Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto
A PUNK'S LIFE
BY: ADOREDRA FAL'NAELRA
CHAPTER EIGHT: PHILOSOPHIES AND PARTIES
SEVEN TO HEAVEN
While the two lovebirds sang in the closet, the group timed seven minutes. Naruto spent the whole time shamelessly flirting with the girl sitting next to him. Well, not really flirting, but after living his first ten years in relative isolation, Naruto loved to get to know people. Everyone had a story; he just had to ask and listen.
At the loud ring of the timer, a flurry of commotion from the closet could be heard all the way into the large living room. In the beginning, a brief argument over whether or not the spectators should just barge into the closet at the seven minute mark where Naruto definitely argued for not doing that. Partly to piss Ino off because she would thoroughly enjoy interrupting two in the middle of sucking face and partly because he had high hopes for what he could pull of in the closet.
The blushing and frazzled duo returned from the closet and sheepishly took their seats to the sound of Naruto, Kiba and a few others hooping-and-hollering. Naruto could tell something good happened in the closet judging from their wet red lips and slightly wrinkled clothes.
"So, how was it?" Ino said trailing off suggestively.
"Screw that," Kiba interrupted. "Did ya use tongue?"
"Kiba!" Sakura said in alarm with a few other giggles and gasps. Ino and Naruto just shrugged thinking that Kiba asked the real question.
"Well?" Kiba pestered. The girl tried to hide her head in her shoulders and looked at her lap with a face as bright as Sakura's red pajamas. The boy on the other hand tried to act coy but the giant grin and the slight nodding ruined the attempted effect.
"Nice, dawg, way to go," Kiba responded as the all the guys around the host started fist bumping and patting him on the back. Kiba, however, hadn't finished asking his impromptu game of twenty questions.
"Ya touch her, you-know-whats," he said while motioning towards his chest.
"Kiba!" Sakura really shouted in alarm. "Don't answer that question either!"
"Oh, don't be a bunch of wusses," Kiba defended.
"Keep your tongue in your mouth, dog-boy," Ino interjected to save the girl from straight up fainting in embarrassment. "You're getting your pervy slobber everywhere. Anyway, who gets the bottle next Mr. Lucky?"
The boy handed it to one of his equally rich friends who spun the bottle managing in a stroke of luck to have the girl next to Naruto take her top off. A few boys booed jokingly but quickly shut their traps when she revealed her decent pair kept in a tight bra. The pattern continued of all of the boys passing it to a next boy, and people taking their tops off or disappearing to the closet for their seven minutes in heaven.
Eventually, a shirtless Kiba got a hold of the bottle which actually landed on the host's girl who had regained her composure after a few pairs went to the closet. Kiba handed the bottle to Naruto that still had all of his clothes. Naruto rubbed the bottle in both of his hands nervously. This could be the moment he had his first kiss, and he knew it would be magical.
He stood up and moved the bottle to the topless girl at his side asking for good luck. She blew the top of the bottle making a slight noise which turned out to be way more seductive than Naruto intended and needed a few moments to regain his senses at Ino and Kiba's jest. Taking a deep breath, he spun the bottle as hard as he could without it flying off and hitting someone like one random boy previously did.
The bottle spun around the room, and Naruto crossed his fingers in hope. The bottle started to slow down more and more coming to the girl sitting next to Naruto. His eyes widened and his breathing accelerated in anticipation.
"Stop, stop, stop," he chanted far louder than he knew.
The bottle stopped just in time before it would have passed her. Naruto's first kiss had arrived, and he felt the adrenaline flowing through his yearning body.
"Seven minutes in heaven?" Naruto asked with a giant and open smile.
"Yes," she answered with a small smile and raised her hand up delicately. Naruto took the invitation and gave a little kiss on the hand-
"-Wait! Stop!" Ino shouted and stood up with all of her clothes.
"Stop what?" Naruto shouted back.
"Don't move!" Ino continued to shout before pointing at their sitting neighbors. "Make sure none of them move an inch. Pass me the measuring tape."
"Hey! Stop that!" Naruto pleaded with far too much desperation in his voice for his liking. "Ino just go sit back down. Everyone knows it landed on her, right guys?"
Naruto didn't like the answer filled with half shrugs. He looked back at the bottle. Yes, the bottle landed on the edge but no different than the very first spin. Naruto took a deep calming breath. Ino just wanted to rustle his jimmies, and she succeeded. Once this whole needless show ended and Ino got her revenge for his tongue remark, he would be on his way to the first step towards manhood.
Ino dragged the measuring tape out. Naruto didn't like the fact that she didn't even have to ask him to move. The tape stretched out and didn't hit anyone but Naruto's empty spot in the circle. Ino at that moment had a very punchable face.
"She, um, ya know, was sitting down, ya know, now she, ya know, moved and stuff" Naruto stuttered. "So really it would have hit her, ya know."
"I don't think so," someone else stated.
"I demand a second opinion," Naruto growled.
Kiba's uncontrollable rough barking laughter followed, "Here's your second opinion. It doesn't even touch her by two inches at least."
Naruto flustered, "That's not true, and y'all know that!"
Looking around the group, everyone shook their head no, and Naruto almost lost it when he landed on Ino's smug face. Naruto pointed in her face rudely, "You moved it!"
"No one moved anything including themselves, Naruto," Shikamaru interjected as the annoying voice of reason. "Just accept it."
Naruto looked back at the cute girl whose hand he currently held. She just gave a weak sorry. 'When did the injustices of the world end?' Naruto lamented in his head.
"Now's the real question," Ino said with a knowing smirk. "What happens if it lands on yourself? We never made that rule."
"Uh, nothing," a fully clothed Choji said.
"Oh, don't be boring, dawg," Kiba said with far too much energy for Naruto's liking at the moment. "Double the punishment!"
"Wait!" Naruto shouted waving his hands back and forth.
"Take off two pieces!" Ino yelled in exuberance.
"Yeah, double it!" the host said.
"Host's rules!" Ino shouted in glee. "Off it goes, Na-ru-to."
"Wait! Let's guess what Naruto's boxers are today. We haven't played that game in weeks," on of the other topless girls suggested. Naruto gave the girl an ugly eye, but she didn't notice while trying to gain support.
"Deal, let's place bets," Ino accepted immediately.
"Wait, you mean you've been taking bets on this," Naruto accused.
"How do you think you got all of clothes in the first place," Ino said.
"Wait, but we already know," Kiba said. "We all got dressed in the same room after the pool."
"It's a girl's only bet and no hints or suggestions or anything like that," Ino said off to the side as she pulled out a notepad and pencil from a previous game set aside. "How aboutcha?"
Naruto gave Ino a weird look, "Why would I bet?"
"Not you, you idiot," Ino said waving her hand around his side. "Try the girl behind you. We've got the classic orange, green and blue bets with medium bets on grey, white, pink, etcetera, etcetera with the long bets on red and black like usual."
"That's a good question," she said with a playful smile and looking him up and down. "I'd want to say blue, but he is already wearing a blue pajama set. Hmm. I would have to guess that he is wearing his lucky pair, too. Shame they weren't that lucky. So, really the question is what Naruto's favorite pair of boxers are-"
"This way too much information about Naruto's choice of underwear," Kiba interrupted with disgust. Naruto would have to agree, but hot chicks could talk about him all day long for all he cared. He needed to regain his control of the situation. He may have lost the battle, but he didn't lose the war.
"Shut up, Kiba," Naruto said with a coy smile and sticking his thumbs on his waistband while rolling back and forth on the balls of his feet. "They can wonder all day about what's in my pants."
Ino snorted, but the cute girl replied, "I'd image Naruto's favorite choice would be just that fish cakes, so twenty on white and twenty on pink."
"Bets in," Ino said after grabbing the two ryo notes from the girl. Naruto would totally make out with her. She had good looks, smarts, a sense of humor and just the right amount of daring. Like they said in the Competitive Sparring Club, roll with the punches.
Naruto started swaying his hips to some hidden rhythm from his position still standing the middle of the circle. He slowly unbuttoned his top while only making eye contact with his clothes or the cute girl in front of him.
"Get on with it already!" Kiba shouted to a chorus of yeahs from the guys.
"I've got more girls wanting me to take off my pants, then you will have in your whole life," Naruto retorted slapping his butt in Kiba's direction. "I'm taking advantage of it."
"Whatever, dawg," Kiba said. "Anyone want some water, while this idiot has his lime light."
Naruto ignored them as he shrugged his shoulders out of his half-unbuttoned top to show off his chest. Naruto had absolutely no idea what to do, but the key had always been confidence and that hadn't changed. He took the last three buttons off while undulating his somewhat defined tummy before throwing the shirt over Ino who scoffed.
With the shirt off, Naruto went back to placing his thumbs and dragging them across his pajama bottoms' waistband. He brought both thumbs to the front before he felt a pair of hands holding his wrists. Looking up in shock, he saw that the cute girl kneeling in front of him and looking straight into his eyes.
His body went limp as all thoughts left. Images of girls in similar positions in both the magazines and novels flashed through his head. She gently moved his arms to the side to hang limply. His hands percolated with sweat, his teeth worried his bottom lip and his chest rose and fell in quick succession. He could faint and die a happy man.
She undid the shoe-string-like cords done in a knot in the front with slow deliberate pulls. His heart hammered in his head. She raised her position from her knees to where the bottom of her chin reached his navel and looked straight down. She brought her hands underneath his navel to open up the pants to where only she could see.
He heard Kiba drop the waters we carried from the kitchen in the distant part of his brain, but Naruto couldn't care less. She briefly looked up into Naruto's eyes and dilated pupils before opening the front of his pants more and taking a peek.
She quickly looked up with a large smile that caused his heart to fly out of his chest as she screamed, "Yatta!" and promptly pulled down his pajama bottoms in one single motion. Naruto died with a lecherous smile on his face, his pants at his ankles and an extremely happy girl on her knees in front of him.
True to the girl's analysis the green boxers had spiky white fish cakes with pink swirls littered across them. Fortunately, the fly also had a button sewed into them because Naruto without a doubt showed some of his excitement at the moment with a slight hump. No one, however, paid any attention to that little detail as Ino started to dole out the concessions as the broker.
The girl got up from her position, grabbed Naruto's whiskered face with both of her lands and landed a loud kiss on top of his lips before running to Ino to collect her sizeable share of the winnings. Naruto felt completely used, and he didn't give a care in the world as his mind and heart fluttered in the clouds above his head.
By the time the appropriate girls received their winnings, Naruto had time to regain his bearings with the help of Kiba squirting some water in his face. Without any commotion, he just sat down in his spot looking at the bottle staring at him, and the girl walking towards him with a mega watt smile and counting her money in green pajama bottoms and a matching bra.
"Your turn, Ms. Pink and White," Naruto said with a huge smile.
She looked up at him from her earnings with a smirk and back down at the bottle. She bent down to pick it up purposefully scrunching her shoulders forward to grab the bottle. She brought it forward to Naruto's mouth who kissed it and blew on it for good luck. Going back to the center, she bent over giving Naruto a good look at her rear, gave a look over her shoulders at him and spun the bottle.
The bottle, of course, didn't land anywhere near Naruto but on a shirtless Shikamaru. Let the drama begin. Naruto clearly did not want her and Shikamaru to have seven minutes in Heaven, but Shikamaru could say no and strip to his boxers. Shikamaru could just as easily say yes, and the cute girl could answer yes or no which would force her to strip to her panties.
"Tch, troublesome blonde," Shikamaru said gave a long-winded sigh that take all the air out of his chest. He promptly stood up and pulled down his antler pajama bottoms to reveal a pair of drab gray boxer shorts. Naruto just shrugged in Shikamaru's direction with a whispered, 'Bro Code.'
The game continued in the hands of the girls, but the girls revealed their devious nature. If the bottle landed on another girl, then they would just have their seven minutes of heaven by just chit-chatting privately in the closet. Thus, the boys found themselves showing far more skin than any of the girls.
The tides evened out though as the bottle landed on some the guys, who unwilling to lose their last shred of dignity, would respond yes to all the girls. Naruto merely gave Shikamaru another shrug in a half-assed apology. A few duos had their seven minutes in Heaven returning with a severe blush and unlike the host unwilling to answer any questions.
Kiba somehow got a hold of the bottle and went to the front in his paw print boxers. With the bottle landing on a girl already in her panties, she had short internal debate and decided to go for the seven minutes of Heaven.
"Yatta!" Kiba shouted before grabbing her wrist and all but dragging her to the closet.
The seven minutes in Heaven turned into three minutes when a large smack sound emanated from the closet, and the girl marching out huffing and puffing. She didn't even acknowledge the silent group of eighteen boys and girls staring and went straight to the bathroom to run the water. Naruto briefly made eye contact with Ino who went after the girl, while Naruto investigated the closet.
Kiba lay curled into a fetal position with has hands clutching between his legs with a few whimper sounds. From the hallway lighting, Naruto could see the large and red slap mark starting to glow on his cheek. 'Nice,' Naruto thought. 'She put some chakra into it.'
"You really screwed the pooch now," Naruto said with his hands on his hips and a slight smile.
"Shut up, dawg," Kiba moaned in pain. "I didn't know she was so sensitive about a little grabbing."
"You don't even know her, and you expect to be able to get all handsy?"
"I thought that was the point of it being dark."
"That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works."
"Shut up, dawg."
"I'll go apologize for you," Naruto said walking away to leave the dog boy in his righteous pain. He could at least repay Kiba for his help in getting him down from all of his wedgies. Naruto walked to the bathroom door that still had the sound of running water from the faucet and knocked a few times.
Ino popped her head out and glared daggers, "What does he have to say for himself?"
Naruto ignored Ino and said through the door, "I know you can hear me, and I just wanted to say that Kiba is sorry for -"
Ino fully opened the door and dragged Naruto into the bathroom with herself and the now crying girl. 'What the fuck did I get myself into,' Naruto thought.
"He stuck his tongue down my throat and tried to lick my face and then started touching me!" the girl shouted while stabbing his chest with her pointer finger. "Do you have any idea how disgusting that is?"
"Um," Naruto said. "I'll give you the face licking, but did you expect him to be the best romantic kisser ever? I don't know about you, but these clan boys, especially from the Shinobi clans, are complete idiots about everything they are not. They are either complete geniuses with their special talent or complete dunces."
"That's not an excuse," the girl said with a few less tears in her eyes, and Ino nodded her head in approval.
"Look," Naruto said holding up his hands in concession. "No one here knows more about deer and strategy games than Shikamaru, but he'd rather waste away staring at clouds in the sky. No one here knows more about proper dieting, growing food, preparing food or eating food than Choji, but he couldn't find himself out of his own chip bag. And for Kiba. No one here knows more about dogs and animals in general than Kiba, but you put him around normal people like us. Well, you quickly realize he may have spent a few too much time in the kennels."
"Still," she said in a normal tone. "That doesn't excuse his behavior."
"Exactly!" Naruto said with slight frustration. "That's why you slap him in the face, knee him in the balls and tell everyone about how bad of a kisser he is. Boys only learn through pain. Hey, just look at me compared to the kind of guy I was."
The girl chuckled softly at his self-depreciation humor, "I guess."
"You guess? I was shorter and smaller than you were back in elementary school," Naruto said. "I wouldn't have even been invited to this shin-dig if it was six months ago. Now look at me. All the girls want me without my pants on. All I'm trying to say is that guys can change, so don't act like the world has changed just because they goof up. Now, lets get back out there."
Naruto turned around, winked over his shoulder and opened the door to rejoin the rest of the group with a deflated Kiba sitting back in the circle. Seeing a few of the sleepy eyes and a few people looking uncomfortable, Naruto felt the need to make a big yawn.
"It's been a long day, so I don't know about y'all," Naruto said, "but maybe it's time to call it a day?"
The host who looked the most uncomfortable about the situation immediately stood up in his pink elephant boxers, "Yeah, that sounds like a great idea."
Naruto offered his hand to the cute girl that sat next to him. When she stood up, he leaned in and whispered a few words in her ear in the commotion of everyone moving around and saying good nights. After the girls and guys separated to their sections of the house, all the boys sat lay awake in their sleeping bags or blankets with pillows.
At Naruto's insistence, he got the lucky few boys to open up about their times in the closet. Each one felt the need to one up the next about how great they kissed or how great the girl's body felt in their hands. The conversation turned into a giant mockery at Kiba's expense with everyone laughing even Shikamaru and Choji at the end at the dog boy's misplaced assumptions.