AN: Hey, remember Morgan from chapter 12? Yeah, me niether...
Yes, there are some quotes from the actual show in this chapter, again, I don't own.
Oh, and I don't know how a little cuteness crawled it's way in... Enjoy chapter 21 :)
21. In which the talking cat has a name
"He's not my angel", Dean says as he walks out the door leaving Cass to follow. "And what do you mean talking cat?" he adds when he stops in front of Jo, he needn't have asked.
"Observant, aren't you?" a voice behind Jo says and he can see a black cat sitting with it's head slightly tilting to the side. Dean doesn't really know how to answer that, it feels like he's had way too many comments on his intellect today.
"This is Morgan", Ruby says before Dean just stops trying to come up with a response and kicks the damn animal instead. "He's the witch who helped us find out about the angels."
"And then a demon, wearing a lovely young woman, showed up on my doorstep demanding to know what you wanted, what I told you and were to find you."
"So you decided to become a cat and find us?" Jo asks as if she thinks that was an unusually stupid idea, Dean can't help but agree, you got to be stupid to come this close to a hellhound in a cat-shape, he thinks as he places his hand on Kira's head to keep her still and quiet, she's been closing in on Morgan and making some low predatory sound.
"Well, I thought since you were the ones to get me into this mess you should be responsible for getting me out of it", the cat responds.
"I think that brings everyone up to speed", Ruby interrupts. "Now, what was that spell you mentioned?"
"Oh, yes, I happen to be quite good at this demon stuff, I think I have the necessary spell, naturally not with me but with some help I think I'll be able to get it soon enough. I will probably acquire your assistance", he says, and he's only talking to Ruby.
The demon nods and starts following the cat who's just walked past Dean into the room. Only when she let's go of Jo's hand does Dean realize she's been holding it, Jo seems to realize it at the same time and a deep blush starts crawling up her cheeks.
"I… better go, I have… things to do", she says and a second later she has disappeared down the corridor to whatever non-existing thing she has to do, leaving Sam, Cass and Dean alone outside the room.
"I hate witches", Dean mutters but it does nothing to relieve the slightly awkward tension in the air.
"Well, I should go, if we're staying here tonight we should probably put up some wards", Sam says.
"Against demons?"
"You'll just have to go around the devil's traps, and if you get stuck it's not like I won't let you out…"
"Yeah, you'd just stand there and laugh at me for an hour first", Dean mutters, Sam just smiles and that smile make Dean's heart (which should be non-existent by the way) just a little less heavy."
"Look on the bright side, if you're lucky Ruby could get caught in one and then you can laugh at her."
"Probably wouldn't have the time, Jo would just let her out right away."
"Oh, I don't know about that", Sam says suggestible and starts walking away, probably to set up a bunch of badly places devil's traps in their room, and leaves Dean to wonder why he didn't think of that line, his brother is getting ahead of him on these references, that's bad.
When he turns back to the angel he is met by piercing blue eyes and remembers how he almost hugged him, what was he thinking? Or is it that strange, two friends hugging? He can't really remember if it's supposed to be and when did he start to think of Cass as a friend anyway?
Then he remembers why he was about to hug Cass in the first place, it makes him shiver, with sorrow and anger, Meg and Alistair is going to pay for this, dearly, He pushes down the feelings, blocks the hatred and the urge to tear them to pieces (slowly) before the grace inside him decides to make him feel nauseous. It doesn't though, doesn't make him feel sick at all, it just hums with something that feels like music. It's almost like Sam's smile, takes the edge of everything, makes it bearable, and Dean's thoughts are returned to the hug that never was, he feels like he might need it.
He shakes his head to clear his mind and biting his lip in search for something to say at the same time.
"Guess you won't have to find that spell then", he says and nods to the closed door behind which to witches, one of the demon kind and one of the cat kind is doing god knows what to get some old magic book.
Cass doesn't answer, his head is tipped slightly to the side and he's watching Dean with an intense stare as is trying to figure something out and Dean suddenly remembers that this guy can read his feelings, which of course does nothing to ease the slight embarrassment that's been crawling up on him, he thinks he can understand why Jo just ran off, embarrassment is not a feeling he's used to handle.
"Cass…" he says trying to break the spell that seems to have frozen them.
"No, I suppose I won't have to help with that", the angel says and the silence takes over again.
"It would… be nice if you still wanted to help with catching him though, he might be hard to overpower." He knows he shouldn't say this, Cass will stop him, stop him from killing Alistair in the very worst way possible, but maybe he wants to be stopped, he doesn't know anymore.
Castiel nods.
"Of course, we still need to interrogate him, me and Uriel will be there, just call me when you're about to conduct the ritual."
"Yeah, see you then."
Castiel reaches up with his hand again, placing over the handprint on Dean's arm, a shiver runs through the demon, just short, hardly noticeable and then it's gone, and so is the angel. Dean suddenly feels very alone, this weird feelings has to stop he decides, time to go and help Sam with the devil's traps.
Kira follows him and seems to be watching him with a concerned look. Should he tell Sam?
"Doesn't have to be like this Dean, you can make it stop, just say yes. Just pick up the blade and I'll lay mine down."
Alistairs smile of triumph when he breaks.
He broke, the despair at the thought, it's almost human.
Bela's pleading voice.
"This isn't you Dean, you don't want to do this, what would Sam think if he saw you?"
Her wordless scream when he cuts her tongue out.
He can't let Sam know this, what will he say if he finds out about the torture, and then gets to know he broke the first seal? The look in his eyes, it'll be unbearable.
"Just imagine what they will do to you once they have you. You're one of us now, Dean the demon."
Meg will pay for this, the rage coursing through him at the thought of her, at the thought of Alistair…
"The first seal had to be broken before any other, and you broke it. …when a righteous man shed blood in hell…"
What is he thinking? Of course he has to tell Sam. The guilt over planning not to tell him mixes with the fear of actually doing it.
"You're my big brother. There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."
Will he loose that? The love in Sam's eyes, or even worse, will the light in them disappear altogether? Will they be empty, like they were for a while after Jess? But Sam always thought he'd go this way, didn't he?
"You might kill an innocent man, and you don't even care! You don't act like yourself anymore, Dean. Hell, you know what? You're acting like one of those things out there."
But then he wasn't able to shoot the guy, was he? The look in Sam's eyes stopped him, if he looked like that when he thought he was going to do it, what would he look like when it had actually happened? And that was just one guy, this is thousands of souls, and the end of the world thrown in for good measure.
But Sam will forgive him, he always does, it's how he is, he can get really angry but most of the time he's just too kind for his own good, he probably won't blame Dean at all.
And it's not like he hasn't seen what hell did to his big brother, he's seen the bloodlust, the way he's been tearing up demons.
But he has just got Sam to trust him, to accept that he has changed but still is Dean, this will make him rethink that.
He stops, suddenly realizing that he has arrived to his and Sam's room. He stands for a minute with his hand on the door handle, still unable to decide what he's going to do.
He realizes he can't just keep standing here, he has to go in. Still unsure of himself he opens the door and follows Kira in. They both almost walks into Sam who is painting a devil's trap in the roof, lucky enough he doesn't need to stand on a chair or anything to reach and is therefore able to step out of their way, otherwise there probably would have been a crash, involving a pencil with a lot of red paint.
"So what did you and Cass talk about?" Sam asks, god he wishes he hadn't made up that nickname, but Cass doesn't seem to mind…
"Nothing", he says and immediately regrets it and then a second later breathes a sigh of relief. He sits down on the bed, this is ridiculous, he can't go around and plan to tell him forever.
"You okay?" Sam asks and in the end it's his eyes that does it, the ones he's so afraid of, but they're so filled with concern that he just don't want to keep stuff from him anymore.
"No… Cass just told me I broke the first seal."
"What?"
And he tells him, tells him about the torture, tells him about Alistair and his offer, tells him how he accepted it. He doesn't say exactly what he did to them, or what Alistair did to him, he just says it was bad, he tells him about forty years of hell in a few sentences. He repeats what Cass said, and for the second time that day he feels like he's going to cry, he doesn't of course.
He doesn't tell Sam about the deal he made with Meg, there are just so many confessions you can make in one day.
When he's done it takes a while before he dares to look at Sam, when he finally does he can see nothing of the disappointment he dreaded. Sam is looking at him with sorrow, there's some pity there too, but he tries to hide it cause he knows his brother don't want it. It's tears in his eyes, but he doesn't cry. None of them do, he wonders if they just have forgotten how to. This was never what he wanted for Sam he realizes, this pain and sorrow, he should never have pulled him back into it.
"Dean… " Sam's voice is steady even though it's not very loud. "It's not your fault, you couldn't have known and… anyone would have given in eventually."
He doesn't answer, (what is there to say?) but when he meets Sam's eyes again it's with more confidence, at least his brother doesn't hate him.
"The things I did…you wouldn't have recognized me, and what it turned out to mean for the rest of the world…"
He can't help but feel relieved that he feels this troubled over hurting Sam, it means he really cares, still. Sam bits his lip and for a second all Dean can see is a little boy named Sammy, wanting to take care of his big brother after he's been on a hunt and got injured, but holding back because he knows Dean doesn't like to be taken care of, that's his job, taking care of people.
After a seconds hesitation he does it anyway, he always did. The hug is precisely what Dean has needed since the conversation with Cass, something soft and human, someone who cares, comfort. He clings to Sam, lets himself relax for just a second.
"It doesn't matter Dean, it will be okay, we will make it okay."
Dean sleeps better that night, close to Kira with no nightmares, (or is it dreams?) of hell and the grace in him keeps singing slowly, if he didn't knew better he would think it felt like a lullaby.
Have I mentioned that reviews make me happy? If I'm happy I write more! No, that's not true, I write when I'm miserable, but if I don't get any reviews I'll probably write on something else. That's a threat btw, it's supposed to make you do as I say, my handbook in taking over the world says so!