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edit: to my lovely guest, soareagle, hopefully you see this as a response to your review: Eventually ;)

"Isabelle!" Rick called my name when he could finally see me. He ran over to me and pulled me into a tight hug, "Where were you? I kept calling your name…" I stood with a stiff pose and kept my arms crossed, not wanting him to see my bloody hands.

"I got lost." I lied.

I didn't want him to try to get more out of me, so I turned the focus away from me, "Where's everyone? Andrea?"

"Everyone here is all we have left." Glenn sighed and continued to stare at the ground. The rest of the group turned to Andrea holding Amy's head in her lap. Her weeping would keep everyone up all night, that's for sure.

I wish the group could've given her some sort of privacy.

Shane interrupted the group's silence, "We're gonna have to do something about the bodies."

Rick spoke sternly, "Give the group some time first."

He rolled his eyes but kept his mouth shut. I can't follow Shane's logic, I understand needing to get rid of the bodies, but half the group is dead and the survivors still needed some time to process what just happened.

The attention was turned to Jim when he said something about digging graves, but I didn't hear it. I didn't care much at the moment, I just wanted to sleep and be alone. I broke away from Rick's grip and rushed to the tent.

September 13, 2010

The tent's rustling woke me from an already not so deep sleep. I groggily pushed myself to sit up and shielded my eyes from the bright sunlight peeking in, hoping it was just Rick.

As soon as the flap was fully unzipped, the smell of burning flesh stung my nostrils. Here's hoping they're just burning the walkers and not the group members, they deserved a proper burial.

"Isabelle?" Rick stepped into the tent, "How are you feeling?"

I rolled my eyes out of annoyance. The camp was just attacked and here he is asking how I'm feeling, "Get out." It wasn't the best choice of words, but the easiest ones to say at the moment.

He was baffled, "What's wrong with me asking how you're feeling?" Although he didn't raise his voice, I could tell he was confused, tired and frustrated. My attitude was seriously not helping but there was no other way to convey that I wanted to be alone without hurting his feelings.

I lowered my voice and tried to stay calm, but my emotions were slowly taking over, "Rick, I'm tired." I began, "I don't want to talk."

He sighed, "And what are you going to do? Just stay in here until you feel better?"

When he said it like that it did sound pretty ridiculous, but I kept trying to push that I didn't want to talk by remaining silent. However, he continued, "Isabelle, we have to leave. The camp isn't safe anymore and we can't wait because you're not feeling well."

How could he not be sympathetic to how I was feeling? Does he not realize that I'm suffering too? Is it not obvious that I just didn't want to fucking talk? Does there always have to be a reason?

"People will die, Isabelle. It happens. I'm going to die one day, so are you – it's something that we're going to have to get used to. You can't just shut down every time it happens." It was starting to sound like a lecture and I didn't want to hear it, especially not now.

"I'm not a fucking child!" I spat, hoping that'd be the end of it yet neglecting the fact that Rick could be almost as stubborn as me.

He rubbed his temples out of frustration but kept the same calm tone, "I never said otherwise." Why is he so patient with me?

"It sure as hell sounds like it." I argued, "Can't I just b-" He cut me off when he grabbed my hand, which was covered in caked blood.

"What happened? Were you bit?" He asked with worry lingering in his voice, changing the tone of the entire conversation.

I quickly pulled my hand away, "No, I wasn't bit." He reached slowly for them again and this time I let him examine them, "It's not my blood." I added.

"Then whose is it?"

"I don- I didn't know her." The thought that she would be forgotten and that there would be no one to mourn her depressed me. Was the same going to happen to me when I die? Who would even tell my family?

He stayed quiet, in fact we both did. It was a nice silence. It gave me time to sort my thoughts and figure out what to say. The words flowed from my mouth as I remembered how I found her, "Her torso was torn apart, guts hanging out and everything. I got there when she was pretty much being eaten alive." I felt my hands shake slightly at the memory, "After I took care of the walker I tried to keep her company but she told me she didn't want to hurt anymore…so I shot her." It was the right thing to do but it sounded so awful saying it aloud.

"It's something else, ain't it?" He sighed while giving my hand a small squeeze. Rick was probably referencing that first walker he ever shot. Bicycle girl was what I remembered her by. I remember how shaken up he was when he first told me about her.

I nodded, but was surprised the tears didn't fall. I knew I'd been growing desensitized to the walkers themselves, but it's different when it's a human being dying in front of you. Well it's a completely different scenario when you're shooting another human being.

"I'm fine though, which is weird. I'm not sad about shooting her and it's freaky but I know it was the right thing to do." I paused, "I think what scares me is that sooner or later I won't even think twice about shooting someone." I looked back up at him, "I don't want to be a killer."

He tenderly rested his palm on my cheek, "You're not though, you did the right thing. It would've been cruel to just leave her there." He assured me softly before giving me a kiss on my forehead.

"I know, I know." I leaned into his touch, "I'm sorry for being so stubborn."

"Everyone's been on edge, it's only normal for you to be too." He wrapped his arm around me, "Group's almost done getting rid of the bodies, you should get your things together so we can get out of here." He left the tent to return to the group. I packed quietly, hoping that we'd be out of here as soon as possible.

I walked out of the tent into an argument between Shane and Rick, great. Well, at least our next location would be decided at this point.

"We need to go to Fort Benning!" Shane argued over and over again, only for Lori to shake her head in disagreement, "That's about a hundred miles in the opposite direction, Shane! There's no way all of us could make it that far."

"Right, but it's away from the Hot Zone! If there's any food and protection, it's there right with the military." He turned to Rick and continued, "Face it, Rick, it's our best chance. No way we know the CDC is still up and running."

"Shane, if there's any government structure left, don't you think they'd protect the CDC at all costs?"

"Rick, what makes you think they'll let us in?" I had to chime in because Rick was setting his hopes a little too high. I couldn't imagine the personnel there just letting us in and wait the whole thing out.

"I don't but it's a lot better than driving in the opposite direction like Lori said. They have food, shelter, protection, everything we need to last us a good while."

"Listen Rick, you and I both want that, and if there's any place with any of those, it's the army base."

Rick wouldn't give up, "We all saw what happened to the last of the military. The walkers overran them easily."

I nodded in agreement and added, "They probably wouldn't let us in either. They might mistake us for walkers and just shoot us-"

"And how do you know that?" Shane interjected.

"I do know that they wouldn't take the chances of any of us being infected. You really think the remnants of the military would have to follow orders anyways? Who knows who's in charge there…"

Shane shook his head at the idea, making it very clear that he was hellbent on going to Fort Benning, "And what do we do if there's nothing at the CDC?"

Rick pressed the CDC one last time, and at this point a majority of the group was agreeing with him. "Shane, it's our best chance." He lowered his voice only for us to hear, "It's Jim's only chance."

Jim's only chance? What's wrong with Jim?

Everyone returned to their respective cars once we'd said goodbye to Jim. He was bitten in the attack, and I wish I'd known so I could've done something – anything to help him. I'd only learned after the group decided where to go. Honestly feels like we lost a soldier today.

It was just me and Rick in my El Camino; Daryl, Glenn, and T-Dog in a small red truck; Shane, Lori, and Carl in a Jeep; and the rest of the group piled into Dale's RV which was starting to look like it wouldn't be making it much father. We'd lost Morales and his family earlier as well, when they decided to basically go in the opposite direction, I couldn't really recall where though.

I was wondering about how Andrea was holding up, Rick had been telling me about how no one could get close to her or Amy and how Andrea pulled a gun on him (again) when he tried to talk to her. While the remainder of the group was preparing to leave, a gun shot rang out telling us that she was ready to go as well. I can't imagine what she's feeling right now. Probably a little empty, just like how I felt leaving Jane's place.

Our convoy pulled over several times to do some quick maintenance on Dale's RV, but I had a feeling the whole group knew it wouldn't be lasting much longer. I mean, it could definitely make it to the CDC, but if nothing's there, I'm doubtful it'd make it out of Atlanta.

It'd been a mostly quiet ride, and finally we started to get into the general area around the CDC. I didn't recognize the area, but Rick did.

He broke the silence with a small smile too, "Looks like we're getting pretty close."

I crossed my fingers, hoping it'd still be intact.

We pulled up to the front and all parked by the curb in front of this large mirror like building. Boy was it massive. Rick and I grabbed our weapons, along with everyone else.

There were only piles in bodies lining the outside of the building. They all had military uniforms too, not exactly the best sign but I was going to stay optimistic for once.

It was only silent, and the longer we were there the more I could feel my optimism slip away and be replaced by some serious anxiety. I've come to the conclusion that I've completely disregarded the whole "stay calm" advice and training I got from basic.

The smell was the worst thing after the sight of all the bloated and decomposing bodies. Shane and Rick slowly led the way, while everyone else was trying their best to not throw up at the sight and smell. I was actually surprised with myself for not having puked already.

"You sure this is it?" Shane asked quietly, but before he could elicit a response from Rick, we all heard slight shuffling from several walkers around the block who hadn't noticed us yet.

Rick placed his hand on my lower back to get me moving quickly, while Shane and Daryl led the rest of the group quicker, "Alright, come on, keep moving and stay quiet!" He quietly ordered.

I could hear Lori comfort Sophia and Carl behind me, which helped calm me down a bit as well.

We reached the shutters and Shane tried to pull them up but nothing happened. My heart sank at the thought that we came here for nothing and now we'd be trapped. We could easily be outnumbered here by walkers and that would just be the end of it. No, no, I wasn't going to let that happen. I wasn't going to die or let anyone else die here.

Rick and Glenn pounded on the doors, but again to avail.

"There's no one here…" T-Dog sounded discouraged, but Rick wouldn't give up on us, "Then why are the shutters down?" He returned his attention to the door, probably looking for some entrance we may have missed.

"Walkers!" Daryl called out and I turned around to see several coming our way. Quickly, he shot the walker in the head, but we all knew sooner or later that there'd be more coming in.

Daryl immediately turned his crossbow on Rick, "You led us to a graveyard!"

Shane jumped in the way between them, while Rick kept his focus on the shutter, "He made a call!"

"A bad one!" I knew Daryl wasn't going to actually shoot Rick, but he certainly wasn't planning on putting his crossbow down anytime soon.

Shane shoved him back, "Shut up! You hear me? Shut the hell up!" He kept Daryl back and he soon put his crossbow down. Last thing we needed was all of us shooting each other.

Shane turned back to Rick, "Rick, this is a dead end. The hell do we do now?"

Everyone was overwhelming Rick with questions, including Lori, but he kept his cool. I kept my back turned to the group and instead was watching our rear with Glenn and Andrea, we were expecting more walkers to show up because we knew that one wasn't alone.

"Fort Benning is still an option, Rick!" Shane was pretty close to begging. Though he really got on my nerves at times, the way he was handling this situation was extremely honorable. I honestly expected a huge "I told you so" but I was glad he knew that's not what Rick needed.

The group was beginning to beg Rick to leave, but Andrea and Dale were also arguing that we didn't have enough food or fuel to make the trip to Fort Benning and that it'd be near impossible. I stayed out of it.

We were beginning to leave and Shane was ordering everyone back to their respective cars, but then Rick made a dash back to the shutter and began yelling…

…at the camera. Some sort of surveillance camera pointing at us. Dale kept telling him that it wasn't anything and that we needed to leave immediately, but Rick stayed put.

"I know you're in there! I know you're watching us!" He yelled then pounded the shutter again, "Please, we're desperate!" He begged, and I told the group to stop running to the cars. Someone was listening. Rick was right, the camera was moving.

Everyone was standing around, some now deciding that it would be better to just make the risky trip to Fort Benning but I quietly told them to shut it.

"Please help us, we have women and children. No food, hardly any gas left! We have nowhere else to go!"

And nothing happened. I was starting to agree with the rest of the group about just leaving and was about to drag Rick back to the car, but he had one last thing to shout, "If you don't let us in you're killing us!"

Silence.

Shane lunged forward and threw his forearm around Rick's neck to drag him back towards the cars. There was no point. We were going to die if we stayed there and we had to leave now.

I was rushing back with the others, the pounding in my chest drowning out Rick's repeated shouts, until it suddenly became bright.

Looks like someone was listening after all.

Thank you so much all for reading. Please don't forget to leave your thoughts in a review. Also, happy holidays!