Schadenfreude
"Too Much Too Soon"
Characters: Eduard Heidrich, Ross Muhlfeld, Liesa Hauser, Stefan Habicht, Alfons Heidrich
Pairings: Ross/Liesa, implied onesided Eduard/Ross, implied onesided Eduard/Wil, onesided Stefan/Eduard, Alfons/Wil
Chapter Rating: T+
Word Count: 2,600

It was disgusting, if you asked Eduard. Ross sat on the couch, Liesa pulled onto his lap, him holding her close, nuzzling her neck… disgusting. What's more, being with this girl – who seemed completely trashy – made Ross happy; happier than he could ever remember being, according to him. This girl who wore too-tight clothes (with not very much to show off, Eduard added mentally), low cut tops, short skirts, and too-high heels (Gott, half of them made her taller than Ross). Eduard was sure that he wasn't the only one who thought that she looked easy. But Ross loved her – he loved her and she was just using him, no idea how gottverdammt lucky she was… it made Eduard sick. Ross was a great guy, and he was completely in love with this girl, and she just… treated him like shit. What was worse was that Ross didn't seem to mind at all – he just wanted to be close to her. She was only using him for sex – only with him because of the way he treated her, but he didn't care. He still held her and kissed her and spoiled her – even though she didn't like him, let alone love him. Eduard would have given anything –

No. It was really better not to go down that metaphorical road. Still, they both knew, and they still acted this was right in front of Eduard.

"I'm leaving," Eduard announced, standing up. "I've got to, äh, go to work." He didn't, but neither Ross nor Liesa needed to know that. Eduard just needed to leave, to think…

"Sure," Ross responded, looking up and flashing Eduard an absolutely gorgeous smile. Liesa was so gottverdammt lucky – she had no idea. "See you around – and don't get jumped by any of the nurses while you're on the clock."

The nurses don't like him – he's too distant, too hard to reach. If they like him at all, it's only because he's physically attractive – they'd just want sex. "Yeah, see you," Eduard responded, swallowing the lump in his throat as Ross kissed Liesa's neck and whispered something in her ear, which made her roll her eyes.

"Goodbye," Liesa groaned, out of politesse and for Ross's satisfaction. She hated Eduard.

Still, he forced himself to nod as he left the room, stopping only to put on his coat and shove his feet into his boots.

When he stepped outside, he realised that he didn't want to be alone – not now, when Ross was probably necking Liesa (if Eduard were honest, Ross was probably doing more than that, now that they were alone). Then it hit him: he'd call Stefan. The guy'd trip over his feet hurrying to meet up with Eduard. Eduard started to walk home before calling him.

"Hello?" The boy was trying to sound nonchalant – trying, but failing.

"Hey," Eduard replied easily, smirking, though he knew Stefan couldn't see it. "It's Eduard." Stefan already knew, but Eduard decided to mess with the kid a little.

"O-oh. Hi."

"Wanna hook up? I'm off today; you could come over my place." He sounded like he didn't care, probably because he didn't.

"Sure." Stefan sounded like he was forcing himself to remain calm. "I'll be over in ten minutes.

Eduard wondered if Stefan knew. "Great. See you then."

"Okay."

Eduard hung up, wasting no time on goodbyes, as Stefan inevitably would. By this time, he'd reached his house. He unlocked the door and went inside. It didn't occur to him that he was acting worse than Liesa – at least Ross knew what he was dealing with.

-x-x-x-

Eduard wondered why Stefan always wanted to cuddle afterward. It was meaningless – at least to Eduard. Stefan's head was on his chest, his arms wrapped around him. Eduard hated to be so close to anyone – let alone this kid. Kid. Eduard realised that he didn't even know how old Stefan was. He could be thrown into prison.

'"Hey, Stefan?"

"Yes, Eduard?"

Eduard tried not to cringe at the way the boy said his name – it was much too close to the way his ex-girlfriend would say his brother's name for any comfort to be had. Still, he needed to ask. "How old are you?"

Stefan shifted a bit, not replying immediately. "I'm… eighteen?"

"Eighteen?"

"Yeah."

Eighteen. The kid was eighteen years old. Eduard was twenty-two. That couldn't have been entirely legal. At least… god, Eduard had been just short of eighteen when they'd… met. Maybe Ross had a point.

"Eduard?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not mad, are you?"

"Why would I be mad?" Besides the fact that you could have gotten me arrested for sleeping with a minor.

"I told you that I was almost seventeen when we met."

He had? Eduard had no memory of that, but it hardly mattered now.

"Eduard? Are you okay?"

"'M fine." Or he would be if this kid would stop saying his name like that. "Doesn't matter now."

"Oh. Good. I was worried that you might get mad if you found out." Stefan snuggled in closer to Eduard. Was this kid trying to torture him?

"Eduard?"

Eduard wondered why Stefan seemed to want to say his name with such alarming frequency. "What is it?"

"I love you."

What? Eduard had known that Stefan liked him, but love? The kid was eighteen years old for god's sake!

"You love me?"

Stefan nodded. "Uh-huh. I mean…" He trailed off, and Eduard suspected that he was blushing from the amount of heat that his cheeks were giving off.

How had this happened? Sure the kid liked him; he knew that – but what had Eduard done to make Stefan love him? As far as he was aware, he'd only had sex with the guy – and he almost certainly had never had an actual conversation with him, either.

Moreover, what the hell could he tell the kid? Stefan loved him, and Eduard knew firsthand what it was like to love someone and have them be so completely in love with someone else. He wouldn't wish that on Liesa, as much as he disliked her, and yet this kid…

"Eduard?"

"Hmm?"

"It's okay if you don't love me," he whispered. "I understand."

"It's not that…" It was exactly that, but he couldn't just say that, not with the politesse that Wil and Alfons and Ross had drilled into his brain.

"Eduard, please don't lie to me. If you don't love me, it's fine; I just wanted you to know how I feel."

"Why?" It was out of his mouth before Eduard could help it. "Look, I know what it's like to love someone who isn't in love with you, and normal people don't just tell them, just so they know. God, Ross is the only one I know that's crazy enough to do that, and it took him close to four fucking years to admit it! And you know what happened? He got his heart broken, just… he'd done everything for this girl, and she just completely ignored him, telling him that he'd had too much to drink. And it wasn't even just so she'd know, because she knew, even if he never said it. I mean, what kind of guy dates a bunch of hot girls and doesn't even kiss a single one of them goodnight, let alone fuck them? No, you don't tell someone that you love them just so they know."

"…Do you have any idea what it's like holding that in? I didn't expect you to say that you love me back, Eduard."

"Then why the fuck did you tell me?"

"I just wanted you to know."

"Is there anything else you want me to know? Do you have a pair of illegitimate kids floating around or something? Because, believe me, that's more believable than you telling me that you love me just so I know."

"Look, just because you wouldn't do that doesn't mean that I don't have a legitimate reason!"

Eduard was mildly taken aback that the boy had snapped at him. He had to be upset that Eduard didn't return his feelings, no matter what he said.

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Eduard muttered, sliding out of bed and heading downstairs.

This was just fucking ridiculous. Even if Stefan did love him, there was absolutely no reason for him to have told Eduard. What, did he expect Eduard to say "I love you, too" and for them to have a fucking happily ever after?

Surely the kid had to have noticed that Eduard was in love with someone else (well, two someones). He knew that he wasn't exactly being subtle. Liesa noticed, for God's sake.

He sighed, going into the kitchen and fixing himself a glass of milk and grabbing some stew out of the fridge. How was he going to handle this? He couldn't exactly say "I think you're annoying and clingy and a pain in the ass, and the only reason I even put up with you is because you're good in bed," even though that was the honest truth. Alfons, Wil, and Ross would kill him. And Johan. Especially Johan. (And from what Eduard had heard, Stefan's sister wasn't exactly opposed to kicking guys' asses, and Eduard wasn't about to fight a girl).

Why did Stefan even have to say anything? Couldn't he have just left it at "God, you're hot," or "Oh, hey, by the way, I'm eighteen"?

Eduard reasoned that he probably wasn't helping the situation any, but it was either milk and stew or a freak out, and he knew that Stefan didn't really deserve that, even if he was clingy and annoying. Besides, the last thing anyone wanted was the person they loved screaming at them for being in love with them. Eduard knew that firsthand.

He wondered if this necessitated a call to Alfons. If anyone could help him out at this point, it would be his little brother.

Finishing his milk and stew, Eduard decided that it would be best to have Stefan go home so that he could call Alfons and calm down.

With that, he went back to his bedroom, where, to his surprise, Stefan was sitting on the bed, fully dressed.

"I guess this is the part where you kick me out and never speak to me again? God knows I've done it."

That comment struck Eduard as a bit strange, but he shrugged it off, making a mental note to ask Johan later. Eduard shook his head, "No, this is the part where I ask you to home so that I can think things over."

"Are you actually going to think this over, or are you just saying that?"

"I'm actually going to think this over. I've been in your position enough times to know that that's the best option."

Stefan looked mildly surprised, but nodded. "Okay. Just... call me once you figure it out, okay? And not just because you want to get laid."

"Okay," Eduard agreed, going to his dresser and finding some boxers and a t-shirt.

"Eduard?"

"What?"

"Thanks. For, ah... thinking this over. Honestly, if I were in your position – when I was in your position, I'd have either lied and said 'I love you' back, or never spoken to me again."

"Yeah, well... I think the amount of ass-kicking I'd get if I did that would negate the convenience of not thinking it over."

Stefan gave him a small smile before leaving.

Eduard looked at the clock. It was half past one in the afternoon. Alfons was probably awake (though Eduard didn't want to consider what he was probably doing; hopefully he was eating or something not involving Wil in a sexual manner).

After a few minutes, Eduard successfully located his mobile phone, and dialed his brother's number.

"Hallo?" Alfons asked. "Eduard?"

He didn't sound out of breath or annoyed, which was good. "Ah... hi."

He could practically hear Alfons frowning. "What's wrong?"

"Um... Stefan may have told me that he loves me."

Alfons sighed. "And let me guess, you freaked out?"

"No, actually," Eduard informed him. "I went downstairs and thought about it while I had some milk. It's not his fault; I didn't want to yell at him."

"Well... that's... actually very responsible of you, Eduard."

"Thanks." Even though sometimes he wished that Alfons would treat him as an older brother, not a younger brother, as he normally did.

"Do you need advice?"

"Ah... yeah. I don't know what to do."

"You could tell him the truth..." Alfons suggested. "I mean, you're in love with two people already, and you're not ready for a relationship again, emotionally."

"But then he'll wait."

"Is that so bad, Eduard? From everything I've heard about the guy, he seems like a good person."

"I don't want to date him, though. He's too clingy."

"Clingy's better than controlling," Alfons reminded him. Like Wil didn't control him... then again, maybe she didn't. It was Alfons after all.

"Look, he's like... he's like Luna!"

Alfons sighed. "If anyone's like Luna, it's Liesa, and you know it."

"But I like Luna," Eduard whined. "But whatever. He's like Pansy, then."

"And you're Draco?"

"Yes," Eduard explained impatiently.

"I thought you were Harry?"

"...But no one's clingy toward Harry."

"...Ginny is."

"But he marries Ginny," Eduard argued.

Alfons sighed. "Look, can we quit it with the Harry Potter analogies? He's clingy. I get it."

"And I don't want someone clingy."

"Okay..."

"But I don't want to hurt him. I mean, not if he's in love with me."

"Then tell him that. Tell him that you're sorry, but you're not in the emotional place right now for a relationship, and that you really don't want to hurt him, but you can't return his feelings."

"What if he gets mad?"

"Then he gets mad, Eduard. Besides, I thought you didn't care about him?"

"I don't but he's great in bed, and gives the best blow jobs I've ever had."

Alfons sighed, again. Really, that was much too much information. "Then tell him that, too. Just be honest. The worst thing that can happen is that he gets upset and refuses to sleep with you anymore."

"...You're really no help today," Eduard muttered.

"I'm sorry, but I'm kind of exhausted. Wil kept me up all night."

"I didn't need to know that!" Eduard whined.

"Not like that, Eduard. She had me go all over town for some fish custard."

"Fish custard?"

"You wouldn't believe how hard it is to get just the right custard and just the right fish fingers. According to Wil, at least."

Eduard winced. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay; don't worry about it. Look, just tell Stefan the truth; he should understand, okay?"

"Okay."

"I'll talk to you later."

"Okay."

"Tchüs, älterer Bruder."

"Tchüs."

...Well that was really no help at all.

Note: And so we finally introduce Stefan. The idea of fish custard is from Doctor Who (S05E01), and consists of fish fingers and custard. Apparently it's not half bad in moderation. But why does Wil want them? Well, you'll find out eventually.

And I hope everyone realises that, since this is in limited third person (Eduard), his opinions are subjective, and therefore, he thinks that Liesa's only using Ross, when this is clearly not the case. And yes, Eduard is a Potternerd. Someone had to be. I mean, Ross and Liesa love LotR, Alfons and Alphonse are otaku... we needed a Potternerd.

That being said, reviews and con-crit (especially con-crit) are dearly appreciated. (Especially since Iggy just got her wisdom teeth out yesterday and has to sit around the house all weekend). (Also. Two Green Day titles in a row. Iggy is original.)