SCENE EIGHT

(VOLTURI are standing to the right. CULLENS and INDIANS are standing to the left. JACOB is holding RENESMEE.)

ARO
You knew that this day would come.

EDWARD
Yes we did. Thank you for the postcard.

CAIUS
We've come to kill your wife and child.

EDWARD
Why?

ARO
Because you need to learn your lesson!

BELLA
What lesson?

MARCUS
That nothing in life is free…

ARO
Wait a minute- that's not the lesson.

CAIUS
Oh. I guess that there is no lesson. We aren't going to kill you after all.

ARO
We were actually thinking about giving up being cold-blooded killers to further our music career. We aren't really into the killing thing anymore.

EDWARD
Would you like to tell campfire stories then?

ARO
Delightful idea!

(Everyone walks to the center and sits in a circle. They hold hands and start singing Alice the Camel.)

EVERYONE
Alice's camel has five humps
Alice's camel has five humps
Alice's camel has five humps
So go Alice go
Bump bump bump bump.

VICTORIA (O.S.)
NOW!

(VICTORIA and JAMES run on with guns. They shoot around madly until everyone falls over and dies.)

JAMES
YES! That was fricking sweet!

VICTORIA
I kind of forget why we ever attacked them in the first place.

JAMES
Who cares? That was fun!

(JAMES and VICTORIA skip away. CHARLIE and BILLY come on.)

BILLY
Did you hear something?

CHARLIE
Stupid neighbor. Can't keep his dead dog quiet!

(CHARLIE pulls out a gun and shoots it all around. BILLY throws his chair at BELLA, then falls and dies.)

JAMES (O.S.)
Shit! I'm dead!

VICTORIA (O.S.)
Shit! Me too!

CHARLIE
Well that was weird. Oh, is that candy stuck in there?

(CHARLIE looks into the barrel of his gun, pulls the trigger, and dies. MIKE and VOLDEMORT walk on.)

MIKE
So…

VOLDEMORT
What?

MIKE
It looks like we're the last two people on earth…

VOLDEMORT
…. And?

MIKE
We could… you know…

VOLDEMORT
Oh dear god. And once again, by god, I mean me. Avada Kedavra.

(MIKE dies and VOLDEMORT walks away. The lights start to go down as MARCUS jumps up.)

MARCUS
YES! I'm finally dead!

(The lights return.)

MARCUS
I've been waiting all my life to be dead! I'm so glad that- Wait… I'm still… alive…
(MARCUS starts jumping up and down in anger.)
No! No! No! This sucks!

FIN

That is a real campfire song, yes. Now, since you've all been leaving wonderful reviews throughout the story (NOT) please leave one now. You've had your fun, now it's time to thank me and give your opinion on this wonderful little piece. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW... :)