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Many thanks go out to my amazing beta, cocoalvin!

Edward

"Want to make out on the Ferris wheel?" I asked, nuzzling the hollow of Jasper's throat. It was late in the afternoon, and we'd blown the majority of the day at the carnival. The others had already left, but I wasn't going anywhere without riding the Ferris wheel. I knew that it was probably really pathetic for a grown man to love the carnival so much, but I didn't care. I wasn't asking anybody to understand or even indulge me. I was used to doing things by myself and the carnival was no different. That isn't to say I wasn't overjoyed when Jasper decided to stay with me.

"What else are we going to do up there?"

I smiled and rolled my eyes. "What, indeed?"

He took my hand as the line moved forward, and I looked down at our clasped fingers, trying to decide whether I should let it continue or not. Spending the day with Jasper had been great, and that was surprising to me. After everything that happened this morning, I expected things to be awkward at best, but I was glad to have been proved wrong. I'd even almost forgotten about the little conversation. It was at the forefront of my mind now though.

In the beginning of our arrangement, I'd vehemently refused and avoided handholding. Recently, I'd begun to allow it because I was comfortable and pleased with the way things were going between Jasper and I. I was confused about what I should do now because it seemed like Jasper's ideas about our relationship were changing. So far, we'd been coasting—never slowing down but never moving faster. That was great for me because I knew what happened when people started expecting and wanting more from their partners. I knew that it was always during the progression of a relationship that things went to shit. As long as Jasper and I stayed exactly where we were, things would always be great between us.

Before I could decide whether I should be holding his hand or not, Jasper tightened his grip and pulled us forward into our carriage. Once we were seated and in motion, he draped his arm over my shoulders and kissed my temple.

"Want to get some food after this?" Jasper asked. "That diner I was telling you about isn't too far from here."

I looked out into the distance and sighed at the beautiful view of the city the Ferris wheel provided. I was starting to make myself frustrated. I was over-thinking everything and making every decision much more complicated than it needed to be. Either I wanted to go out to dinner with Jasper or I didn't.

"Sure." I nodded, leaning into his side. His hair tickled my face as it blew in the wind, and I inhaled deeply, wanting to take in as much of his scent as I could. After showering at my place, the fragrance of my shampoo saturated his blond locks, but there was still a hint of pure Jasper underneath. The combination was heady and made me feel...happy.

"Did you have fun today?" I asked, lazily stroking the fur on his stuffed tiger.

"I did," he nodded. "It was good just hanging out with you and Esme and Rose and Emmett. Rose and I don't see enough of each other," he told me.

"I thought you two did Sunday dinner every week?"

"We do, but it was canceled two weeks in a row. Once because I had that meeting with my editor and the second time because Emmett's brother was having a birthday party."

I nodded my head, remembering Tommy's little shindig. It'd been fun, and I'd gotten really wasted. "Well, you should hang out with us. I don't get to hang out with her a lot either, but you're welcome to join us whenever," I offered.

As we reached the very top of the wheel, Jasper slid his hand up from the nape of my neck and entangled my hair in his fist. He angled my face up for a kiss and claimed my lips as his own. The kiss started slowly, but like everything between Jasper and I, it heated up pretty quickly. I wrapped my arm around his neck and licked his bottom lip, asking for access into his mouth. He opened up and moaned as I massaged his tongue with mine. Getting lost in the kiss, I didn't notice the slowed movement of the wheel or the annoyed ride operator clearing her throat a million times to get our attention.

"It's time to stop sucking face and get off the fucking ride!" she shouted after her subtle attempts had gone unnoticed. I flinched away from Jas and quickly checked my surroundings before getting out of the carriage.

"Sorry," I muttered, feeling my face, neck, and ears redden. Jasper laughed at my embarrassment and stepped out after me. The girl simply rolled her eyes and continued helping other people exit the ride. Jasper and I finally left the carnival and headed toward the diner where he wanted to have dinner. The car ride was mostly silent but comfortable, and once we arrived at the restaurant, we got a table almost right away.

"What's good?" I asked, glancing at Jasper as I opened my menu.

"Everything," he answered. "And I truly mean that. Peter, Mike and I have been here so many times that we have actually had everything on the menu."

"That's really sad, Jas," I replied, shaking my head.

I settled on a nice, heart-clogging double bacon cheeseburger and a full order of curly fries when the waitress came to take our orders, and Jasper went with a Spanish omelet. This was one of those delightful places that served breakfast all day long. Jasper and I made idle chit chat until the waitress brought our food. It all looked so damned delicious, and I couldn't wait to tuck in. I was stalled when the table was darkened by an unexpected shadow. I looked up, already pissed that someone was holding up my assault on my burger, but my eyes widened in shock when I saw who it was. It was that girl from Rose and Emmett's anniversary party. What was her name? Maria?

"You never called me back, asshole," she said, managing to be playful and pissed off at the same time. She swiped her hand at Jasper's shoulder before flipping her long dark hair over her shoulder. "How's it going, Eric," she said, sparing me a quick smile before turning her eyes back to Jasper. I barely even noticed that she called me by the wrong name. I was too busy checking her out. She was more beautiful than I remembered, and the way she was leaning forward, gripping the table to squeeze and maximize the effect of her ample cleavage between her arms, let me know that she was willing to go the distance to get Jasper back into her bed. There was, after all, no doubt in my mind that they'd slept together. I'd plenty of times felt the desperation I saw in her eyes, and I didn't know if I should feel sympathetic that she, too, had been ensnared by Jasper's cock or disgusted that she was being a shameless slut.

"It's Edward," Jasper said, making both Maria and I knit our brows in confusion. "You called him Eric but his name is Edward," he explained.

She turned her chin in my direction but kept her eyes on him. "Sorry," she said. I was glad that she wasn't looking at me because I could feel the blush burning my entire face, and I did not want her to see it.

"So, what gives? You can't make a girl come that many times in a row and then not return her phone calls," Maria said, getting back to her reason for coming over to our table. "You know what I'm saying, right Elroy?" she added, turning to wink at me.

If I weren't so consumed with finding out every last detail of their romp, I probably would have laughed. How the fuck did she come up with Elroy? As I glared at the side of her face, I could feel Jasper's eyes on me, and when I turned mine toward him, he gave me a pleading smile. I composed my face into a mask of nonchalance and indifference and took a sip of my Pepsi, wishing that it were something stronger. I really didn't want to sit there and watch Jasper entertain that broad, and after this morning's conversation, hearing her talk about how well he had fucked her really pissed me off.

He must have taken note of my mood because he sighed heavily before turning his focus to the dark haired bitch.

"Look, I had fun with you, Maria, but I had my fill," he said.

Once again, Maria and I shared a reaction as we both flinched away from his harsh remark. He'd had his fill? Was she a fucking entree? Maybe Maria was a super whore, but that didn't mean he had to be an asshole to her. Her face turned beet in red in what I guessed was both rage and embarrassment. All the lusty sparkle faded from her eyes and was replaced by the blazing fires of hell.

"Fuck you," she snarled before turning on her heel and storming out of the restaurant. I watched her until she was out of sight and then trained my eyes on my food. Suddenly, I wasn't hungry anymore, but I forced myself to choke down some fries. I knew that Jasper was looking at me, but I refused to meet his gaze. I kept my eyes down, waiting for him to finish his food so that I could doggy bag mine and go home.

"You have something to say? Say it," Jasper said with resignation in his voice.

I shook my head and shrugged my shoulders. "I don't have anything to say."

"Clearly, you do."

"If you're looking to get into some sort of argument, you're not going to find it this way. We had a good time today. Let's just end it on that same note, okay?"

Jasper growled angrily before catching the waitress's attention and signaling her over. When she got to the table, he asked for boxes so that we could take our food home. Everything happened quickly after that. Jasper whisked us out of the restaurant, into his car, and the next thing I knew we were turning into his driveway. I got out of the car and wordlessly started walking toward the sidewalk. Going into his house was a non-option. I hadn't even moved ten feet before his hand was wrapped about my wrist.

"Where are the hell are you going?"

"I just want to go to sleep, Jas. I'll call you, alright?"

"No, not alright. You're pissed about Maria, right? Well, let's go inside and talk about it."

Part of me wanted to just keep on my way. Another part of me really wanted to go inside and yell at him. If I went home, all I would do was pace around my apartment, thinking of all the things I could have said but didn't. Remembering how awful it was waiting for him to call after the Riley fiasco, I knew that it was best to just get everything off my chest now.

I pulled my arm free from Jasper's grip and marched up the steps to his porch. As I waited for him to unlock the door, I compiled and organized all the shit I wanted to say to him in my head. Once inside we took our shoes off in the foyer, dumped our food on the kitchen counter, and then went into the living room. He stood in the center of the room with his arm crossed, and I could tell by the wrinkles in his forehead that he was trying to find a way to start this conversation.

"I fucked her a long time ago. Like two weeks after you and I started this whole thing," he said calmly.

"It doesn't matter when you fucked her! It matters that you fucked her and then asked me not to fuck anyone else. You made this whole point of making sure I understood we're free to do whatever we want in this agreement, and now, you're trying to put me on a fucking leash!"

Jasper groaned and scrubbed his hands over his face. "I'm not trying to put you on a leash. What I said was fucked up. I'm just not used to talking about the things I want from another person. I've never even wanted anything from another person—"

"Besides sex," I said, cutting him off.

"This is already hard for me, Edward! You don't have to make it worse by making me feel like an asshole!"

"You are an asshole, Jasper! You just told Maria that you didn't want to sleep with her, because you'd had your fill!"

Jasper shook his head regretfully. "I panicked! I just wanted to get her away from the table. You were sitting there looking like you'd just sucked on a lemon or something! That's not how I normally treat people. You should know that, Edward!"

Honestly, I did know. I just didn't want to think about him being a nice guy because I was pissed off and confused. This conversation wasn't going the way I'd planned it to. I had so much I wanted to say, so much I didn't want to say, and even more things I didn't even want to think about, but as I stood in Jasper's living room looking into his gorgeous eyes, I couldn't make heads or tails of anything or censor what was coming out of my mouth.

"I don't understand why you would say that to me, why you would ask me what you did this morning. You had your fill of Maria, and sooner or later, you'll have had your fill of me too. I know that you didn't mean to be a jackass, but that doesn't make what you said any less true. You get what you want from people and then you move on."

Jasper opened his mouth but closed it before he said anything. His eyes were moving frantically in their sockets, looking at me then on to other spots in the room. He looked just as fucked up and confused as I felt, and I took a step forward without thinking. I wanted to take him into my arms and forget about the last few hours. I wanted to assure him that everything was okay, and even if it weren't right now, it would be soon. I stayed where I was and wrapped my arms around myself instead. I couldn't take care of him and myself at the same time. Yes, I was making the conscious decision to be selfish.

"You keep bringing up the things I said I wanted, but fuck all of that. Without regarding anything I've said in the past, tell me what you want."

The inquiry was so simple yet so complicated. I knew what I wanted, but for some reason I couldn't make the words come out of my mouth. I couldn't say them to Jasper. He was looking at me like his whole life depended on my response, and I couldn't bring myself to swing the axe. I turned my back on him and stared at the wall. I could tell the wall, but not him.

The stale air I breathed changed as it fused with Jasper's scent, filling my nose and filtering into my lungs. I could feel his breath on my neck and his warmth down my back. He was standing so close behind, and while not touching me at all, I could feel him on every inch of my skin. I was strengthened by his nearness, enabling me to speak with a clear and steady voice when he repeated his question. "Tell me what you want, Edward."

"I want to not be hurt again. I want to be with a man and keep what remains of my heart safely locked away where nobody else has a chance to break it. I can't allow you to touch anything deeper than my skin. I've allowed it too many times before, and I won't make the mistake again. I want to keep this relationship the way that it is right now because later on down the road when you tell me that you want to watch your friends fuck me, that you have a wife and kids, that you're only with me because you aren't sure if you're gay or straight, or that I've fulfilled your fantasy of fucking a ginger, I won't be surprised that you, like everyone else, can't find anything about me besides my body appealing. That's what I want, Jasper."

A little shorter than usual, but I thought that was a good place to stop it. Now, click that little button and tell me what's on your mind!