Chapter 20

Carlisle laid behind Esme beneath the sheets with his arm draped over her and felt a sense of comfort when she interlocked her fingers with his. Over the course of the day and a half that they'd spent unable to separate from each other's arms, he'd probably asked about a thousand times if she was alright. There was no indication that Esme was at all annoyed from his constant checking-up, though he knew he must have sounded ridiculous for repeatedly asking.

Still, after some time of not speaking, Carlisle couldn't help himself, "Are you alright?"

Esme turned to face him; "Alright?" she shook her head, "No." She quickly confirmed what she meant with a smile after reading his immediately concerned expression, "Alright isn't the word I was thinking of. I think amazing might be a better adjective."

He let out a chuckle.

"That was one of the best nights of my life," she told him, "And I only say one of the best because I can't decide if the best night was all of last night, or the first time you told me you loved me."

"Well, I suppose that's fair," he told her, "I'm having the same conflict."

Esme smiled and gave him a long, closed mouth kiss and let her lips linger next to his, "I've never felt like this Carlisle. I've never laid together with someone like we are right now."

"Neither have I," he admitted.

A part of Esme wanted to explore the island he'd gotten for her, and the other didn't want to move from where they were. She placed her head against his chest, and Carlisle laid flat on his back with his arms around her.

"Can we just lie like this all day?" she asked with a quick laugh.

He gave a closed mouth smile and kissed the top of her head, "We can do anything you want, Esme."

She smiled to herself and closed her eyes, tracing her fingers over the lines of his chest and abdomen. Her past seemed like nothing but a distant memory and Esme knew everything she'd gone through was worth it. She felt safe and complete in Carlisle's arms, and knew deep down he felt exactly the same.

Her thoughts went back to the actuality that he'd actually purchased such a wonderful, romantic place. It was completely surreal and she knew she couldn't make the call of staying confined to one room for the entire week. She owed it to Carlisle to go out and enjoy everything about their own private getaway, and though her first choice was to lay in bed with him for the next seven days, roaming the island with him was a very close second.

Esme turned to face him and leaned herself up onto her elbow with an ear to ear grin. "Let's go," she said, "Let's go roam around and see the island."

Carlisle snickered at her enthusiasm and outlined her shoulder blade with his fingertips, "Alright. Let's go."

…

The two of them spent the day wandering around the empty beaches of what Carlisle decided to call Isle Esme.

He tried to be somewhat of a guide, though he didn't know any better than Esme did. They discovered tall cliffs, private waterfalls and a number of animals inhabiting the island that they both fed off of for the first time.

For hours they swam in the clear, clean waters that complimented the feel of paradise. Esme found it particularly entertaining that she could stay under the water forever if she wanted to. It truly was a fantasy brought to life by some miracle, or magic.

The best part of it all was that there was no one around to judge them. The last hour before the sun set, Carlisle and Esme sat on top of the highest cliff they could find and let the sunrays decorate their skin. It was a rare opportunity to soak in everything around them without the fear of being exposed for being something other than human. The experience was equally liberating for each of them.

Carlisle laid flat on his back and looked over at Esme, "You know if someone told me a hundred years ago that this is where I'd be, I would have thought they were crazy."

She smiled and placed her hand over his, "I didn't think anything like this even existed. I don't even have words to describe this place."

"Well, it's yours," he said with a grin.

"It's ours," she corrected him.

Carlisle loved when she grouped the two of them together. It was just another welcomed reminder that she was his to have forever, and likewise the other way around.

A sigh of contentment left his mouth and he closed his eyes, trying to take full advantage of the sun before it went back behind the horizon.

Over the next twenty minutes or so, Esme didn't say much, though Carlisle could see she stirred uneasily a few times. Throughout the day, he sensed she wanted to tell him something, or ask him something but he hadn't pried.

Now, his curiosity began to get the better of him and he thought maybe a little push would help Esme get off her chest whatever she needed to.

Carlisle sat up and rested his elbows on his knees. He turned his head to face where Esme had now readjusted her position to match his.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?" he asked.

She flashed him a closed mouth smile and looked down with a nod. "Am I that transparent?"

He grinned, "I just kind of got the feeling that you wanted to say something."

"It's not a big deal, and I think I may already know the answer to my question, just on an instinct."

Carlisle waited, letting a few ideas roll in and out of his mind. He wasn't quite sure what Esme was wondering and her hesitation was making him a little anxious.

"We kind of came to the conclusion before that there are no consequences to, well, you know…" Her voice trailed off with a chuckle.

Carlisle smiled and gave her a nod, "Yeah."

"Does that mean, and I suppose this should have been a question of mine long before now, but does that mean we can never," Esme sighed, not wishing to bring anything heavy into their carefree world, "have children?"

Carlisle felt like her words passed through his chest like a knife. He knew he'd taken a lot from Esme by changing her into what he was. What he had failed to realize up until that moment was that he stripped her much more than he originally thought. He'd taken from her the ability to become a mother. From their constant conversations, Esme had mentioned more than once that she'd lost her only child as a human. It was a main contributor to her decision to give up her life.

Her genuine smile eased his mind for a moment, but the overwhelming guilt that stung every part of his body still began to win him over.

"Carlisle, it's okay," she said with a nod. She placed her hand on his knee, "I came to that conclusion on my own a long time ago. I just didn't know how to bring it up to you for confirmation. I almost asked Edward one day, but I just decided I'd wait for an appropriate time to ask you instead."

Carlisle couldn't bring himself back to the happy man he was just moments before. He pushed himself up to his feet and put his hands on his hips, staring out into the open ocean as the light was rapidly draining from the day.

"I didn't even have the thought of that in mind," he told her, "I'm sorry. I took everything from you."

"No," she said, shaking her head and standing up, "You didn't take anything from me Carlisle. I'm fine with it."

"It's not fair. I can't believe I didn't even… " He felt disgusted with himself for being so negligent.

Esme put her hand on his forearm, "I've always trusted you, Carlisle. Now I need you to trust me."

His eyes refocused on hers, "I do trust you."

"Good." A smile crept over her face and she looked him in the eyes, "I'm fine. Please don't let this effect your time with me here. I just wanted to know for sure, that's all."

"It's not fair to you."

Esme decreased the distance between them and stood up on her toes so her lips were close to his, "I'm happy," she whispered with an accompanied smile. She linked her arms around the back of his neck and planted a kiss on his lips. "So stop being unhappy right now."

Her order made him crack a smile and he agreed with a little more pushing on her behalf.

"Besides," she went on just as cheery, "Edward already told me he looks at me like a mother. He's all I need in a son. If I get to advise him and care for him and scold him like a mother would…"

Carlisle laughed at the last part of the phrase.

"Then that will greatly fill that void. The two of you are all I need, Carlisle."

He sighed and eyed the dark blue sky that was streaked with random rays of pink and orange from the sun that was barely visible now.

"Carlisle…" Esme said again, unable to keep herself from smiling.

He realigned his eyes to meet hers, "Esme…"

She realized immediately that she had brought him back to the place he was in before their conversation had started. "How about if we go back to the house and not worry about the consequences of our actions?"

Carlisle let out a quick laugh as she pressed her lips against his again. He wrapped his arms around her tighter, "Alright."

Esme quickly parted from him and dragged him by the hand toward the edge of the high rock face they still stood on. She looked down over the edge. There was one final memory she had to erase from her mind and replace it with one that she knew she would enjoy.

Carlisle seemed to read her mind as she stood hesitantly by the edge of the cliff. He looked at her and before he could even say a word, she grabbed his hand and the two of them jumped.

Esme closed her eyes for a moment before taking in the scenery around them as if it was all moving in slow motion. Birds flew across the sky in front of them and the open ocean looked like a frozen piece of artwork. It was the perfect scene.

Carlisle's hand entwined with her own was the best part of the therapeutic jump. Like always, she felt safe and knew that when her feet hit the water and sent her body sprawling beneath the surface, that she would be alright.

The crash into the ocean almost made Esme lose grip on his hand, though she felt him give a gentle tug and never let her go, fighting off the uproar of the water that was created by the velocity of their bodies.

When both of them resurfaced, Esme pushed her hair out of her eyes and laughed, feeling exhilarated and free. Carlisle pulled her to him and stopped to admire her radiant smile.

"I love you," she said to him, after letting in a deep breath through her nose.

"I love you more," he told her, knowing he would get a reaction.

Esme shook her head, "I think we could have this argument all night if I said it back again. Who would win that battle?"

Carlisle moved his lips back to hers, "I'd let you win eventually."

"Eventually…" Her hand drifted to the back of his neck, then slicked his hair back away from his forehead.

"Eventually," he challenged with a half grin.

"Hmm…" she responded.

The two of them lingered in the water for a few seconds without saying anything. Esme looked over his shoulder toward the beach.

"I'll race you back," she told him playfully.

Carlisle snickered, "What happens if I win?"

"Anything you want."

He smiled, "Anything, huh?"

Esme couldn't keep her hands off of him and felt her level of passion rise at the tone of his voice and the halfhearted suggestive ring to his words.

Carlisle leaned in to kiss her again, but Esme grinned and bolted for the land that sat a few hundred yards away.

He spun around, smirking as she giggled while making her way through the water. He followed close behind, though never made a true attempt to win their playful competition and stumbled up onto the sand where she joking gloated over being faster than him.

He sighed and gave her a defeated grin, "I suppose you win, even though I think you may have cheated."

Esme pretended to be hurt, "Me? Cheat?"

Carlisle looked down and laughed, "So, what is it that you want?"

She grinned back and let out a snicker of her own, "You."

He smiled and didn't protest, meeting her halfway between where the two of them stood.

"You know," he told her, "I've never been able to let my guard down before. I guess it's because I've never really trusted anyone enough. I always felt like I had to be on edge, or on my toes at all times."

"How do you feel right now?" she asked him.

Carlisle sighed, "Like I don't have a care in the world. Like I could let you guide me blindly through life and not be worried." He gave another smile but Esme could see the seriousness in his eyes as he looked down for a moment before raising his head again to meet stare.

In that single moment, she felt like she could see everything he'd ever been through; all the pain he'd experienced from losing his loved ones, the difficult decisions, the fear of all the unknowns he'd had to overcome on his own; the guilt he carried for his choices to change her and Edward into the immortal beings they'd both become.

Esme put a hand on his face and brought him close to her in the same type of comforting hug he'd given to her when she discussed some of the more sensitive topics of her previous life. As he often stated to her, she also felt protective of him and cradled him gently against her.

"I don't think I could've ever dreamed up someone as perfect as you, Esme," he told her in a voice above a whisper, letting his short breaths decorate her neck as he spoke. "I love you."

She sighed and continued to hold him, running a hand slowly up and down his back. She swallowed hard and took a deep breath, "I love you, too."

Carlisle pulled back and gave her a short series of kisses. He smiled when she pushed his hair back again and let out a sigh of his own.

"So, do I still get my prize for winning?" she asked.

He kissed her again and nodded before scooping her off the ground and carrying her inside.