DISCLAIMER: All rights to original Bleach characters/story belong to Tite Kubo
…..
Saya's P.O.V.
You felt Shinji's arms freeze around you as Byakuya spoke. OOOoO! You're gonna get it now Shinji! He only uses that voice when he's P.M. !
"Nii-chan!" Rukia said. You glared at her and her happy voice, it was like she could have cared less if Shinji groped you in public, that little witch!
"Ahh," Shinji gulped and stepped away from you. "Boss, I ah, was just thanking Saya for letting me get off work early."
"I do not believe a thank-you requires you to put your hands on her." Byakuya stared at Shinji with dead eyes. "Apologize."
Shinji nodded fervently and turned to you.
"I-I'm sorry about that Saya," Shinji said timidly, though you could tell he didn't mean one word.
"I don't forgive you," you said, crossing your arms. Byakuya looked at your foul expression and shot daggers at Shinji with his gaze.
"I would like a private word with you in my office, Hirako." Byakuya went to take Shinji to his office but was stopped by a certain blue-haired customer.
"Wait just a god dam minute."
You recognized the voice instantly. Your eyes widened as you turned to see Grimmjow. So that was what that blue blur was...and that means he saw... Today was a really bad day for Shinji to come into work.
Grimmjow strode up to Shinji, looking down on him due to his height.
"Just who the f*ck do you think you are? Touching my girl like that?" he was right in Shinji's face, his sharp teeth baring.
"Excuse me," Byakuya cut in before Shinji could let out a whimper, "Just who do you think you are? Referring to Saya as if she was your property?"
Grimmjow looked at Byakuya with a new expression of rivalry, almost like he had forgotten all about Shinji. You and Rukia widened your eyes at each other, slightly entertained by the growing drama.
"Saya IS my girl, pretty boy." Surprisingly, Grimmjow was also taller than Byakuya, but only by about an inch or so. "So mind your own dam business ya nosy-"
"Grimmjow! SHH!" you slapped a hand over his mouth before he could further insult Byakuya. "Heh, you're SO funny Grimmjow! Don't mind him Byakuya, he just has a REAAALLLY weird sense of humor and swears like a sailor, so don't take it personally-but he loves this theater, right Grimmjow? Hah, he says that we have the best popcorn ever," you babbled, trying to soften up Byakuya a bit by complementing his business, hoping it would give Grimmjow a better chance of getting forgiven, "Speaking of which, how about I get you some popcorn?! This way Grimmjow!"
Still covering his mouth, you pushed him away from Byakuya and towards concession.
"Saya," Byakuya said in a tone that made you cringe, "explain to me who this insolent boy is."
"Well, you see," your hand dropped from Grimmjow's face as you began explaining, "his name is Grimmjow Jeagerjaques, annnd..um he's my-"
"-I'm her boyfriend," Grimmjow interrupted. Byakuya's eyes widened.
"What?"
"I know," Rukia joined in the conversation, shaking her head, "I told Saya to just wait a little longer for you Nii-chan, but she wouldn't listen to me. She completely threw aside the arranged marriage I had set up for you two." Now it was Grimmjow's turn to look shocked.
"Arranged what?!"
"NOTHING! She's just kidding!" you said, trying to calm Grimmjow, and then saw the look on Byakuya's face. "Oh God Byaku-chan dont look at me like that!" you cried, overwhelmed with confusion (though Byakuya had only looked the same way he always did, blank & emotionless).
All the while Shinji was taking the opportunity to slowly and quietly slink away.
"Saya, if there's something going on between you and this guy-"
"There isn't!" you assured Grimmjow, "I mean, I have asked him to marry me a couple times as a joke but-"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU ASKED HIM TO MARRY YOU?! I THOUGHT YOU SAID RUKIA WAS LYING!"
"I SAID IT WAS AS A JOKE!"
"I don't know Saya," Rukia butted-in, "you two seemed pretty serious..."
"SHUT UP RUKIA!" both you and Grimmjow roared. Byakuya, who was getting irritated with the quarrel, saw Shinji trying to sneak away.
In the background of the petty argument, Byakuya could be seen, dragging Shinji by the nose with a pair of chopsticks into his office to receive his punishment.
"Me and Byakuya are just FRIENDS. Right Byakuya?" Everyone looked around, finally noticing Byakuya and Shinji's absence.
"Where the f*ck did that toothy-faced wigger go?" Grimmjow growled, his knuckles going white as he clenched his fists, looking for Shinji.
"Byakuya must have snagged him," you stated.
"You think he's getting fired?" Rukia chirped eagerly.
"Heh, maybe.."
Rukia snickered and tip-toed away to go peek in on Byakuya's office. You looked back at Grimmjow who had a deadly glare on his face. He was to focused on scanning the room for Shinji to hear what you had been talking about. "Grimmjow..."
Electric eyes flickered to your face.
"What?" he said in a pissed-off manner.
"Hey!" you pouted defensively, "Why are you mad at ME?! I didn't do anything-I'M THE VICTIM!"
"Sorry," he grunted. "I just can't believe I let that asshole get away! When I find him, I'm gonna knock his dam teeth down his throat!"
Grimmjow's temper was really starting to flare, you had to do something. You gulped and with determination, wrapped your arms around his flexed muscular arm.
"Grimmjow," you breathed in his ear and rested your chin on his shoulder, "will you please calm down before you break something?" He blinked and looked at you and you fluttered your eyelashes at him.
"Tch," he said in an indifferent and not so angry voice, "If I wanna break something, I'm f*ckin break something. I don't need you to calm me down," but he didn't shake you off from his arm.
*rolls eyes* Stubborn Idiot. "Oh, ok," you let your arms slip from around him.
"Hey, I didn't say you could let go of me just yet," he growled, a smirk playing on his lips. You congratulated yourself mentally for getting his mind off murdering Shinji.
"Well, sorry Smurf, but I'm on the clock so I can't let myself get distracted by you right now." You stood back at the podium, though there were no tickets to tear. "And now that I think about it, it probably wasn't a good idea to hug you, considering I reek of popcorn."
"You're sucha tease," he sneered.
You stuck your tongue out at him.
"It's for your own good. Now are you gonna watch a movie or what?"
He sighed in thought, looking at the posters for the movies that were showing. His eyes suddenly locked on something, but it wasn't a movie. You both watched as Shinji headed out from behind box-office and out through the exit door. Though it looked more like he was gimping than walking.
Geeze Byakuya..what the hell did you do? Kick him in the kneecap?
Grimmjow turned to you with a wicked grin, and raised his eyebrows in a pleading way.
"Go," you sighed, giving in. "But if I see your name with 'wanted for murder' under it on the news, we are SO over!" you flipped you hair and crossed your arms in an imitation of a preppy-girl. He chuckled and gave you a kiss on the cheek.
"Don't worry," he said with a cocky smirk, "I won't get caught." He gave you a wink and headed for the door, "Call me when you get off work."
"I will...if I remember..."
…...
You had clocked out and headed to Byakuya's office to say bye. He was in there, as usual, typing on the computer and filing things.
"Hey Byakuya."
He nodded in acknowledgment without really looking up from his work.
"Byaku-chan," you whined, "You're not still mad at me from earlier are you?"
"Why would I be angry with you, Saya?" he typed at lightning speed. "As I recall, Shinji was the one who violated your personal space, no the other way around."
"But, are you mad that I didn't tell you about Grimmjow?"
"No." He finished typing and then gave you his attention. "Your personal life is none of my concern."
"You do know that I was always joking when I said we were gonna get married..." you said, though that was only half true. (I said it before, who WOULDNT want to marry Byakuya?!)
"Yes."
"Oh good," you sighed with relief. "Because I didn't want you to think I was serious and that I lead you on or something-But I'm not saying that I WOULDN'T marry you Byakuya. You are one Sexy man."
The corners of his mouth twitched slowly, you knew you were all on the same page now and that you were forgiven.
"Understand this, Saya," he said suddenly. "I do not have feelings for you, though I do not hate you. You are simply the only woman so far whom I can tolerate for long periods of time without being driven to the point of suicidal insanity."
You gasped, your hand over your heart.
"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me Byaku-chan!" Tears flooded your eyes. "I swear, if I didn't like Grimmjow so much, I'd fall in love with you!" You skipped over and gave him a choking hug from behind his desk chair.
"Saya-" he wheezed, "-this is highly unprofessional."
"I'm off the clock!" you smiled happily. Rukia entered as if on cue.
"AW! You guys made up!" she cheered, as if you and Byakuya were her favorite celebrity couple. As soon as you let go of him, Byakuya stood up, straightening his tie.
"Excuse me," he cleared his throat, "I have some business I need to take care of in the stock room."
"Bye Byaku-chan!" you waved.
"Bye Nii-chan! I'll watch the office for you!"
You and Rukia glowed merrily, sending a bubbly and rosy aura at Byakuya.
"Saya," he said with his back to you as he was about to exit the office. "Should your relationship with that foolish boy ever break..." He looked back at you with his dark grey eyes, "I will be here."
You and Rukia stood with blank faces as Byakuya swept out of the room.
"Oh my god Saya..." Rukia broke the silence, "...I think..my brother...LIKES you...more than ME!" She yelled after him out of the office. "YOU BITCH BYAKUYA! YOU'RE NEVER THERE WHEN I NEED A SHOULDER TO CRY ON! WHAT MAKES HER SO SPECIAL!?"
She huffed and then looked back at you.
"This is great!" she said with a delightful grin. The switch in attitude made you step back a little. "I can use this against him for the rest of his life!" she laughed to herself. "I am such a genius for setting you two up! I never knew it would give me such power over him!"
"What the hell are you babbling about? He only said he didn't HATE me. Geeze, and I thought I was going overboard when I gave him a hug..."
"Don't you get it though?" she looked at you with her large blue eyes, "Nii-chan hates EVERYONE! And when he DOESN'T hate someone, it means he has a soft spot for them!" she hummed happily to herself.
"Whatever..." you rolled your eyes, "you think he would mind if I used the phone?"
"With this new discovery of his feelings for you, I'd say you could take his car and he wouldn't give a hoot!"
You smiled at her.
"You're such a sappy romantic Rukia," and started dialing Grimmjow's number. Then an idea hit you. "Does this number have caller ID?"
"Ahh, I think it comes up as 'unknown' or something."
"Hehehe, GOOD." The phone was ringing and you recalled the funniest parts of a youtube video (LOTR Easter Egg...A/N: watch it! it's hilarious) you had seen and planned how you were going to tweak it for your prank on Grimmjow. "Rukia, keep quiet and hit the speaker button, your gonna want to hear this."
You had your story down and readied your throat for the fake accent. You just needed a name-
"Hello?"
Grimmjow answered, his voice sounded oddly upbeat compared to the last time you called. He must be expecting it to be you. Rukia scooted closer to the phone so she could hear better, both of you smiling evilly at each other. And you began the prank...
…...
5 min. previously:
Grimmjow's P.O.V.
You had been laying back on the couch, watching soccer. You had thoroughly beaten the perverted toothy-faced blonde, you couldn't remember his name, to a bloody pulp and made him watch you while you smashed in his windshield and slashed his tires. Then you warned him that if he ever thought about touching Saya again, you'd rip out his tongue ring.
The image of the blonde-haired wigger blubbering in pain was priceless. Saya probably would have enjoyed the sight of him as much as you did. You figured she must have really him beaten up, seeing as she usually discouraged you from getting into fights and other trouble.
It made you happy that she consented to letting you kick the shit out of him. Though she would probly be a bit upset if she knew just how badly you had punched him. But you were pretty sure you had scared the guy so bad that he wouldn't squeal. So she would never know. Heh.
You were feeling quite satisfied with the way things had turned out when your cell rang.
There's Saya... you smiled to yourself and flipped open the phone.
"Hello?" you waited for her voice expectantly, but were instead answered by some foreigner.
"Guten-tag!" an energetic GERMAN accent replied. You squinted your eyes and blinked. What the hell.. How had german tel-o-marketers gotten your number!?
"Ist zis zuh residenze of..uhh..," the voice stuttered on your name, "Grimmjyow Jeackerjaquez?"
"Yeaah..." you said with light suspicion. You weren't really sure if it was a girl or a guy...the accent was kind of hard to understand.
"Ah! Excellent, excellent! First of all Mr. Grimmjyow, I vould like to say zis ist an incredible, incredible honor to speak to you. Incredible honor," the german added again in a low sort of excited tone, which made you a little uncomfortable.
"Oh excuse meh!" the voice said suddenly, "I forget mine manners, I vas just so excited to meet you." Ok, this was officially creeping you out. "Um, mine name ist Augustus..Van-" it sounded like the person was having trouble saying their own name, "Vaaanschmeltzbaken."
This guys name is Van-smell-bacon?
"I vork for zuh German Male Modeling Agency of Hamburg. Ve have heard vonderful szings about you Mr. Grimmjyow."
… Ok... this HAS to be a joke.
"What?" was all you could say in a distraught voice. There was a pause on the other end, and a muffled sound. Was this guy...laughing?
"Look pal," you said, your temper spiking, "if you think I'm gonna fall for this sick prank of yours, you got another thing coming to you. Now who the hell is this?!"
"I-I do not understand, Mr. Grimmjyow," the voice said confused. "V-Vould you like meh to introduze myself onze more?...Mine name ist-"
"I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME!"
"Then.. I do not understand..I-I am upsetting you?" the german said in a concerned voice. You huffed to yourself.
"Look dude, I'm not interested-"
"But you vere recommended to us by a cloze friend of yourz, did he not inform you of zis? His, his name ...hmm letz see...I believe it vas..ahh.. Gen..Ichimalu?..He has already filled out your papervork and sent in your conformation form."
"GIN?" you snarled in to the phone. That son-of-a-bitch! He WOULD set something humiliating up like this! I'M GONNA KILL THAT WHITE-TRASH SQUINTY-EYEd DICK!
"Yes, Yes Mr. Grimmjyow. Your ahh, oh...how do I say wizout being rude..uhh, your man-friend, Gen, told uz zat you vere both interested in our program."
"Wait, wait!" your voice was fuming, "What the HELL do you mean 'man-friend'?"
"...Vell...I vas told zat you..you and zis Gen, vell that you are..um together, you, you are man-friendz, or do you have another vay of saying it, in your country?"
Your mind went blank you were so angry. Not only had Gin set you up with a MODELING gig, he told them you were GAY!
"Ahh, no, no, no. I don't like guys like that. This whole thing is a big misunderstanding! AND I WILL KILL YOU IF-"
"But- excuze me Mr. Grimmjyow, I interrupt you- I'm sorry… your friend called you, Beautiful Man, he said you..you are Beautiful Man. And you say zat zis has no... gay connotation?" the voice emphasized on the word gay.
"Listen," you said through gritted teeth, trying not to break your cellphone with the death grip you had on it, "whatever Gin told you, ITS A LIE! I AM NOT-"
"Ooh, ," the voice chuckled, "you do not have to be so shy! Ve are very velcoming to your type. You vill be sure to fit right in vith our Agency." The german was talking so fast, you could hardly get a word in.
You thought about hanging up and silencing this nut-job for good, but you had to make things clear. No way you would let your reputation be sullied by Gin. You were gonna straighten this foreigner out and make sure he knew the meaning of the name Grimmjow Jeagerjaques.
"Und if you are having some problemz vith your current relationship vith, um...zis Gen-you should have no fear for ending your relationship vith him. Ve have so many other men for you to choose from-"
"-WHAT?!-"
"-You vould never feel lonely. Und they are all so eager to meet you , they just adore your hair and your..your blue eyes."
"How the f*ck did you know I had blue eyes?!" your pulse was rising in fear now. WHAT THE F*CK?! THE F*CKIN NAZIS ARE DRAFTING ME CUZ THEY KNOW I'M HOT!
"Ve have looked very closely at ze photos ve have of you, and yes, there are several people who are very interested in being your partner Mr. Grimmjyow. The amount of sex-appeal you have on ze male species is incredible, incredible..."
You listened with a horrifying chill running up your spine.
"And your big blue eyes, yes, ve all love your, your eyes..." to your disgust, the voice was getting heavy.
"Big...Blue..." you lustful voice trailed off into a pause (because Saya and Rukia had to cover their mouths to keep themselves from exploding with laughter).
You thought you were going to have a panic attack. ..This guy...he sounds like HE'S GAY FOR ME TOO! For your own safety you wanted to hang up now. RIGHT NOW. You had been through a lot of deadly situations in your day, but you had never felt your life so threatened until this german guy had come on to you over the phone.
The voice on the other end cleared their throat.
"Excuze meh Mr. Grimmjyow, mine mind vas vondering into..um.." the voice mumbled, "plazes it shouldn't, I'm sorry. Ve vill talk business now, yah? Gut. First, zere vere a few questions raised zat ve must have you answer for us before ve can admit you to our Agency."
You were about to cut in but he kept going.
"Ve notized zat you, zat your hair—its very stylish, yes—but it seemz almost unREAL how silky and soft it looks, how silky it vould be to touch...and feeel... Now tell me! Do you vear vigs?"
"What did you just say?" you asked menacingly. First, this guy calls me gay, then comes on to me and is fantasizing about petting my hair, and now he's accusing me of my hair being FAKE?!
"Do you vear vigs?"
"NO! I. DO. NOT. WEAR. WIGS." you enunciated each word so maybe it would sink into that son-of-a-germans thick skull.
"Have you vorn vigs?" the voice continued in a professional tone.
"No. I have not worn wigs!"
"Vill you vear vigs?"
You blinked and scoffed, annoyed out of your mind.
"You know what, yes. I definitely would." F*CKER! You would hurt this man for insulting you like this.
"Vhen vill you vear vigs?"
You were quiet for a moment. All the ridiculous questions washed over you and you broke into a roar of laughter. It was a deep, wicked, stress relieving laugh. You could hardly hear the german on the other end.
"Zis..zis ist funny to you?...I..I am upsetting you?" the voice asked, confused by your laughing fit. "Vell zen, ah, Mr. Grimmjyow...I vill just, uh, move on vith zuh questionz..."
"Yes," you said through laughter, "please, move on with the questions." What other sick kind of stuff can this creep have to ask me?
"Ve hear rumors form your partner zat, before you decided to um...ohh..how do I say...uh, before you uhh-svitch your taste in gender, you had relationship vith vomen, uhh, Mizuho..Asano? Yes?"
Keigo's SISTER?! You blinked viciously to yourself at that accusation.
"But you, um...you..drop her, you uhh, Finish, yes," the voice said happily, finally finding the right words, "you finish relationship vith her...Vhyy?" the voice asked curiously.
"Tch, I didn't-" you scoffed again and rolled you eyes. This freak obviously wouldn't believe you if you denied the lie, so you might as well give the wacko a good story, "The truth is she sucked in bed."
"Ah, yes but...how long vas she your..vife?"
"Ah..no. She was never my wife-"
"-You vere engaged to her zough...You have baby?"
"What?" you didn't think this guy would take it that far, "No! We were never-"
"Ve hear she haz small child. Eh...Rukiah.. I believe, yes. Rukiah ist her name, very small child.."
"That doesn't even make sense!"
"So you, you do not..support your baby...You, you leave her to starve? You abandon her?"
"I don't have a kid! I was just-"
"I apologize to you, Mr. Grimmjyow- ve have run out of time. But I vill say congratulationz, you have passed our verbal interview. Ve vill be in contact vith you very soon, ze plane leaves for Kalakula in short hourz-oh and I vould just like to add...FOOLED YOU!"
Your jaw dropped, your eyes bulged in anger and embarrassment.
"SAYA!"
*Click*
The dial tone from your cell hummed in your ear.
She's gonna pay for this... You growled to yourself and your hands balled into fists, humiliation flaring your cheeks red. ...Whether she likes it or not...
To be continued...
…...
HEHEHEH! HAHAHA! OMG! I had so much fun with this chpt! I could just see Grimmjow's ego getting in the way of hanging up on a stupid prank call like that. also..german accents are soooo hard to type, so I'm sorry if its hard to understand.
Next Chapter:Entering the Man-Cave