Chapter 21: To ignite
After I returned from VAA today Amber was at my apartment. She's been helping me a lot. I admire her strength and kindness to take the time to teach me the tools to deal with it all. I've opened myself up to her since she was so willing to help me. Her experience with panic attacks has helped me to gain some inside in how to deal with mine. She's been teaching me breathing exercises, has been cooking healthy meals and supports me in keeping my alcohol intake to a minimum. It goes without saying that there is still a lot of work that needs to be done but we all got to start somewhere, right?
Two days after I first helped Nicky at VAA I had a major panic attack. Being back at the place where it all started triggered me into reexperiencing the moment that Fahri came back into my life. Amber helped me to sit through the attack. Afterwards I let her in on why I reacted that way. I told her about Fahri but left out the drug part. She told me that the best I could do was to go back to that building the next day to see that nothing would go wrong. I followed her advise and so it happened that Nicky accompanied me to enter back into the world of my former business. Nichols tried to convince me to take my former job but I'm not ready to be back completely. We came to an agreement that I will work three days a week to keep myself busy and to take part in the world outside. She's concerned that without a job I will get bored. She's right though, I've always needed something to keep myself busy.
Despite my life heading in the right direction it still stings that Piper isn't here for me and it certainly isn't helping that she keeps coming over at work. I don't know what her deal is. I doubt that she visits solely to see how I'm doing but if she is, then I don't know how to interpret her actions. She confuses me to no end, and it pisses me off that she can't seem to make up her mind. Sure, she acts friendly and asks polite questions, but it isn't nowhere near to where we were years ago. It's like she wants something but can't get herself to ask for it.
A week ago when Piper and Liv met Amber I told Amber about my former relationship. She laughed at the ridiculous situation and told me that no story writer could come up with this kind of script because it's too fucked up. Which is true by the way. Who would have thought that the woman I love can't be the one to hold me tight? I really must stop sounding so sappy. Amber knows that I'm still much in love with her and she seems to respect that. We are both on the same page, we need company and can provide it to one another. That's it, we don't have a relationship based on true love but one on friendship and comfort. Which is enough for the both us.
Amber is still at my apartment because I asked her to join me for dinner as a thank you for all her patience and care.
"I don't think that's a good idea Alex." She's leaning against my shoulder as we are watching a CSI series. Her choice, not mine.
"Why not? I really want to go. It's been two weeks." I have asked her three times now to join me on a night out but she's been refusing it every time, telling me that it's not a good idea.
"Please." I beg her. "It would do me good to be around other people.
"You saying my company isn't good enough for you?" She looks at me with her fake hurt expression.
"You think I would have asked you to join me on that trip if I wasn't enjoying your presence?" She gives me a warm smile and throws her arms around my neck. It's true, the night I went to mom for dinner she gave me two tickets for a three-day trip saying that Robert had booked it, but something came up and they couldn't go. In the past it would have been obvious that Piper would accompany me but now I asked Amber. She was extremely excited.
"That's an excellent point you are making." She gives me a quick peck on the lips and makes herself comfortable in my arms.
"But seriously, can we go out tonight?" I try again.
"Would you dare to go without me?" She asks playfully.
"It's starting to become pretty tempting." She nudges my shoulder as I laugh.
"In that case, where do you wanna go?"
"You know, I'm not really in the mood to go to a big club or anything. I think the sight of overconsumption of alcohol and probably drugs won't do me any good. Maybe we can go to The Shack? It's been ages."
"Where's that? I never heard of the place."
"The Shack is a bar I used to go to with Nicky, Lorna and Piper before the whole Fahri thing happened." I can't say before the abduction because I never told her that part of my story. As far as she knows something happened between Piper and I and we haven't seen each other in two years. "It's the place where Lorna works. They have great music and it shouldn't be too crowded this night of the week."
"Alright, great. Let's finish this episode and then we can go. Oh Alex, maybe you should ask Nicky to join us."
I grab my phone of the coffee table and type in Nicky's number since I know it by heart. "Great idea, maybe Lorna is on shift." The phone rings and soon a raspy, slightly irritated voice fills my ear.
…
"Can you fucking believe that Pol? That bitch acted like all the years I spent with Alex were nothing in comparison to her short period of knowing her."
"And good morning to you too Piper." Polly rolls her eyes to my continued banter.
"No seriously, I've only seen her once but it was enough of an impression for me to dislike her."
"For the love of god Piper, we've had this conversation repeatedly for the past two weeks. Don't you think its time for you to put your energy into your own relationship instead of worrying about whomever Alex sleeps with?"
"I tried to talk about it with Liv, but she just says that I overreact and take Amber's words out of context." It's true, I did try to talk about Alex's new friend with my girlfriend but somehow, she's not that fond of the topic. It seems like she gets more annoyed every time I bring it up.
"Are you seriously surprised that your current girlfriend doesn't wanna talk about your former girlfriend? Isn't that like the most obvious thing in the world?"
I slap Polly's arm. "Shut up. Liv has no problem talking about Alex, it's just Amber she doesn't want to have a conversation about."
"Whatever you need to tell yourself Pipes. Anyway, have you seen Alex ever since?"
"I sometimes see her when I visit Nicky at work."
Polly raises her eyebrow. "Since when do you visit that bushy woman at work? Let alone a few times per week. You sure you don't go there for another reason?"
What the hell is she insinuating here. "No! Yeah well, maybe. I don't know. I just want to figure out how she's doing and if that Amber girl isn't harming her." I'm getting more worked up by the minute. It's not like I'm jealous or anything but that Amber girl has rubbed me in the wrong way.
"What happened to you telling me that you couldn't be her person anymore? Cause you sure ain't acting that way right now."
"I can still look out for her. We are friends."
"I have seen the two of you in all kinds of compromising positions I swear I didn't need to witness, so I do know for a fact that the two of you can never be just friends."
"That's so untrue. Alex and I can be friends."
Polly doesn't react to my comment but comes up with a proposition. "You know what we need to do Pipes? We are going out. You are going to bring your girl and the three of us are going to have a girl's night out."
"I don't know Pol." I'm not really in the mood to leave my apartment.
"Look, I get it. You still need some time to get over your feelings or whatever but what better way to get rid of your frustration than a night's out with your best friend." Polly stands up and walks towards my bedroom. "Come on Piper! I'm going to pick out a dress for you and we are going to that bar you used to go to."
I head in Polly's direction. "You mean The shack?"
Polly nods her head. "Yeah, that one. They have good music."
"I don't know Pol, I don't want to run into someone I know."
"Someone you know? You haven't been there in ages. Besides, I bet if you text Nicky and Lorna they will be eager to join us. That way you won't spontaneously walk into them."
I admire her enthusiasm and can't deny that maybe this could work out. "Fine, but first we have to wait for Liv to come home, I promised her we'd eat together."
"Alright, fair enough." Polly searches through my closet and takes out a green dress that accentuates all the right parts of my body. "This is the one Piper!"
She hands it over and I put it in front of me. I take a long look in the mirror and decide that it's the right choice.
"I'm going home to dress up and when I come back I will do your make up. For old times sake." Polly gives me a kiss on the cheek and leaves my apartment.
I keep standing in front of the mirror reminiscing the night's I used to go out with Alex. We always used to love picking out each other's clothes and messing up make up with wandering hands and lips.
"Hey what are you up to?"
Suddenly Liv walks in the room and sees me standing with a piece of clothing in my hands. She comes into view in the mirror.
"Apparently we are going out." Liv kisses my neck and grabs me by the waist, her chin comes to rest on my shoulder.
"I know." She whispers. "I walked into Polly in the hallway. She almost squealed."
I laugh softly.
"I'm afraid I won't be able to keep my hands to myself if you are going to wear that dress."
I close my eyes for a second when hearing that seductive voice. "Then it's going to be a particularly hard night for you." I turn around and give her a chaste kiss. I drop the dress on the bed and walk to the kitchen.
"I'll heat up the left over's from yesterday, Polly said she'd be here in two hours."
"Yeah that's great babe. I'm going to take a quick shower, be right out."
I hear the water in the bathroom running while I set the table and wait for our food to get hot.
…
"Ooh it's so good to see you guys, how have the both of you been doing?" Lorna approaches us when we walk into the bar. She gives us a hug before she walks back to the bar.
"Thanks Lorna, it's great to see you too. Is Nicky already here?" I ask Lorna with Amber leaning on my shoulder.
"She'll be here in a few minutes. You know her, always running late." Lorna laughs and hands me two beers.
"Yeah, that I do know." I smirk, take the two bottles and walk towards a booth. Amber takes the seat next to me and throws her arm over my shoulder. I throw her a seductive smile.
"Yo Vause, there are children here!" Nicky walks in our direction swinging her hands in the air.
"As if that has ever stopped me." I give her a wink. Amber's incredulous look makes me laugh.
Nicky looks grossed out by my confession. "I'm gonna grab a beer and then I'll join you pretending I did not hear what you just said." Nicky walks away.
"You doing okay?" Amber asks with that sweet voice of hers.
"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"
"I just wanted to make sure." Her warm smile makes my stomach flutter.
"Thanks babe." I steal a kiss from her before Nicky rejoins us.
"So Amber, did you hear that Vausey here is back to bossing me around?" Nicky places her hand on my head and fucks up my hair by rubbing it.
"Fuck off Nichols." We all laugh in unison. I comb my hair with my fingers trying to fix the mess Nichols just made.
"Yeah, she told me. I'm very proud of her."
Nicky's face tells me that she's also proud of me for taking steps in the right direction.
We keep talking and bickering back and forth for another hour. Eventually Lorna's shift ends and she joins us.
…
"Here we are!" Polly squeals.
"Jesus, you really needed to get out of the house."
"Let's make this a great night girls." Liv opens the door and Polly walks in. Liv grabs my hand and then the both of us get greeted by clinging glasses, talking people and good music.
Upon entering a gut feeling overtakes me. It's in a split second that I know something is wrong. Well, not wrong but it's that infectious laughter that makes me reconsider the choice we made to come here. It's too late to turn around cause Polly already saw Lorna walking to a certain table and is currently greeting her. Liv walks me over to an empty booth but we don't even have the time to sit down before Polly waves at us to come over.
"Hey Piper!" She yells. "Nicky is here with Alex. We can sit with them." Polly gives me an amused grin.
She's trying to kill me cause fuck, jesus fuck. Why the fuck did Nicky do this to me. I called her beforehand. She knew I was coming with Liv and she didn't have the decency to give me a heads up.
"What do you think?" I turn to Liv.
"It would be rude of us to get another table. Plus, there is no harm in enjoying our night with them. It's a girl's night after all."
I nod and drag her over to Nicky's table. Nicky makes place for Lorna so she can sit next to her. Liv and I take two chairs and sit at the head of the table. It's a tight fit but it works. I throw Polly a puzzled look as she doesn't take the empty seat next to Alex but squeezes herself in next to Lorna.
"What a surprise to see you Alex. Nicky, you knew I was coming but didn't mention a thing." I think Nicky can sense the annoyance in my voice.
"What do you guys want to drink? I will go over to the bar." Liv says.
"A glass of white wine." Polly says.
"You Piper? Do you want a margarita?" Liv asks.
Before Alex has a chance to say something I silently tell her to back off. "Yeah that sounds good. Thanks Liv." I throw her a smile and she walks away.
Alex is grinning amusedly and I hate her for it. Nicky sees the interaction between us and starts to laugh out loud. Soon Lorna senses the uncomfortable air and orders Nicky to cut it.
Alex keeps staring at me so I'm glad Liv has already left the table. Things can turn bad any second now.
"So Pipes, still going for the same sensual drink." Alex throws me a wink.
At that Nicky's laughter increases.
Polly just stays in the background and engages in a quiet conversation with Lorna.
Liv returns with our drinks. It's not only the drinks she's bringing to our table. The woman accompanying her with her trip back to the table brings out my nerves. It's not only the fact that she gets to spend the evening in Alex's presence that throws me off, it's the way she swings her hips, how she smiles at one girl particularly, how she carries that gorgeous figure of hers. Her very long wavy red hair fits perfectly with her tight black dress; her sex appeal is on fire. Her whole image feels almost threatening. Before I have the chance to say hello she fills the space beside Alex. That girl doesn't even have the decency to greet me. I was right to say she probably is a bad influence on Alex.
"I can honestly say that this was my first experience with a clean bathroom in any bar. Normally they're really nasty." Amber says to Alex.
"That's why Blondie here always used to love to come here. Isn't that true Chapman?" Nicky is trying to get to me.
Liv spits out her drink and my eyes widen. I know I can't back down, Nicky can't win. "Weren't you the one to make use of that cleanliness on more than one occasion?"
Our conversation has caught Polly and Lorna's attention.
"Nicky that's enough!" Lorna jumps in before the bushy woman has the time to respond. It still doesn't help that Alex stares at me and Nichols keeps laughing.
"So Alex, how is it to be back at work? Piper told me she ran into you this week when she dropped something off at VAA." I'm glad Liv is trying to pick up a normal conversation.
The rest of night goes by pretty smooth. We all make small talk, Polly drinks a bit too much and Nicky and Lorna are currently grinding against each other on the dance floor. It's almost like old times except for the dynamic between Alex and I.
There it is, the unspoken thought of Alex and I. It's been so long since I've been able to mention the two of us in one sentence and it's almost scary how good it feels, it's almost relieving. Seeing her in front of me, touching someone else ignites a fire inside of me. One that may be able to destroy the beautiful woman sitting next to me. But I must let it go. Our ship, the one my beauty with raven hair and I built, has sailed long ago. I have made a commitment to Liv and I have promised to stick to it because I do love her.
I think I've been staring at Alex for to long, she gives me a weak smile indicating she can read my mind. This increases my nervousness because Alex has always been too good at reading my facial expressions. I'm an open book to her.
"I'm going to get another drink." Amber squeezes Alex's hand and stands up.
"Wait I'll come with you." Liv gives me a kiss on the cheek and follows her behind.
It's just me Alex and Polly at the table.
"I have to pee." I help Polly to stand up.
Soon she waggles off which leaves the two of us alone at the table. When I sit back down my stomach flutters and I get nervous. We are surrounded by a whole crowd of laughing and talking people. The music got louder over the night but still, through all those distractions our eyes know exactly were they need to be. It's an inevitable attraction. One that will probably always be there.
So, here we are again.
Green meeting Blue.
Black meeting Blonde.
Just Alex and I.
Alex and I….
…
My heart rate speeds up.
I've been observing her all night. I've seen how she reacts to the way Amber touches me, how she almost can't keep her eyes off me. I've seen how she smiles when Liv says something but how her smile never reaches her eyes cause she's too busy looking somewhere else.
It's this specific scenario I wanted to avoid. It's after our fight that I realised that however much she states that she's going to stay with Liv it's obvious she hasn't fully convinced herself yet. But the thing is, I can't wait for her. I can't put my life on hold just so she can figure out what she wants. I gave her the chance to come back to me, to go through it all, just the two of us. But she wouldn't, which I can truly understand.
But now that we are here I'm not so sure I can hold back. It's the way she looks at me every time Amber holds my hand, when she kisses my cheek, when she laughs with my jokes. Every time Piper shoots daggers in Amber's way.
What confuses me is that she can have it all if she would just say the words. So that makes me think that there must be something she's afraid of. Something is holding her back of choosing what she's secretly longing for. So that makes me think she is waiting on me to take the first step. Maybe she needs me to declare how much I need her. We have yelled at each other, tried to talk but we both know that that isn't how we do things. We communicate through delicate touches, passionate kisses and caresses that make everything else in the world disappear.
"Pipes."
I need to reach out before it's too late. Before she's gone. Before everything I ever wanted disappears for good. So, I set aside my cockiness, my anger and I expose her to my most vulnerable side. One I'm afraid of but dare to touch upon for her. Just her.
Her gaze shifts and with that simple nickname all complexity, all of reality, everything that we were, everything we are, everything we were supposed to be is lain out on the table. And it's so plain, so obvious and so simple that for some reason we still decide to keep circling around the truth.
The air shifts and I stretch my leg under the table and touch her calf. She shivers to my touch and closes her eyes for a second. When she opens them it's clear she's on the brink of crying. Her lip trembles. If we weren't out in the open, I would have reached out and tried to make her feel better cause that's what we used to do. I am the one who knows how to take away her pain.
Just when I decide that I don't care anymore and am going to caress her cheek Liv and Amber return to the table.
Piper quickly rubs her eyes to push back the tears. I swallow hard and let out a sigh.
For the rest of the night Piper stays silent and throws me glances.
…
"Guys, we are going to call it a night." Liv asked me to leave cause we both must work tomorrow, and she was already tired when we came here.
I give Nicky, Lorna and Polly a hug.
Amber walks up to me and touches my arm. "It was nice to have a conversation that lasted more than a few seconds with you." She throws her arms around my body.
I can hear her breathing. "If this isn't love I don't know what is." She whispers in my ear.
It surprises me to no end that this statement is coming from her, the woman who is acting as if she's Alex's girlfriend. I decide to let it go and to not make to much of it.
Liv is still busy saying goodbye to Polly so I turn to Alex who has been standing next to me.
I don't really know how to say goodbye, so I stretch out my arm to shake her hand.
"That's how we do it now huh kid." Alex smirks and lifts an eyebrow. She ditches my arm and goes for a full body hug. She chuckles in my ear and a shiver runs through me. Her husky voice still has its effect on me.
The hug doesn't last as long as I would want it to, but I know that my girlfriend is probably witnessing this scene. When she releases her hold on me I feel her lips grazing the skin between my ear and cheek. The tears return in my eyes.
Liv takes my hand and walks me out of the bar. I take one last look behind me and find Alex staring me straight in the eye, a sad smile covering her face. One that tells me everything I need to know, she's hurting. Which in return means that I'm hurting.
…
Nicky and Lorna left soon after Piper and Olivia walked out of the bar. Amber told me she needed to be up early for work, so she also left. This leaves me and Polly.
Polly sobered up quickly and asked me to get one more drink before going home. I was kind of hesitant but agreed anyway.
"You know Alex, I never would have thought that I'd ever see you again. I thought Piper was fucking with me when she told me you were back."
"Oh Yeah?" I chuckle. "It wasn't my first choice to see you ever again."
"I may have mentioned at your funeral how much the both of us disliked each other at the very beginning." Polly laughs. "But you know, I can honestly say that I haven't seen Piper this happy ever since you disappeared. She will never admit it but since your return it's like the light in her eyes is back. You brought my best friend back to live, for that I want to thank you. I might think you aren't that big of an asshole anymore."
"Thanks Holly."
Polly throws me an unamused look and takes a sip from her drink. "She still loves you, you know."
This catches my attention.
"It doesn't take an idiot to see it. I'm sure she loves Liv but it is nowhere near how much she loves you. And I honestly don't get it, you always make her life like hell, you lie and hurt her."
"That's not-" I jump in.
"Let me finish. You did hurt her, but somehow, she always comes back to you. You are both so different, two opposite poles that are so attracted to each other it almost makes me sick to my stomach because it's something that annoys the shit out of me. Honestly Alex, I would give everything for someone to look at me like you look at Piper." Polly hesitates for a second before continuing. "She always used to tell me that with you by her side she felt like nothing could happen to her. And then you disappeared so I think you can guess how hard it is for her to witness, that after she gave up and got her live back in hands, that you kept your promise and came back."
I place my glasses on top of my head. "She doesn't want me anymore."
"That's bullshit, and you know it. She's holding on to Liv because she fears what could happen if she gets back together with you." Polly lays her hand on my left forearm. "Remember what was once tattooed on your skin. Love is pain Alex, love is pain." With that she stands up, gives me a big hug and leaves the bar.
…
It's been awfully quiet since we stepped in the car. Liv has been moody ever since we left everyone at the bar.
I sigh. "Just say what you want to say."
Liv lets out an incredulous laugh. "Are you kidding me Piper? I need to tell you? You know what, I'm not doing this." Liv keeps driving in utter silence.
I run a hand through my hair, frustration creeps in and I want to fix this as fast as I can. "You know I haven't slept great in a long time, work has been really stressful. I'm sorry I've been behaving like an awful girlfriend."
"I have been nothing but honest and patient with you. Heck, I still am but please don't pretend that your work is the problem here." She starts to drive faster, probably to let of some steam but she's considerate enough to not cross the speed limit.
"What do you mean?" I almost whisper.
"Do you really need me to spell it out for you? Did it ever cross your mind that pretending like nothing is happening comes across as you acting like you don't care for my feelings at all?"
I seem to have struck a nerve and don't know how to react.
"So now you are going to give me the silent treatment. Is that how it's going to be? I told you from the beginning that I value conversation above anything else in a relationship so please, just be honest with me. That's all I'm asking."
I am lost for words. I have no idea how to react to this because she's right. She's totally right.
"Since you don't have the courage to own up to your own feelings or behaviour I will be the one to do it." We arrive at the apartment and Liv parks the car. The engine goes silent, but she doesn't step outside, instead she turns her head and faces me. "Ever since Alex is back it seems like you are more interested in her then me. And I get it, she was once the love of your life and I didn't expect you to be over her so soon when we started dating. But please Piper, we have come a long way and I need to know if you will be able to let her go. The way you reacted to Amber today was a reality check for me. And to know that Amber is only a friend of Alex I don't know how you will act when she has a girlfriend. So tell me, how do you want to proceed? Do you want to fight for this relationship or should I let you go? Because you hurt me today Piper. You really hurt me." Tears fall from Liv's eyes and she uses her hands to wipe them off.
Seeing her like this hurts me too. "I'm sorry."
"That girl didn't do anything wrong, she was just there to have a great night with her friends and you kept looking and reacting to her because you are jealous that she was the one to sit next to Alex." Liv is crying now. Her shoulders are shaking.
"I'm really sorry, I don't know what is happening to me. It's just so hard to wrap my head around all the feelings I'm experiencing."
"Look Piper, I gave you time. It's been a little longer than a month since Alex's return and ever since you've been absent. So I have to ask you in order to protect myself." She breathes in heavily. "Do you still love her?"
My tears finally fall and I'm scared because there isn't anyone I've told what I'm about to say.
"Piper, don't be scared. I'm not going to be angry, but I need to know. I told you multiple times that I love you and you have never said it back. Which was fine at first but now I need to know where we are. If you are as much in this as I am. So I am going to ask you again and I need you to be completely honest. Do you still love her?"
"I don't know." I whisper.
Liv takes my hand and looks me in the eye. "I think you do."
It's like someone is cutting my heart out of my chest. Liv's face is so full of hurt and it finally hits me how much she must have been putting herself aside for my feelings. "I do."
"So can you answer then?" Her face is pained but still covered in lots of love.
"I do love her."
A few tears roll down Liv's cheeks. "Do you love me?"
"Yes." I answer immediately because it's true, I do love her. She has helped me through one of the worst times of my life. She showed me what love can be like, how far a person can go to heal the ones who are broken.
She takes my head in her hands and wipes my tears away with her thumbs. "Do you love me as much as you love Alex?"
I really don't know what to say. My silence is enough of an answer for her. She leans in and kisses me softly. Several pecks on my lips, a few caresses on my cheeks and she leans back.
"Do you need me to let you go?" She asks.
I take her hands in mine and stroke her palms. "I love you." I whisper with a broken voice.
"I know." She kisses our joined hands. "But your heart belongs to someone else."
"I'm so sorry." Sobs erupt from the back of my throat. "I'm so sorry, I'm an awful person."
"Shh Piper, it's ok. You are anything but awful." Liv also starts sobbing.
I don't get why she comforts me. She should hate me, she should be screaming.
"It's not your fault because I knew what I was getting myself into, except for the part of Alex returning." She kisses my cheek very softly. "I kind of knew what would happen when I met her. It's clear she loves you very much. The way you described her when I asked about your picture told me everything I needed to know. I can tell you love me, but she is the love of your life. I really hope that you can see that I'm doing this out of love for you. You deserve happiness whether it's with me or her although we already established with whom it lays." She gives me another soft kiss. "It's okay. It's going to hurt for awhile, but I will be alright. I'm going to need a little space but after that I really hope that we can still be friends. I would really like to get to know the woman you fell in love with all those years ago. I would like to witness how happy she can make you."
We keep sobbing in unison for a while.
"You…are….the….most….wonderful…woman….I….ever….met." Between every word I give her a peck on the lips. "I mean it. You deserve so much more love than you get. And I would love for us to stay friends, but I get that you need some time. I know what it is to lose someone you love. It may be weird but if you ever need someone to talk to you're always welcome."
"Thank you, Piper. I will go up with you to make sure you are alright and then I'm going to take my stuff and go." Liv opens the door of the car and we both walk out.
"Where are you going?" We walk up to the building and go to my apartment.
"Probably to my mom. But no need to worry, I will be alright."
We share a glass of wine, a big hug and a few other tears before she goes. I'm truly sad it had to go this way but I'm glad she made me see what's in front of me. I'm proud of her to have the courage to stand up for herself, she stays true to who she is in every situation. I don't regret any second of our relationship, she was what I needed, who I still need in my life.
It's been an emotional night so I crawl under the covers of my bed to try and relax. As I lay on my back looking at the ceiling I think back to everything today had to offer. Diane was right, Alex always used to make my life ten times more complicated by drawing me towards her without a single effort. Alex has always been it for me.
Alex…
My Alex.
A/N
I really wanted to end things with Liv here because she is a very smart woman and it wouldn't fit for her to keep dragging out her relationship with Piper while she knows that her heart belongs to someone else. I hope you have a wonderful week and thanks again for all the lovely reviews. You guys are the best.