Chapter 21

Sorry for the delay trying to work things out with this story as well as working on the others that tie into this…

It is so good to have Ma back, she is doing so much better, and they are finally talking instead of yelling and pushing each other away. I get the impression they are both weary of the relationship between Karen and Rossi though I think it is rather cute. Everyone deserves to be happy we have had so much crap I think enough to last a lifetime but Mom is worried about my baby brother; he has to have heart surgery, which scares me slightly. He is so small and he is a proper Mommies boy, which I find cute whereas Jane is all for Ma and me well I love them both the same, though Ma can be easier to approach than Mom can.

Its nearly Christmas and I can't wait, everything is fitting in perfectly our family is happy even though we have the worry about things, the sound proof walls never worked I swear they do it on purpose, and I am not sure whether I should laugh or go and bang on their door and ask them to keep it down, either that or ask if my walls can be sound proofed. Yeah that so will not happen!

Well it was time to tell them about Adam he was so scared and I must admit I was as well, you see even though I have been doing so well they both still worry about me so much, Mom because she knows the full extent of what I was put through and Ma because she knows I was hurt badly, sometimes I wonder if she does know what happened every details of what those men did to me and to be truthful it doesn't bother me anymore. I guess I have finally settled and that if I am honest is something I never thought I would be, I never thought that would happen.

Well that went better than I thought it would, Mom and Ma seem to like Adam, and for that I am truly grateful, they know I am growing up though sometimes I feel like a child but Adam understands he holds me and makes me feel safe is that what Mom feels when Ma holds her? I know my Mom is stubborn and strong, but I also know how soft and fragile she can be.

You see she has been broken a few times and Mom has never been one to really cry, she cried the day I was found, she cried when I tried to kill myself, she cried for a long time when she came back from assignment, which I am sure she hasn't even told anyone about which sort of worries me. Mom was broken, but their again she was not as broken as she was some 12 months ago which I am guessing is a good sign.

I felt strange being invited to the Christmas meal they were having but I shouldn't have been they have become like family to me over the past year, I don't shy away too much though sometimes I do, but I have grown to know and like Rossi, I him and Karen suit each other much like Mom and Ma do.

Ma worries too much it is so cute, but in honesty, I know where my Mother is, well I think I do. I am so glad Mom let us go to the small village this year, last year well I called in on my way through but I missed it greatly and I knew Ma would love it, who wouldn't. Everyone knew us and it was peaceful no one hassled us and the kids loved Mom, though she got herself in trouble one year which everyone forgave her for on the condition she didn't try and teach the boys to shoot again. Me and Adam spent most the time in the school house with the twins, it was too cold really for them to be outside and the school house was mainly were all the children gathered it was such a great night and it is something we always do and we always did it as a family.

Okay so maybe waking Mom and Ma up before 6am was a bad idea it is just I love Christmas and well I guess I am like a child, but this year all the fears all the pain of what happened have nearly gone me and Mom spoke about it and we now had a new family and it was a new beginning for us both. Therefore, for the first time in years our Christmas was in Christmas day not a few months later like it had been in the past, it was as though everything was falling into place, everything had begun to heal fully.

Adam still does not know about my past and I may tell him but it is too soon to drop it on him but he knows I keep something back and he knows that sometimes I panic, but when he wraps his arms around me, my fear disappears. I have not worked out what it is yet and maybe I will speak to Ma about it, I have such a good and close bond with Ma and I know she will protect me if I need her too. Some days I wonder if Mom and Ma had gotten together sooner would things happened as they had or was it written out long before we knew. I mean is everyone's path set out before them, and then after time it happens and you could not have done anything to stop it in the first place. But also if that is the case I hate fate I hate god because who is he to write a path or the hell we should go through? I mean I thought god was meant to love us and protect us but he allows bad things to happen to us. Okay I so should not think of things like that it never does any good.

Adam is so good with the twins and they both seem to like him as well, I find it slightly funny that Jane favours our Ma but maybe it shouldn't really I mean I can see the love in her eyes as she looks at them both and even when she looks at me, it amazes me that she can have such a soft look about her but also there is a fierceness about her a protection for us all. Though it is normally Mom whom is like that and I miss that but I can see she is slowly becoming the mother I knew and not someone drowning inside anymore, though her eyes are bear for once and there are no walls. Strange thing is though she is still guarded around her friends and I do not think they have noticed. On the other hand, maybe they have and just chose not to say anything.

It was really the best Christmas ever, I know that may sound sad but to me it was perfect my Ma will truly become my Ma and not a name, I can't believe I made her cry but they were tears of happiness I could see the pride swirl in Mom's eyes as she read what I had asked as I curled into my Ma burying my face into her neck she was going to truly be my Ma.

Well I kick Ma and Mom out for New Year's Eve and they both looked stunning as ever Karen was out with Rossi and I had been told any problems to ring them straight away, but I was just looking forward to spending time with my siblings.

I had put them both down though I knew Andrew wouldn't fully settle until Mom came home to kiss him good night and give him a feed it was always the same with him Karen always had problems when Mom and Ma were away because he would fuss so much it was so sweet though.