Chapter Twenty One

"My Dearest Joseph," She began to read.

It has been over two weeks since you left the palace and I find I am no closer to coping with life without you than I was the day you left. My heart and my soul ache for you. I wonder if I will ever again see your face, feel your arms around me, or lose myself in your eyes and touch.

I need you, Joseph! You have to know that I never wanted you to go. The pain I feel not having you in my life is tearing me apart. I had to do it though! I just had to! Maybe some day you will understand why I did it. Why I sent you out of my life and said such cruel, awful things to you when all I truly wanted to do was throw myself into your arms and beg you to never let me go. You have no idea how hard it was for me to say such things to you and know that you would end up hating me because of them. I counted on your hatred though; I knew the only way you would ever leave me was if I angered you enough. I had to push you to that point; it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

I could never bear to lose you or watch you suffer just because of me. That is why I had to let you go, it was the only way. That night at the cabin you gave me such a precious gift and I will treasure it always, but what you don't know and must never know is that that night along with your gift of love to me, we created a child together. I want this child so much, Joseph. Our child, but it hurts so much that once again duty must come first. I wish that it were possible for me to share this joy with you. You should be here. I should be in your arms right now, rejoicing with you for the miracle growing inside of me. Perhaps a beautiful little girl with your eyes and dark complexion and smile that lights up my world or a little boy that will follow in your footsteps and become the kind of wonderful man that his father is. Instead I am sad and bitter because you are not here and you cannot even know of your own child. I am so afraid of what could happen if the truth were known. I feel like such a coward, Joseph. You deserve to have a child of your own and I want nothing more than to give you that child. I can picture you being an amazing father.

How can fate be so cruel? How will I ever have our child and not be able to tell him who his father truly is? How will I survive each day without you by my side supporting me, loving me? There are times that I feel being Genovia's Queen is nothing more than a curse placed upon me. How will I ever get through this? Now that I know your touch, how will I ever endure living without it? How will I endure the times of Rupert insisting on his right into my bed when all I want is you? Oh Joseph………..

"Oh my god!" Mia dropped the journal, her hands flying to her face in shock.

Back in time at the cabin………..

It had been a long, agonizing night for the two of them. Clarisse had opened up somewhat and he felt as though she had begun to truly let him into her heart. He still found it hard to believe that this beautiful woman had feelings for him and had been trying to deny and fight her feelings for him just as he had been doing for her. They had talked for what seemed like hours. He had sat there soaking up everything she had been willing to share with him, knowing that it was rare that she showed so much of her inner self. She had told him of her childhood, the death of her brother and then her parents. The hurt she had suffered at the hands of Rupert. The dreams she had once allowed herself to have. The grief she had felt at having to send her little boys off to a boarding school at such a young age.

Now as he sat next to her on the couch, her legs across his lap and his arms around her, he knew from this night on he could never let her go. She loved him and that was enough. Though they would never be able to physically express their love for one another except maybe through a few stolen kisses, right now it seemed more than Joseph had ever dreamed about. She loved him. She truly loved him. She was his Queen and yet her heart belonged to him just as his heart belonged to her.

Clarisse seemed content to remain cuddled in his arms, drawing her strength from him. She was still wrapped in the warm blanket and he with one around his waist, neither cold any longer.

Joseph continued to hold her and whisper soothing words into her ear until he felt her body relax completely and he knew, beyond any doubt, that she was asleep. He lowered her gently down to the couch and let out a long sigh.

He sat, staring down at her beautiful, bruised face for a long time, the lighting coming from the fireplace illuminating her fragile features. Even with the bruises that were beginning to appear at her temple, she was still the loveliest woman he had ever seen. He felt that familiar ache inside of him, that overwhelming feeling of desire and love that so often consumed him when she was near. He drew in a shaky breath and tried to ease away from her unnoticed.

He had every intention of leaving her on the couch and spending the remainder of the night on the floor in front of the fireplace but Clarisse stirred as she felt him drawing away and her eyes fluttered open.

"Joseph? Where are you going?" He had managed to pull back from her and nodded towards the fireplace.

She reached out and her fingers closed around his arm. "No please. Don't leave. Just hold me, Joseph."

He pulled in a slow deep breath and then nodded, reluctantly. Holding her so close was against his better judgment but he couldn't refuse, couldn't turn away from her.

Scooting as far as she could over on the couch to make room for him, she beckoned with her eyes for him to join her, inviting him to lie down beside her.

He stifled a low moan as he lay down beside her and took her into his arms.

She instantly snuggled against him, her face brushing his neck, and sighed in contentment. "That's better." She whispered.

His arms closed around her and he kissed her forehead, gently. He could feel the curves of her body even through the blanket she wore and her arm tightened around his bare waist. The power this woman held over him left him breathless. He wondered if even Clarisse was aware of her own sensuality as he struggled against the strength of his passion for her. He had envisioned her naked body so many times, touching and tasting every inch of her, her arms and legs wrapped around him as they made love.

Joseph fought to control his breathing as he kept his hands pressed against her back, exerting every ounce of willpower he possessed to stop himself from….God, this was pure torture!

He had to focus on something else, something that would quell the longing throbbing through his body. He forced his mind on the Viscount Mabry and how that snake of a man always seemed to weasel himself into the palace. He would ask Clarisse later on if the Viscount had done anything during this last stay to upset her. It was just a feeling he had, but a very strong one that the Viscount had somehow bothered her yet again.

Passion was slowly replaced with what he'd like to do to the Viscount for putting his hands on Clarisse. That man had no right………He felt Clarisse stir against him and murmur something in her sleep. Joseph knew in his heart that he was quite capable of destroying anyone who threatened her.

She moaned again and unconsciously rubbed up against him, her blanket opening up a little and revealing the silky cream of her neck and the swell of her breasts. Joseph responded instantly, his entire body tensing with desire. Sliding down further, he kissed her lips softly. She didn't awaken but a deep sigh escaped her lips. His hands slid upwards toward her shoulders as his lips moved down to her neck, to the soft skin at the base of her throat.

He caressed the area with his mouth, the kiss as light as the touch of a butterfly's wing. He could smell her perfume and his head began to swim. His lips moved to her earlobe. In another minute, he would claim her mouth again, move his hands around to caress her beautiful breasts with the palms of his hands, tease her nipples, rolling them back and forth, pressing himself into her until she was begging him to………..

With a soft oath, he jerked away from her abruptly. Clarisse was instantly awake. "Joseph? What is it?"

"I can't do this, Clarisse!" He whispered hoarsely. "I'm sorry. I can't!" He jumped up off the couch and quickly went over to the fireplace and laid down, his back toward her. He sensed her eyes watching him.

"Night, Your Majesty!" He said, gruffly. Her voice sounded small and hurt when she answered. "Good Night, Joseph."

To Be Continued………………………….