universe were nothing like them.

Even with the standing orders in place, Rachel brushed off any concerns about any repercussions for breaking them. She was here because Paul would have wanted her to be here. He was her family and she would have done anything for him, no matter the cost.

What're they going to do? Court-martial me? Fire me? I already quit! Screw them!

What troubled her the most was that Paul hadn't even left a letter or note to explain what and why he'd done what he did. She realized Faith wouldn't like the few answers she had, but the younger woman deserved them.

"I don't know much more than what's been broadcast on the news. What I know is that he went to Optera… the Invid homeworld. I do know that Paul was obsessed with finishing this war and defeating the Haydonites. From what Captain Wright told me, when we found out Earth had been invaded, Paul became even more consumed with ending this war," Rachel said in a quiet voice.

"Optera? What was he doing there? Did he die there? Where is he buried?" Faith asked rapidly.

Rachel let out another sigh, "To be honest, I have no idea… no one has any idea why he was there and what he was trying to accomplish. The Invid have been pretty closed mouth on what happened to him. The only thing they've been saying is that he is 'no more' and what he did allowed them to overcome the Haydonite's PSI jamming. Without whatever he did, the Invid wouldn't have been able to help us like they did..."

Rachel paused for a moment as she debated saying what was on her mind because it sounded too contrived and melodramatic. She gave in because however it sounded, it was still the truth.

"Whatever he did made it possible for the Invid to now fully take part in this war. With them now able to bring their full force to bear, the war will be over sooner… countless lives will be saved."

Rachel watched as Faith closed her eyes at her last words and took a deep breath to get control of herself. Several minutes passed before Faith opened her eyes again, looking at the Chief.

"D-Did he leave a note… or a message?" she asked hesitantly.

Rachel shook her head, "No… If he did, nobody knows anything about it."

Faith closed her eyes again and took another deep breath. She was surprised as a flash of anger flowed through her. The thought Paul would have sacrificed himself and not even leave her a message saying goodbye caused some of her grief to turn to anger. She took another deep breath to get control of her emotions, opening her eyes and seeing the Chief studying her. Faith read the expression on Rachel's face and could tell that the other woman knew she was angry.

"Thanks, Ch— uh, Rachel. I appreciate you coming here to see me," Faith said trying to calm down. Between the TV and this visit, she found herself emotionally drained and now only wanted to be alone. Standing up to show Giles and Rachel out, she was caught off-guard when neither person moved to leave. She suddenly got a weird vibe about this visit and that there was something more that Rachel wanted to tell her.

"Why are you really here?" Faith suddenly asked.

She saw Rachel suddenly look very uncomfortable which seemed to confirm her instincts. Rachel was still debating whether to tell Faith everything about Paul and the Invid. Ever since seeing the Regent, she'd been developing her own theories about what had happened to Paul on Optera. She had discussed them with Giles and he'd been open-minded, yet skeptical. That he accompanied her to visit Faith was a sign of his support and feelings towards her, which she appreciated. Yet, she found herself hesitant to tell the other woman everything because there was no evidence to confirm them other than her gut instinct. She was naturally concerned how Faith would react to being told about the Regent.

"What is it you're not telling me?" Faith asked.

Rachel let out a deep sigh. She still wasn't sure if she should tell Faith about her crazy theories. Despite some lingering reservations, she recognized that Faith deserved — at least — to be told about the Regent.

"There's something you need to know. Something that isn't public knowledge."