DISCLAIMER: Much to my dismay I do not own any of Stephenie Meyer's characters. I would love to, but I guess I'll have to settle for making them do as I please.
I also have nothing whatsoever to do with over Linkin Park or anyone affiliated with the band. Again much to my dismay. Can't catch a break. I just love their music :D
Edward
Telling my mother about my years as a coke addicted alcoholic was easier than I thought. I just stayed over the other side of the room and didn't look at her. Because I knew that if I did, I would break and I wouldn't be able to continue.
I knew that Carlisle's appearance and the revelation he had made that led us to this point had shaken her today. It wasn't something any of us were expecting.
You would have thought that even someone with the smallest amount of common sense there was available in the world, would know not to stroll onto the property of a Police Chief and start aggravating a) his daughter b) the father of his grandchildren (whom he happens to get on with) c) the paternal grandmother of his own grandchildren and d) his grandchildren themselves.
Not such a smart move.
I didn't look at her as I spoke. I knew that it would be hard for her to understand how I had been upon arriving in New York. But I had managed to get through most of the story with Bella and I knew that I could do it with my mom. I owed her that much, didn't I?
When I finished speaking, she sat there on my bed in what seemed to be a perpetual state of shock. I didn't want to rush her but sitting there like that was worrying me. I didn't know what was going through her head and that scared me. For all I knew, I could be expecting a bigger blow out than the one I had with Bella in her bedroom in New York. That wasn't something I'd like to relive
"Mom?" I pushed myself off of the wall gently and slowly made my way across the room towards her. She didn't make any movement that let me know she had registered my movements near her so I sat down next to her slowly and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Mom?"
Her head snapped towards me and I internally flinched, expecting some kind of argument to ensue, but it never came. She just sat there in front of me, her eyes wide and imploring, shining with tears she had yet to shed, scanning my face for something unknown to me.
Her lips trembled lightly as she looked at me, the welling tears breaking free of her eyelids and slowly tracing down her cheeks. I wiped them away slowly, not wanting my mother to cry over something I had done. She was too beautiful to cry.
"Oh, my baby." She whispered, her hands coming up to cup the side of my face gently. She let out a breath as she watched me, her green eyes that were so much like my own glistening, the light from the window casting their images lightly in the moisture. "I'm so sorry, baby."
What?
What was she sorry for?
I'm the one that's just told her what a proverbial fuck up I am. She shouldn't be apologising for anything right now.
"What for?" I asked her, my clear confusion showing in my tone and she closed her eyes, more tears travelling down her cheeks. "Why are you sorry?"
"Because if I had been there . . . if I had stood up to Carlisle and cared for you myself, showed you my love like you deserved then you wouldn't have left. You wouldn't have gone through all of that." Her voice was barely above a whisper and her eyes were closed the entire time but when they opened, they were full of a pain I knew so well.
The pain of guilt.
She felt guilty for bowing to Carlisle. For bending to what he wanted. I knew that she was partly to blame for the way I grew up, but now that I knew what he had been like when I was a child, I couldn't find it in me to resent or be angry with her anymore.
"No, Mom." I shook my head, taking the hand that was on my face in my own and interlacing our fingers. She looked down at our hands, sniffing lightly and I grabbed a box of tissues from the table by the bed. She gave me a watery smile, taking two and setting one on her lap lightly.
I took a deep breath, knowing that I needed to get this out, but not sure I could. "Mom. You need to know that no matter how you treated me when I was younger, it wouldn't have made a difference." I placed a finger on her lips when she tried to interject and she narrowed her eyes at me in the way only a mother can do. "Things that were out of our control happened before I left and personally, it wouldn't have mattered how I was treated at home. I still would have left."
"But maybe you wouldn't have lived the way you did." She whispered, taking my other hand in her own.
"Maybe. Maybe not." I shrugged lightly, not meeting her eyes. "I don't know. And I won't ever know. I can't change the past. And I'm not sure I want to. I learned a lot about myself when I was in rehab. Things I know I wouldn't have learned if I hadn't been in there, so it's not all bad. I mean, yeah, it's not a vacation spot I'd choose, but it's better than being on the streets." I gave her a small smile, not receiving one in return. "If I hadn't gone down that path I wouldn't be where I am now. I wouldn't have Jasper and Emmett, or the band, or Bella and the babies. I wouldn't have any of it."
She nodded slowly, her eyes still scanning my face as she sat there. "I still feel somewhat responsible and nothing you can say will take that feeling away. Understand that now." Her tone had taken on the parental tone that signalled something wasn't up for discussion. When had she practised that? "You're my baby boy and I love you so much. I don't think I'll ever be able forgive myself for not being there for you when you were growing up." She took a deep breath, looking down at our hands again. "I think Carlisle knew how much I loved you. How much you meant to me and that's why he took me with him whenever he went on a business trip. He didn't want me to bond with you. Didn't want me to put you first."
"Had issues sharing, huh?" I scoffed lightly and she nodded, a slight sniff coming from her as she wiped her nose off again. "Because I'm not his." I nodded slowly, looking away from my mom again as a gush of air suddenly left her body.
Her arms flew around my neck, pulling me to her tightly. I wrapped my arms around her waist burying my head in her hair. She smelled floral and sweet, just as I always remembered the person sneaking into my room to kiss me goodnight did.
It was her.
This made me hold onto her tighter than before and she laughed lightly in my ear, complaining that I was tickling her slightly. I tickled her a little more and we ended up collapsing onto the bed. She sighed, running her hand through my hair, humming a sweet tune I vaguely recognised.
"I don't care that you're not Carlisle's." She whispered against my forehead lightly. "I don't care whose you are. All that matters to me is that you're mine. You're my baby. I made you and that's all that matters to me."
"Thank you." I whispered, closing my eyes slowly before opening them again to find her watching me with a look I hadn't seen in her eyes before. It was just pure unadulterated, unconditional love and from that moment on, I knew it was genuine. I knew that I had my mother, for the first time in my life. She had heard my most closely guarded past and she hadn't run away. She knew almost everything and she was still here.
"I am so proud of you." She whispered into my hair and I couldn't help but give her the – as Bella has so kindly dubbed it – 'what the fuck' look I was apparently so skilled in giving. "You've come such a long way. From what you told me – being an alcoholic and a . . . a . . ." I nodded, knowing what she meant. "To being where you are right here, right now. You've recovered from all that."
"Technically, still in recovery." I corrected and she hit me lightly on the shoulder.
"Picky." She rolled her eyes and I couldn't help but laugh and love how natural it all seemed. "But anyway, you've come from being so low, to becoming the lead singer of one of the most famous bands in the world, you've found the love of your life, your soulmate and you're now a father." She sighed, her fingers running through my hair again. "I'm so proud to call you my son."
We lay there, talking about nothing in particular for a while. I wasn't sure exactly how long, but I knew it had to be late. I had heard the babies fussing a couple of times, but was kept in place by Bella calling that she had them. I felt bad, but I knew Bella would just turn me back around and march me back into the room with my mother.
"Your Nana, Grandpa and Aunt Lizzie are going to be so proud, you know." She whispered after about five minutes of silence between us.
"Hmm?" I looked up at her and she smiled down at me.
"The baby names." She clarified and I nodded in understanding. "They're going to be so proud."
"You think?"
"Well, you had a baby named after you, wouldn't you be?" She asked and I chuckled lightly. "But then again, your grandfather already has." I looked up at her, my brow furrowed, wondering what she meant. "You, of course."
"Oh yeah." I rolled my eyes at my own stupidity and lay my head back on her shoulder. "Is the baby still crying?" I asked, listening.
One of the babies had started crying a little while ago and I was starting to worry a little bit. I mean, they had only just come out of the hospital. They were still so tiny and vulnerable. Honestly, I had been holding myself back not going out there before now.
I stood up and my mom stood up behind me.
"Oh," she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me in for a hug and placing a kiss to my temple. "I know how hard it must have been for you to tell me, sweetheart. I'm glad you did and that I know. I love you so much, Edward. Don't ever forget that."
"I love you too, Mom." I whispered back, holding her close to me, not wanting to let her go, even if she was only a floor away from me. She had opted to stay on the floor below us rather than the room opposite.
I let go of her and made my way in the direction of the crying. I walked out into the living room area of the suite and saw Bella standing there, gently rocking a screaming Masen. We had taken it upon ourselves to colour code the boys until they had more discernible features – a feat Alice would be proud of – so I knew that the green tint of the onesie covering the little person in Bella's arms was Masen.
"Everything okay?" I asked quietly and Bella turned to look at me, her eyes worried and wide.
"Yeah." She sighed, looking down at the bawling baby in her arms. "He won't stop crying."
"You want me to try?" I asked and she debated for a moment as I made my way over to her before handing me the baby. "Hey, little guy." I tried soothing him as she handed him to me.
"He's not hungry, his diaper's dry, he doesn't want his pacifier or anything else." She sighed running her hands through her hair as she watched me with him. "I don't know what's wrong with him." She sounded on the brink of tears. "I'm terrible at this. I'm going to be a horrible mother."
"Hey, hey!" I closed the distance between us, grabbing Masen's burping towel from the baby bag and flinging it over my shoulder before lifting Masen higher up onto my shoulder and supporting him along the length of my arm, making sure I supported his head in the palm of my hand, as I wrapped an arm around Bella, pulling her to me. "Listen to me: you are not a horrible mother. You're just new at this. All you need is practise."
"You don't seem to be having any problems." She gestured to the baby in my arms.
"Can you not hear him screaming?" I raised my eyebrows and she let out a breathy laugh.
"Yeah, yeah I can." She nodded, running her hands through her hair again.
"Well, I can't. I'm deaf in that ear now." I smiled when I heard her laugh lightly. At least she wasn't stressing as much. "All we need is practise. No parents are ever perfect. I think mine are a good example of that argument." She shook her head at me and I couldn't help but smile at her. "We'll learn as we go along, alright, love?"
"Yeah." She nodded, biting her lip.
"Why don't you go and lie down. You look exhausted." I ran my thumb gently down her cheek and she nodded, looking longingly at Masen before making her way around me.
I bounced him up and down lightly on my shoulder, hoping the movement would soothe him as I rubbed his back gently. I turned around, taking a few steps towards where Bella was standing, leaning against the doorframe, watching us. She smiled lightly before turning to make her way into the bedroom. We both froze as Masen let out a belch that his Uncle Emmett would be proud of and I was glad I had picked up the burping cloth.
"Well, I think I found out why he was crying." I laughed lightly, loving the grin that spread across Bella's face. "I'll get him settled." I settled him in my arms, chuckling when I saw the satisfied look on his face as his eyes slowly closed. "Feel better, buddy?"
I took him through to the room Jasper and Alice had been staying in, placing him in one of the bassinets Alice had demanded we get before she left. Not going to argue with that girl. I swear, evil pixie on crack that one.
After getting Masen settled and determining that the other two weren't going wake up while I was in the room, I made my way back to the bedroom, grabbing the baby monitor that was still on the coffee table on my way through.
I slipped into the room to find that Bella was lying on her side of the bed, her arm outstretched onto mine with her legs curled up under the duvet. I changed quickly and slid into the bed, taken slightly off guard when her arm immediately curled around my waist, pulling me to her. I wasn't going to complain.
"I swear a newborn should not be able to belch like that." She mumbled against my shoulder and I couldn't help but agree with her.
"Well, we can't be having him doing little dainty burps now, can we?" I wrapped my arms around her and she scowled up at me, trying not to smile.
"He's gonna be a bruiser." She rested her head back on my shoulder, her brow furrowed, clearly in thought. "Is it possible for babies to take after someone they're not even related to?"
"Not genetically, no." I answered, running my fingers through her hair, releasing the strawberry scent as it fell back into place each time. "Why do you ask?"
"Because I don't want our son to end up like Emmett." She stated matter of factly and I had to laugh. "What?"
"Nothing." I shook my head, clearly not appeasing her in the slightest. "Alright. Imagine trying to convince people that someone Emmett's size is your son." She smirked slightly, seeing the humour in my words. "Besides, I don't think either of our boys will be that size."
"I want them to look just like you." She said softly, her hand running up and down my arm lightly. "They're going to be gorgeous, just like their daddy."
"Well, our little girl is going to be beautiful, just like her mommy." I whispered softly and she scoffed lightly. "Of course she's going to be beautiful like you. And don't you dare come out with the 'plain Jane' argument, because if I remember, I was having to shoo them away when you were eight months pregnant with the three of them."
"Doesn't count." She mumbled and I chuckled, kissing her forehead lightly.
"Yes, it does." I replied softly knowing that she was so exhausted, she would fall asleep before she could argue with me.
I looked down at her, brushing a few strands of hair away from her face to find that her breathing was steady as she clutched me to her. It was almost as if she were afraid I were going to disappear on her. Not happening.
Sighing gently, I pressed my lips to her forehead again, before making sure the monitor was turned up and turning the lamp off, settling down to try and get some sleep before we were awoken at some ungodly hour.
If you're ever planning on taking a plane ride across a country, travelling nearly two and a half thousand miles with three newborns, I'll give you a piece of advice: don't!
We knew that it was going to be a long day of travelling and the triplets were going to get fussy and restless, but hell, I wasn't expecting Chrissie to start full on screaming about just over half way there. I think we were somewhere over South Dakota or Iowa when she started up.
I couldn't calm her down as we were sitting there, and I knew that some of the other passengers were getting irritated with her incessant screaming – which thankfully, the boys didn't pick up on, to preoccupied with their Aunt Rose and Nana Esme – so I scooped her up and headed towards the little corridor bit by the toilets. Not the best place to have a newborn, but I didn't really feel like dealing with angry plane passengers at the moment.
After I'd gotten her calmed down, I found that I couldn't put her down at all, or she'd start fussing and start to wake up.
That became interesting as we got off the plane. Thankfully, the women at check-in and arrivals seemed to understand about sleeping newborns and let me get away with it. Well, if they hadn't I would have blamed them straight away. Not a chance of me being blamed.
So after a flight from Seattle to JFK Airport and a twenty minute taxi ride and around nine hours or so of travel today, Bella and I were in the elevator on the way up to the penthouse in my apartment block. And we were both ready to drop.
As soon as the elevator doors dinged open, I stepped out, Chrissie – finally settled in her carrier – and punched in the code to open the door, allowing Bella to step inside first. She placed the boys just inside the door, stepping back out to take over from me holding the elevator doors open – well, I say holding them open, I really mean standing in front of them, keeping them open – so I could put Chrissie inside and grab the bags that were in the elevator.
"Hi!" I yelped and jumped as I walked into the apartment, being greeted by an overactive pixie, standing there, grinning at me. I shoved a hand over my mouth, inwardly cursing myself for being so loud and glancing at the triplets, sighing quietly when Killian stirred, but none of them woke up.
"Is that them?" Alice's eyes were wide with wonder and excitement and I nodded. She let out a small squeal and bounced on the balls of her feet as Bella walked in and chuckled lightly to herself, shaking her head at her overly energetic friend.
"I'm going to say this now," Bella pointed a finger at Alice who frowned at her, seeming to know what was coming. "You can see them when they wake up. They've been fussy all day and this is the first time they've really been asleep. So before you even ask, the answer is no."
"Oh, Bella!" She whined quietly, having taken note of the fact that Bella had mentioned they were asleep. She looked at me, her bottom lip sticking out a little.
"Hey." I narrowed my eyes at her, warning her to stop. "Don't even try it, pix. Not a chance."
"Spoilt sports." She grumbled, huffing lightly as Bella and I dumped our bags unceremoniously on the floor by the couch, picking up the babies and making our way towards my bedroom. Was it just mine now? Or could it be classed as ours? I guess that depends on whether Bella wants to move in here or whatever. Because that, I certainly wouldn't mind. "Um, where are you guys going?"
"To put the babies to bed." Bella replied a certain 'duh' factor in her tone. I couldn't not laugh at her sarcasm.
"Well, if you're doing that then you're going the wrong way." Alice replied cryptically and I raised an eyebrow at her. I looked at Bella whose expression must have been a mirror of my own as we stood there, babies in hand, wondering what the little fey in front of us was on about. "Follow me." She indicated to follow her with her finger and turned on her heel towards where Jazz and Em's rooms were.
I looked at Bella, who shrugged, before giving in to curiosity and following Alice. She was stood outside Jazz's room with a smug smile on her face. She opened the door and stepped inside, indicating for us to walk in.
I wasn't so sure Jasper would like the idea of us being in his room, but I had learned the hard way not to argue with Alice. I was still cursing Emmett for letting it slip to her about my pierced nipple. Let me tell you, that shit hurts.
"What are we doing in here, Alice?" Bella asked, setting Masen on the ground in his carrier as I did with Killian and Christina.
She flicked on the light and I felt my jaw drop. This was definitely not how I remembered Jasper's room being before we left.
Where the walls had been a dark blue before, they were now painted in soft brown tones, a deep brown at the bottom fading in shade until they were a sort of beige colour at the ceiling. There were three cribs lined up against the back wall, each the right distance apart to have one or two people in between, say for night feedings.
Each crib was made of a deep dark wood and as I looked at them, I could see that it had the name of the respective baby carved on the end.
The rest of the furniture matched the cribs, a dark dresser on one wall a changing table on the opposite side. There were two rocking chairs in one corner, tilted so that they faced each other and there was a small play pen situated next to it.
Alice had given us a nursery.
"What do you think?" She asked, her tone slightly sceptical about liking it.
"Alice . . ." Bella seemed awestruck and her voice was full of tears. What with her hormones being as out of whack as they were at the moment, I was surprised she wasn't full out bawling her eyes out. "It's beautiful."
"You think?" She asked, her grin widening as she watched Bella run her fingers reverently over the crib with Killian's name engraved on it.
I spun around and wrapped my arms around the tiny woman, grinning at her little yelp and giggles as I lifted her off of the ground. Her arms wound their way around my neck as she hugged me back.
"Thank you so much." I whispered into her ear, pressing a soft kiss into her hair.
"It was my pleasure, Edward." She replied, grinning at me as I put her down.
"I do have a question, though." She tilted her head at me, wondering. "What about Jazz?"
"Oh, he and Em are moving in with Rose and me in our apartment." She waved my question off and I felt myself becoming more confused.
"What?" Bella appeared beside me, clearly wondering the same thing I was. "What does that mean?"
"It means that you and Edward will be living here, and Em and Jazz are moving in with me and Rose." Alice replied sweetly, looking between the two of us as we stood there letting that sink in.
"And when was this decided?" I could hear Bella getting upset and I felt my heart sink a little. Did she not want to live with me? What about the fact that we had been basically living together in Seattle? Did she only put up with me because she was pregnant? She obviously didn't want to be with me like that now.
I moved away from the still smiling Alice and the fuming Bella to tend to the babies, who were still sleeping soundly. I managed to manoeuvre the carriers so that I had all three of them on me at once, carrying them towards the cribs.
I turned to see that Alice and Bella had left the room, probably aware that the triplets were still sleeping and that it was best not to wake them up.
As carefully and gently as I could, I removed their onesie overcoats and placed them in the corresponding cribs, gazing at them each for a moment. How could I have helped to create such beautifully perfect creatures? I didn't think it was possible. But somehow it was.
They were here. They were mine.
But for how long?
I tucked the carriers out of the way, taking the baby monitors out of the baby bag and placing one of them onto the little stand between Killian and Chrissie's cribs, hoping that it would pick up on Masen fussing as well. It had picked up on all three of them last night, so hopefully it would last. I picked up the second monitor and turned it on, quietly leaving the room.
I heard raised voices as I entered the living room, causing them to abruptly stop as Bella glared at Alice and Alice looked frustratingly back. I sighed gently, making my way towards my bedroom and closing the door lightly, leaning against it as I tried to understand what Bella was feeling at the moment.
What was she thinking?
Did she want to go back to living with Alice and Rose?
Would she want to take the babies with her?
Of course she would. And I couldn't stop her. I wouldn't separate them from their mother.
I sighed, running my hand through my hair as I walked towards my bed, toeing off my shoes as I did so, kicking them to the side of the room. I sat down on my bed, placing the monitor on the bedside table as I looked around. Alice hadn't been in here and moved Bella's things in. For that I was thankful. I didn't think that would be a wise move on her behalf and apparently, neither did Alice.
Was I glad to be back here?
Sure, I missed my own bed. The security of my things around me. Knowing what was where and where it belonged. But if you asked whether I actually missed being here, I couldn't give you an answer.
I guessed it depended on the woman in the living room at the moment.
Shaking my head, I made my way to the dresser, grabbing a pair of pyjama pants from the third drawer and changing into them, I climbed into bed.
It felt wrong.
The sheets were cold and stiff for not being used for such a long time. I made a mental note to put them in the wash tomorrow morning, not having the energy to do it now, or the will to go out there and see whether the argument between Bella and Alice had dissipated. Yes, I was afraid. So sue me.
I checked to make sure that the monitor was on properly, satisfied when the sound of one of the babies moving lightly came through, ready to check on them should one start fussing. Whoever invented these little machines was a godsend.
I turned on my side, wanting Bella to be there. Wanting to come into contact with her protruding belly, swollen with my children – which wouldn't be happening now – but mostly, just wanting her there next to me. Wanting her soft curves and strawberry hair. I wanted to hold her and have her close to me while we both slept.
It's official: Edward Cullen is a girl.
No matter how much I tossed and turned, I couldn't get to sleep. I knew that simple fact was going to kill me in the morning, but I just couldn't seem to find any rest. Every time I closed my eyes, they would snap open and something would flitter through my brain.
I was partially thankful when one of the babies woke up for a heinous o'clock feeding, purely because it gave me something to do.
As I stood there, feeing Killian, I was slightly dismayed at the fact that Bella hadn't come to my room and she wasn't out in the living room. Alice must have put her stuff in Emmett's old room and she must have been in there.
Why did my heart sink at that?
She was under the same roof as me. Wasn't that good enough?
No.
The answer hit me as Killian signalled that he'd had enough and required burping. I placed the bottle on the side, picking up the burping cloth I'd grabbed from the bag and placed it over my shoulder, gently patting his back as I encouraged him to burp.
Even though they were only two weeks old and this was only the second night we had them at home, I was starting to discern different things about each of them. Take burping for instance. Killian responded to a light patting halfway down his back, giving me a manly burp not unlike the one I had received from Masen earlier on in the day – something I couldn't help but grin at. Masen responded to someone slowly rubbing his back up and down with the tiniest amount of pressure whereas with Chrissie, you had to rub circles on her back to get anything out of her.
Weird, huh?
Placing Killian back in the crib, I prayed that the other two didn't wake up as I made my way back to my bedroom.
But of course, as soon as my head hit the pillow, a whimpering came through the monitor.
I wanted to let Bella sleep, considering she was still trying to get her body back in whack from the birth so I quickly made my way to the nursery seeing my little girl with her face all red and scrunched up, arms in the air as I leaned over and picked her up. She quieted a little in my arms, but was still letting out a rather loud noise as I heated up the water in the saucepan again, checking it was alright before setting the bottle in the centre, waiting for it to warm up before giving it to her. Bless Bella for the milk. I saw that we had enough bottles of Bella's milk for each of them. Thank God because I didn't think I could work out the process of formula at 1:08AM.
After repeating the process I had done with Killian with Chrissie and Masen, it was nearly two in the morning.
I crawled back into bed, setting the monitor on the bedside table, feeling the exhaustion of the day catching up with me as I lay there and drifted in and out of sleep. I wanted it to come, but it was still eluding me.
Let's hope I could get a little sleep before the next round.
After the initial feeding I was woken up twice more by the triplets, each of them needing to be fed burped and changed. I made sure that I got to them as quickly and quietly as possible, not wanting to wake Bella unnecessarily.
But that left me trying to sleep at nine in the morning, with the traffic and general hubbub of New York happening outside my window, the sun shining through the glass and an almost certain visit from Alice the hyperactive pixie at some point soon. Personally, I was surprised that she hadn't appeared already.
I had managed to drift off at about six meaning I had about three hours or so of sleep under my belt when I someone's fingers gently running over my cheek and jaw, almost reverently as if trying to commit my face to memory.
I breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of strawberries and I knew that it was Bella in here. Was there something wrong with the babies? What was the matter?
"Hey." She whispered softly as I opened my eyes, meeting her deep brown orbs. "Morning." There was a small smile on her face as I blinked the sleep out of my eyes, trying to wake up. "How'd you sleep?"
"Like a yo-yo." I replied, my voice still thick with sleep as I stretched out.
"Huh?"
"Back and forth." I gestured loosely with my hand, emphasising the back and forth to my room and the nursery.
"Thank you." She whispered and I turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow. "For seeing to them last night."
"Well, it's my job." I replied, sitting up and sliding off the end of my bed, stretching a little more.
"Are you okay?" She asked quietly and I heard her moving behind me slowly. "Scratch that, you're all tense. What's wrong?" Was I really that readable?
"Nothing." I shook my head, pulling on a t-shirt and making my way out into the main apartment and towards the kitchen. I saw that I had made a little mess last night in my sleepy-baby-feeding haze. I grabbed a cloth and wiped it up, running the cloth over the whole o the counter. I knew that I was letting my OCD tendencies show through a little, signalling that I was aggravated and needed to calm down.
"Seriously, what's wrong?" She asked, stopping behind me.
"Nothing." I repeated, filling the cloth with water and squeezing it out before I continued cleaning.
"There's obviously something up." I could see her reflection in the microwave door and I could see that she was getting aggravated now. "You're going all OCD freak in here. What's the matter?"
I stopped at her words. 'OCD freak'? Is that what she thought of me? "OCD freak?" I questioned quietly and she froze, clearly not realising what she'd said.
"Edward, I didn't me-"
"Mean it like that?" I threw the cloth in the sink and turned to face her. I knew that I was overreacting, probably by quite a lot, but I was exhausted and wanted to sleep. But clearly since someone has some other plans for me, I wasn't able to do that last night. "Then how did you mean it, Bella?" She didn't answer me, only bit on her lip lightly, looking everywhere but at me. "Right."
I took a deep breath and made my way into my bedroom, sighing as I heard the click of the door closing behind me. I made my way into my en suite, biting my lip and grabbing the cleaning supplies I had under the sink, giving my bathroom a complete run down.
When wound up some people drink. Some hit things. I clean. What of it?
After I'd finished cleaning my bathroom, I climbed into the shower, wanting the water to wash away all of the crap going on in my life at the moment. It wouldn't work. I knew it wouldn't but I wanted to at least try.
After spending twenty minutes or so under the steaming jet, I felt marginally better, so I climbed out, grabbing a towel and noticing how red my feet were. I must have had the water up hot. Whoops.
I dressed in a pair of loose fitting jeans and a plain white t-shirt, not needing to dress up for anyone or go out anywhere today. I flung myself onto my bed, face down, sighing loudly.
There was a light knock on the door and I didn't acknowledge it, hoping that whoever it was – because Alice and the others were bound to be here by now – would go away.
"Edward?" A soft voice called from the other side. "Edward, it's Rose."
"Yeah?" I called from where I was on the bed, knowing it would sound muffled. "Come in, Rose."
The door clicked open and her blonde head poked around the corner, a small smile on her face. Her eyes were worried though and that confused me.
"You okay?" She asked, closing the door and making her way towards me as I rolled over onto my back. She sat down on the end of the bed, tucking her feet up underneath her, seeming uncharacteristically shy. Maybe it was because she was alone in the bedroom of a guy her boyfriend was practically brothers with or because I was her best friend's boyfriend.
Either one, possibly.
"Are you and Bella okay?" She asked, her brow creasing slightly. This was great wasn't it? Bella and I had only been back in New York for a day – less than – and we were already having problems.
"I don't know." I sighed, running my hands slowly down my face before they fell limply to my sides, bouncing slightly on the bed. "I don't think she wants to be here, you know?"
"What do you mean?" Rose shook her head, her curls bouncing around her shoulders lightly. In my exhausted state, the shininess of her hair was mesmerising. I hoped she didn't take it the wrong way.
"Yesterday, Alice showed us the nursery – which I know you had a hand in." I pointed at her and she smirked at me, letting me know that she did in fact have a part to play in the construction of the nursery. "And she told us about Jazz and Emmett moving in with you two and Bella just . . . I don't know . . . flipped, really. I don't know what to do, Rose." I sighed and she smiled sadly at me, obviously not knowing what to say. Either that or she did but was being cruel and not helping me.
"Unfortunately, I don't know." Don't know it is, then. "I think the two of you are going to have to work this out on your own."
Great.
The words I didn't want to hear right now.
What the hell was going through Bella's mind right now and what the hell was I supposed to do about it?
Fuck if I know.
So, they're back in New York.
Is there drama starting already? Have to wait and see, won't we?
What did you think?