Hey, me again. Thanks to the people who reviewed!

Now before this starts, I just need to let you know that I am moving. Next week to be exact. To another continent to be very exact. California here I come :D (No I'm not going there just to stalk the CM actors...I'm also going to stalk any other remotely goodlooking actor. So yeah, bottom line. I will only have myself and a small suitcase, and probably no house and much less internet for a while. So updates could be a little sparse this month.

So sorry, but I promise I will get back to this if I survive the flight and the room hunting and once I get tired of the beach ;)

Cheers!

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"My name. Say it again." Seth grabbed him tighter, a thumb tracing the sharp bone of his hip and igniting a shiver.

Spencer's breaths had flattened out, tremors running through his thin body. He could feel all of the other man pressed together as they were now, the thought alone making him breathless as he was consumed by heat.

Warm lips brushed the skin over his collar bone lightly, teasingly; the whole length of Seth's body was pressing him into the wall, a leg between his, hip to hip, Seth's hand roaming up his side, his stomach, his arm…leaving a wake of tingling heat everywhere he touched. He was moving against him in perfect sync with his lips and Reid moaned at the friction, eyelids fluttering as he clutched at the man's suit desperately, pulling him in further. "Spencer…Spen-"

"-cer. Spencer!"

With a jolt, Spencer snapped awake.

Light blinded him; he squinted, needing a moment to figure out he was in the car, more precisely on some empty parking lot next to a gas station apparently.

Seth was sitting next to him, fingers tapping on the steering wheel as he waited for him to come around.

Spencer felt heat rush to his cheeks looking at the older man and remembering what had just happened in his mind. Mortified from embarrassment, he looked away, hiding his face behind a curtain of hair. He couldn't be sure because Seth was wearing shades but he thought the man had looked at him with an eyebrow raised.

Oh god, please don't let me have done or said anything…

"You okay?"

There was nothing in Seth's tone that told him anything he wanted to know.

"Uh huh, fine," he nodded jerkily, pulling himself together, "Sorry, what was it?"

Seth shrugged, "Nuthin'. Just this is the last gas station for a while down this road. I'm gonna get some gas. You want anything else?"

Spencer shook his head.

He sat quietly as Seth got out of the car, grateful for the time to recover it gave him. Gosh, why did this keep happening? Dreams like that in the situation he was in…it was almost as mortifying as the usual nightmares…

Trying to distract himself he looked through the windshield.

Nothing about his surroundings seemed familiar, except in the very vague way of every Mexican gas station and every mile of dusty highway sort of looking the same. He had no idea where he was, or when for that matter. They had left the motel in the early morning hours, but he had no idea when or for how long he'd dozed off….he'd just been exhausted from being shaken away night after night, first by nightmares, now by this…he hardly got any sleep at all anymore it seemed…

He just hoped Seth hadn't noticed that something had changed. If he had he'd covered it up extremely well; other than that little incident in the bathroom he'd acted towards him just like always.

Spencer turned his head and watched as Seth put gas in the tank and then went into the gas station to pay.

He couldn't help but watch the man as he walked across the lot, take in the way he walked, confident and straight, with a slight edge to it, emphasized by the dark suit…it was just the right mix of effortlessly elegant and darkly sexy…especially if one knew of the muscles underneath that suit, or remembered the way those hands felt, strong and calloused….

Spencer pressed a hand to his face in frustration.

For two days now he had been battling with thoughts like these. It was like the universe had decided he didn't have enough problems already, now his mind and body had found yet another way to screw with him. He really didn't know what to do with himself.

Of all the memories that could have come back to him, apparently his muddled brain had decided that these, not his family, not his home, not his work, no, just these memories were the ones he needed right now.

He supposed it was because he was spending so much time with Seth that those memories had been activated… still he wasn't sure he was happy about having them back.

Overall, he was glad for everything that he got back of course…but knowing this, what had been, in detail…it was putting pressure on him. He was starting to feel more and more like he needed to do something about it. After all…from what he remembered, their relationship had been anything but platonic.

And if he was already feeling this…antsy, this….unbalanced…without remembering everything, he could only guess at how Seth must feel holding back for his sake.

He almost wanted to laugh at his thoughts. Only days ago this sort of inner debate would have never even crossed his mind. He might have been aware of Seth's attraction to him but he wouldn't ever have considered doing anything about it…too unsafe, too soon, too everything…

Maybe the difference now was that he didn't only feel pressured because he could tell what Seth was probably thinking…it was what he was thinking as well. He was starting to feel like he wanted to do something about this. The things he was remembering….

Spencer pushed his hair out of his face with a groan, feeling heat creep up his neck as well now.

It all seemed so obvious, so simple. They had been together. He was pretty certain Seth wanted him still…and he wanted it too apparently.

But it wasn't simple.

He was just mortified of what would happen if he made a wrong move, in whichever direction. If he did he wouldn't be able to go back…

Seth came back to the car in that moment, interrupting his thoughts. He tossed him a bottle of water, then started the engine and turned on the AC. Very fleetingly Spencer felt relief that apparently he was misinterpreting his red face for something stemming from the heat. He stared at the water bottle in his hand, still not fully able to shake his prior train of thought. Things like this…taking care of him, worrying, asking how he was, the books, the comforting gestures at night, taking the time to listen….

He knew it was definitely not only a physical attraction to Seth he was feeling. It was everything, as messed up as it all was. He couldn't help but feel like-

Startled, Spencer shook his head. Oh god, he was crazy. Just crazy. He couldn't actually just have considered the possibility that he might be…

Crazy, crazy, crazy, you don't even know who you are, how can you know what you want?

Yes, those thoughts were definitely crazy. Not that he was surprised. Seth was the only person he had contact with…he'd saved him, made him feel safe…the response he was having was probably just natural…well, apart from the physical…he supposed that was all him…crap…

He blushed, glancing at Seth through lowered lashes. Well, why did the guy have to be all rugged and chiseled and tan and- argh! Doing it again!

He looked away quickly. Luckily, Seth still didn't seem to notice.

"Where are we going?" he made himself ask after about five minutes, if only to remind himself of how lost he still was on every level.

Seth shrugged. "We'll know when we get there."

Spencer didn't reply. He just sat there quietly, wondering to himself just when it had somehow stopped bothering or upsetting him to not know specifics, or to get these kinds of answers. Probably around the time he had started trusting Seth.

Rationally he knew of course that it was beyond crazy to do what he was doing. To just let himself be steered like this, content as long as he could stay with Seth, completely dependent. But what was he supposed to change now?

Fact was, he did feel good with Seth. Safe and grounded and welcome. He didn't want to lose that. And he did trust Seth. He would know where to go; he had been doing fine for the past two weeks. Memory or no memory, he would be alright.

Spencer closed his eyes, focusing on the warm breeze through the window and the soft music from the radio and on generally feeling better than he had in days.

No reason to freak yourself out. It's fine. The way it is now is fine, you don't have to rush into anything. Yes, you can't help thinking 'that' but it doesn't have to mean anything….you don't have to address it now…not ever if you don't want to…

He wasn't sure how true that was. Yes, Seth wasn't pushing him but…

He shook his head, banishing those thoughts. He would think about that when/if it came to it, not now. And even if later on he decided he might want to….well, it wasn't like he didn't have the time to take it slow, now did he?

"So let me get this straight, just so I understand. You're testifiying that neither you nor Hazel Martinez were sexually assaulted by either Gecko brother during your time as a hostage?"

"Yes."

"Both Martinez' statement and the Geckos' track record would suggest otherwise. In addition, we have a report from SSA Hotchner in which he stated to SSA Morgan that he'd had a conversation with Seth Gecko. Appaerently, Gecko said something to the contrary as well."

"What did he say?"

"Well, we don't have the specific word count but-"

"What is he saying now?"

"...Nothing. He said to ask you. To get your statement and bring it to him. He said he would sign that."

"I can see why you're frustrated."

"Dr. Reid. Must I remind you that you need to say the truth?"

"I have."

"So Seth Gecko never approached you in any way that might be construed as sexual, he didn't touch you, or kiss you or anything of the sort?"

He doesn't answer that.

He could point out that that question is not the same one he answered previously. He could point out that not claiming rape is not the same as claiming Seth never touched or kissed, or fucked him. He could point out that Hotch couldn't have known anything about that either way because it didn't happen while he was alive but much later; 13 days after his death to be exact.

He doesn't.

It doesn't belong to them. He won't let them have that to dissect and tear apart. He won't let them taint it. He won't let the knowledge rip a yet larger hole into his former family's heart.

"Seth Gecko never raped me," he says instead, without flinching, without wavering.

He doesn't care that it messes with the perfect black and white picture they have painted in their heads.

His world is in shambles. Why should they fare any better?

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I know this was short. I had to divide the chapter. Now, the next installment will be...lemme count: day 13 :)

I really hope I will get it up before the move because otherwise it might be a while. Cross your fingers!

And please review! Come on, it's only gonna take a minute. Tell me about what you want to see in the next chapters if you want. Anything. Thanks so much!