Chapter 21

Part 2 – Guilt

A Type 80 TARDIS drifted through the Time Vortex, just like it had been for the last few weeks. The ships pilot was attempting to get some sleep, however, rest was providing extremely difficult. Romanadvoratrelundar tossed and turned fitfully, her eyelids twitching rapidly and her hands gripping the bed sheets tightly. Suddenly she woke with a start, a silent scream passing from her lips. It took the Time Lady several moments and a few deep, calming breathes to realise she was safely aboard her TARDIS. Wiping the sweat from her brow, Romana tossed the sheets to one side and gingerly got out of bed.

Romana had been going through the same cycle since she left Earth behind several ago, a little tinkering with her TARDIS, some light reading in the library before attempting to sleep. Every time she laid down though her dreams were filled with the sights, sounds and smells of war. Her vision swam with images of the deceased from Gallifrey and the children who would never get the chance to grow up. Interspersed with those memories were the victims of the Battle of Hogwarts, Remus Lupin, Lavender Brown, Colin Creevey and many others. The sight of a severely injured Fred Weasley was usually the trigger point to drag her from the dream, seeing his broken body whilst his family prayed for a miracle was the tipping point for her mental anguish.

The Time Lady stepped into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on her face. She stared hard at the reflection in the mirror with a mixture of anger and self loathing. Romana had promised Harry that she would return in a couple of days but had yet to follow through, "Coward", she hissed at her reflection and sharply turned away.

Wondering down the corridor back towards her room, Romana thought about why she hadn't returned to Earth. Perhaps she didn't want to see the damage left behind by the Death Eaters. Not necessary the physical damage but the emotional strain caused by war. The Time Lady had seen it too many times after inspecting the wreckage left behind by a Dalek raid. In the beginning she visited every site, wanting to use her influence as President to spur the population onwards.

As the war continued though Romana chose to remain safely inside the Citadel. The Doctor, or whatever he wanted to call himself at the time, always visited after every attack. After relaying every detail he would often criticise his old friend and President with just one word; Coward. He wasn't attacking her for not fighting on the front lines but for not visiting the families of the deceased and sheltering herself from the pain.

Romana opened the door to what she thought was her bedroom but instead found herself in the wardrobe, "Not this again", she grumbled out loud. Apparently her TARDIS was making it clear what she wanted Romana to do, "I keep telling you, I need to rest", she snapped and slammed the door shut. Walking further down the corridor she tried another door but again found herself in the wardrobe, "You're not going to let this go are you?" A firm mental nudge from the time ship gave Romana the answer, "Fine", she threw her arms into the air, "but I'm doing this under protest".

The brunette grabbed the first pair of grey trousers she found on the rack followed by a light blue blouse and a grey waistcoat to match the trousers. She spotted a dark blue military style coat that practically skimmed the floor which fitted her mood perfectly. Finally Romana located a pair of sturdy looking knee high boots which looked perfect for running if required.

Outfit complete Romana scraped her hair back into a loose ponytail and wandered towards the console room. The lights slowly came on as she stepped up to the console and Romana could feel the ship waking up after a long period idling. Hesitantly her fingers twitched above the control and her breathing became a little ragged, "You can do this", she reassured herself, "I am not a coward". Disengaging her brain for a moment she pulled down on the flight controls and the ship began to move, "Fifth of May 1998, Hogwarts", she read her destination out loud.

The rotor began to slow down, indicating their arrival at the programmed time and place. Romana quickly picked up her sonic screwdriver and placed it into her coat pocket. She then spotted the sonic blaster sitting on the console. Despite her promise, the Time Lady felt naked without the weapon somewhere near her person. Grabbing the holster she quickly belted it around her waist before she could change her mind.

The first step was always going to be the hardest and that's what Romana found as she was about to open the door. Summoning all of her courage she quickly pulled the handle and jumped outside. Her TARDIS had once again assumed the shape of a red telephone box causing Romana to roll her eyes. The ship had landed somewhere near Hagrid hut, or the remains of where it had once stood. All that remained was a pile of burned wood, probably after an overzealous Death Eater had set the place on fire.

Romana briefly feared for the half giant, however, those were quickly dismissed when she spotted his friendly face poking over the top of the wreckage, "Ello there Hermione", he greeted, "sorry Romana, it'll take me some time to get used to that", he added with a smile.

"It's fine Hagrid", she replied, relieved that the bearded giant wanted to remain on friendly terms, "I'm sorry for what happened to your house".

"Thank you", Hagrid began, "it's just a load o' wood and straw, I can easily rebuild". Romana offered a small smile at the optimism of the man, "Fang got out alright and I've still got my health so can't complain really". His face darkened slightly, "Could've been much worse".

"Indeed", Romana replied solemnly, "are Harry and Ron around?" she quickly changed the subject.

Hagrid nodded, "Last I saw them they were near the main entrance. Heard them talkin' bout you jus' this morning, reckon they miss having you around". Romana smiled but inside she felt incredibly guilty for leaving Harry and Ron behind. She said a quick farewell to Harry but that was it, she didn't stop to think about Ron or the others.

Leaving Hagrid behind she meandered through the grounds and had to marvel at the clean up job that had already taken place. There were a few scorch marks and some larger pieces of debris but on the whole, the castle grounds weren't looking too bad. If she didn't know there had been a major battle here a few days ago then Romana would never had guessed. It wasn't just the physical signs either, the whole atmosphere felt lighter. There was still the lingering sensation of death but the crushing nature of a fixed point in time had lifted. The impending sense of destruction had been replaced by hope and optimism.

Romana joined the main stone path and it didn't take her long to spot the familiar red hair of Ron Weasley. Not too far away was the equally familiar figure of Harry Potter. The two best friends were sharing a joke whilst levitating some fallen masonry away from the door. Romana hesitated slightly, remembering her human counterpart who probably would've been standing with them if she hadn't opened the watch. Not for the first time Romana wondered if she had done the right thing by unlocking the Chameleon Arch. Harry and Ron would still have their best friend and thinking selfishly, Romana wouldn't be burdened with survivors guilt.

The Time Lady wanted to turn around and run away but unfortunately for her, Harry and Ron spotted her standing on the path. She remained rooted to the spot as the two teen wizards dropped what they were doing and jogged in her direction. As they approached she could spot the hesitancy in their eyes. If she had still been Hermione they would've thrown their arms around her but they stopped just short and stood awkwardly instead, "Hey", Harry greeted, "how's things?"

There were many answers that Romana wanted to give and they bounced on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell them about her terrible nightmares and the crushing weight of her guilt. Instead she replied, "Not bad, sorry I'm later than planned I slept a little longer than anticipated".

The brunette watched them carefully, she suspected that neither of them truly brought her generic response but they chose not to push her further, "Fancy a walk?" Ron asked. Romana nodded and the trio moved away from the entrance courtyard and into the grounds, "You've missed most of the clear up", the red head continued, "although it hasn't taken as long as we thought".

"That's good", Romana mumbled in reply. Another question hovered on the tip of her tongue and she hesitated for moment before asking, "How's Fred doing?"

She felt the nervousness from the wizards and Romana feared the worst, "Still hanging on", Ron sighed, "Pomfrey couldn't do much for him so he's been transferred to St Mungo's". A tense silence fell over the group before the youngest Weasley son continued, "The Healers have done every test they can think of but he hasn't responded to any of them".

"Ron I'm so sorry", Romana replied, "if you want another opinion I know the best hospital in the Universe, I'll happily take him for some further tests".

"I would like that", Ron began but Romana could sense his hesitancy, "Mum might not like it though". The Time Lady nodded muted and in resignation, "You know her she doesn't respond well to change".

"I get it Ron, you don't have to sugar coat it for me", Romana snapped bitterly. Instantly she regretted her tone, "I'm sorry that came out wrong", she added.

"No it didn't", Harry interjected himself, "I've been working on the Order and most have come around to you but there are still a few stubborn people". Romana was buoyed slightly by Harry's efforts, she hadn't asked him to act as her personal cheerleader but she appreciated it none the less. "Bill was a bit of a struggle but Ginny wore him down-"

"Hexed him into submission more like", Ron snorted, bring a smile to Romana's face and the image of Bill Weasley getting chased around the school by some bat bogey's.

Harry let out a small laugh, "Oh yeah forgot about that", he sniggered, "Percy's came around surprisingly easily. It's hard to tell what George is thinking", he let out a small sigh, "he's been rather quiet for the last few days".

"Dad's trying to act as peace keeper between Ginny and Mum", Ron picked up the story, "they've been at loggerheads over you".

"I don't want to cause friction between your family", Romana stated with a panicked tone, "if it makes things easier I'll just go-"

"No you don't", Ron grabbed hold of her arm, "please don't go anywhere", he pleaded. Romana's position softened as she saw the desperate look in his eyes, "It's nothing personal, Mum just had this vision of Hermione and I as part of this big happy Weasley family. It's going to take her some time to adjust to the idea that it's never going to happen now".

Romana nodded slowly in understanding, Mrs Weasley could be stubborn but she usually had the best interests of her family at heart. "Do you really know someone who could help Fred?" Harry asked.

"Depends on the damage", Romana replied, "he would have to be seen sooner rather than later. I'm not an expert on human biology but the longer something like a brain injury is left untreated it lowers the chance of recovery".

As the wizards absorbed that information, Romana felt her time senses prickling. A tingling like this only usually happened when a time capsule was about to materialise. Since there were only a few left in existence it limited the choices of who it could be, "Are you alright Romana?" Ron asked. The Time Lady didn't respond, instead she focused on that feeling. It could be the Rani returning, she had run off with her collection of 'experiments' some time before the end of the battle. Something told her it wasn't the renegade Time Lady though, she was probably having too much fun doing things that Romana dared not think about.

Suddenly there was a loud groaning noise that sounded like a metal chain getting dragged repeatedly over some mechanical machinery. That noise could only mean the arrival of one Time Lord, the only one stupid enough to run a TARDIS with the breaks on, "He really does pick his moments". Across the grass Romana could see a blue box in the shape of a 1960's Police Box materialising into view, announcing that the Doctor was here.